An Affliction Of The Heart
Part 12
Posted: December 14, 2007
Title: An Affliction of the Heart
Author: Larien Elengasse
Summary: The twins care for Legolas in their own way.
*****
Legolas sat in the middle of his bed, listening intently to what was going on around him. There was the striking of flint and the acrid smell of smoke, which was followed by the scent of crisp lavender; one of the twins was lighting candles. Next, he heard the soft pop of a bottle being uncorked and the soft chugging sound of liquid being poured into a glass. The scent of wine mingled with the lavender from the candles. It seemed he was in for a treat.
“Wine, my liege?”
It was Elladan’s voice. He could tell them apart now – they tasted different, smelled different, felt different, and certainly sounded different. It seemed strange to him now that once he could not tell them apart. Elladan’s voice was like a smooth, deep purr, sensual and slightly menacing.
Legolas held out his hand and Elladan placed the goblet in it. “Thank you,” the prince said softly.
“I have to admit, I am more than a little intimidated that your father will be training us. I fear we may be in for the beating of our lives.”
Legolas smiled and chuckled a little. “I have every confidence in the both of you that you will survive this trial.”
Elladan also smiled as he poured himself a glass of wine. “I think I speak for both Elrohir and myself when I say that we earnestly hope you are correct.”
The bed dipped behind him and hair brushed his shoulder.
“I would like to soothe your muscles, if you would allow it.”
It was Elrohir, whose voice was soft, with an oft breathy quality to it when he was being especially gentle, as he was in that moment.
“My muscles have had little cause to be weary,” Legolas answered. “I have rarely left this bed since my return.”
“Then let my hands work your flesh and bring life into it again,” Elrohir murmured into the prince’s ear. “There is nothing I more sincerely want than to make you feel good.”
Legolas closed his eyes, a small sigh escaping his lips as Elrohir nuzzled his ear. As good as it felt, as much as he trusted the twins, something inside him, something akin to fear was beginning to build.
When Elladan placed his hand on the prince’s knee, he saw the slight tightening of Legolas’ thigh muscles. “Is all well, my liege?” he asked, pausing in his attentions to look at Legolas’ face. The vacant look in the Sinda’s once sparkling eyes was something he was sure he would never grow accustomed to. As Elrohir’s hands slid from Legolas’ shoulders to his chest, the slight tensing of the prince’s muscles became more pronounced. Elrohir paused.
“My prince?” he asked quietly. “Do you wish that I stop?”
Circling the edges of Legolas’ mind was that fateful encounter with the dragon. The sense of revulsion he felt when that beast touched him was still palpable. “I . . . I . . . I cannot do this now,” Legolas said quietly. “I am sorry, I know that you are trying to help me but…”
Elrohir withdrew and looked into his brother’s eyes with concern. He heard Elladan’s voice in his mind saying, “Leave us.” He frowned, then nodded, and obeyed his elder brother’s command.
Legolas felt the bed move behind him and he reached out. “Elrohir? Tell me I have not offended you.”
Elrohir clasped Legolas’ hand and brought it to his lips. “No, my prince. You could never offend me, that I swear to you.” He pressed a kiss to the prince’s knuckles, and then left his twin alone with Legolas.
“You sent him away,” Legolas said, turning his head toward Elladan.
“I did.”
“Why?” Legolas felt the bed move again and suddenly Elladan’s face was so close that he could feel the peredhel’s breath on his lips.
Elladan was crouched on his hands and knees leaning over Legolas. “Because we have much to talk about, you and I.”
Suddenly, after months of being tutor and leader to the twins, Legolas found himself feeling as though he were under Elladan’s control. “Is this about what just happened?” he asked.
“You have a secret,” Elladan said abruptly.
“I have none,” Legolas answered.
“Liar.”
The prince cocked an eyebrow. “Did you just call me a liar?”
“I did, because that is what you are doing; you are lying to me. As surely as I draw breath, as surely as I can smell the fear that still resides in your body, I know you keep something from me.”
Legolas bristled. “My life is not your dominion, peredhel. And even if it were, you are not one to lecture me about secrets. I wager that your secret is far greater and more damaging than mine.”
Elladan cocked his head then moved to whisper in Legolas’ ear. “Aye, you read me like a book, my prince. I do indeed have a secret and I imagine that you have been waiting for me to tell it, to speak the words aloud.” He nuzzled Legolas’ ear, then flicked his tongue against the point, causing the prince to shiver in the most delightful manner. “I will tell you mine, if you tell me yours.”
The deep timbre of Elladan’s voice and the commanding presence of the half-elf caused Legolas’ heart to race in his chest. He was deliciously excited and inexplicably frightened. He knew in his heart and his mind that Elladan would never hurt him; indeed, the peredhel had risked his own life to save him. But it was the feeling of being under another’s control that caused his stomach to flip and the room to spin. He so desperately wanted and needed to feel safe again.
Seeing the effect that he was having on the prince caused Elladan to press him further into the bed. The secret that Legolas carried was so deep, so shaming to him that the only way to get to it was through coercion. He hovered over the prince on all fours, looking into those vacant, yet still hauntingly beautiful eyes. The secret had to be purged for Legolas to be whole again. He grasped the prince’s wrists and struggled to hold them over his head as he sat on the tops of Legolas’ thighs, pinning him to the bed.
“Perhaps this is what you have wanted all along. Perhaps all your bravery and bravado is but a front to cover that which you truly desire. You wish to be mastered, and I am more than willing to serve in that capacity.”
“What do you know of me, whelp?” Legolas barked as he struggled against Elladan. He nearly broke free once, but the peredhel wrestled him back down. “Get off me now, Elladan!” he growled.
“Is this what it was like?”
“Silence!”
“What was it like to be helpless, to be unable to escape or fight back? What was it like to no longer be in control?”
“Shut up! Get off me you son of an orc!”
“Tell me. Tell me what happened and I will release you.”
“You know what happened, you were there, you fool!”
“Tell me, Legolas. Tell me the thing that hurts you deep inside.”
“Elladan, get off me.”
Legolas was beginning to tire; his injury combined with several days in bed had sapped his strength.
“Your body is whole yet still you are broken. Tell me what it is inside you that keeps you broken. Unburden yourself to me, Legolas.”
“You arrogant, assuming, impudent ass! How dare you presume to know me!”
“But I do know you, my prince. I know that simmering just beneath your anger is a deep, aching, unrelenting shame. It is that shame that fuels the fire of your rage. Let it go, my prince.”
Exhausted, Legolas ceased struggling. Memories of being held and trapped kept circling his mind: what it felt like to be unable to move while that beast molested and taunted him, the fear of knowing what was to come and being powerless to stop it. A tear tracked down his cheek and he softly said, “Please, please let me go.”
Elladan bent down and whispered into Legolas’ ear, “Tell me and I will release you.”
“I thought you cared for me,” the prince responded in a quiet voice. “Why are you doing this? Why do you want to see me humiliated?”
“I want to see you free; I want the Legolas that I know and love back. Tell me, my liege. There is nothing that you can say that will make me care for you less.” Elladan pressed a gentle kiss to Legolas’ cheek.
“I am so ashamed,” Legolas murmured. “I could not fight it off, I could not stop it; it took and took and humiliated me and there was nothing I could do. I am so weak.” The tears were flowing freely as he spoke. “I was so afraid; I almost told it what it wanted to know. I was almost ready to give it anything just to make it stop.”
Elladan wrapped his arms around Legolas and listened without a word while the pent up shame flowed in a torrent from his prince. He blinked back his own tears as Legolas unburdened his heart, letting the shame, humiliation, and pain pour out of him in a flood. When it was done, Elladan rose slowly and caressed Legolas’ face.
“My beautiful, brave prince. There are things in this life that are insurmountable; one cannot always be strong in the face of terror. You said you were almost ready to give it what it wanted; but you did not. No one can blame you for being afraid – I was afraid and I did not endure what you did. You are strong, Legolas. Being afraid does not make you weak. Being unable to fight off that beast, a beast that took both your father and Glorfindel to bring down, does not make you weak. You are strong because you denied it what it wanted; you are strong because you were willing to fight even when you knew it was pointless. Never, never think less of yourself for what you endured.” He pressed a soft kiss, to Legolas’ lips. The quiet sigh of relief that escaped his prince gave ease to Elladan’s worried heart. Now Legolas would heal – it was just a matter of time until he was whole again.
*****
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