Part 9

Posted: October 2003
Author: Inwe Saralonde

*****

‘And we stare each other down
like victims in the grind
Probing all the weakness
And hurt still left behind and we cry
The tears of pearls.
We do it. Oh we do it.'
‘Tears of Pearls' – Savage Garden

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aragorn's POV

I slowly made my way back to my room, wondering how in all of Middle-earth I was going to explain this. Elladan's words of ‘making the first move' came back to me; I groaned. Well, I certainly did make the first move – but with the wrong Elf. And again I cursed myself for my foolishness.

Legolas would certainly not believe me if I told him I loved him; and I could not blame him. Right now I would not believe myself. I sat down on my bed, sighing.

And Haldir's actions puzzled me. Did he truly desire me, or did he just want to take me, add me to the list of his conquests? I shook my head. What Haldir wanted was no longer my concern. ‘Shouldn't have been my concern in the first place', I added mentally.

The door opened, and Elladan entered. Without any preamble, he asked: "What in Mordor happened, Aragorn? And don't say ‘nothing' – I saw you leave Haldir's room. And I saw Legolas and heard his words."

"I did not see you…" I started feebly.

"I was making my way to my room when I saw you both – I wasn't about to make my presence felt."

He pulled up a chair and sat down. "Well?" he demanded. I shifted uncomfortably; being glared at by Elladan was not a pleasant experience at the best of times, but this time more so – I could see the ire in his eyes, and I swallowed.

"I…that is to say, Haldir asked me…after the meeting with your father, well, Haldir asked me…"

"He asked you what?" I could hear the annoyance in my foster-brother's voice.

"Haldir asked me to see him outside, in the gardens. I did as he requested – I thought nothing strange about it."

"Nothing strange!" Elladan snorted. "This is Haldir we're talking about. You know his reputation. And he's had his eye on you for quite some time. Both Elrohir and I have noticed this, and warned him off you. A warning which," he added derisively, "he obviously ignored."

"Well, you could have warned me!" I said.

Elladan looked at me. "And I thought you would have had more sense! Why on earth do you think he asked to see you in the gardens – to dance amongst the flowers? For someone who purportedly loves another, you have a strange way of showing it!" Elladan's disgust is evident.

"Well, go on. What happened next?" he asked.

"We um…well, we talked."

"Talked? Where, exactly, did you talk?"

"In the small pavilion."

"The small pavilion? The one that is hidden away? By the Valar, Aragorn!"

"I didn't know he was going to be there – he just said to meet him in the gardens!" I was getting defensive.

Elladan looked at me. "You honestly didn't know what he had in mind, did you?" I shook my head. "Oh Gods, Aragorn. Either you are extraordinarily dense, or incredibly naïve, and I'm having a hard time trying to determine which of the two you are. For all I know it may be both!"

‘Charming – dense or naïve. Though he would be right on both counts', I thought wryly to myself. One thing Elladan knew how to do well (apart from slaughtering Orcs) was to get straight to the point; a trait inherited from his father.

"Exactly how far did it go?" Elladan's voice interrupted my musing.

"We went back to his room, we took off our tunics. We kissed; Haldir pushed me onto his bed. And then I called a stop to it."

"Ah, common sense finally kicked in, did it?" said Elladan sarcastically.

"Elladan, please. I know what I did was wrong. But I am not entirely to blame here, you know this."

"Yes, I know this." Elladan sighed heavily. "Believe me, both Elrohir and I will be having words with Haldir. We will certainly ensure that he does not attempt something like this again."

He got up from the chair and walked to the window. "Your main concern now is to speak to Legolas. And you *will* need to speak to him – soon. He is hurting, badly. You have also destroyed some of the trust that he has in you, which you will need to repair. And that is something that cannot be done overnight."

Elladan's words jolted me. "How…how do you suggest I do this?"

"Suggest? I suggest you tell him the truth – there is no point telling him otherwise. And that is all that I am going to suggest. Now it is up to you."

He walked back to the chair and sat down again. "Gwador," his voice was soft, "go and see Legolas. He will probably refuse initially to see you, so you will need to be persistent. I know," he raised his hand to still me, "what he said in the corridor, that he did not wish to hear your ‘excuses'. That is why I said to tell him the truth – you *owe* him that."

Elladan rose from the chair and went to the door. "Do not leave it until it is too late, gwador." I watched as he left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas' POV

"Erestor?"

Erestor turned and looked at me. "What is it, pen-neth?"

"Why…why did you follow me?"

"Legolas, you were obviously distressed by something. I could not stand by and not do anything." Erestor's expression was puzzled. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"No, no…it's just that…" I faltered.

"It's just that…what, Legolas?"

I looked at him a little sheepishly. "It's just you seem so…remote, keeping yourself to yourself, not immersing yourself in the affairs of others."

"Do I really appear that way to you, Legolas?" Erestor looked faintly amused. "You make it sound as if I were some cold, uncaring creature without any concern for others."

I began to feel a little uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Erestor. I know you hold a very responsible position in Lord Elrond's household…"

Erestor interrupted me. "Yes, I do, but that does not mean I am unfeeling, or harsh, or uncaring. At least," he added wryly, "not that *I* am aware."

"Erestor, have you ever loved someone?" I surprised myself with this question. "Forgive me, Erestor, I do not mean to pry…I should not presume to ask…"

"It's alright, Legolas. And, to answer your question, I do know what it's like to love someone." He looked at me. "And your question helps to partly answer mine – that it is a matter of the heart that has caused you this unhappiness. That only leaves the ‘by whom'."

I looked at Erestor, bemused.

"Legolas, love is a powerful emotion. It brings us great joy, but can bring us great pain as well. It sometimes causes us to think or behave rashly, to do things that we thought we were not capable of doing. It is an emotion that one really cannot ‘master' completely – it will always have its unpredictability."

"Erestor…" I sighed. "Erestor, I love Aragorn. And I have been told," I grimaced, "that he loves me. Yet I just saw him in Haldir's room, both of them without their tunics on, and he tells me that they were just ‘having a discussion'. But I saw other ‘evidence' which to me indicated otherwise." I closed my eyes – the scene was still vivid in my memory.

"I was told," I continued, "to make the first move, to tell Aragorn of my feelings. But I cannot do this now, now that I know…"

"Know what?" Again Erestor interrupted me. "Legolas, should Aragorn approach you, and I suspect he will, then at least listen to what he has to say. It may not be as bad as it looked."

‘Not as bad as it looked?' I was a little incredulous. It must have shown on my face, for Erestor continued.

"Though you may not wish to hear this, but I too believe that Aragorn loves you. I have seen him whenever you have been here at Imladris, how his eyes follow you. And the way he speaks of you. And I also believe that Haldir, like you, has been attracted to Aragorn for some time, though whether he loves him, I do not know."

Erestor looked away for a moment before looking back at me. "You have heard about Haldir and his ‘reputation'?" I nodded. "I have known Haldir for many years, and I can tell you that a lot of it is unwarranted."

Intrigued, I had to ask: "What do you mean, that a lot of Haldir's reputation is ‘unwarranted'?"

"Let us say there is more to Haldir than meets the eye. While he has had his share of lovers in the past, he is certainly not the Lothario that many would make him out to be. He keeps himself to himself, and that has caused many rumours to abound. Even the twins think the worst of him – I understand that they ‘warned' Haldir to stay away from Aragorn. Do not ask," seeing Legolas' expression, "how I know this; I just do. However, none of that is your concern at the moment. Your concern is to give Aragorn the chance to explain what happened. I know Aragorn; he will not rest until he has had the opportunity to do so. Do not turn him away."

I saw the wisdom in Erestor's words, but my heart told me otherwise. I sighed. "Very well, Erestor, I will do as you ask. I will listen to Aragorn."

"Good. Now come, let us get back inside."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Gwador – Brother (not related by blood)
Pen-neth – Young one

*****

previous | Chapter Index | next

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Inwe Saralonde