Shadow of the Forest

Part 5

Posted: June2003
Author: Estella Greenleaf

This happens a week after the last one since Estel needs time to recover from his first archery lesson =)

*****

Chapter 5: Price of Resolution

The second day of Estel's archery lessons involved notching arrows. The Elf once again demonstrated the proper technique as he explained. This time, the boy watched his mentor's movements carefully as well as listened to his words.

"When you notch your arrow, hold it close to the nook and use your outstretched finger on the bow to guide it. After that, you draw and fire. Do not try to correct in mid-draw, it changes the strength of your pull; that was why your arrow flew low yesterday. Now you try."

It took many tries before he could notch and draw in one smooth motion. But after an hour of practice, he managed to do well enough that Shadow did not stop him from releasing his arrow. He could not believe his eyes when he saw it struck the target. He had hit targets before, but that was usually by luck. But this time, he actually aimed and the arrow went where he wanted it to go!! And that was his first real shot since beginning lessons with his mentor.

"Don't be too happy just yet, Estel. Archery is about consistency, so try that again."

Estel did as instructed, trying to imitate his first shot as much as he could. He was rewarded when his next arrow also struck the mark, close to his first. The boy did not need further prompting now, he fired arrow after arrow at the target, trying to see if he could get all of them to hit true.

When he finished, Shadow said with a smile, "Let us go fetch the arrows and see how we did." Though none of the arrows hit the center of the target, only two of the twenty shots missed the mark.

Patting the boy on his back, the Elf said, "Not bad for a first try, Estel. Now, instead of trying to do everything the way I told you to, I want you to make little adjustments to make shooting more comfortable. "

Estel moved his feet a little towards the target and leaned forward a bit so he could use his weight to help stabilize his bow arm. When ready, he repeated the same motion he had before and let his arrow fly. It hit the target dead center. Fueled by his success, the boy tried to imitate that shot and emptied his quiver quickly at the target. He was amazed to see six of his shots in the center and the others all close around it. Unable to contain his excitement and joy, he rushed to his mentor and hugged him.

*****

The day was going so well until Estel hugged him. In fact, the week had been going very well until that moment. Legolas knew the boy was not entirely clueless to what transpired that night. He had been worried it would have a negative effect on their relationship and Estel's training. But since there seemed to be no change in his apprentice's behavior or attitude, the Elf had tried to push the incident from his mind as well.

Not that the Prince was successful. He knew he could have taken the boy then; Estel trusted him so much that he had offered himself so soon after the ordeal with the slave traders. But the Elf also knew his apprentice did not love him. If he was uncertain of that a week ago, he was now. He knew that if Estel had feelings for him, the boy would have said something by now, instead of acting if the whole thing did not happen. His apprentice would most likely have apologized for his presumption that his affections were reciprocated.

But who was he kidding? He could not win Arameius' love when he was beautiful; what hope would he have now with a disfigured face? He would do what was best for Estel and try to forget what happened, continuing lessons as they did before. Though his rebellious heart kept dwelling of what might have been, his mind had little trouble gaining control. Estel was so young, so adorable in his innocence and eagerness to train that Legolas could do nothing other than help the boy the best way he could; he cared too much for his apprentice to do otherwise.

*****

Now, Estel's embrace had ignited a passion in the Elf that was frightening in its intensity. The desire to pull the boy closer against his throbbing member and to taste those rosy lips tore at his resolve to always consider Estel's well being first. 5000 years ago, the Prince would not believe he possess such base needs. He was the light of Earendil reborn, the purest of Elves, who would blush after one of Arameius' kisses. But that was before he knew heartbreak and loneliness, before he became Shadow. The fight to retain what little honor he had would have been lost if Estel had not chosen that exact moment to whisper, "Thank you, Shadow."

Legolas gently disentangled himself from the boy's arms. He was glad he wore his cloak, for it hid his treacherous body. He studied his apprentice's face and saw nothing other than gratitude. It was all he could ever have from Estel.

The Elf forced a smile and said, "You do not need to thank me. I merely showed you the way; you are the one who made it happen. Never forget that, Estel. If you truly wish to thank me, do not think so little of yourself ever again. There will be no more lessons today." Unable to face his apprentice any longer, he turned and walked away.

*****

Legolas was glad the boy did not follow him; he was not certain what he would do. He had never felt so confused in his entire life. He had always been in control, whether it be his feelings or his actions. As the Crown Prince of Greenwood, he was known for his cold reserve. Regardless of the situation, he had always been able to keep his head and deliberate matters before acting. The only exception was when he rushed to Arameius' rescue. And look where that had landed him.

If he did not control his feelings for Estel, the results would be the same. No, it would be worse, because he was Shadow now. He was capable of atrocities that he as star of Earendil could never imagine. He only had to think of the slave traders and his desire for the boy to remind himself of it. If he were betrayed again as he was 5000 years ago, he might take revenge, possibly not only against Estel but the entire race of Men. It was something he could not allow himself to do. His duty to Middle Earth was why he fought so hard against his grief to stay alive all these years. He could not risk again his heart so selfishly.

Even if Estel did not hurt him as Arameius did, he could not knowingly give himself to someone who did not love him. The Prince had given up hope long ago that his curse would ever been broken. He had not kept his chastity all these years because he still dreamed of finding true love. It was a matter of duty; but then, it was not as if his ‘resolve' had been tested before. His unsightly countenance had made certain of that. In the early years after his curse, though he did not return to Greenwood, he had not sought solitude as he did now. It was the disgusted stares and fearful screams of those around him that drove him into his lonely existence.

In fact, Legolas had not even interacted with anyone for almost 5000 years, until Estel … Estel who seemed completely immune to the hideousness of his features… Estel who tempted him as none had ever before. But despite the curse, the Elf still had the powers of the star of Earendil; and with it came certain responsibilities. He could not give the gift of immortality without an exchange of hearts and vows, not even when he was sure he would never love anyone as he loved his sweet young apprentice.

the Elf vowed silently with all his entire being. Calm and composed once more, Legolas began to walk back to his lair, with grief and pain enough to kill a hundred lesser Elves as his sole company.

*****

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