|Posted: February 3, 2012|
|“Ethan!” I gasped. He was the last person I thought I would see at my door. “Ethan, what are you doing here?”
He stood there for a moment before answering me. “Well, I was watching the news and saw the storm and the damage and… well… I just had to know you were o.k.”
I eyed him for a moment. How long had it been since we broke up and now he was worried about me? Something was up. “What? Did you lose my number? You could have called. And why do you care all of a sudden. You didn’t seem so hurt about our break up. From what I remember, you got over it pretty quick.”
Ethan’s face fell. He knew I was right and he looked broken. I started to feel sorry for him but knocked that thought out of my head real fast.
“Listen, I’m sorry if I hurt you. Things were just moving so fast and people were…” he stopped himself. “I messed up alright? I knew it the moment I moved out. We were getting to that point in our lives when everything was falling into place and I knew marriage wasn’t far behind. I guess I got scared. I don’t know what else to say except that I am very sorry. I needed to make amends with you and a phone call wasn’t good enough. Then with the storm and everything, I felt it was time to see you.”
I just stood there and gave him a glare. Did he really think I was going to fall for that? Although, he did look pitiful standing there, shivering on my front porch. I never was the type to kick someone when they were down. I rolled my eyes and stepped aside. “Alright, come on in.” I said with no enthusiasm at all. With hunched shoulders, Ethan came in. He looked around.
“Wow, you’ve really fixed the place up. It looks great.” he said taking off his coat. I guess he was staying for a while.
“Yeah well, I had help.” I said taking his coat and hanging it up. “Come on in the kitchen and I’ll make you something to eat. I was just getting ready to make breakfast. Eggs O.K.?”
“That would be great.” he answered as he followed me into the kitchen and had a seat at the table.
I worked in silence, not wanting to start any conversation with him. I just didn’t know how to behave. Ethan had been out of sight and out of mind for so long. He seemed like a stranger to me now. “So, uh, whatcha been up to?” I asked to make small talk.
“Oh well, same thing, real estate. Business has been booming. What about you? How have you been?”
My mind flashed to Legolas for a split second. “I’ve been great. Life out here has been… exciting I guess you could say, at least for country life it has been. The crops were great. Brought in a lot of money. A couple of old friends of mine do the farming and I manage the business end of things. I’ve managed to keep things afloat since Dad died.”
Ethan looked around. “I think he’d be very proud of you. I gotta say, I didn’t think you could handle this place on your own. I thought for sure you would have sold it by now and maybe moved back to the city.”
“I think I’ve had enough of city life for a while. Too many people, too rushed and not enough trees.” I laughed to myself at the last part. I handed a plate of fried eggs and toast to Ethan, and then sat down across from him. We ate in silence. When we were done, I finally found the courage to ask the one thing that was on my mind since he showed up. “Ethan, what happened to us? We were together for so long and then it was over. You know, I never saw anyone while we were separated. I thought we were just taking some time apart. When I saw you with that girl at your party, I realized what a complete fool I was for thinking we still had a chance. You hurt me Ethan, and for that, I don’t know if I can forgive you.”
“I didn’t come here for forgiveness. I can only imagine what you think of me. I was stupid, babe. I should have known better. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. It has always bothered me, the way we left things. I just needed to tell you that I am deeply sorry I hurt you. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. I would never have let you go. I guess I just needed you to know that I am not as big a jerk as you think I am.”
I glared at him from across the table. “Well, I don’t know about that. You ARE kind-of a jerk.” Boy that felt good. I think I had always wanted the chance to say that to him. “You are an inconsiderate, lowly, selfish, arrogant jerk.” I spit out.
He sat there for a moment, listening to every insult I gave him. “And I deserved that. I know what I am, at least now I do. Are you glad to get that off of your chest?”
You know, no matter how mad he made me, he could always find the humor in a situation. It was the one thing I liked about Ethan. That hadn’t changed. “For now I am or at least until I think of a few more things to call you.”
“Good.” he said simply. Then he got up from the table. “Well, I better get out of your hair. I’m glad things have worked out for you. I just needed to know you were good. So… I’ll be leaving now.” He walked out of the kitchen and over to where I hung his coat. I watched him get dressed. I was determined not to interfere with his leaving, though a little voice inside my brain disagreed. Ethan turned the door knob and opened the door. He looked back at me once more. “Take care. I hope life gives you everything you deserve.” He exited the house.
I watched him walk down the steps and head for his car. He would be gone and I’d probably never see him again. Good. ‘Not good’ said the little voice which soon became very loud. “Ethan.” I shouted before I realized what I was doing. I knew this was a stupid idea but I couldn’t stop myself. “Ethan, won’t you come back inside for a while. I mean, you drove an awful long way just for breakfast and a few words. Come on. Stay for a little while anyways.” Right at that moment, I hated myself.
Ethan came back and stood before me. “Are you sure it’s alright?”
“I wouldn’t have said anything if it wasn’t. Come on, I’ll make more coffee.” I said and he came back in the house.
I don’t know what happened to me but Ethan’s little visit turned out to be anything but that. We talked a lot and got a lot of things out into the open. We realized we both made mistakes and apologized. He ended up spending the night… on my couch.
The next day, my power was restored. It was nice to be able to make coffee the modern way again instead of on the stove. Ethan helped make breakfast that morning. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to finagle his way back into my life. I kept thinking about seeing him with that girl. And then when he thought he could make things right by finally proposing to me. It was still too fresh or maybe I just never dealt with it. You know, right after that happened, I moved back here and jumped into my work and friends. I put Ethan right out of my mind. Then Legolas came back and consumed ever thought. I guess I never grieved for losing Ethan. I felt like I had no need to. Legolas came back and made me feel strong and independent. He was a breath of fresh air, a summer breeze. He would be back soon. He promised me he would. In fact, it felt like he was already here.
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