Lover's Wisdom

Lover's Wisdom

Posted: March 2005
Title: Lover's Wisdom
Author: Ezra's Persian Kitty
Type: FCS
Characters: Celeborn/Haldir
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Haldir's heart is weary with longing, but lovers are wise.
Author's Notes: This was written for my friend's birthday. Happy 21st, Jessica! (Not related to my similarly titled story, 'A Lover's Melancholy,' though it could be.)

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Once upon a time in the very long ago there was a magical place called the Golden Wood. The Golden Wood was ruled by two ancient Elves, Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn.

Because Galadriel was so good and beautiful, she was called the Lady of Light, and she was loved by all her people.

Because Celeborn was so old and had seen so much, he was called Celeborn the Wise, and many people traveled from all Middle Earth to ask his advice and beg a piece of his wisdom.

Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn had many people to help them govern the Wood; they had archivists to staff the massive library and minstrels who had traveled the world and advisors to consult in times of need. But perhaps most highly regarded and respected in their land were the Wardens of the Wood. The Wardens numbered almost three thousand and were always distinguished by three things: black and gray uniforms made by Galadriel's maidens, skillfully crafted white knives forged by Celeborn's smiths, and distinctive long bows, which they made for themselves.

For each Quadrant of the Wood, there was a Marshal. Each Marshal had beneath him four generals, twelve colonels, forty-eight majors, ninety-six captains, one hundred ninety-two lieutenants, and three hundred eighty-four sentries.

It was rare that every Warden was on duty. In times of peace, more than half of them might reside in their homes in or near the city, but when danger was high, they presented a force impervious to attack. In over two thousand years, no evil had penetrated the border of those lands.

And those four Marshals often rotated down to lesser positions for a time, so that they were not always away from home and under the pressures presented to such a leader.

There was one Marshall, however, who had not stepped down from his position since he had attained it. Haldir was the son of a proud and skilled Warden who had also been a Marshall, and Haldir had declined every offer, suggestion, and order to step down even if only for a season. He would not hear of it. His life was devoted to his Lady, his Lord, his land, and his people.

It is possible that the only things that helped Haldir retain a sense of social awareness and human kindness were his two brothers, Orophin and Rumil. Their parents having long sailed over the sea, the three brothers were a close-knit family and were exceedingly protective of one another. Haldir was Marshal of the Western Wardens and his brothers served under him, but they never accepted promotion beyond captain, for they enjoyed traveling the expanse of the Golden Wood and feasting in the grand, white tree-city of Caras Galadon whenever duty permitted.

Still, the younger brothers worried about their elder, for Haldir was often solemn, if not sullen, and took joy in little but his work. One evening, the younger brothers journeyed to the heart of their City to seek out their Lord, for Celeborn was wise in all things. Orophin told him, "My Lord, we have come to you this day, because we fear for our brother."

They then shared with the silver Lord their concerns and Celeborn listened well, for the wise are always skilled at listening and watching.

"Please," Rumil asked, "What might we do to discover the cause of our brother's distant coldness?"

Lord Celeborn's answer was, "Have you asked him?"

Orophin and Rumil then turned to one another in embarrassed vexation, for they had not thought to simply ask.

Celeborn told them, "Haldir is beloved of many in the Golden Wood, and you two are not the only ones to notice his slow withdrawal from our life in the City. If you seek counsel, which you have already told me you do, then I would advise you ask him. But remember, advice can be a dangerous thing, especially from the old and wise."

Orophin and Rumil thanked their Lord and set out the very next morning to confront Haldir.

That next evening, the three brothers walked together near the border. The days and nights had been quiet in the last decades. There was little to fear and little fear of attack, so they walked without worry along the singing banks of the freezing Nimrodel that burbled along the border in an endless parade of trickles and bubbles. But even then, Haldir kept a knife in his hand and his eyes on the far shadowed slope.

But Orophin and Rumil were determined to discover if their brother was truly troubled, so they guided him within the forest and broke their day's fast with a heavy bread and fresh apples and cheese as the moon rose beyond the golden leaves above them.

A bottle of wine was shared before Orophin and Rumil finally voiced their concerns.

"My brother," Rumil spoke, for he was youngest and most emotional, "Orophin and I have come to ask you a question. You see, we fear for your spirit."

"You ought not," Haldir told him warily in dangerous tones with his honeyed voice. "For my spirit is content."

"My brother," Orophin spoke next, for he was second-born and most perceptive. "Rumil and I have come to speak with you because we fear for your happiness."

"You ought not," Haldir warned him in an annoyed tone. "For my happiness is as eternal as my soul."

"My brother," Rumil spoke again, "We have come because, truly, we fear for your heart."

"You ought not," Haldir told them, his voice weary and his eyes downcast, "for my heart is mine own to trouble about. You need not interfere."

"But Haldir," Orophin told him, "We wish you to be happy and content, and we fear that you are not. You spend your life out here on these borders. You have not journeyed to our home in the City for decades. We wish to see you happy, rather than isolated here where you grow cold to all, even to us."

Haldir then looked with clear hazel eyes to his brothers, fatigued eyes tainted with every sort of tiredness possible to a living thing. "I am sorry. It was not my intent. But my heart is weary with longing."

"Why did you not speak to us of this before?" asked Rumil.

"There is naught to be done. My longing is one that shall never see fruition."

"But still," Orophin told him, "you could lessen your burden by sharing it with us. We do not want to see you fade to a shade of yourself, and that is what it seems you are doing. Your hair has lost its shine and your eyes no longer sparkle with life. Your skin is pale and your voice hard. We miss our brother."

"Then I might share with you the burden of my heart, that you may lessen it."

"We would willingly share your sorrow, just as we share your joy," Rumil promised him.

"Then I shall tell you," Haldir agreed, a new spark in his otherwise dull eyes, and a new fire to his parched voice. "I shall tell you that I have long fallen in love, and so young and proud and foolish was I that I closed my heart to all others, resolved to forever hide in my heart this one love, a passionate adoration I could never hope to kindle to anything more than a distant devotion. You see, long before you were born I gave my heart to our Lord Celeborn, and he never knew it. I loved hopelessly from afar, and now that you have called me on it, I cannot but see that you are right, and that I have inured myself to emotion and become a thing I have always despised. I have become a miser of my own heart, content to hide alone and study the long-shining love buried deep where no one else can see, and so closed myself to all else about me. Even you. For this, I apologize, and I shall always regret that my heart was too proud to ever love another."

The younger brothers felt Haldir's pain; Rumil wept and Orophin sang a low, keening song. Had anyone else heard it, their heart would have broke at the sound. They sat there as the night rolled by above them -- all slow streaming stars and a lazy, watchful moon like a pale, blind eye -- and when the inevitable sun began to peak over the bruised eastern horizon, Orophin and Rumil rose to return to the City, leaving Haldir sitting alone in a circle of nodding elanor and green crisscrossed grass, the silver trunks of the mellyrn rising about him like a cylinder.

Haldir looked to the awakening sky, slowly taken over by day, and though his eyes were filled with tears, he refused to let them fall, and though his voice yearned to sing, he stopped his throat and refused to let the song come forth. Instead, he stared longingly to the cloud-patched sky tingling with rose light, his throat choked with sobs.

Then, he heard the sound of grass moving under feet and he turned to see a tall figure approaching from between the tall trees.

The Lord Celeborn walked softly in the wood, his light shoes barely disturbing the soft grass growing on the forest floor. The trees bowed their branches at the approach of their Lord and Haldir, in this moment of exposed and utterly defenseless passion, could not disguise the longing in his eyes as he stood and also bowed.

"Marshal," the Lord addressed him with a respectful nod. Then he laughed and his tone deepened to something friendlier, something warmer. "Haldir. I must confess I have sinned."

"Sinned, my Lord?" Haldir asked carefully.

"Yes. Your brothers came to me, the weight of their concern heavy on their souls. They asked me what they might do to discover the cause of your melancholy and what they might do to relieve it. I advised them to simply ask you."

"You are called Wise for a reason," Haldir said, a bit of humor in his voice, though there was no accompanying smile to grace his handsome lips.

"Perhaps," Celeborn agreed. "But I have long suspected the cause of your heartache, and when young Orophin and Rumil ventured forth, I followed in their footsteps and listened in the distance as you conversed. I should not have done so, and for this I am sorry. But in so doing, I have discovered that I was correct in my conjectures. You love me."

Haldir stood before his Lord and all he could do was look at him and all he could say was, "Yes, I do."

"I am sorry that you have so long suffered, for your heart is a precious thing, to be cared for and cherished."

"There is only one who can do so," Haldir told him, "and it is you."

"I believe you, and I am sorry for the time long gone between us, for I would remedy this misfortune."

"How would you do such a thing?" Haldir asked.

"I would love you."

The Marshal looked upon his Lord as though the words that came from his mouth were a foreign tongue.

"I would love you, Haldir, as I have longed to do. With not only my body, but with my heart as well."

Haldir still stared incomprehensibly at his Lord.

"Like calls to like, and our hearts sing together, Haldir. I can no longer deny it, and you should not have to."

Finally, when he was able to speak, Haldir pleaded, "What of your Lady wife? What of your position as Lord? What of--"

Celeborn's laughter burst forth like sudden birdsong or a bowstring ricochet, ending Haldir's questions. "The heart does not answer questions, Haldir, it only poses them. But since some call me wise, I shall do what I can to counter you." He stepped closer in the clearing and it seemed for a moment that Haldir ceased his breath. "My Lady Galadriel has long lost her heart to another, which I have long accepted. As Lord and Lady, we speak not of it to our people. But she is my closest friend," he smiled, "and she too is counted among the wise, and `twas she who persuaded me to seek you out, seeing as she did that my eyes long followed you on your rare appearances at court, and that my heart longed for another. As for the rest, it shall be dealt with in time."

Haldir looked with wonder on his Lord. "Is this a dream?"

Celeborn laughed again, nervous and happy and real. "I hope not, else all my anxiety and fear and doubt have been for naught."

Haldir did not yet allow himself to smile, and he realized with frightening intensity the reality of his world. He felt in his chest the pounding of his heart and in his veins the rushing of his blood. He heard with strange clarity the light wind in the golden leaves above and the animals moving distantly in the Wood. He noticed a loose thread dangling from the hem of his tunic and a small beetle on the grass near his feet. He looked up and saw the love in his Lord's ancient, crystal eyes. "This is real," he whispered to himself. "I am proud to say now, I love thee."

Celeborn smiled; there seemed to be tears in his eyes. "Then will you give to me a kiss?"

Nervously licking his lips, Haldir nodded. "I would like that. Very much."

The two Elves in the clearing then melded into an embrace and shared the first of many kisses in the new morning.

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THE END

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