Posted: June 2004
Title: Here With Me
Author: Naresha
Fandom: Real Person Fiction
Type: RPS
Characters: Karl/Craig
Rating: PG-15
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and it is not intended to cause insult or offence to the persons referred to herein.
Warnings: implied homosexual themes, angst
Beta: Larien Elengasse
Summary: Karl laments what he did to lose Craig.
Author's Note: Lyrics are Dido's Here With Me. Follow up to ‘Said and Done' and ‘When All Is'.

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I didn't hear you leave,
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing,
It might change my memory

That slamming door… That deafening silence… It seems so long ago, yet it was only a week…

I look around the room I stand in now. A fire blazes, recessed on the back wall, yet all around me, the room is cold. An icebox without your heart there to warm it.

It seems like a lifetime… Yet I know it is not, for I see it every night, playing in my mind. Over and over, I see you; see the tears rolling down your face, hear your voice breaking as you scream at me, hear the finality of the slamming door as it takes you from my life.

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep,
I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide,
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me

I still see your face, dancing in my mind's eye.

I am sorry for what I did…I am sorry for losing you…

I never meant to hurt you, but I cannot change the past, although I long to change my future. For I cannot see my life without you in it. I cannot think of how I will survive without you to help me.

Every time I see your face in the photos that remain upon the mantel, I feel my heart ache for what we once had, and break for what I did in throwing it all away.

I don't want to call my friends,
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed,
Risk forgetting all that's been

Every time the phone rings, I dare not answer it, for I fear it will be him, yet I fear it will be you. I do not want to talk to him, yet I am scared to talk to you, for fear of destroying whatever chance there may be left for me with you.

My heart bleeds every night as it beats in time with my tears. I dream of your face, dream of your cheek pressed against mine, of your hand resting on my chest, rising and falling with my breathing, bringing my heart beat closer to you.

Sometimes I find myself down for days, unable to bring myself to rise from what used to be our bed, unable to pull myself from my slumberous, dream-filled stupor. I know I should wake and bring myself to work; yet I cannot, because I fear letting it overtake the memory of you I carry with me.

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep,
I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide,
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me

I know I did wrong by you, I know I am not perfect, but you always knew that was so and you accepted me for who I was anyway. I knew the same was true of you, and we managed to compliment each other in our habits. I am sick of the ever-present ache inside me, because I know that it will not leave until you are resting here with me. I am finding it harder and harder to make it through each day; every day it grows harder to breathe, harder to think, harder to do everything that so many people take for normal. I know what I must do, because I need you here with me once again, so that I can rest easy again, and feel happiness in my heart. I cannot be whole, until you are once again here with me.

*****

THE END

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