Posted: August 2004
Title: Taming the Elf
Author: Lostiawen
Type: RPS
Characters: Bernard Hill / Orlando Bloom / Viggo Mortensen
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened. The author is not associated with or is implying anything about the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.
Warnings: PWP, role-playing, spanking, bondage, double penetration, simulated non-con/rape, Domination/Submission, coarse language.
Author's Notes: At last, it's done! This is a much belated birthday fic for my beloved Elizabeth, who has a taste for kink and a Bernard Hill/ Theoden crush. :) Happy birthday, sweetie! * mwah * Enjoy the kink fest! And sorry that this was so late, my muses decided to go on vaction. Thanks to Salix for her suggestions and research help! * huggles*

Summary: Smutty kink in costume.

*****

Viggo pulled up outside of Bernard's house and yawned. He had never been a morning person, and he was always half awake on the days that they had to work on the Edoras set.

Bernard, however, was chipper as always. There was a distinct spring to his step as he walked over to Viggo's car.

"Morning!" Bernard chirped as he got inside.

"You know, it's a crime to be so fucking cheerful while it's still practically dark out," Viggo said, still grumpy as all hell. He never could understand where Bernard got his energy.

Without any prompting on Viggo's part, Bernard offered up a travel mug. "Here. This will make you feel better. Your favorite coffee, made just the way you like it."

" Holy shit. You spoil me," Viggo said while grinning at his ex-lover. Bernard had always been extremely considerate when they were together, even though their relationship had been very casual.

Bernard waggled his eyebrows and said, "I could do more, you know -- you just have to give up on that poncy elf."

Viggo chuckled. It was an old joke between them. "Sorry, Bernard...but you know my weakness for the immortal types."

"Ah damnit, just my luck," Bernard replied. "Thrown over for a Mohawked punk." He squinted at the empty back seat. "Speaking of which, where is he?"

"Peter decided that he didn't need Orli this morning. It's just the two of us."

Bernard's voice dropped down to a purr. "Is that right? Well now, what say we pull off to the side for a bit and have Aragorn demonstrate his fealty to the King?"

Viggo shivered. Even though Bernard was kidding, that commanding tone never failed to elicit a response from his body. He had spent several delightful months as Bernard's sub, and he remembered that tone of speech well. It was all he could do to keep driving and not drop to his knees right then and there.

"Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you a favor," Viggo said, cursing the small quaver in his words. He almost jumped out of his skin when Bernard's hand started stroking his thigh, teasing him.

"And what would that be? Does my Dunedain slut want to play again?" Bernard said in that lethal voice.

Sweat beaded on Viggo's forehead. This wasn't as easy as he thought. "Um, yes...but Orli does too."

The hand stilled. " Orlando?"

Viggo swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He hoped that Bernard wasn't offended. Bernard didn't have the best opinion of Orli, once noting that the elf's constant bouncing reminded him of a hyperactive child. "Yeah. I told him about some of the role-playing we used to do, and, uh, I think it really turned him on."

As soon as the sentence left his mouth, Viggo cursed. "Think" was the understatement of the year. After he had finished detailing one of the scenes he and Bernard had done, Orli was so aroused that he came as soon as Viggo touched his cock. He tensed up, waiting for Bernard's refusal.

"Think?" Bernard replied, sounding very amused. Viggo looked out of the corner of his eye, and saw that Bernard's face was alight with laughter. "Are you daft? Does that mean he got a half-erection?"

"Far from it," Viggo replied with a sigh of relief. "He was whimpering in his sleep that night about Theoden having his way with him."

"Oh, really...But what happened afterward? Are you sure he wants this?"

"I'm sure. Orlando was so horny when he woke up that he fucked himself on my cock while I was still half-asleep. And every chance he gets, he tells me that he wants you to top him. You know how he gets when he wants something..."

"It's both an annoying and endearing trait of his," Bernard said with a chuckle. "Well, either way, I'm up for it."

"You are?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" Bernard asked.

"Well...I thought Orli irritated you."

Bernard laughed again. "Even though he's a complete twat on some days, that doesn't mean that I don't fancy him. I'd love to shag that pretty arse of his." His voice took on a wicked tone. "Besides, if he starts shooting his mouth off, I can always muffle it."

An image of Orlando, bound and gagged while wearing his Legolas costume, flitted through Viggo's mind. He flushed, noticing that his pants had gotten very tight and uncomfortable.

"I see you approve," Bernard said. The purr disappeared, to be replaced by a clipped, businesslike tone. "How much prep work will be needed?"

Viggo's heart began to pound. Although he loved topping Orli, he missed being under Bernard's control. His mind began to fill with tasty images, but he pushed them away, needing to concentrate on the road. " Orli seemed most interested in the scenarios where we pulled out the stops."

Bernard nodded. "And how much can he take?"

"As much as you can dish out," Viggo replied. "He's a voracious bottom. You wouldn't believe how much he gets off on being dominated." He smirked when he noticed the sudden eagerness in Bernard's expression with his peripheral vision.

"Really? Can he be pushed as far as you can?"

Viggo nodded. "He's got the same kinks I have. He can take it. Oh, and you'll love this - he's got a weak spot for being taken against his will."

" Mmm ...that could be...very interesting. And his safeword?"

"Maude."

"What a pervy lad," Bernard chuckled. "All right...will Sunday work for you two?"

"Perfect."

"Find me after lunch and we'll work out all of the details for the scene...And I'll need to sneak in before you two arrive to do the set-up."

" Done."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence after that, each of them content to gaze at the breathtaking New Zealand landscape. As they approached the Edoras set, Bernard said, " Viggo, do me a favor and pretend that you're setting up the scene for just yourself and Orlando. I want to see his expression when I make a surprise entrance."

Viggo grinned. This was going to be memorable.

***
Sunday

Orlando was vibrating in his make-up chair as Viggo applied the last touches of pale foundation to his face. They were both in full costume.

"Fuck, I can't believe we're actually doing this. Hell, I didn't know you could even do my wig and make-up, old man," Orlando said.

"I did theater for a while, remember? Had to learn how to get myself ready."

"Um, are you going to put my ears on?"

"Yeah, but I'm just going to glue them and slap on something to cover the edges. I don't think I can really blend them all that well."

"That's fine. Shit, I'm just happy that you wanted to include them for authenticity," Orlando said while bouncing in his seat.

"Well, you asked for the full treatment."

" Um, what about our weapons?"

"We won't need them, Orli," Viggo replied.

Orlando shifted and plucked at his sleeve. "You're *sure* you won't get in trouble for picking the lock on Wardrobe?"

"Trust me, I used to do it all the time when I was with Bernard. Now, hold still." Viggo carefully glued the gelatin points onto Orli's ears and applied just a touch of foundation. "Okay, you're done, babe," he said. "Get your contacts in and let's get onto the set."

Orlando popped the blue lenses into his eyes and then scampered out of the Cuntebago. Viggo grinned and followed behind, stealing a few glances at Orli's firm ass.

As Orlando was trotting down, he turned to look at Viggo with a concerned expression. "Um, but isn't the set sealed up...oh shite, don't tell me you're going to pick the lock again."

Viggo said, "Okay, I won't." He also didn't want to tell Orli that he had already opened it earlier for Bernard.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were a closet criminal?" Orlando teased.

"You never asked." He yelped in surprise when Orli batted at his head. "All right, enough of that. I want to set the scene."

Orli stopped bouncing, and began fading into character. His steps gradually became slower and more graceful; an air of serenity and quietness fell over him. "Go on," he said, his voice assuming Legolas' mellower tones.

"Aragorn has just been chastised by Theoden for his presumption. They've had a private conference shortly after the meal, and Aragorn is now moody and depressed. He's asked Legolas to join him for a drink in the throne room, but he has less than pure motives."

Orlando nodded with only the slightest incline of his head, his transformation to Legolas now complete. They had arrived at the set at this point, and Viggo turned his mind to the task of opening the gate.

He popped the lock open and gestured for Orlando to enter. As Orli glided by, Viggo began to sink into Aragorn's character. His gait became heavier, and more care-worn. He felt the curse of Isildur's blood weighing upon him, and the fear that he carried the same weakness seized him. Two mugs with tea had been set up on one of the tables, Bernard's signal to Viggo that he was ready and waiting.

Viggo made a slight addition to his mind-set. During the conference with Theoden, the King of Rohan had conquered Aragorn, using erotic torture until the ranger surrendered to him. He was now Theoden's whore, and he knew that his King had designs on Legolas, the fairest being on Middle Earth.

"Legolas," Viggo said, speaking with Aragorn's Elvish/Gondorian accent. "Thank you for indulging me."

"Something weighs heavily on your mind, my friend," Orlando replied. "I could not refuse you."

They both sat down and Viggo lifted his tankard into the air. Orli tapped his mug against Viggo's and they both sipped the contents, completing the toast.

Viggo set his drink down and wobbled in his seat. "Legolas," he said in a faint voice, "I do not feel well."

Orlando was at Viggo's side in a heartbeat. "What troubles you? Has the ale been poisoned?" He squealed when Viggo pounced on him without any warning, pulling his arms behind his back and pinning his wrists together with an iron grip.

"You are somewhat correct, my friend. The ale has been tampered with...but with a potion designed to sap elven strength," Viggo growled.

Orli struggled to no avail. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because he is under my command," Bernard's voice said from the shadows. He walked onto the set, dressed in Theoden's full royal attire. "I have bent Aragorn to my will...and I will do the same to you, little Elf." He stood tall, his charismatic presence dwarfing all else, demanding unquestioning obedience; the husky tones of his voice reverberating with pure, untamed lust.

Orli made a very non-elflike squeak and his jaw dropped to the ground. He wasn't fighting any longer -- an indication that his brain had frozen and locked up. Long seconds ticked by, and Orlando couldn't form a reply.

Viggo gritted his teeth. Orli's continued hesitation was killing the scene. Deciding that he needed some help, Viggo hissed, "You will kneel to your Lord."

Those words acted like a dash of cold water, giving Orli the courage to speak. "I will bow to no one!" he said in defiance, renewing his attempts to break Viggo's hold.

Bernard smirked and sat down on the edge of his throne. "You are quite insolent," he said. He looked at Viggo. "Bring him here. I need to teach him a lesson."

Viggo's cock swelled at Bernard's command. He hustled Orli over with difficulty, feeling his body tingle as his pants rubbed over his erection. He heard a soft whimper, and smiled when he saw the large bulge straining against the confines of Orlando's leggings.

He whispered, "I see you're looking forward to this, Legolas."

Orli replied, "No!" He tried to fight again, but his strength was no match for Viggo's. They had reached the throne by now, and Bernard said, "Keep a firm grip on him."

Viggo nodded, retaining his hold while Bernard grabbed the front of Orli's tunic and threw the struggling man across his lap. Orli cried out in surprise as he landed in an awkward fashion across Bernard's legs. He tried to sit up, but Viggo pinned him down with an arm across his lower back.

"Release me!" Orli demanded, squirming as much as possible. Viggo cursed under his breath -- partially to maintain his role, but also because Orli's helpless struggles were sending bolts of lust straight to his cock. He was close to exploding when Bernard unlaced Orli's leggings and yanked them down without any finesse.

"So soft..." Bernard murmured in appreciation, gliding his fingers over a round curve with the lightest of caresses.

"What madness is this?" Orlando gasped.

"Silence!" Bernard commanded before he brought his hand down on a pale cheek.

"Ai! How dare you?" Orlando said with defiance. His wiggling had lessened, and he tried to push himself off Bernard's lap, spitting oaths at Viggo when his efforts were thwarted.

"I said, 'Silence!'" Bernard roared, before he peppered Orlando's ass with hard smacks. Orlando snarled at Bernard in Elvish, but his protests soon faded. He bit his lip, knuckles turning white as he tried to avoid responding.

Bernard stopped and ran a hand over the reddened skin, grinning when Orlando arched into the touch, pleading with his body for more. "As I suspected, you take pleasure from pain. You are mine, now," Bernard said.

"No," Orlando said in a weak voice. "Never."

"Bring him to his feet, Aragorn." While Viggo complied, Bernard reached under the throne, pulling out Theoden's bastard sword. He unsheathed the prop, and held it to Orli's throat. "Strip."

Trembling, Orlando removed his costume, his eyes brittle with fear. The tension radiating off his body was palpable, but his hard, leaking erection betrayed his true feelings.

Viggo bit his lip and tried to look at the tapestries while Orli was disrobing. He knew that if he watched, he'd become so aroused that he wouldn't be able to keep himself from staining his clothes.

Fortunately, Bernard was able to sense his distress. "Remove your garments, Aragorn," he commanded.

Sighing in relief, Viggo wasted no time in undressing, opening up the fastenings on his costume with practiced ease. Once he was naked, Bernard produced a leather strap and several lengths of black rope from beneath one of the benches. Two of the cords measured about three feet, while the last one was quite a bit longer, perhaps fifty feet in total.

He tossed the strap to Viggo. "Put that on," Bernard said, "I will not have you spilling your seed before I give you permission to climax."

Viggo trembled as he strapped the cock ring on, hissing as he pulled it tight around his throbbing flesh. The device had a buckle on one end, and several holes punched into the other, much like a watchstrap.

Once the ring was fastened, Bernard handed a short piece of rope over. "Bind the elf's wrists." Viggo obeyed, noticing that Orli breathing had hitched subtly as he secured the knot.

Bernard gave Viggo another short length. "And his legs." Viggo grunted an acknowledgement, winding the rope around each ankle and leaving a short length running between the loops, hobbling Orli. He grabbed Orlando from the back after he was done, holding the smooth expanse of chest tight in his arms.

Bernard lowered his blade, and reached down to run a finger along the underside of Orli's cock. Orlando quaked, swallowing the helpless noises that threatened to spill from his mouth. Bernard's finger lingered over the purple tip of Orli's shaft, and he pulled it back, looking smug as he drew out a long strand a pre-come.

"You can't deny the evidence of your body's reaction to me," Bernard purred. "Perhaps the elves are not as free from base desires as they pretend?"

Orlando whimpered, shaking his head.

Bernard brought his finger to his mouth and licked it off. "I can taste your lust," he said in a throaty voice. "It permeates your entire being...And yet you remain stubborn." He reached over to a nearby table and grabbed a bowl, offering it to Viggo. "You know what to do, Aragorn."

Nodding, Viggo pushed Orli down onto his knees and changed his grip, grabbing Orli's skull with one hand and forcing the blond head down with the other. Orli protested, trying to kick behind him, but the hobble tightened around his ankles with the motion, preventing him from doing anything.

Viggo ignored Orli, continuing to press downward until Orlando had to rest his cheek on the ground. Viggo then sat back and dipped his fingers into the bowl, noticing that Bernard had filled it with silicone lube instead of oil. As he slicked up his cock, he raked his eyes over Orli's pert ass and licked his lips.

"Aragorn," Orlando whispered, trying to crane his neck to look behind him, "what are you doing?" His voice wavered.

"Satisfying one of my greatest desires," Viggo replied before he grabbed Orli's hips and plunged in brutally.

Orlando screamed and tried to pull away, but he couldn't shatter the death grip Viggo had on him. "No, stop...I beg you," Orlando sobbed, writhing against his bonds.

"You want this," Viggo hissed, bending down to lick Orlando's ear.

"Aragorn, my friend," Orlando said, "Don't do this to me." He cried out in a pitiful voice and squirmed again. "Release me, please."

"Nay," Viggo replied, kneading Orli's buttocks around his shaft. " Theoden King now owns me, and I must obey his every order."

"Aragorn, I beg you..." A single teardrop fell from Orli's eye.

"Your pleas are futile," Bernard said, cutting Orlando off. "And for resisting me, you must pay the price." He began to shed his velvet shirt. "While I am preparing myself, he is yours, Aragorn. But do not allow him to climax."

"Thank you, my King," Viggo replied.

"No! Aragorn, please..." Orlando said. Viggo didn't respond, he pulled back and slammed forward with a heart stopping thrust, burying himself deep in the tight channel.

Orli screeched, fighting as Viggo pistoned into him without mercy. He mewled, begging Viggo to stop, but his entreaties just fueled the desire sizzling through the other man's blood. Viggo was glad that Bernard had put him in the cock ring -- Orli was almost virgin tight around him, and the volcanic heat from inside the tight passage was frying his brain. He continued to pound into Orlando, watching those firm cheeks quiver as he rammed forward, panting in frustration as his dick strained and ached against its confines, teetering on the edge of release, but never quite finding it.

"Enough," Bernard commanded. "Bring him here." He stood proudly without a stitch of clothing on him, holding the long coil of rope in one hand; his erect cock glistened with lube, causing Viggo to lick his lips in anticipation.

With reluctance, Viggo pulled out, and Orli shuddered, pretending that he was glad that for the respite. "Aragorn, please...do not continue with this madness."

" Nay." Viggo hauled Orli to his feet and marched him over to where Bernard was standing. Orli minced as best he could, his movement restricted by the hobble. When they reached their destination, Viggo untied Orli and forced his wrists together in front of his body, holding them in place while Bernard bound them again. Bernard then tossed the end of the rope over the ceiling beam, taking in the slack until Orli's arms were pulled above his head. He secured the end, smirking as Orlando thrashed against his bonds.

He grabbed Orli's chin in his hand. "Whom do you belong to?" he said, his voice taking on a dangerous tone.

Orli's eyes sparked with defiance and he replied, "No one but myself, *human*." He squawked when Bernard slapped his ass.

"I shall change that," Bernard said, releasing Orli's face and backing off. "Take him, Aragorn."

Viggo positioned himself in front of Orlando, running his hands over Orlando's torso. He noticed that Orlando was trying to shy away from his touch, and he growled, "It is useless to resist."

"Aragorn, please listen to reason..." Orli said , biting off a small gasp as Viggo stroked his thighs.

"And you should listen to your desires," Viggo purred before he slithered down to Orli's ankles. He untied the hobble, and glided his hands over Orli's smooth legs as he made his way up, pausing to rub his thumbs in slow circles at the juncture of the lean hips.

"No!" Orli protested, aiming a kick at Viggo.

Viggo caught the slender leg and smirked. "That was most unwise, Legolas," he rasped, sliding his hands up to cup Orlando's firm ass. He cradled Orli's butt in his hands and lifted slightly, his arms bulging as he supported most of Orlando's weight. He positioned himself and plunged in, reveling as Orlando arched back and wailed.

"Ai! Aragorn, stop!" Orlando begged, but his plea fell on deaf ears. Viggo was too entranced by the sight of Orli's flushed skin, his helpless struggles as Viggo jabbed him with brutal strokes, and the soft whimpers spilling from his throat. Orlando's head thrashed from side to side as he tried to fight against the pleasure coursing through his body with each ruthless plunge.

Bernard witnessed all of this, and he circled around the two lovers with the menace of a stalking panther. He crept up behind Orlando and hissed, "Do you yield?"

Orlando shook his head, but Viggo could see the flame of resistance in his eyes draining away.

"Do...you...yield?" Bernard asked Orli again, reaching around to twist a dusky nipple between his fingers. "Answer me!"

"N-no," Orlando whispered, somehow holding onto his crumbling will.

"Hold," Bernard commanded. Viggo obeyed, leaving himself buried in the tight channel. He studied Orlando's face, craving to see his lover's reaction to Bernard's next move.

He smiled when the blue eyes shot wide open. Bernard was nudging his prick at Orli's hole, demanding entrance. "NO!" Orlando said, squirming with renewed strength. "You can't..."

"I can!" Bernard roared, pushing the tip of his cock in. Orlando screamed as if in pain, but his next action told another story. Viggo felt the tightness around him relaxing, allowing Bernard to inch his way in. He groaned as he felt Bernard's cock pressing in and sliding along his own, stretching Orlando to his limit.

Orli was quivering in Viggo's arms. "No..." Orlando whimpered, "Please... ohhhh." His cries faded off into a loud moan when Bernard pushed past the guardian ring, sinking deep inside of him. Orli's eyelids fluttered closed, and he flopped back, rendered helpless by the overload.

When Bernard touched bottom, a shockwave jolted through Viggo's every nerve. He was being gripped tighter than he ever thought was possible. Every inch of his cock felt as if it was being seared, and the feel of Bernard's hard shaft against him was too exquisite for words. He threw his head back and moaned aloud; it was an uphill battle to stay in character while he was teetering on the edge of release. His constricted erection throbbed, and Viggo felt like he was going to burst from the pressure.

"Now," Bernard gasped out, the less than crisp delivery betraying his own internal struggle to maintain his presence of mind.

Viggo nodded, and began to slide his cock in and out. After a few thrusts, Bernard matched Viggo's timing, their cocks now delving inside Orlando in perfect sync. Orli wailed with each duo thrust, blond hair flying as his head thrashed from side to side.

The two men worked in tandem, their thrusts gaining speed and strength over time. Soon, they were fucking Orlando without mercy, all finesse burned away, rutting in an almost animalistic fashion as the loud sounds of skin slapping against skin echoed through the air. Each stroke pressed against Orlando's prostate, and his lithe body convulsed as both men drove deep into him. Sweat was pouring down Viggo's face as he and Bernard filled Orlando over and over again, his blood thrumming to an almost fevered pitch.

Orlando suddenly arched back, shaking as if he had come in contact with a live wire. "FUCK!" he screamed, reverting back to his normal accent. He twisted around, impaled by the two shafts nestled within him, his writhing body threatening to fly off into space. "Fuck, fuck...so good..." Another violent shudder traveled through him. "Oh...SHIT! I'm yours! Please, let me come, I'm begging you!" Orli sobbed out, all dignity gone.

"Then you shall," Bernard said, reaching around to press a hand against Viggo's hip, stilling him. Bernard's hand snaked down and he unfastened the leather strap. "Take him, Aragorn."

Viggo sighed in relief as his throbbing erection was freed. He wasted no time in resuming his hard pace, hammering into Orlando as fast as he could manage. Bernard responded in kind, pumping into Orlando with fierce jabs, reaching over to grab Orli's bobbing cock with his free hand.

That one touch was enough. "Shit, VIGGO!" Orli keened before he threw his head back, his body spasming out of control. His cock jerked hard, and he spattered white liquid all over Viggo's chest and stomach.

Orli clamped down on Viggo as his screams increased in volume, every muscle standing out as waves of pure ecstasy crashed through him. It was too much -- Viggo jabbed Orli hard once more, and his cock jerked hard against Bernard's, flooding the extremely tight channel with his release. As powerful tremors shook every inch of him, he heard Bernard roaring with pleasure, and he felt warmth splashing against his softening flesh.

He slumped down, drained beyond all belief, but he still kept his hold on Orlando. It was a necessity -- Orli was boneless, his head lolling to the side, his eyes glazed over from the experience and drifting closed. Viggo gave Orli a tender kiss on the cheek and began to pull out.

He heard a soft hiss from Bernard as his cock slid free. He continued to support Orli's weight as Bernard withdrew with a loud groan. Bernard tugged on the end of the rope after he was out, and Orli collapsed into Viggo's arms, murmuring under his breath. Wild strands of blond hair were plastered to his sweat drenched cheeks, and his skin was flushed red.

Trying to bring Orli back to reality, Viggo lowered him to the ground, caressing his beautiful face. "Where are the tissues, Bernard?" Viggo asked in a hushed voice.

"I taped some wipes to the bottom of that table," Bernard replied, pointing off to the side. Viggo staggered over to retrieve the box from its hiding place. When he returned, he cleaned them all off and tossed the soiled wet-naps into a garbage can located just at the border of the set.

He stumbled back, smiling when he saw that Bernard was spooned against Orli's back, and petting his lover's head. " Mmm..." Orli said in contentment.

Viggo flopped down, taking the vacant position in front of Orlando. He wrapped his arms around the lithe waist and kissed Orli's lips with tenderness. "Come back, love," he whispered.

Orlando 's eyes fluttered open and he gave Viggo a lazy grin. "That was amazing... Christ, that was fucking fantastic." He threw his arms around Viggo. " Thankyouthankyouthankyou." He then flipped over and flung his arms around Bernard. "And I loved the surprise. Shit man, it's just so fucking cool that you agreed to top me."

Bernard chuckled. "You amazed me, Orlando. I've never had a sub that could take a DP that easily."

Orli blushed crimson. "Well...um, I love being fisted. But I guess Viggo's told you that."

Bernard stroked his cheek. "Silly boy, of course he has. I'm almost envious, you're quite a fine catch as a sub."

" Really?"

Bernard nodded. "Except for one thing...you slipped out of character once we both were inside you."

Orli sputtered. "You wanker! I was being hammered so much by endorphins that there was no way I could still do Legolas. Besides, how do *you* know that elves don't have potty mouths?"

"Babe, elves are supposed to be far above the humans. They don't swear," Viggo said.

Orli stuck his tongue out. "Do too."

"Do not," Viggo countered.

"Elves swear worse than Elijah," Orli said. "They just do it in Tolkien-speak so it doesn't sound rude."

Viggo glared at Orli. "Like there's an Elvish phrase for 'fuck my tight hole into next week.'"

"I'm sure there is! Elijah says that if you can think of something, there's a dozen of those web thingies about it already. Maybe someone has one for dirty Elvish phrases!"

"You're high."

"You're the hippy freak, shouldn't you be the one that's always high?"

"Will you *children* shut the fuck up?" Bernard said, rolling his eyes. "Or am I going to have to punish both of you?"

" Really? Do you promise?" Orli replied, vibrating in place. Viggo groaned. Orli had regained his second wind and would probably start bouncing around any second now.

"No," Bernard said. "Can't you stop being cheeky for one fucking second?"

"Make me," Orli purred.

A wicked grin formed on Bernard lips. "Be careful what you ask for, little Elf."

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it," Orlando replied, waggling his eyebrows. He squeaked when Viggo pinched his ass.

"Did I say that you could play with Bernard again?" Viggo growled.

"Um, I'm sorry, Vig...can I? Please?" Orli turned on his puppy dog eyes. "I'll do anything you ask me to. Pretty please, with a pervy elf on the bottom?"

Viggo chuckled. "All right. After all, I have a feeling that Legolas' training has only begun."

*****

THE END

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