Posted: May 2004
Title: Full Circle
Author: Orchyd Constyne
Type: FCS
Characters: Maedhros/Maglor
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR or any characters, lands, or items from the Tolkien world. They belong to their respective copyright holders.
Warnings: Incest
Beta: Ilye
Author's Notes: This was written for Maya. He is an amazing artist who adores Maedhros and Maglor. This is my gift to him for all that he had done for me. *kisses*

Summary: Maedhros speaks to his brother about their father.

*****

Do you remember, Cáno? That first night when I held you in my arms, no longer your brother, but also your lover? I do. Your dark hair fanned on the white pillow and your eyes heavy with spent passion. What I cannot remember is when the thoughts of you became lustful. Do you? No, I didn't think so.

I never told you, but he saw us.

Aye, he did.

In our room.

I can still see that night so clearly, because it was the night I admitted the sin of our love. You were so beautiful, Cáno. Spread beneath me, your legs wrapped tightly around my body as I took you again and again. He was in the doorway, watching us. He saw me deep within you; saw you the moment I took you to that peak. You fell into reverie soon after, a smile on your lips. I kissed those lips as I slipped from your arms; I had to check in on the twins, they were still so young.

He was waiting for me outside our door. The things he said to me, Cáno; those are things I shall never repeat. When he was done, my heart ached with the weight of our actions, with his cruelty. I must have had tears on my face, for he sneered at me again. He demanded I rearrange the rooms once the sun rose, demanded I never lay with you again.

He was so angry. Our father hated what I had done, how I had tarnished not only myself, but also his songbird. I knew he would never look at you in the same way, but he promised me that you would never find out.

I was painfully aware you knew something had happened, Cáno. I never again took you into my bed.

Aye, I know I hurt you. But he was so angry...

No, we were not children. Perhaps you were, but I had long since left childhood. I should never have lain with you. I spoiled you...

I would kneel by his boots, tôren, as the tears would fall down my cheeks, I would beg the Valar to ease the ache in my chest, the burden on my soul. I prayed they would take those lustful thoughts of mine, rid me of my need for you. And, most of all, I pleaded for Father's anger to end, for him to love me once more.

But, as we became older, and his anger was ever there, I came to believe he never loved me. I was simply the first, the one who resembled our mother and all the sorrow he believed she had brought to him. No, his love was not mine. It was yours. It was Curvo's. None of us were bitter, no. You deserved his adoration, and Curvo was everything Father could have wanted in a son.

I was not.

I was the seducer.

I was the sinner.

I was unclean.

For loving you, I was damned before I knew what it was to be damned.

And now, with our father and siblings lost to us, in this darkened tent with our father's gems in hand, I take you to my bed once again.

I renew my sins with you this night, Cáno.

*****

THE END

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