Light Within The Darkness 3

Light Within The Darkness

Part 3

Posted: September 21, 2007
Title: Light Within The Darkness
Author: Zilah

*****

Love of my life,
That’s what you are.
My beautiful angel, always
Always I will love you
With all that I am.
Your love makes me alive again,
And gives me a new hope.

*

Elrond, Lindir and Thranduil sat in stunned silence for a while, but then Lindir rose slowly.

“Would you help me, meleth? I need to go to Legolas,” he said, extending his hand to his mate. Thranduil didn’t say anything but only helped Lindir up. The king knew that Lindir would be the best medicine for their upset son. And upset Legolas obviously was; he never would have rushed off like that if he wasn’t.

“I’m sorry, Elrond. I hoped that your welcoming dinner would have been a merrier occasion, but I need to go.”

Elrond finally stirred from his consternation and stood up.

“There is no need to apologize, pen-neth (young one). I was tired anyway, and I can find my way back to my rooms,” Elrond said, trying to smile but failing miserably. His heart ached; he knew full well that Legolas’ sudden flight was his fault.

After bidding their good night, the royal pair left the hall and went to search for their son.

When they slowly made their way through the corridors, they didn’t speak aloud, but still there was a vivid conversation between them.

//What do you think, meleth? Why he was so upset because of Elrond’s announcement? Elrond has been alone for so long, he deserves someone to love and cherish. I just cannot believe Legolas would be so selfish that he didn’t see that,// Thranduil wondered.

Lindir frowned, and it took quite a long time before he answered. He had anticipated for a long time that Legolas might have had a crush on Elrond, and these events had proved his beliefs to be true. But how would Thranduil take the information? Finally, Lindir decided that he had to tell, no matter what. He didn’t want to keep secrets from his beloved mate.

//How would you feel if I told you that Legolas is in love with Elrond?//

Lindir started when he heard Thranduil’s sudden intake of breath and his grip tightened almost painful. But the King noticed Lindir’s discomfort and soothed his hervenn (husband).

//I must say that this wasn’t what I thought for Legolas. I have no problems accepting Elrond to our family, but he is not available anymore. What we can do?//

//I don’t know. The only thing we can do is to show our love to Legolas. He needs us now.//

Together they opened the door to Legolas’ chambers and stepped in. They didn’t need to search for their son. Legolas was sitting on his bed; he was pale and shaky but he didn’t weep. Not one single tear escaped from his sorrowful eyes; his heart was shattered beyond tears.

Lindir climbed clumsily on the bed, his big belly slowing him down. He didn’t say anything, nor asked what was wrong. He just gathered his son in his arms, and held him close until Legolas finally buried his face in his ada’s chest and wept.

* * * *

Legolas woke in the morning and saw both of his adas sleeping beside him. Despite his broken heart, he couldn’t help but smile. How he loved his parents, both of them. Legolas remembered how they had always been there for him, and obviously still were, even if he was an adult now. He knew full well how lucky he was to have such parents who loved each other deeply.

Lindir sensed his son’s stare and slowly stirred. Legolas felt a warm wave of affection when he looked into his ada’s beautiful, still drowsy eyes.

“Why did you stay all night? Are you all right?” He asked softly.

“I thought that it is my duty to ask that, ion nín (my son). How could we have left you when you were crying your heart out?” Lindir whispered, yawning.

“I’m sorry if I caused you trouble,” Legolas said, feeling a pang of quilt. He couldn’t burden his ada Lindir like that; he had enough with his pregnancy.

“You didn’t cause any trouble, Legolas. I hope that you always feel free to come to us, no matter how old you grow. You will always be our beloved son, you know.”

“I know that. I am so lucky to have such loving parents.” Legolas heard Lindir gasping and worried instantly.

“What is the matter, ada? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. You sister just reminded me of herself. She is quite ready to leave me and in truth, I’m glad of it,” Lindir smiled.

“Can… can I touch? Saes, ada?” Legolas asked, and in his excitement he forgot his grief.

Lindir chuckled at his son’s enthusiasm and turned into a better position so that Legolas could place his hand on his belly.

Thranduil was awake, but he didn’t say anything. He just watched his firstborn and his beautiful mate. Thranduil couldn’t help but smile when Legolas talked softly to his still unborn sibling. Silently he thanked the Valar for his happiness; he had everything he had ever hoped for in life: a mate whom he loved more than life itself and a son, whose inner beauty resembled his radiating appearance. And now, he would have a daughter, who was so precious to him even before she had been born.

Lindir sensed his mate’s thoughts and smiled at him over Legolas’ shoulder.

“Maer aur, meleth nín (Good morning, my love). Did you sleep well?” He asked softly.

Thranduil chuckled,” I actually did, considering there are four persons in a bed meant for one elf.”

“I’m sorry ada. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Legolas whispered, ashamed.

“There is no reason to apologize, ion nín. I know that you wouldn’t leave the table like that without good reason. Would you tell us, what happened?” Thranduil said, ruffling his son’s hair.

It took Legolas for a moment to think, how he could tell his parents about his feelings for Elrond. About his dreams he could never tell, that was sure!

“… I’m sorry if I caused you trouble. I know that you have enough trouble of my sister’s forthcoming birth,” he finally said, after telling everything he could.

“Oh Legolas! Don’t ever think that we weren’t there for you, no matter what else we might have in mind. You are so dear to us, more than you can ever know. You are an adult now, but that doesn’t mean that we abandoned you when you needed us most. About the thing you told me; I must admit that I worry for you, ion nín. We would welcome Elrond to our family at anytime, but he has chosen now another path in his life. We must honor his decision,” Lindir said softly. He didn’t try to convince Legolas that there will be another, knowing that there were no words that could mend a broken heart. Only time and Legolas’ loved ones support might eventually be the best medicine.

“I just… thought…. I hoped, waited his visit so much and now…. And I left the table like a spoiled, selfish elfling. What must he think of me now?” Legolas whispered, his tears starting to flow anew.

“Elrond could never consider you spoiled and selfish. You have been dear to him since you were born. And if it hurts too much, you don’t need to confront him now. You could ask daeradar (grandfather) Sadron, if he wants to go to hunt with you for the couple of days,” Thranduil suggested, his heart aching for his son. He knew full well how Legolas must have felt right now; Thranduil hadn’t forgotten how he himself had almost faded because of his longing he had thought hopeless. He could only hope that Legolas’ feelings for Elrond didn’t run that deep. The other, worse option Thranduil didn’t dare to think of.

Legolas nodded, and so it was agreed. Legolas had always loved his daeradar Sadron. Sadron was a quiet and kind elf, even if his eyes were always sad. Only his loved one’s company sometimes succeeded in bringing a smile on his face.

Thranduil went for his ada, and all arrangements were quickly done. After a quiet breakfast with his daeradar, they crept out of the caves. Legolas couldn’t completely forget his broken heart but fresh air and daeradar’s company helped a lot. He had always loved Mirkwood, its softly whispering trees and shadowy paths and along his parent’s support, it was the best medicine for Legolas’ bleeding heart.

* * * *

Elrond didn’t sleep at all. He tossed and turned, and his sleep was filled with nightmares. Finally, he got up from the bed, and sat beside the window, staring blindly into dark night.

“What I have done? Was I wrong, assuming that Legolas’feelings were only passing crush and nothing more? And I caused Lindir worry, when I hurt his beloved son. He doesn’t need this, not now, when he is going to give birth.”

Tears blinded Elrond’s eyesight. Not one single elf would ever know what it had cost for him to do the decision to marry Celebrían. This was not the first time he had regretted his decision, which now seemed hasty and reckless. But there was no way out of the situation: he had to marry Celebrían, he had given his word. If he backed down now, he would damage Imladris and Lorien’s relations for good, and he couldn’t let that happen. But even the plain truth couldn’t take away the pain in Elrond’s heart when he remembered Legolas’ agonized gaze, the tears in his eyes… In that very moment Elrond had known that by hurting Legolas, he had also damaged his own heart beyond repair.

How he wanted to go and tell to his beloved, that this all was only a big mistake, a nightmare which will disappear when the day dawned again… How he wanted to feel Legolas in his arms again, to feel his locks under his hands… and even more… he wanted to hold him, to make love with him…but that was not possible, ever.

Only now, Elrond finally understood that driving Legolas away, he had lost his only true chance to ever become happy. Legolas’ age, the fact that he himself had delivered him, his royal status… all those seemed meaningless beside the fact that he had lost his soul mate, the only elf he could ever truly love. And he didn’t even dare to think the fact that by his cowardice, he had also doomed Celebrían into an unbreakable bond with someone, who could never truly belong to her.

Elrond didn’t ask the forgiveness of the Valar, nor did he want any consolation to his misery. This nightmarish situation was his own doing, and he had no other choice but take the consequences, no matter how he felt. Elrond shuddered when he suddenly saw his future turning up to him like a desert: empty and cold.

*****

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