Secrets

Part 5

Posted: June 2004
Author: Khylea

*****

//NO!!!!!// Elladan screamed in his mind as he felt his brother's faer fleeing his body. He tried to grasp it, tried to pull it back, but it was like trying to hold sand; the tighter he tried the hold on, the more it slipped through his fingers. Suddenly he felt another presence, far more powerful than his own, gently grasping onto Elrohir's faer, holding and supporting it, preventing him from leaving.

//Elladan! Elladan, hear me!//

Elladan gasped, suddenly realizing why the other presence felt familiar. It was his father's. //Father! He was violated, he wants to die, please, save him! Block his memory again; make him forget so he will want to stay.//

//I cannot, Elladan. His faer is too far gone for that. He would flee instantly if I tried. Listen to me and do exactly as I say. I will hold onto him, I will prevent him from traveling to Mandos' Halls.//

//Let me help, father, please!!//

//ELLADAN!!!!// Elladan flinched at the mental shout. //There is little time. Do not argue with me. I will hold him; you must concentrate on loving him. Remind him of your love. Think of every good time you have had together, all the love, the joy you have shared. Do not think on the sad times, only the happy ones. I cannot block his memory again; it would do too much damage to his faer. You must instead remind him of why he loves you, of why he would choose to live. An elf can choose to live after they are violated if they feel they have enough to live for.//

Elladan nodded, though he knew his father could not see him. //I will do as you ask, father.// He closed his eyes and felt out with his mind for the unique feel of Elrohir's mind. Once he had it, he thought on all the happy times they had shared, swimming in the Bruinen, riding their horses, making love in the meadow, stealing pastries from the kitchen, playing practical jokes on Erestor and Glorfindel. Over and over he pressed those thoughts into Elrohir's mind, feeling the pull toward Mandos' Halls gradually relax, until he could feel Elrond slowly pulling Elrohir back into his own body. With a start, Elladan felt his brother jerk, as if suddenly falling, and his eyes opened. Though he still was clearly in pain, the hopeless, agonized look was gone and he even managed to smile at his brother.

"El?" Elladan asked softly. "Is that you?"

Elrohir nodded, reaching up a hand to caress his brother's cheek, ignoring the red, blistered skin. "I....I wanted to go, brother. He....he hurt me so much; I wanted to go. I heard Námo calling me. His voice was so warm and soothing, so intoxicating. I wanted so much to go to him. But then I felt father, and you. I....I could not leave, could not leave you behind."

Elladan nodded through his tears. "I am glad. Because if you had gone, I would have followed you. I cannot live without you ever again. Please....let me be with you again." He removed his cloak and wrapped it around Elrohir's naked body, then pulled his brother against his chest, holding him tightly, but then releasing him when he felt the tension in his body.

"Brother, I....forgive me....I cannot...."

Elladan shook his head and quickly released him. "Of course not. You were hurt. Terribly. It will take time to recover." As he spoke, he pulled off his tunic and ripped it into long strips, gently bandaging his brother's hands.

"I....I do not know that I ever will, Elladan," he said softly, flinching at the pain. "After what he did....again....I...." His voice trailed off and he suddenly slumped in his brother's arms, though his eyes remained open, haunted.

"You will, Elrohir. You are too strong to give up. It will take time, but you will. If you just keep fighting. Will you do that? For me?" Elrohir looked frightened. "Just promise me you will fight it. Fight the darkness in your faer. Drive it out; do not let it overcome you. You will have anything you need from me, do you hear me? Anything."

"But El....I do not know if I will ever be able to make love again. I heard father's thoughts, how he cannot block my memory again. How can I want that again after the way I was used?"

Elladan shook his head. "I do not know, love. But I do know I will never desert you, never. If you are ready to make love tomorrow, or if you never are ready again, makes no difference to me. I love you for you. Not for your body, love. Not for your body." He whispered, gently stroking Elrohir's cheek. "Will you stay? Stay for me?"

Elrohir stared at him for a long time, thinking back on all the images his brother had sent him; all the good times they had together, all the love they had shared. He wanted that back, he wanted it back so much he could taste it. He felt his father's presence in the back of his mind, still gently supporting him, giving him strength, and reached out, feeling a return wave of love so strong he thought his heart might burst. He thought on Arwen and his grandparents and Erestor and Glorfindel. All his friends, his comrades. It would be difficult to leave them, he knew. But his thoughts kept coming back to his brother and he knew it would be impossible to leave him. After a long moment, he nodded. "I will stay, brother. For you. My beloved twin.....triplet...." he stumbled, not used to saying the unfamiliar word.

Elladan looked at the body of Elfaron, his gaze darkening, before looking back at the elf cradled in his lap. "No, Elrohir. Not triplet. Twin. As far as the world knows, Elfaron never existed. There are no records of his existence. As far as the world knows, we are twins. The twin sons of Elrond. No one need ever know."

Elrohir nodded, flinching only a little when Elladan leaned forward and ever so gently kissed his lips. "Do not worry, brother. I will wait as long as it takes. I will be here forever."

"Forever," Elrohir repeated. "Forever."

*****

Epilogue: And that is how history remembers them. Not as two thirds of a triplet, but as brothers, as twins, as lovers, as soulmates. In time, Elfaron's corrupting influence on his youngest brother faded, and when the brothers finally decided to sail to the west, after their sister and human foster brother had passed from the world, they did it together. For the promises they made that day they kept. And they were together.

Forever.

*****

Author's final notes:

Yes, Elfaron is a correct Elvish name, meaning "elf-hunter". (El=elf, faron=hunter). I thought it went well with Elladan ("elf-man") and Elrohir ("elf-knight"). It seemed reasonable to me that if they did have a third brother, he likely would have had a name starting with "El" like Elladan and Elrohir. Many thanks to Orchyd Constyne for assistance with choosing a correct Elvish name.

Námo is the more correct term for the Vala more commonly known as Mandos (often known by the halls where he dwells), who decides the fate of Elves that are killed. Mandos' Halls are inhabited by Námo. Got it? Good.

Faer is the elvish word for spirit or soul.

*****

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