Arwen And The Three Orcs

Arwen And The Three Orcs

Posted: April 2005
Title: Arwen and the Three Orcs
Author: Iamme
Type: FCGen
Characters: Arwen
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Belongs to Tolkien not me.
Warnings: This will not be canon, it is a parody!
Beta: Alex

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Once upon a time in a land called Middle Earth , there was a beautiful elven girl named Arwen. Now, Arwen had a talent for finding trouble and this day was no different than any other. Arwen had gone out to pick flowers in the woods of Rivendell and her Ada Elrond had warned her , "Do not stray to far little one for you know not what lurks even close to our own home." Arwen hastily answered, "Yes, Ada." It did not take her long to forget her Ada's warnings , however , and soon she found herself lost.

Arwen wandered around the woods quite a while but it was starting to get dark. Luckily , she found a cave and went in. It did not smell very good ; however , she decided she was too tired to carry on so she went inside and found three chairs, all with filthy cushions and in much need of repair. The first one was huge and she sat in it, her feet hanging off the floor. It felt like stone and smelled like rotten eggs. "This is too hard!" she cried. She climbed down and moved to the next one. It was not nearly as large so she climbed up and sat in it but the rotting seat made her butt sink. "This is too soft!" she cried. Quickly , she pulled herself out of the hole and ran to the third climbing into it. This one still smelled but it was comfortable "Ahhhh... much better" she said. Suddenly , the chair crumbled into pieces. "Oh my! I hope they did not pay much for that. I will have to have my Ada buy them a new one."

After a while , she decided she was hungry and so she went looking through the cave till she came to a slime covered table where three bowls sat. She looked inside the first one and said "Ewwww! That looks like something Orcs would eat! " She moved to the second and found this one not quite as bad but it still looked foul . "I wonder who lives here? Who ever it is needs to learn how to cook!" She moved to the third bowl and found a piece of moldy bread and shook her head. "That is disgusting!" Suddenly, she remembered the lembas in her small pouch and pulled out the small bite and ate it.

After she ate her fill, the little elfling felt very sleepy and so made her way through the cave till she came to some furs. "I am tired and as no one seems to be home , I will just borrow their bed." She lay down on the largest one and jumped up. "Ouch! That feels just like warg fur!" Not that she had ever felt a warg but that had to be what it felt like. Next , she lay down on the smaller one and was instantly swallowed in a thick, smothering fur. "This is like a fur forest!" With a heavy sigh, she went to the third and laid down on it and it was just right. "Ahhhh... perfect." Within/ moments, she fell asleep.

Now morning was soon closing in and the Orcs arrived home after a long night of hunting elves for dinner. In the three walked and instantly knew something was wrong. The father Orc leaned in and sniffed . "Someone has been sitting in my chair. " The mother orc sniffed and cried , "Someone has been sitting in my chair!" Then it came to the baby Orc. "Someone has been sitting in my chair and they broke it! And when I find them , I am going to eat them!"

Next , they moved to the kitchen to oddly find everything in its proper place except for a few horrible smelling crumbs on their table. Quickly , they salvaged their dinner and ate then headed off to bed.

Inside the father Orc sniffed "Someone has been sleeping on my warg fur! Then the mother Orc sniffed. "Someone has been sleeping on my Oliphaunt fur!" The baby went to his bear fur and growled , "Someone was sleeping on my bear fur and she is still here! Now I will eat her for breaking my chair!"

With a jolt , Arwen woke and realized the direness of her situation. Suddenly , she jumped up and ran for it. The Orcs of course gave chase but Arwen , being the lucky elf she was, ran right into her Ada's arms. Her father had all of the army behind him. The Orcs fled for their lives , leaving their comfortable home behind to save themselves. Arwen had to answer to her father when the finally made it home and the smelly elfling had had a bath and a good meal.

"Arwen what did I tell you?"

Arwen pouted "Not to go too far Ada."

"That is right . Now I must punish you. You could have been eaten then you would never grow up to marry Aragorn?"

Arwen tilted her head , "Who is Aragorn?"

Elrond laughed "You would not believe me if I told you."

Arwen was punished firmly by having extra studies with Master Erestor and once more , everything was good in the land of Rivendell . Except for the Orcs, who were still trying to outrun the guardians and would continue to do so for a very long time to come.

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THE END

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