Troy Boy 1

Troy Boy

Part 1

Posted: January 4, 2008
Title: Troy Boy
Series: Sleeping It Off
Sequel to: Masquerade
Author: Lostiawen
Type: RPS
Characters: Orlando/Viggo, Orlando/Sean, Orlando/Sean/Viggo
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened. The author is not associated with or is implying anything about the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.
Timeline: Set during the filming of Troy. This comes after "Wish You Were Here."
Warnings: Angst, eventual squicky dream imagery, toy use, post-coital activity, some sap, and some schmoopy sex.
Author's N otes: Happy big 3-0, Orlando! To celebrate, I decided to dust off this old WIP and work on it again. Hope you're enjoying yourself in the company of friends, family, and those who love you.

Summary: Orlando decides once and for all to get Sean into bed.

*****

Eric took one look at the vibrating person in his passenger seat and said in exasperation, "Orli, can't you sit still for one second? You're twitching more than I did the day I proposed to Rebecca."

Orlando chewed on one of his nails and replied, "I know, I know! But I'm nervous about tonight. What if you decide that Sean's a cunt? Hell, what if Sean decided that *I'm* a cunt for not talking to him while I was filming..."

Orlando continued off into his usual string of babble, which was the last thing Eric needed right now. The traffic was bumper to bumper and if Orli didn't put a lid on it, they were going to collide with someone. "Shut up with the cuntly talk and settle down. It's just dinner."

"But..."

"Look, I'm going to finally meet the man who's been your best, closest friend. It's not like I'm going to marry him - so sit down and enjoy the sights."

Orlando peered at the traffic in front of them for a few minutes. He frowned and said,

"All I can see is the arse end of this SUV."

"Then enjoy the arse," Eric replied.

"I always do," Orlando said with a cheeky grin.

Eric responded by reaching over and cuffing Orlando on the side of his head. He heard a loud yelp, and then Orlando whined, "You're picking on me."

"Older brother privileges," Eric said. Another SUV decided at that moment that it wanted to be in the fast lane, and started merging over. There was one problem with that -- Eric's car was in the way.

He leaned on the horn, cursing at the top of his lungs. Orlando flipped off the driver, but the bloke was too occupied with the conversation he was having on his mobile. It must have been an intense one, since the guy was gesticulating wildly while only keeping half an eye on the road. He finally swerved out of the way at the last minute, almost clipping the door of the car.

"Nice move, you bloody wanker!" Orlando yelled. "You're lucky I don't use my boyfriend's sword to chop up your petrol guzzler for parts!"

"And I need you to be quiet or we're going to be road kill," Eric growled. Dead silence filled the vehicle, which he was grateful for. He could now focus his attention on the mess around him.

The next ten minutes were sheer agony, since Eric could only nudge the car forward about half an inch at a time. Although he couldn't see Orlando, he could feel the waves of nervous energy radiating off of the other man, making him feel more impatient than usual. It probably didn't help that Sean had previous commitments and had only just arrived in Malta. He called Orlando on his mobile as soon as his plane had touched down, and Orli had insisted that the three of them meet for dinner.

Eric wasn't too keen on the idea at first, since he thought that Sean would be too jet lagged, but once Orli had latched onto an idea, he refused to let go. He whinged and pleaded until Eric agreed just to shut him up.

The traffic was now easing up and Eric breathed a sigh of relief. "You have the directions to the restaurant, Orli?"

Orlando frowned and replied, "Uh, yeah...let's see, we're off the ramp...so make a right on the corner that has a bookstore."

Eric squinted ahead, but all he saw was a gas station, a grocer, and several clothing stores. "Street name?"

There was a long pause before Orlando answered, "Um...I forgot to get one."

Eric pushed aside any thoughts of murder, since he was sure that Wolfgang wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he counted slowly to ten before he replied, "Could you call Sean and let him know that we're going to be late?"

***

It was forty minutes later when they pulled into the parking lot. "That was fucking ridiculous," Eric muttered.

His bad mood wasn't helped by Orlando giving him an indignant glare. "Hey man, it's not my fault that this town has an arseload of one-way streets. We could've been back here in ten minutes."

"And you're lucky if Sean hasn't finished eating by now," Eric said as they walked in. He blinked in surprise when he saw Sean seated at the bar, nursing a pint.

Sean beamed and waved at them. "Oi! You made it here in record time."

Orlando bounced past Eric, almost knocking him over. "Sean!"

Sean stood up and swept Orlando into his arms, giving him a great bear hug. "When I got your call, I was sure that you'd take your usual hour to drag your bum in."

"An hour???" Eric replied.

Sean's eyes glinted with mischief. "Uh huh, always takes that long when Orli says he's late. Especially if he doesn't know where he's going... he even got Viggo lost in the woods once."

Orlando turned a bright red and mumbled. "No fair, you're ganging up on me."

"We're not," Eric replied. "We're having a nice conversation about your..." he cleared his throat, "unusual habits. Ganging up on you would be asking Sean how many of Viggo's coffeemakers you've killed."

"What? He *still* can't figure it out?" Sean asked.

Orlando turned around and mouthed, "Please don't tell him."

An evil smile touched Eric's lips. He was a great mimic, and Orli needed a little payback for earlier. He screwed up his eyes and pitched his voice higher. "Do you want coffee, Eric? How is it done again? Do you put the coffee in the water? Or in the filter? Can you make the coffee, Eric?"

Sean was almost rolling off his stool now, and tears were running down his cheeks from laughing hard. "I can't tell you how many times he's asked me that. Did he ever tell you how he even hooked up with Viggo in the first place?"

"Oh God, kill me now," Orlando moaned. "Can we talk about something else?"

Eric spent about a half second considering it before he answered, "I think it's a perfect topic of conversation. Let's get our table and Sean can tell me all about it."

***

Eric looked with sympathy in Orlando's direction. They had just finished dinner, and the whole affair had been an opportunity for Sean to regale Eric with the details about his drunken pass at Viggo; the time he and Viggo tried to grab a quick dry hump between scenes behind one of the sets, and they wound up traumatizing Sean Astin; the time Orlando accidentally locked himself out of his house when an impromptu mobile call from Viggo turned into a steamy phone sex session...

Eric's stories were less explicit, but he still remembered how the cast of Blackhawk Down constantly teased Orlando about being the Camp Bitch. Especially when Orli put something phallic shaped into his mouth.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eric could see that Orlando looked like he wanted to dig a very big hole and crawl into it. He reached over and ruffled his hand through the thick mop of brown curls. "Awww, I don't think any less of you, little brother. Even if you don't know which end of the spear to hold."

Orli's bottom lip stuck out in an adorable pout. "Wanker. After taking the piss as much as I have, I need to have a few pints."

"Well, why don't you?" Sean asked.

"We have an early call tomorrow," Eric replied. "And I'm the poor sod who has to pry Orli's arse out of bed and drive him in."

Orlando blew a raspberry. "So I'll just set my alarm earlier. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

Eric leaned over and glared. "Orli, I need dynamite to blast you out of bed after you've been drinking. Forget it."

He reached for his pint and was taking a healthy swallow when Sean said, "Don't worry about it, mate. I'll wake him up...just stop by my room in the morning."

The casual statement almost made Eric spew his beer all over the table. Orlando had bent his ear off about how much he fancied Sean, and how disappointed he was that his feelings were not returned. It was a topic that came up often, especially when Orlando was feeling pretty blue. Eric still remembered the one time an alcohol fueled Orlando blurted out a laundry list of what he wanted to do with Sean if he ever got him into bed.

Eric wasn't a prude, but some of Orlando's fantasies made him blink. He wasn't even sure if some of them were even anatomically possible, and he didn't really need to know that

Orli wanted Sean to lick his arse after they were done fucking.

Still, he really liked Orlando, and he hoped that Sean's statement meant that something was going to happen tonight. Orlando's reaction was puzzling, though. He didn't seem overly excited as Eric expected him to be.

On the other hand, maybe Orlando didn't want to give Sean cold feet. He slapped Sean on the back and said, "All right, just tell me your room number and I'll come pick him up."

Eric knocked on Sean's door the next morning, fully preparing himself for a long wait while Orlando got his act together. Instead, the door whipped open within a few seconds to reveal a fully dressed and non-JBF haired Orlando.

Eric was about to open his mouth when Orli held up his hand. "I'll tell you about it in the car."

The rest of the trip down to the carpark was strangely silent, a first for Orlando. Once they had belted themselves in, Eric said, "What happened?"

Orlando rolled his eyes. "Well, first I fortified myself with some liquid courage, but I did too much of a bang up job."

"You mean..."

"Yeah, I passed out before anything good could get started."

Eric blinked in surprise. "But you were still in his room in the morning. Did you crash on the couch?"

"Nah, we're used to sharing the bed. Just nothing involving his dick and my arse happens." He buried his head in his hands. "I'm sodding going to explode one day."

"You mean, you've done it before?" Now Eric was even more confused.

As far as he knew, Orli sharing a bed with someone usually implied copious activity between the sheets.

"Usually it's all three of us with Vig in the middle. And we're just sleeping, you dirty-minded wanker. This is only like the second time I've gotten Sean alone. And I was too bloody out of it to enjoy it. Again." Orli let out a long drawn out sigh and pouted. "I'm such a twat."

Much as Orlando irritated Eric, he was still a good friend. And Eric hated seeing him like this. He started the car up and raked his mind for an answer to Orlando's dilemma.

After they had pulled into traffic, nothing was jumping out at him. He noticed the deep furrows in Orlando's forehead and sighed. This was just getting ridiculous. "You know, Orli, maybe you should stop using me as an agony aunt and just fucking do something about Sean."

"Look, you wanker, Sean and I had a good long talk when I hooked up with Vig. He wanted to wait to see how we would mesh together."

"So?"

"So, we mesh brilliantly, and I've been telling him that for who knows how long. What do I have to do? Have you tie me up, pour chocolate sauce all over my chest, and drape a sign that says, 'Come and get it?' on me."

Eric almost swerved into the lane with oncoming traffic as soon as Orlando finished talking. "Me? Tie *you* up?"

Orlando blinked at Eric and looked confused. "We're good mates, right?"

Eric sputtered and said, "That's too much to ask of anyone, Orli, Christ."

"I betcha Karl would do it."

"That's because Karl's been trying to get into your pants from day one." As soon as the words were out of Eric's mouth, an idea flashed into his head. "Look, maybe you should stop launching yourself at Sean. I think he's the type of bloke who wants to do the chasing."

Orlando's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

Eric suddenly had a very affectionate Orlando reaching over and hugging his arm as tight as he could manage. A sloppy kiss was planted on his cheek. "Brilliant! After I'm done, Sean won't know what hit him."

"That's great...now, can you let go? I need that arm to shift."

*****

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