Part 12

Posted: October 2003
Author: Inwe Saralonde

*****

‘You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
The only thing against us now is time.'
‘Could It Be Any Harder' – The Calling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mirkwood, a week later

Legolas' POV

Cursing, I threw the book aside. I had re-read the same page three times. So much for trying to get my mind off Aragorn – I had tried a number of things, but nothing worked.

Sighing, I got up from my chair, and went to collect my bow and quiver. Maybe some more archery practice…

Opening the door, I almost collided with my father.

"You are already an expert marksman, Legolas – more practice is not going to alter that," Ada said, eyeing the bow and quiver.

Stepping aside, I watched my father as he entered the room. He picked up the book that I had tossed aside and began flipping through its pages.

"So how many times have you re-read the same page?"

I looked at my father in surprise. He chuckled. "Legolas, I know what it's like when your mind is occupied with other matters."

Putting the book down, he looked at me, the humour gone and replaced by a serious mien.

"Legolas, you are hurting. I wish I could take this pain away, but I cannot. While I agree there was misjudgement on Aragorn's part, ignoring it won't make it go away. You say that you have forgiven Aragorn, but I wonder – have you? Or do you feel a sense of jealousy that Haldir acted upon his impulses, and you didn't in all the times that you and Aragorn had been together?"

Stunned, I can only look at my father. Was it true what he said – that I hadn't truly forgiven Aragorn? That I was jealous that Haldir tried to take what I deemed as mine? I winced slightly – Aragorn was not something to be possessed, but I dearly wanted to possess him, to make him mine.

"I don't know, Ada," I whispered. "It's just…" I stopped. The enormity of what my father had said weighed on me.

"I understand, iôn-nîn. I think you need to realise though," here he raised my head so that I was forced to look into his eyes, "that Aragorn is a living being, not something to be owned." I opened my mouth to say something, but my father raised his hand to still me.

"I know you, Legolas. You are normally a generous person, helping out where needed, placing the needs of others before yourself. But there are times when you can be possessive. There were occasions while you were still an Elfling where you did not always share. That has not happened for a long time, so do not start now, and certainly not with Aragorn."

"I have no intentions of sharing Aragorn with Haldir! Or with anyone else!" I yelled. I knew that I was behaving like an Elfling, but I didn't care. Ada was right – I *was* jealous. And I *hadn't* forgiven Aragorn.

"Enough, Legolas!" The hardness in my father's voice chastened me. "Legolas," his voice was softer now, "you will need to deal with your own emotions in this. You love Aragorn, and he loves you." I glowered at my father when I heard the last three words. He caught my look.

"Yes, I do believe Aragorn loves you – from what you told me, he showed great remorse for what happened, and asked for your forgiveness. And the fact that he *did* tell you he loved you." My father sighed.

"I should be angry at Aragorn for hurting you like this. By rights, being the ogre that I am," he gave a small smile when he saw the look I gave him, "– yes, Legolas, I am aware of what many think of me – I should be beating a path to Imladris and demanding Aragorn's head. But I have no intention of doing so. I am not going to hold this one indiscretion against him, not when he made the effort to explain and apologise; there are many who would not have done that. It showed great courage in his part, and I admire him for it."

"You admire him for it? Ada – he allowed himself to be taken in by pretty words, by…by…oh, I don't know!" I was almost incoherent. I didn't know what words had passed between Aragorn and Haldir; all I knew was, whatever Haldir said to Aragorn, it was enough to make Aragorn go with Haldir to his room.

"I said I admired him for the courage it took for him to talk to you," my father said dryly, "not for allowing himself to be almost seduced by Haldir." I turned away.

"Look at me, Legolas."

Warily, I did as I was asked.

"Legolas, no one is perfect, not even elves. We all have flaws, and we all make mistakes. It is one thing to have flaws, another thing to admit having them and minimising them. As for mistakes? They are easy to make – the hardest part is to learn from them and to ensure that they do not happen again. And if someone else makes the mistake? If they recognise that they have erred, and apologise for it, then you need to learn to forgive. To not do so…it undermines any friendship or relationship, filling it with mistrust, anger and, in the end, hate.

"Aragorn made a mistake, yes. For which he has apologised. Forgive him, Legolas – believe me when I say that I am certain that Aragorn will not let that happen again. In all the time that I have known the foster-son of Elrond, he has never made the same mistake twice."

"You are right, Ada, he hasn't." Looking down at the floor, I sighed; I knew Aragorn well enough to concede that fact.

I raised my eyes to meet those of my father's. "I don't know what to do, Ada. I love him, but I'm angry with him. And I'm angry with myself because…"

"…you are jealous?" my father finished.

Dumbly, I could only nod.

"You need to deal with your jealousy, Legolas. Once you and Aragorn have settled this difference between the two of you, you cannot let jealousy rule and become possessive of him. I do not believe that Aragorn will stray from you, but you must learn to believe that as well. Otherwise you will have no chance with him."

Making his way to the door, my father paused. "If you need to practice of some sort, I suggest seeking out Galdor – he wishes to do some knife practice as he feels his skills are lacking in that area."

"Yes, Ada."

"And *do* try and keep your wits about you. I don't want to hear of a knife in your ribs because you let your concentration slip."

"I will, Ada."

"Good. And tonight, Legolas," admonished my father, "I wish to see you at the dinner table, and not hear that food has been sent to your room. *That* is an order, iôn-nîn."

"Yes, Hîr-nîn." Smiling, I sketched a small bow in my father's direction.

"Impudent whelp," said my father, affection clear in his voice, and he left my room, closing the door gently behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat down on my bed, my mind going over what my father told me. I knew he was right – I *could* be possessive. I realised that the incident between Aragorn and Haldir had opened my eyes to the fact that others found Aragorn attractive, desirable. My thoughts were always on Aragorn – I wanted him, desired him, loved him. And I could not bear the thought that someone else could have those feelings for him as well.

Ada said I should forgive him – that Aragorn would not make the same mistake again. Again, Ada was right, but the doubts were there. All of a sudden, I was afraid. Was I always going to be consumed by jealousy every time another person – whether they be male or female – spoke to Aragorn, thinking that they were trying to take him away from me? If Aragorn and I got together – would he soon tire of me and find someone else? Could I trust him completely? Could I believe him if he said he loved me? I shivered.

Swallowing hard, I tried to put these thoughts to the back of my mind, and went in search of Galdor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Ada – Father
Iôn-nîn – My son
Hîr-nîn – My Lord

*****

previous | Chapter Index | next

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Inwe Saralonde