Secrets

Part 1

Posted: June 2004
Title: Secrets
Author: Khylea
Fandom: Tolkien
Genre: FCS
Characters: Elladan/Elrohir
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, J.R.R. Tolkien does, and I'm sure he would be horrified if he read this. I am making no profit, and am probably setting myself up for flames galore, but I don't care. When the plot bunny speaks, I listen. :-)
Timeline: Sometime late in the third age. Exact date is not critical, except it is between the time Celebrian sailed and Aragorn came to live in Imladris.
Warnings: Rape and incest. If you don't like this, go away. If you read it in spite of the warnings, and flame me because you hated it, I will send Glorfindel after you with his good friend the Balrog ....and you KNOW what happened to him when he got on the bad side of a Balrog!
Beta: Manon. Thanks, hon!
Dedication: For Anais, who keeps me writing. :-)
Author's Note: Okay, as stated in the warnings, this fic covers some fairly dark territory, including rape. (Elrohir is raped, FYI.) As I usually write silly, fluffy stories like "Icicle Cream", I have NO idea what possessed me to write this. Thanks to Orchyd for help with names, Anais for encouragement, and Vesta for help with the title. Last chance to turn back. As stated above, this covers rape and incest. Anyone who proceeds beyond this point and then flames me will have their flames used to power the Balrog I will send after you. Words enclosed in asterisks, *like this* are a character's thoughts. Words enclosed in slashes //like this// are farspeaking thoughts.

Summary: When Elrohir begins having nightmares of being violated by his brother, he wants to believe they are nothing more than an overactive imagination. But are they? Or are there some things his father has kept hidden about Elladan for years? Please continue reading, the ending is not quite what you would expect.

*****

Elrohir shivered as heated lips moved over his body, kissing, sucking, licking his most tender areas. His eyes closed of their own accord, but then opened, wanting to see his lover. The stormy grey eyes of his twin met his as he stared down at the raven-haired elf licking his stomach. "Mine," his twin said, gently nipping on his stomach. "Mine forever." Elrohir shivered again at the intensity in Elladan's eyes, arching up into the gentle touch when a hand closed around his throbbing arousal.

"Yes ....." he whispered, spreading his legs wantonly, begging for his brother's touch. "....yours...." He gasped when he was suddenly tossed onto his stomach, the gentle, loving touches becoming hard, demanding, and painful. "....hurts...." he gasped, trying to push his suddenly demanding twin off.

"Quiet!" his brother hissed into his ear, spreading his legs and shoving a finger inside his tight opening. "Mine, remember!"

Elrohir squirmed at the intrusion, automatically clenching against the pain. "El...." He tried to fight, but was securely pinned to the ground. Another finger entered him and he moaned softly at the hot burning as his tender passage was torn. "Please ....no....."

"Mine! Mine forever, brother!" his twin hissed, and Elrohir suddenly screamed in pain when he was roughly yanked to his knees and slammed into hard. He bucked against the intrusion, trying to throw his brother off, but his hands were securely held against his hips. He arched his back, trying to squirm away, spitting out dirt and leaves as the new position caused his face to be shoved into the ground.

"El! You are hurting me! Stop! Please !!! Stop !!" He hated the hot tears that coursed down his cheeks at every brutal thrust inside of him, but could do nothing to stop them. He managed to free one hand and blindly flung it behind him, hearing a soft " oof" as his flailing hand contacted his brother's stomach. He gasped, his head reeling, as a hard blow knocked him nearly unconscious. His head again dropped against the ground as he fought to remain coherent. The thrusts were coming harder and faster and he could tell his twin had nearly reached his climax. With a last hard stroke, he was filled with his brother's seed, hearing the loud moans of ecstasy above him as his twin found his release.

A sudden weight against his back as his brother collapsed on him shoved him to the ground and he curled up within himself, sobbing. His own unresolved need sent hard shudders of agony through his body, competing with the burning pain from his bruised opening. His brother gathered him into his arms, gently kissing his neck, his shoulders, wiping away his tears. "Why do you cry, brother? Have I not told you this is how it will be? Mine, remember? Mine forever. Mine ....."

"No! No! No more!" He writhed, trying to get away from the suffocating grip, screaming in agony when three fingers were shoved into his already bleeding passage, a hand gripping his throbbing arousal. "No !!!"

*****

"NO !! STOP !! NO !!!" Elrohir thrashed on the bed, trying to shove off his twin, who was nestled against his back, gently caressing his buttocks.

" Shhhh. Relax, Elrohir ....just me, love...." Elladan whispered into his twin's ear, licking and gently nipping on the flesh.

"NO !!!!" Elrohir's arms flailed, his eyes open and unseeing and Elladan realized he was having another nightmare. He had been having them almost every night for the past week and they were always the same, being assaulted by the person he most thought he could trust. It tore at Elladan's heart to think of his lover experiencing such pain night after night after night.

"Elrohir! Wake up!" He gently shook his brother, ducking a blow when Elrohir attempted to hit him once again. "Wake up!" Suddenly Elrohir's eyes focused, staring at his brother. Elladan nearly cried at the pain, the confusion in those clear grey orbs and gently kissed his brother's forehead. "Easy, love ....it is over now. Easy...."

He gasped when Elrohir suddenly shoved him to the other side of the bed. "Get away from me!" he snapped with sudden violence, then curled up into himself, sobbing, and Elladan was at a loss as to what to do. After a moment, he moved closer and laid a gentle hand on Elrohir's back. His twin flinched but did not push him away again.

"Was it the same?" Elladan asked softly, feeling a rush of sadness when his brother nodded. He started making slow, soothing circles on Elrohir's back, and when his brother did not push him away again, pulled him into his arms, holding him gently, stroking his sweat-damp hair. "You know I would never hurt you in such a way, brother."

"Do I?" Elrohir snapped, causing his brother to flinch. "How do I?"

"Have I ever?" Elladan said soothingly. "Have I ever done anything that was not what you desired as well?" Elrohir said nothing. "Have I ever hurt you? Humiliated you? Made you feel as if you were not the most important thing in my life? Have I?"

"No." Elrohir said softly.

"No. And I never will, love. I could no more hurt you than cut off my own arm. It would pain me no less."

"But then why do I keep having these dreams?"

Elladan pulled him closer, the sadness growing in him at feeling the shivers of fear wracking his brother's body. "Who can understand dreams? Even father would tell you that sometimes a dream is just a dream." He paused for a moment, then smiled. "Remember when I had that dream about wearing Arwen's dress on patrol?" Elrohir nodded, snickering slightly. "Did that mean that I wanted to wear Arwen's clothing? Or that it would ever happen? No. It was just a silly image that my mind conjured up. And you dreaming of me hurting you does not mean I want to, or that it will ever happen. Your mind very easily could have combined us loving each other with unrelated violence, say from an Orc attack." He gently kissed the top of Elrohir's head. "I would never hurt you, love .. Never."

Elrohir nodded and Elladan smiled, seeing his brother's obvious arousal and hoping this time Elrohir would allow him to take care of it. Running his hand down his brother's chest, gently caressing his nipples, he frowned when his hand was pushed away. "Not right now, please." Elladan pulled away with a frown.

"Alright." He sighed softly, unhappy that Elrohir had not allowed himself to be soothed, but understanding the reason for it.

They dressed side by side in silence, and though nothing further was said, it was clear the dream was still affecting them. Though he had tried to reassure his twin, Elladan knew he was not entirely convinced it could never happen. And if he was totally honest with himself, he was not completely sure either. If it had happened once, or even twice, he may have been able to shrug it off as coincidence, but some part of him wondered if there was some grain of truth to it. Would he hurt Elrohir in some way? Possibly through some type of mind control or drug? He decided he had to talk with his father. Elrond would know. Elrond knew everything.

*****

Elrond was sitting in his office, going through the stack of scrolls on his desk when his oldest son entered. He was surprised; normally Elladan spent every free minute outside with Glorfindel and had to practically be dragged inside for his lessons.

Elladan stopped just inside the door and waited until he was acknowledged. Elrond set down the scroll he was working on and motioned his son to a chair next to his desk, waiting for him to speak.

"Elladan?" he finally prompted when the younger elf made no move to speak.

"Father?" He hesitated, not sure how to bring it up. "Dreams ....do they always have meaning?"

Elrond frowned. Elrohir was the thoughtful one, always talking about thoughts and feelings and dreams. Why was Elladan coming to him now? "No, not always .. Sometimes the mind combines unrelated events together."

" But what if it is a recurrent dream? Would the mind combine the same things together the same ways to give someone the same dream over and over?"

Elrond frowned, contemplating. "Unlikely. But I suppose it could be possible. Why do you ask?"

Elladan played with a loose thread on his tunic, not meeting his father's eyes. "Elrohir...." he said softly . "....he has been having dreams of....of me assaulting him, violating him...." He stopped and looked up at Elrond when the older elf gasped, his eyes widening. "I would never hurt him in such a way, Ada. He must know that." Elrond barely seemed to hear him, his eyes wide in fear, his face pale as all the blood drained from it. " Ada?"

"Tell me about these dreams, Elladan. What happens in them?" he demanded ..

Elladan shrugged. "He says I am holding him, that I am gentle at first, giving him pleasure, but then I grow rough and demanding, I take him before he is ready....I...." He swallowed hard. "I ....I hurt him, I make him bleed."

"What do you say to him in the dream?"

"I say he is mine. That he will always be mine ; that I will not allow anyone else to ever have him. But Ada, I would never say that to him. I have told him he is mine, but I am his as well. We belong to each other. I do not, nor do I care to, possess him in such a way. And were he to find another he loved more than me, I would not stand in the way of his happiness. But these dreams .....they are causing problems for us. He will not even let me touch him. We have not made love in over a week."

Elrond nodded, but his eyes were still wide and he looked almost frightened. He stared at his son for a long time, seemingly in a trance. " Ada?" Elladan prompted, causing Elrond to shake his head. "What does this mean?"

"I am not sure, Elladan. But I do not think it indicates a wish to harm him. And in time, I believe he will remember that as well. Go now, go get your breakfast. I will talk with him later."

Elladan was unhappy with his father's answer but could see the discussion was closed. He nodded, rising from the chair and leaning forward to kiss Elrond's forehead. "Thank you, Ada." Elrond nodded and smiled, and Elladan turned and strode from the room. As soon as his son had left the room, Elrond's smile dropped, and the worried, frightened look returned.

Erestor appeared from the library where he had been finding a book for Elrond. "What was that all about?" he asked, setting the book on the desk.

"Elrohir is beginning to remember, mellonen." Elrond said softly. "He is beginning to remember...."

Translations: mellonen - friend, ada - dad

*****

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