An Affliction Of The Heart 14

An Affliction Of The Heart

Part 14

Posted: December 14, 2007
Title: An Affliction of the Heart
Author: Larien Elengasse

Summary: The truth becomes known; a visitor arrives in Greenwood.

*****

Elrohir lay on his side staring blankly at the wall. He had been reaching out for Elladan in his mind ever since he left the prince’s bedchamber only to be met by overwhelming silence. He did not recall ever feeling so alone; from the day they were born each had always heard the other in their minds. Had he done something wrong? Was Elladan angry with him? Did Elladan now care for Legolas more than he cared for him? It was this last question that nearly drove him mad.

He recognized the emotion for what it was – jealousy. Never in his life had he felt it before, yet he knew what it was. One thing had always been certain between them: they always put one another first – over duty, over friendship, even over family. It was true that when they arrived in the Great Wood, Elrohir thought Legolas was the most beautiful elf he had ever seen, and it was also true that it had been his idea to approach the prince to extend their training beyond the battlefield. However, he never would have gone to Legolas alone; he would never have initiated anything this important without Elladan by his side.

There were many who did not understand the close attachment they had for one another; there were those who thought it was time that they began to live more independently. But they always did things their own way, ignoring what others thought was proper. Elrohir had always known deep inside that he would come first in Elladan’s heart, and he felt the same way about his elder twin. However, now that certainty was shaken as he lay alone in his bed, reaching out to Elladan only to be turned away.

When his brother’s voice first echoed in his mind he sat up with a start, like one does when they are waiting for something and it finally arrives. It was two words, “Come, Elrohir.” And that was just what he did.

Rising quickly from his bed, he pulled his robe around his shoulders and departed the chamber he shared with his twin, making for Legolas’ quarters with haste.

* * * *

Elladan stood near the hearth, his robe wrapped around him, staring into the flickering glow of the flames. Did he have the courage to follow the prince’s council? Did he have the strength to finally tell Elrohir how much he loved him? It had been a dream for so long; misty imaginings of stolen kisses, soft caresses, and whispered words of undying passion and love – could these things now become reality? Or would Elrohir turn him away, betrayed and filled with revulsion?

The door to the prince’s bedchamber opened and Elrohir entered, quickly closing the door behind him. The younger twin paused, looking at the empty bed in confusion, and then he turned his gaze to Elladan.

“Where is he?”

“He left – he wished for you and I to speak in private.”

“He is alone?”

“Yes.”

“Where did he go? How is he…”

“He has lived in these caves all his life, Elrohir. I think he can find his way without sight.”

There was a note of tension in Elladan’s voice that Elrohir only heard when his elder brother was frustrated or angry. Worried that Elladan was angry with him for some unknown reason, Elrohir fell silent.

Elladan’s expression softened and he moved toward his twin, reaching out for Elrohir’s hands. “I am sorry, brother. I did not mean…”

Elrohir waved off the apology. “Of course you are correct. I am being too protective of him; he is not an elfling.”

“Come and sit, there is something I need to tell you.” Elladan could feel his heart pounding in his chest so hard that he could swear that Elrohir must be able to hear and see it, as well. The feel of Elrohir’s hands in his own was so comforting, so familiar, and what he was about to say risked him never feeling it again.

Elladan sat on the side of the prince’s bed and his twin sat next to him, their hands still joined as Elrohir shifted to face him.

“What is it, Elladan? I have never seen you look this way. Are you all right? Is something wrong?”

“I am afraid, Elrohir.”

“Afraid of what? What has happened?”

“I am afraid of losing you.”

“What? Why? Why would you lose me? You will never lose me, Elladan.” Elrohir watched a single tear track down his brother’s cheek. Dropping Elladan’s hands he gathered his brother in his arms. “Tell me, brother; tell me what is weighing so heavily on your heart.”

“I fear that you will hate me.”

“Never. I will never, ever hate you, Elladan. You are the dearest thing in all the world to me; you are my best friend, my brother.”

Elladan thought he would choke on the words before he could get them out. “I love you, Elrohir,” he whispered.

“And I love you. Now tell me what troubles you.”

With his arms wrapped around his twin, his hands buried in Elrohir’s thick, loose hair, Elladan turned his head and brought his lips to Elrohir’s ear. “I am . . . in love with you,” he whispered.

Elrohir frowned, not entirely sure he heard what he had just heard. Drawing back a little, he responded, “What did you say?”

Elladan swallowed. It was no longer possible to go back, to undo what had been done; his only choice now was to surge forward without apprehension. “I am in love with you,” he said with more strength in his voice, feeling the blood rise in his cheeks. “I dream about you; I dream of holding you in my arms, of kissing you, touching you . . . making love to you. As unworthy as I am, as unnatural as this is, I am in love with you.”

Elrohir sat in mute shock. Never had he suspected this, not once, not even in their encounters with Legolas in this very bed. He was stunned, unable to react, unable to speak or move, unable to think. He just kept hearing Elladan’s words over and over again. It was not until his elder twin, his strength, his rock, fell to his knees in front of him, when he saw eyes so much like his own filled with tears looking up at him that he was shaken from the state of paralytic shock he had been in.

“May the Valar forgive me for what I have done,” Elladan said. “But I can hide it no more, I can lie about it no more. If you wish me to leave, I understand. If you hate me, I understand.”

Elrohir looked down at the crown of Elladan’s now bowed head, and out of instinct he reached down and drew his twin into his arms. “I could never hate you,” he whispered, “and I never want you to leave me.” He pulled back and looked into Elladan’s pained face, caressing it with his hands. “I . . . I do not know what to say.”

“Say that you love me too…” he pleaded, but the look in Elrohir’s eye was already answering him. “…or at least say that you forgive me and I will bury my love for you so deep that it never comes out. Say that you forgive me and I swear that I will spend every day of my life watching over you and serving you.”

Elrohir frowned. “I do not want you to serve me nor follow me. It is I who follow you – you are the leader betwixt us.”

Elladan drew away and looked at the floor. “Of course. Forgive me. In my fear of losing you I have exhibited weakness. I will not show it to you again.” He drew himself up and schooled his expression into one of mock calm. “I thank you for your understanding, Elrohir. I will not speak of this again.”

“Wait, Elladan. I think there is much to talk about yet.”

“No, Elrohir. If there is one thing I have learned, there are things in this life that should not be talked about or discussed. I believe this is one of them.” He drew a deep breath. “Legolas should return soon and he wants to speak with you. I will leave you here to wait for him.”

“Where are you going, Elladan?” Elrohir asked, rising to his feet.

“I am going for a walk – I will not be far away, should you need me.”

“Elladan . . . Elladan!”

The door closed behind the elder twin and Elrohir was left alone feeling sick and afraid.

* * * *

Legolas walked slowly, his hand upon the wall as he felt his way through the corridor. Of course, his father would not approve but it was time he stood on his own feet - and where safer to do that than in his own home? He heard footsteps approaching, and at first he thought it was one of his guard, but they were exceedingly light. He cocked his head. Could it be Glorfindel? No, the Elda walked with purpose, not caring who heard or saw him. This elf, and it was certainly an elf, moved like one who was accustomed to staying hidden. Was it one of his father’s spies? An elleth? No, the stride was too long for an elleth.

The elf was about to round the corner and Legolas stopped; he would find out who it was soon enough.

“Oh, forgive me your majesty,” the elf said.

He did not recognize the voice. “You know me?” Legolas asked.

“I know of you, your highness. I am not from your realm.”

“Who are you then? Name yourself.”

“I am a visitor – a messenger from Imladris. My name is Gildor Inglorion.”

Legolas furrowed his brow a little. “The Noldorion Ranger that spies for Lord Elrond. I have heard of you.”

“It is an honor to meet you, my liege.” Gildor bowed and covered his heart. He knew the prince could not see him. Even if he had not heard the whispered rumors since arriving a short time ago, he would have recognized the blindness just by looking into the prince’s eyes. Despite the fact that Legolas could not see, the prince deserved the proper greeting nonetheless. “I am afraid that I have become hopelessly lost in these winding corridors. Have I entered the royal wing?”

Legolas smiled a little. There was something quite funny and ironic about a lost elf seeking guidance from a blind one. “Aye. If I take you to the guest wing, do you think you can find your quarters?”

“Aye, my lord. I think I can. I am most grateful for your assistance.”

“It is my pleasure; besides, we cannot have a guest wandering lost.” Legolas extended his arm. “If you will?”

Gildor linked his arm with the prince’s. “I am at your service, my prince.”

Legolas smiled again. “We must walk forward thirty paces then turn to the left.”

Gildor smiled too. It was difficult not to stare; word of the prince’s beauty had been greatly underplayed. “Thirty paces it is, then.”

*****

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