Resurrection 23

Resurrection

Part 23

Posted: December 8, 2006
Title: Resurrection
Author: Larien Elengasse

Summary: Gildor returns and Erestor is determined; Glorfindel and Lindir come to an agreement.

*****

Erestor bolted outside into the courtyard with Gwathel on his heels. Despite the late hour, the area was bustling with activity. To Erestor’s dismay, the healers were busy at work, shuttling wounded warriors from the wagons that had bore them home to the healing house. Erestor desperately searched the crowd for Gildor, when he saw one of the young stable hands leading Gildor’s large gelding toward the stable yard. He caught up with the ellon and clasped his shoulder.

“Where is Lord Gildor?” he asked, trying to conceal the fear in his voice. Each moment that he did not hear Gildor’s voice struck terror into his heart. The young one shrugged and Erestor released him, but not before noticing the poultices on the gelding’s legs and flanks. “Please, please…” he whispered in prayer as he frantically searched the crowd. In his panic, he did not notice the arrival of Glorfindel or Elrond.

He heard Gwathel’s high-pitched bark, and he turned. She was standing on her back legs with her front paws on the back of a covered cart. He dodged warriors and squires carrying large bundles as he made his way toward his lover.

“Gildor? Gildor!” he cried as he climbed into the back of the cart. His gaze finally came to rest on his lover’s pale form. He felt his heart stop and a searing pain tear through his chest. Gildor lie on a litter, shirtless, a thick, bloody bandage wrapped around his torso.

As Erestor came to rest on his knees beside him, he reached out and touched his lover’s shoulder.

“Cold, you are so cold…”

Gildor’s breathing was shallow and despite the coldness of his skin, sweat beaded on his forehead.

“No…” Erestor whispered. “No, no, no, no, no…”

Slowly Gildor’s eyes opened and he drew a ragged breath. “I told you I would come home,” he croaked.

“Oh, Gildor,” Erestor whispered, smoothing the damp hair from his lover’s face as he showered him with kisses. “Please, my love, you must hold on. Do not leave me behind twice…”

He turned and shouted over his shoulder, “Help! I need help!”

Glorfindel appeared in the opening to the cart. “Sweet Elbereth,” he murmured.

“Get Lord Elrond, quickly!” Erestor cried, and Glorfindel disappeared, running through the courtyard to find their lord.

* * * *

Erestor stood behind Elrond, wadding his sleeves in his fists as his lord and the healers worked on his lover. Glorfindel stood behind him, one hand on his shoulder.

“Do something,” he whispered to his friend.

“There is nothing I can do,” Glorfindel answered.

Erestor turned. “You brought Lindir back. How did you do it, Glorfindel? How did you convince Mandos to release his fëa?”

“Erestor…”

“Do it for Gildor, Glorfindel. You have to try. He is your best friend!”

Glorfindel drew Erestor away from Gildor’s bedside. “I cannot, He will not.”

“How do you know? He did it once, perhaps...”

“Because He told me, Erestor. He told me He would only do it once.” He gathered Erestor in his arms as he remembered Mandos’ words. ‘This fëa for another in the future.’ “I am sorry, Erestor,” he murmured as he held his beloved close.

Lindir appeared in the doorway. He closed his eyes briefly as he saw Glorfindel holding Erestor, then he moved to stand beside Elrond and picked up Gildor’s cold, limp hand. “Not you,” he murmured. “Not my savior…” He looked at his lord. “How can I help him?” he asked.

Elrond, his eyes closed and his head bowed, whispered, “Sing, perhaps he will follow your voice.”

Lindir nodded and he rounded the table to stand near Gildor’s head. Softly, in a whispered voice, he began to sing one of Gildor’s favorite songs; it was a tune about the beauty of Eru’s creations.

“He cannot pass on,” Erestor whispered into Glorfindel’s shoulder. “Not like this, not now.”

“He is strong,” Glorfindel murmured, his heart breaking as he held Erestor and watched Lindir. There was so much pain in this room, so many things unsaid, so many bruised hearts.

* * * *

Time passed slowly as they waited, Erestor sat on a low stool next to Gildor, holding one of his hands. Elrond gently held Gildor’s head in his hands, deep in a trance, trying to reach his dear friend and call him back. Lindir sat opposite Erestor, softly humming the same tune, and Glorfindel stood beside the minstrel, one hand upon his shoulder and his eyes fixed on Gildor’s pale form.

After what felt like an eternity, Gildor drew a deep ragged breath and Erestor felt the warrior’s grip tighten upon his hand. “Gildor?” he whispered, and he looked up to see his lover’s pale blue eyes gazing back at him. A smile curved his lips and he laughed softly, from pure relief. “Gildor…”

“Erestor,” Gildor replied, his voice a rough, cracked whisper. “I always keep my promises.”

Erestor stood and took Gildor’s face in his hands, kissing him gently on the lips. “Yes, you do, my love. You most certainly do.”

Glorfindel sighed in relief and leaned his head back against the wall. Lindir smiled and stopped humming, giving the warrior’s hand a gentle squeeze. Gildor turned his head and smiled weakly at Lindir. “I love that song,”

Lindir smiled in return. “I know…”

“’Tis good to see you back, my friend,” Elrond murmured, smoothing Gildor’s brow.

“Forgive me for tarrying,” he answered. “I had some unfinished business with those I saw on the path.”

Elrond nodded knowingly. “Rest well, Gildor. It will be sometime before you have your strength back.”

Gildor closed his eyes and nodded, and then Elrond, Lindir, and Glorfindel left Erestor alone at the warrior’s bedside.

Erestor laid his head on Gildor’s shoulder, fighting back tears of relief. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?” Gildor responded softly.

“For returning to me. I know it could not have been an easy choice.”

Gildor pressed his lips against the crown of Erestor’s head. He had seen many things while he lingered in the misty world between life and death, some had been a surprise, some had filled him with dread, and some had been painful. Yet, he had returned, despite all he had seen, and deep inside, he knew it was not a mistake.

“It was not as difficult a choice as one might think,” he whispered. “The Halls of Mandos are not the most exciting place to be.”

Erestor sniffled and chuckled, wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve. “I imagine He was glad to see you go, yes?”

Gildor chuckled, then groaned in discomfort. “Aye. Oh….”

“Ssshhh…. Sleep, my love. There will be many days and years yet for you to tell me your tale.”

Gildor smiled and brushed his lips through Erestor’s hair. “As you command, my love.” He closed his eyes and found reverie with his lover’s head upon his shoulder and his hand in his own.

* * * *

Lindir stood on the wide veranda that overlooked the gardens of the Last Homely House. It was just this place that he first posed the question to Glorfindel; it was just this place that a new life had begun for him. Now, as he listened to the crickets and smelled the jasmine, he wondered what life had in store for him. He was not yet ready to let Glorfindel go; yet, he would not hold him either. He had no wish for the Elda to stay out of obligation or pity. Was it his fault? Had he somehow failed to be everything that Glorfindel needed?

“Sparrow?”

He heard his lover’s deep voice come from behind him and it caused his heart to ache. “Am I?” he asked. “Am I still your sparrow?”

Glorfindel stood close behind Lindir. “You will always be my sparrow.”

“If you do not love me anymore, if you never did…”

“Do not speak thusly. You know I did, and I still do.” He caressed Lindir’s pale, almost silver-gold hair. “I cannot explain why I did what I did, not in a way that makes any sense. But what I did does not affect how much I care for you, how much I love you.”

Lindir turned and looked into Glorfindel’s eyes. “You love him.”

“I do, and I love you as well. I do not want to hurt you, sparrow, but I cannot lie to you.”

Lindir swallowed. “Have you always loved him?”

Glorfindel sighed. “I suppose I have, but not in the way you think. He has always kept me at bay; he still does. Even when he needs us most, he holds us all at arm’s length.”

Lindir nodded and looked at the ground. “He does not like to accept help.”

“Please do not blame him, Lindir…”

Lindir took a deep breath and looked up at Glorfindel. “I do not. I blame myself.” He slowly reached out and touched Glorfindel’s face. “I have always loved you, from the beginning, from before that first night. The way you loved me, the way you looked at me, touched me, I believed you loved me too. I am not blind; I saw how the two of you looked at one another when you thought I was not aware. Yet still, I persisted; I thought that somehow my love would win you over and make you forget about how you felt for Erestor. I thought that if I just loved you enough…”

A tear fell from Glorfindel’s eye, “Oh, sparrow. You have loved me so much more than I deserve.”

Lindir felt his own eyes well with tears. “I do not want to lose you. Perhaps that is the stubborn part of my heart that clings to this dream I have been living in. Nevertheless, I cannot be with you knowing that you want to be with another. I cannot live that way.”

“What are we to do?” Glorfindel asked. “I do not want to lose you, either.”

“I think it would be best if I were to move back into my own quarters and if we were to spend some time apart. We both have decisions we must make, and sleeping in the same bed would be too difficult for me now.”

Glorfindel nodded. “I will abide by whatever you decide. But know this, know that every time I have said I love you, I have meant it.”

Lindir tried to smile. “I know,” he whispered, and then he left Glorfindel alone as he went back to their chambers to pack his belongings.

Glorfindel looked up at the night sky. “Give me the strength and wisdom to do the right thing,” he whispered to the air, hoping his voice would find Manwë’s ears.

*****

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