Posted: May 2004
Title: The End of Everything
Author: Orchyd Constyne
Type: FCS
Characters: Elrond/Elros
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR or any characters, lands, or items from the Tolkien world. They belong to their respective copyright holders.
Warnings: Twincest
Beta: Larien, Ilye
Author's Notes: This is all Ilye's fault. She is the muse from hell. I swear. She sent me a song because it had woken her muses, so she had to awaken mine. Someone needs to tie her up; she is a menace to those with WIPs that need to be completed. This is the result. Inspired by "Somewhere We Only Know" by Keane. For those, like myself, who had never heard this song before, you can find it at: http://www.hithanaur.net/keane.mp3 Look for "Forgotten and Forsaken" by Erik LeBeau and "Lay in the Key of Melancholy" by Ilye.

Summary: Elrond visits his brother.

*****

"I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin..."
Somewhere We Only Know - Keane

Elrond slowly walked through the dense forest, savoring the warmth of the summer twilight. He would be leaving the beautiful, lush valley within a matter of days. The rushing of the Bruinen lulled him, and the scent of the fragrant blooms near the shore teased him. Elrond had not come out to the waters in many months, but now took the pause in packing to venture out for a few short hours. There was someone he needed to speak with, needed to unburden his heart to.

He reached the break in the trees, and followed the pathway that would lead him to the calm pool of water he used to bring his sons to on hot summer days. The Elf-lord shed his clothing quickly before entering the water, cold and crisp as it was fed from the main river. He dipped his head below the surface, closing his eyes and connecting with the essence of the Bruinen. The great river protected his home and family from trespassers and Elrond did not offer it thanks as often as he should.

The Bruinen was in his blood, and he wondered how he would survive the parting of himself and his lands. He had spent so much time and love, so much blood and effort in the refuge, and now he was leaving it all behind. It was a bittersweet parting. Elrond looked forward to seeing his Celebrían once more; how he had missed her gentle counsel and warmth over the years. He also hoped he would see Gil-galad; the High King had stolen his heart years before he had met Celebrían and he longed to hold him in his arms again.

He burst through the surface. His thoughts drifted further back into the past, to his first love... his first lover. Elrond did not expect to see that one when he set foot on the sands of Aman. No, he was gone from him forever.

Forever. Such finality in that word. He had never thought about forever as being a curse, but it was. Half of him was gone, taken in such a cruel manner, and he would be forever without him. Elrond stepped from the pool, shivering as he made his way to his robes. He sat by the river with his back to a great Oak and sighed, looking over the dusky landscape. Yes, he would miss this place.

"Well, this is it, melethen. I am leaving." Elrond felt tears sting his eyes, his words seeming to make the event real. "I can almost see them, you know. Elladan and Elrohir teaching Arwen to swim and Celebrían laughing when the twins dunked Glorfindel under... Erestor in his stern black robes, laughing. He laughs so little now...." His voice trailed off and he became lost in memory for a brief time.

"You should have been here, gwanunigen," he said softly, the familiar tears forming in his eyes. (my twin) "But, how many times have I told you this?" he laughed humorlessly. Elrond shifted slightly on the ground and looked up at the darkening sky. "Elros, did you know how lonely my life would be without you? You shouldn't have left me. You, Gil-galad, Celebrían. I lost all of you. I have not permitted anyone to touch my heart since she left me. But, then again, you left so little behind for them to have, didn't you?"

A faint breeze caressed his damp skin. "She has chosen as you did; she will die because she loves him." Elrond said, the random thought passing his lip without much thought. He snorted bitterly. "Just as you did, though you did not have your lover by your side through the years you were given. You sent him away. You sent *me* away." Elrond felt the presence of his twin, though he knew Elros was not truly there with him. No, but his remains were.

Elrond turned and reached into the hollow of the Oak and removed a small silver urn and sat it beside him on the ground. He had never left his brother, had never let him go. "I have an eternity to pass. Alone. Celebrían was too hurt while here and I do not think she will have me -- I am everything she desires to forget. Gil-galad has had an Age to find someone to love him; love him as I could not. And you... you are gone from me. You have cursed me, tôren. Arwen will be spared my fate, and for that I am thankful. She will die when Estel finally passes. My beautiful daughter," he choked out. (my brother)

The tears fell as he closed his eyes, his heart aching with savage, unfulfilled longing.

" Gwanunig dithen?" (little twin)

Elrond's eyes shot open and he was greeted with the pewter eyes of his long-dead brother. "Elros?" he asked, uncertainly. He should have taken Glorfindel's suggestion and retired early. He was now seeing things. Elrond blinked several times, attempting to clear the hallucination from his vision, but the figure crouching in front of him never wavered. He shook his head and reached out a shaking hand, only to snatch it back before he touched the apparition. "You're dead, Elros," he whispered, more tears spilled down his cheeks.

Elros smiled sadly, almost regretfully. "Aye, I am."

The Elf-lord shook his head. "Then how...?" His brother brought his hand up, and Elrond closed his eyes when the warm, solid hand brushed his tears away.

Soft, so familiar tones ripped at his fragile heart. "Why is that important, pen- dithen? Why not accept that I am here, now, for you." (little one)

Elrond opened his eyes again and looked on the face that haunted his dreams. "Elros," he whispered, the word sounding strangled as emotion filled his throat. Elros' dark hair hung in a simple braid, a shade or two lighter than his own. Elros was also more slender in frame, being more of an archer than a swordsman. His lips were more full, his eyes more narrow and his lashes were impossibly long. Elrond saw the differences, even if no one else did. He suddenly lunged forward, wrapping his arms around his twin's waist and burying his face in Elros' chest and sobbed openly. His beloved brother's scent was even the same: strawberries and seawater.

Strong arms embraced him, rocked him in the safety of heartbreaking familiarity. "I am here," the elder twin whispered to his distraught counterpart.

Elrond lifted his tear stained face, fear marring his beautiful features. "For how long?" he dared to ask.

Sadness clouded Elros' eyes, and he brushed his lips against Elrond's brow. "For a small moment in time, tôr dithen." (little brother) When Elrond made to further question him, Elros placed a finger gently over his twin's lips, startling Elrond into silence. "Will you squander what we have been offered?"

Elrond clung to Elros and shook his head; words would not form in his fevered mind.

Elros nodded and brought their lips together, kissing his brother fervently. Elrond opened his mouth to Elros, tasting once more his brother's sweetness. The wounds of the past were opened with the simple touch, and Elrond sobbed into the kiss. Elros plundered his lips, the force bruising and intense. Elrond brought his hands to the thong holding Elros' hair in its braid and let it out, running his fingers through the thick, soft tresses. Elros tipped his brother's head more, deepening the kiss further. Elrond struggled under the caress, his twin's tongue lapping at his lips only to plunge back into his mouth to steal the breath from him once again.

Elrond's heart beat quickly in his breast, sorrow and lust warring within his heart. How many nights had he lain awake, aflame with his want and need of this contact? Even when laying in Gil-galad or Celebrían's embrace, he longed for his twin. The longing never ceased, never released him. He would fall into reverie with his twin's name on his lips; he would find completion from his own hand with Elros' name echoing around him; he could not escape the ghost of his dead brother and his body could not forget the wholeness he felt while coupling with his twin. His life was colored in the muted blues and greys of regret and grief.

Now, he was held in that embrace again. He tasted his brother, was possessed by the mouth that devoured him, devoured his soul. Elros had taken from him his joy, his laughter and now, when given his heart's desire, he could not find the strength in him to smile at his twin. No, when Elros sent him away, Elrond had lost all his happiness. When his brother had died, not even sending for him upon his deathbed, he had taken all the light from Elrond's existence.

The lands had been empty, and his heart had been empty.

Elros now sought to fill him once more.

The elder twin broke the kiss, panting. Elrond's arousal was evident; he had not put his clothing back on after his swim. "Your desire for me still burns," Elros whispered, licking Elrond's bottom lip with his tongue.

"Did you think death would temper it?" Elrond's eyes were dazed. His lips burned, tingled still from his brother's attentions.

Elros shook his head. "Nay, not blood, not marriage, not death ever tempered your need." Elros grew quiet for a moment, seeming to contemplate his words carefully before speaking again. "I would have you now, tôr dithen," he said simply.

Eyes wide, he nodded his assent. Elrond trembled as Elros laid him back on the soft earth, his own leggings and shirt tossed quickly aside. He let out a loud gasp when his brother's solid warmth pressed against him and his sore lips were quickly claimed in another fiery kiss. Elrond moaned and thrust himself against Elros, the tears never ceasing. He would be loved, and loved thoroughly, by his twin, but Elrond knew it would not last. He suddenly pulled away and glared heatedly at his twin.

"You left me! You sent me away, Elros..." His voice cracked with the pain he felt. Elrond had felt so used, so abandoned when he had been told -- by his brother's page! -- that he would not be welcome in his brother's kingdom. Ever. His heart had been torn that day and it was Erestor who had comforted him in the days following his dismissal from his twin's bed. "Like a servant," he accused.

Elros' cheeks colored in shame and he brushed the dark tendrils of hair from Elrond's face. "I could not keep you, and you knew that, Elrond," he said softly. "Do not mistake my actions as uncaring or desertion, tôren, for my heart died that day. To never know you in such a way again, to never taste you or hear your beautiful laughter fill my soul... No, you were not dismissed, melethen. I only wanted to save you from further shame."

Elrond could not believe what he was hearing. "Shame? You took me into your bed, Elros. I had shared my body with you for over a decade. What shame could you have been saving me from?!"

" Tôren, please," Elros whispered. "Just know that I loved you, so much that I let you go."

New tears fell. "I didn't want you to let me go," he said plaintively.

"I had to."

They stared at one another; Elrond's heart still bled, his soul still ached from the loss. And now, to have his twin so close again, it was overwhelming. He looked up into his brother's stormy eyes, eyes he had almost forgotten. They were now filled with love, need and a deep, mind-wrenching anguish. Elrond realized he had not been the only one to suffer the years they were parted. "Too many years, Elros," he whispered, running the pad of his thumb over his twin's lower lip. "I want to feel you, Elros; I want to belong once more."

"Then you shall," Elros said, his voice deepening with want. Elrond reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out a small tin. He handed it to Elros and his twin smiled gently. "Trust you to always be prepared, tôr dithen."

Elrond watched his brother open the small pot with some trepidation, and gather some of the salve on his fingertips. "You must be gentle, tôr iaur," he murmured. Elros parted his twin's thighs, and Elrond felt himself tremble with fear and long-suppressed passion. (older brother)

"I will always be gentle," Elros said softly as he sank two fingers into the depths of his brother. Elrond moaned, and his eyes closed as he fought to relax his muscles. Elros was gentle, probing and preparing, and the impact of what he was about to do came to him. With each inward slide of the slender digits, Elrond became further and further lost to the presence of his twin. As it had happened so oft before, he gave himself over to Elros completely.

With a voice thick with tears and need, Elrond spoke. "Elros."

"Aye?" Elros looked up and kept their gazes level.

"Now." A simple word, a desperate command. Elrond lifted his legs and shamelessly presented himself to his lover.

Elros chuckled. "You asked me to be gentle, Elrond. Taking you now would not be gentle, and it would be painful. I have already hurt you more than any can repair and I do not desire to inflict additional pain. I love you, Elrond."

Elrond knew Elros would give him anything he wanted. His desires had always driven his twin's love for him. Just as Elros' wants had driven his own love for the elder Peredhel. " Aniron chen, Elros. Si." (I want you. now) His heart hammered, the sound deafening in his own ears. Fear coiled in his belly as he watched Elros coat his arousal with the salve. He shook with anticipation, closing his eyes when he felt Elros nudge against his slick opening.

"Open your eyes, gwanunig dithen; look at me as I claim you once more."

Elrond did as his twin bid and looked up into the storm cloud grey eyes. He did not look away, but could not help the pained mewl that escaped his lips as his brother breached the tight muscles. The enormity of the situation struck him like a blow to his chest and he panted, gasping for breath around the thick lump that had formed in his throat. Elros tried to distract him with kisses and teasing bites, whispering words of love and devotion to him.

He thought back to their fortieth begetting day. That had been the night Elros had taken his innocence, it was he whom Elrond had given his heart to, and when his brother buried himself deep within him, Elrond felt whole.

A wholeness he had never again experienced after their choice. Bitter regret rolled in his heart and tears fell from his lashes. He wanted to strike out at the one who had taken all he had and then left him to this tiring existence. He also wanted to keep Elros in him, feel the impossible fullness of his twin's length stretching him beyond what he thought was possible. Love and hate, joy and regret fought for control of his heart. Elrond wanted to both cry out with laughter and wail with the oppressive anguish he felt as his brother claimed his body again after millennia apart.

Elros set a steady pace, taking him with a possessive force Elrond had not experienced since the first time Elros had turned him on to his hands and knees and taken him with the carelessness of youth. He clung to his brother, lost in the maelstrom of love and hate, completion and desolation, biting into his twin's shoulder when his length was taken into the hot, slick hand and pumped in time with his thrusts.

"Never leave me, Elros, never again," he sobbed into his Elros' neck. Steady movement in and out, pushing him closer and closer to that edge where all but the physical mattered.

"I wish I could stay, cuilen," Elros gasped. (my life) "We have but this one moment." Elrond heard his brother's voice break and he looked up into the swimming grey gaze.

His brother never cried. Not even when they lost their parents. No, Elros never shed a tear. His heart broke all over again with each tear he saw drip down the perfect features hovering above him. Elrond now became desperate, his release building swiftly. "Make the moment last longer!" he demanded between each tear-laden whimper.

Elros wept silently, and he was barely able to form the words to answer his inconsolable lover. "I can't!"

"No..." he whispered to Elros. "No!" he screamed to the heavens as he threw his head back, spilling his anguish at the loss of half his soul in thick, salty tears across his belly and over Elros' hand.

His brother's body became stiff and Elrond felt the flood of Elros' seed in his clenching passage. He did not stop the tears, mourning all he had once had, and Elros wrapped him in a tight, protective embrace. Elrond listened to the steady sound of his brother's heart, felt Elros' tears mingle with his own on his cheeks. "You can't leave me, tôr iaur," he said, his voice hollow and drained. "I still need you. I have always needed you."

"One moment, Elrond. At the end of the pathway, we only get our one moment. Please, cuilen, do not mourn what we have... or what could have been any longer." He felt a kiss on his brow and another tear fell onto his cheek from above. "Let me carry that burden."

Elrond sniffled, and felt like an Elfling wrapped his brother's arms, though the painful throb in his backside reminded him that his brother's arms had not offered that simple solace for many years. "I'm tired," he said, his eyes feeling heavy and scratchy.

"Sleep."

"Will you be here when I wake?"

"No. Now, sleep, tôr dithen."

Elrond held him tightly, one last sob making it way out of his lips. He clenched his eyes tight, a sharp pain winding its way around his heart. "I love you."

"I will always love you, melethen. Not blood, not marriage and not death will ever change my love or need for you."

Elros tipped his twin's head up and bestowed a deep, soul searing kiss to Elrond's bruised and swollen mouth. He then laid them back on the robe and held his brother's shivering form against his breast as reverie overcame the emotionally and physically drained Half-Elf.

Elrond sat up suddenly, looking about himself for his twin. The sky was dark; Ithil was high in the sky. He realized, as his vision cleared, he had slept the evening away. Elrond surveyed his surroundings with a dazed _expression, still expecting to see Elros. He looked down into his lap and realized he was sticky with his own fluids. Tears formed in his eyes and he took a ragged breath into his burning lungs.

"Just a dream," he said sadly, the tears slipping down his cheeks. His face was stiff with the salt from tears he had cried in his sleep and Elrond let out a long, shuddering sigh. The Elf-lord looked up and saw the stars twinkle and glitter above him and he shifted on his robe. His hand landed in an open tin of salve, the one small pot he kept for emergencies.

Elrond looked down, his sudden shock giving way to a steady sense of loss. He was sore, he realized, and not from lying at an odd angle while sleeping. No, this throb came from being taken too swiftly, too harshly without adequate preparation.

He wiped the wetness from his face and sighed. "Just a moment in time, Elros," he whispered brokenly. "But, it is one I will never let go of."

*****

THE END

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