Part 3

Posted: October 2003
Title: Reflections
Author: Inwe Saralonde

*****

The next morning.

Aragorn's POV

I spent most of the night awake, mulling over the change in my feelings for Legolas. The realisation that I wanted him as a lover disturbed me; I had never seen myself as wanting another male sexually. I knew that if it *should* happen that I took the throne of Gondor and became King, that I would be required to marry, to beget an heir, so that line of kings would remain unbroken.

‘Hmph – not that there is any chance of my becoming king,' I mused. ‘That is a path I most definitely do not wish to tread.' And Legolas? The fairest of his people? His father would certainly not allow him to bind himself to a mortal, whether he be a possible king or no. And I was certain Legolas would not entertain the thought of being attracted to me; no, he saw me as a friend, nothing more, and I had to be content with that.

I began to pack my things, then paused, my mind wandering back to the previous evening. When Legolas approached me at the stream, the first thing that registered was his scent; sandalwood, pine – familiar woodland smells, appropriate for a child of the woods.

At first I found it strange that I had never noticed his scent before now, but now I noticed other things about him as well. How his hair, falling like a curtain over his shoulders, warrior braids tucked behind each ear, glistened in the sun. How graceful he was, almost gliding over the earth. His ruthless determination to destroy those who attack his home and people. His eyes – Gods, I would look into his eyes and forget everything else around me. If it were possible to drown myself in them, I would.

When he placed his hand my shoulder, it was all that I could do to stop myself from throwing myself at him, pinning him to the ground, kissing him, losing myself in him. He was so much stronger that I could ever be, and I envied his ability to remain calm in the heat of battle. He would never allow his heart to rule over his head, something of which I have been guilty of.

Which is why I had to get away. I had intended to remain in Mirkwood for a few days, but now I found myself wanting to place as a great a distance as possible between myself and its borders or, more specifically, between myself and Legolas. I did not think I could remain much longer without letting my feelings going unseen.

I noticed Silinde approaching me. "Aragorn, Legolas asked me to tell you that we return today to report to the King, and suggests that his father would wish to hear from you of what is happening outside of Mirkwood."

"I'm sorry, Silinde, but there are other matters I must attend to. There is not much more that I can tell the King that he does not already know."

"But Legolas said…"

"I only realised during the night that there were other things I needed to do. Please pass on my apologies to him." I hated lying, but I was not ready to face Legolas, not yet…if at all. I placed my hand on Silinde's shoulder. "I must go; the morning is half-gone already. I will return to Mirkwood in the near future." Another lie. I don't know when I will return. If I dare to return.

"But surely you can tell him this yourself. You cannot just leave without taking your farewells. Or has something happened between the two of you that stops you from speaking to each other?" Ouch. I gritted my teeth, preparing to lie again. "No Silinde, nothing of the kind. But time presses; I will not have much daylight left to me if I continue to linger."

Silinde was staring at me intently, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I do not enjoy acting as go-between. Legolas sends me to you to speak on his behalf, you send me back to speak on your behalf. Very well, Aragorn. If you are so determined to leave, then I will pass on your message to Legolas. However, something is amiss between the two of you. I cannot help but feel that whatever it is between the two of you should not be allowed to fester. But if you wish to escape, then do so." With that, Silinde turned around and stalked off, leaving me feeling very small and *definitely* wishing I was somewhere else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas' POV

The morning brought me no respite. I barely slept, having gone over and over what had happened at the stream the previous evening. I recalled the scent of his skin; intoxicating, it was a scent that I could only describe as being uniquely Aragorn. I wanted to take him in my arms, hold him, smooth away the furrows on his brow, bring peace back into those blue-grey eyes… to kiss him…to tell him I loved him…most of all I wanted him to tell me he loved me.

I smiled wanly at my foolishness. ‘That will never be Legolas. He sees you no more as a friend – be thankful for that.'

Silinde approached. "We are almost ready to leave, Legolas," he said.

"Good. Silinde, please ask Aragorn if he will return with us so that he may speak with my father; he may have news that we are not aware of." Silinde looked at me, head cocked to one side. "Would it not be easier if you asked him yourself?"

Flustered, I looked away, then steeled myself and looked back at him. "Silinde, there are some things that I must see to. Could you please go and ask him on my behalf?"

"Very well." The tone of his voice was faintly disapproving. I sighed, and chided myself for being so weak that I could not even speak to Aragorn.

As I packed away my gear, I looked covertly over to where Silinde was speaking to Aragorn. I saw an earnest expression on Aragorn's face, how he placed a hand on Silinde's shoulder as if to emphasise a point. And I saw the look on Silinde's face; he does not look pleased. He said something to Aragorn, and Aragorn replied. The expression on Silinde's face became more dour. Obviously Aragorn has decided that he will not join us, and I ashamed to say that I felt a sense of relief at this.

Silinde had a few more words with Aragorn, then turned and walked away. I locked eyes with Aragorn briefly; the expression in his eyes were unreadable, and I turned away quickly.

"Aragorn had ‘discovered' that he had other matters to attend to, and therefore cannot join us." I winced at the emphasis Silinde placed on the word ‘discovered'. He knew, as I did, that no other such matters exist, that he was only seeking a way out from accompanying us.

"What happened yesterday evening between the two of you?" Hah, a very good question. "Nothing happened, Silinde." And that was the truth, nothing *did* happen, yet something did. Something neither I nor Aragorn could really put a finger on.

"Nothing? Strange – Aragorn says the same thing, yet I do not believe him. Nor do I believe you. ‘Nothing' does not cause you to avoid each other as if you were each carrying a deadly disease."

"Silinde, I can honestly say that nothing happened. I found him by the stream, told him that we were concerned by his long absence, and asked him to return to the camp."

"We were concerned? You mean, *you* were concerned." Silinde sighed in exasperation. "Why don't you just go and tell him that you love him?"

I stared at him, mouth agape. "How…when…?" Oh Gods, is it that obvious? It was bad enough when the twin sons of Elrond managed to find out. I felt like a fool.

Silinde put his hands on my shoulders. "Legolas, you only torment yourself. Tell him you love him."

"I cannot," I whispered. "He does not return my feelings."

"Doesn't he?" I looked at Silinde sharply. "Legolas, as sure as I am standing in front of you, I am sure that he loves you, only he does not know how to tell you. Which is why you must make the first move."

Oh Gods…me, make the first move. How in all of Middle-earth do I accomplish that?

*****

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