Still Life

Still Life

Posted: October 13, 2006
Title: Still Life
Author: Naresha
Type: FCS
Characters: Erestor/Glorfindel, Arwen/Erestor, Arwen/Glorfindel, and a special guest appearance by Lindir!
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, all characters were created by JRR Tolkien and it is not intended to cause insult or offence to the persons referred to herein.
Warnings: heterosexual sexual relations, homosexual sexual relations.
Beta: Larien Elengasse
Author's Notes: My first fic that contains het!!! EEP! And I threw the word “limit” into the wind. The story wanted writing and was only going to get written one way! So sue me!!!

Summary: Arwen wants to learn how to romance and bed all the spunky bois in Imladris. She tortures Erestor and Glorfindel by making them teach her!

*****

Erestor really did not know why he bothered sometimes. He was an advisor and occasionally a teacher – not a bloody scientist! Yet, he was sitting here, attempting to explain some of the finer points of seduction to the young Lady Arwen, who was sitting there, blinking prettily and looking all the world like a still life painting of peaches and ice cream and not understanding a single word he said! He sighed and rubbed his temples – something had to give, and SOON! Unfortunately, the way it was going now, his brain would explode before Arwen actually understood anything he was saying.

“Look… Miss Arwen… *You* are the one who asked me to teach you about these things. *You* are the one who asked to become skilled in the manner of all things romantic and seductive so you could practise upon all the attractive young men!”

“But it’s just so hard to imagine, Erestor!” She whined and pouted at him.

‘Not if you bothered to actually think about it!’ Erestor thought to himself. “Miss Arwen… It really is not as hard as you think! I feel I have been most clear in how I have attempted to explain this to you, but I continue to fail. I can think of no simpler way to put these matters! Perhaps you are not yet at a stage to understand the concepts you ask me to tell you about. You are still very young.” He ventured, attempting to sound diplomatic.

“Am so old enough!!!” Arwen jumped up, immediately displacing her bowl of peaches and ice-cream straight onto the brand new carpet of Erestor’s office.

Erestor sighed, not sure what was more annoying – his soiled carpet or the high-pitched vocal spear that Arwen had just delivered to his ears. He opened his mouth and closed it several times in a few seconds, trying to compile his thoughts. Thankfully however, the always impeccably timed Lindir walked in at that moment.

Lindir tutted and produced a bucket and damp cloth from nowhere and began to mop up the oozing vanilla ice cream and peach slices. Once he was finished, he stood up and looked at Arwen.

“Would the young miss like another bowl?”

“No! It’ll just make me think it’s dirty given that bowl fell on the floor!” Arwen announced. “I want… Chocolate covered cherries!!!” She grinned and bounced on her seat. “A reeeeeally big bowl of chocolate covered cherries!” She threw her arms about, gesturing grandiosely at the size of the bowl she was imagining, narrowly missing knocking Erestor’s strong black coffee flying onto the aforementioned new carpet. Erestor looked up at Lindir and then pleadingly at his coffee cup. Lindir smiled and nodded, moving the cup closer to Erestor, and further away from Arwen’s flailing arms.

“Right… So… Are you ready to continue with your lessons? Or would you rather wait for another time?” Erestor bravely continued.

“NownownownownownownowNOW!!!” Arwen bounced some more and grinned, eagerly awaiting the less messy chocolate covered cherries.

Erestor sighed. “Right then… Umm… Any idea what might make it clearer to you?”

“Pictures! I like pictures!!!” She grinned and bounced again.

“Well I don’t actually HAVE any pictures on me to show you. Nor do I really know where to get any at this short notice…” Erestor was slightly mortified at Arwen’s request for a visual display and thought momentarily about digging up the “Where Babies Come From” book that Celebrian had given the twins, and erasing their handiwork which had resulted in the female specimens becoming male!

“So show me with me!” She giggled, blushed and bounced into his lap.

Erestor blanched and was quite certain he would have fallen over had he been standing and not sitting. “Ah… Miss… Lady Arwen… This is MOST inappropriate!”

“But you’re my teacher and I want you to teach me this!” She threw her arms around his neck dramatically and tossed her head back, her long hair almost touching the floor. She grinned and bounced in his lap. “So is this how I do it?” She asked, continuing to bounce.

“Ah… That’s a start… But let’s be a little bit gentler with the bouncing! Your enthusiasm is admirable, but the present bouncing is creating a little more pain than pleasure.” Erestor winced as she continued to bounce.

“Erestor! Are you still in there?” Glorfindel called out from down the hallway. “Lindir asked me to bring…” the door opened and raucous laughter spilled into the room.

Erestor groaned. Here he was sitting in a chair in the middle of his office, with the only daughter of the Lord of the Realm bouncing on his lap! He was never going to hear the end of this!!!

“Erestor! I am shocked!!! Here I was thinking that you preferred the male gender of the species, and I find you with Lady Arwen on your lap!!!” Glorfindel dropped onto the floor, all but rolling about with laughter, having thankfully somehow managed to put the bowl of chocolate-covered cherries safely down before he had hit the floor.

“Oh, do be quiet, you infuriating blonde!!! She bounced herself into my lap! She has asked me to teach her romance and seduction!” Erestor took the opportunity to stand up and stretch, wincing at the painful tingling in his lap, when Arwen bounced off him to snatch up her new snack and bounce back over to her seat.

“Erestor, Erestor, Erestor…” Glorfindel slung an overly muscled arm over the petite advisor’s shoulders. “DO calm down! There is no need to have a conniption over such a silly matter!”

“Then why don’t you teach her?! It will do wonders for your complexion to get out of those garish orange garments!!!”

“Oh, hush! There is nothing wrong with orange, it happens to be my favourite colour! You’ve spent too much time watching Queer Elf for the Straight Man!” Glorfindel slapped him on the back and strode over to sit next to Arwen. “Miss Arwen!!! How are those chocolate covered cherries? Good?”

Arwen nodded enthusiastically, bouncing with her mouth full.

“Now… Erestor over there tells me that you wish to learn the ways of seduction and romance” He smiled as she nodded, stuffing her mouth with more of the treats. “Yet it seems he is not too enthusiastic to teach you! Not that it really matters; you don’t want to learn from him! He isn’t any good anyway!” He winked and laughed as Erestor’s cheeks burned and his nostrils flared. “But I… I, on the other hand, am exceptionally skilled in all matters of the bedroom!” He nodded as Arwen looked at him, questioningly. “I would be happy to teach you every thing that Master Erestor over there is so very deficient in!”

“Really?! Would you, Glorfindel?! Would you really teach me???” she grinned and bounced into his lap.

“Of course!” The first wince of pain entered Glorfindel’s eyes and Erestor smirked as he saw his expression over Arwen’s shoulder.

Arwen squealed with delighted and bounced even more enthusiastically in her place on Glorfindel’s lap as Erestor leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“However… It might be slightly more prudent if we move to somewhere more comfortable…” With that, he picked her up and stood her on the floor, standing up, visibly wincing again. “Perhaps the bedroom…” He took her hand and began to walk. “Come along Erestor! Perhaps you too can learn something from a master!” He patted the advisor’s rear and dragged him along as well. “Right-o!” He scooped Arwen up and dropped her on the bed, where she squealed happily and continued to bounce some more. With much bravado, he stripped the hideous orange robes and tossed them to one side. “Like what you see?” he grinned, posing for a moment.

“Glorfindel… She asked to be taught romance and seduction! Not the be thrown on the bed and ravaged by the first brute who comes along!” Erestor shook his head and threw the robes at him. “Put these on. You look sillier undressed than dressed! Now… Miss Arwen! Romance and seduction go hand in hand. Generally it is the male that woos the female, but there is no reason it cannot be the other way around. It is best to begin with what you know, and go from there. Find out what the other person likes and begin by surprising them with gifts that take those things into consideration. Once you have coerced them into your bed – or wherever the planned acts of carnality will take place,” Erestor shot Glorfindel a foul look to keep him quiet, “then perhaps music – gentle music – massage, maybe even some of your favourite chocolate covered cherries! Perhaps feed them to your partner – of have them feed them to you.” He added hurriedly, seeing a pout forming. “Then… Once they are ready – and willing – to move on, then it is time to remove the clothing. Except, if one is seeking romance, then it is best NOT to do what the esteemed Lord Glorfindel here just demonstrated and tear one’s clothing off. It is best to remove it slowly, to tease the partner in order to aid arousal. If you do as Glorfindel just did, then the only thing you are likely to arouse is hysterical laughter from your partner.” Erestor shot another icy, silencing look at Glorfindel.

“SHOW ME!!!” Arwen begged from the bed, bouncing away.

“Alright, Glorfindel, you’re so eager. Off you go! Just do it PROPERLY!” Erestor shoved him in the direction of the bed.

Glorfindel stumbled onto the bed and looked at Arwen. “Right… Properly. Umm… Erestor… This isn’t really my style…”

“JUST DO IT!” There was no way in hell that Erestor was going to let his egomaniacal sidekick weasel out of what he had started.

“Erm, how about you do the romantic bit and I do the next bit?” Glorfindel jumped off the bed and threw Erestor into his place.

Erestor sighed and got off the bed, dragging Glorfindel back. “OH no you don’t!” They wrestled for many minutes, rolling from the bed to the floor and all around the room, much to the delight of the elven princess, who giggled and bounced and clapped enthusiastically. Suddenly, he found Glorfindel on top of him, kissing him passionately. He went to pull back, but found only the floor. Stupid as the blonde elf was, he wasn’t a half bad kisser and much to his annoyance, Erestor not only found he was enjoying it, but that he was kissing him back! And even more annoyingly, he found he wasn’t stopping Glorfindel from removing his clothing! And when Glorfindel began to make rude noises with his mouth on Erestor’s body, Erestor not only didn’t stop him – he enjoyed it and responded. And then screamed his name VERY loudly and made a great deal of mess in the process. Hurriedly, he pulled his robes back around himself. “Erm… That’s one way of...erm… pleasuring your partner.” He said, blushing furiously.

Arwen clapped and giggled, enjoying the “lesson” immensely. “Now me! Now me!”

“Well go on, Glorfindel!” Erestor shoved him in the direction of the bed. “You’re still ready for action! Go act!”

Glorfindel glared at him, but approached the bed anyway. Whereupon, Arwen grabbed him, threw him onto the bed and straddled him, beginning to imitate what she had just seen Glorfindel doing to Erestor.

“YOOOOOOOOW!!!” Glorfindel jumped up, his hands grabbing at his groin. “What part of that did you take to mean bite me?!” he screamed. “You don’t BITE your partner, Arwen!!! Not unless they ask you to!!! And especially not THERE!!!” Glorfindel yelled, still holding onto himself.

Arwen merely laughed and tossed her hair and bounced upon the bed, somehow oblivious to the pain she had caused. “But I thought you’d like it! Erestor always said that you liked biting.”

“WHAT?! Why you…” Glorfindel began to chase Erestor around the room, threatening all sorts of violence upon his person.

“I never said that! I said he had a biting wit, you foolish she-elf! A biting wit! Not that you should bite it!!! Glorfindel – STOP!!! ARRRRRHH!” Erestor screamed as Glorfindel tossed him onto the bed and went back to nursing himself, this time in a corner as far from Arwen as possible.

“Erm… Right-o… Umm… Arwen… Now, just take it easy!” Erestor scooted back on the bed as far and fast as he could as the predatory gleam in the young lady’s eyes. “Now, let’s just talk about this logically…” Erestor was rapidly beginning to think that maybe the young lady needed no lessons in anything, just a willing – or unwilling – partner to practise on! Far too quickly, Erestor ran out of bed and found himself glued to the wall, with Arwen gaining on him. Once she was within reach, she grabbed him and dragged him back down the bed, crawling over him.

“Now me!” She grinned, a predatory gleam in her eyes. “Do to me what he did to you.”

“Well that is a mite hard, given you are missing something that he is not!” Erestor looked to Glorfindel for help, but the vain blonde was still far too busy checking his own injury and bemoaning the bite marks.

“Use your imagination, Erestor! It’s not that hard if you think about it!” she mocked.

Erestor tried to protest, but he found it rather difficult to breathe, let alone talk or protest with a princess sitting on his face!!! He also found it rather difficult to move, much as he tried to wriggle and squirm is way out of the situation. Except, he had failed to remember that by doing all that moving in an effort to free his face, he was in fact satisfying Arwen’s request in a most ridiculous way! Soon he heard some most excited noises coming from above him and felt the grip of Arwen’s thighs on his head slackening slightly. Finally he got his much sought after air when she bucked up for a moment. Erestor drew in a deep breath and with much vigour and luck, finally freed himself. As soon as he was on his feet, he scooted as far away as possible. “Glorfindel! RUUUUUUUN!!!” He screamed, not caring that he was in a state of half dress. He ran from the room, speedily followed by Glorfindel.

“LINDIR!!! NO MORE CHOCOLATE CHERRIES!!!” Erestor screamed, running past the rather startled elf, Glorfindel hot on his heels, still naked and nursing his injury.

“Oh Liiiiin-diiiiiir!!!” Arwen’s voice called sweetly from the room. “Would you mind bringing me another bowl of those chocolate-cherries, please???”

*****

THE END

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