Not Worth Anything
Posted: October 31, 2008
Title: Not Worth Anything
Author: Elohir Mornedhel
Type: RPS
Characters: Orlando/Sean/Viggo
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I make no claims regarding any of the people mentioned in this story. I'm just using their names and their wonderful faces. Any thoughts concerning their character or orientation are purely my own fanciful musings.
Warning: Violence, Angst, Tissue, Implied Rape
Summary: Can love restore the love of self in a brutalized young man?
*****
They forgot me. Again. Didn't even notice when I got dressed and left. Do they know? Doesn't matter anyway I suppose. Nothing's changed since guild hall. I guess the novelty for them has worn off. I know my place now.
He paused in his writing when he heard the American's voice. "Are you coming, Orlando?" Viggo called softly as he and Sean headed for the stairs, arms wrapped around each other.
"Um... no you two go ahead," he answered with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm not tired yet."
Sean's eyes narrowed and Viggo sighed before he nudged his lover up the stairs. When they reached the top they paused and heard the front door close quietly.
"He left," the American said.
"Maybe he just wanted to get some air," Sean said hopefully.
"I don't think so Sean," Viggo answered sadly. "Things are missing. Little things... but they all belong to him. He's pulling away from us, and I don't know why. I don't know how to stop it."
"We may not be able to stop him," Sean said finally admitting there was a problem with their young lover. He hadn't been the same since he returned from the first break in filming.
"He doesn't talk to us," the American pointed out.
"We will just have to hope he finds his way and that it leads back to us," Sean said as he crawled into bed beside Viggo. "But let’s be honest, Vig. When the three of us are together, there's only one thing going on and it isn't talking."
"True but," Viggo sighed. "I don't want him to leave us Sean. I really don't, and I hate feeling helpless where he's concerned. I mean, how long did it take us to get him to give us any indication about what pleased him? Even now he's always tense, only the barest gasp indicates he's feeling anything pleasurable. It gets so frustrating."
"I know love," Sean drew the American into his arms. " Orlando has something going on inside his head. I don't know what it is but maybe I can do a little digging and see what turns up. If he won't talk to us, maybe someone else will."
"I love him, Sean, just as much as I love you," Viggo whispered.
"I do too." Came the soft answer.
Orlando woke up the next morning, the sun shining in his face. When he was able to see, he didn't recognize the decor. A warm body pressed against his back and he felt an erection pushing against his thigh. Nothing smelled familiar except the scent of sex. A shiver of fear ran through him, making his stomach turn over violently. He tried taking deep breaths to settle it and prevent himself from throwing up. He felt the body shift, hips rolling forward to press against him. A hand danced up his side, over his chest to tease his nipples before wandering down his belly to wrap around his flaccid shaft.
"Morning," Elijah purred as he ran his open mouth over Orlando's bare shoulder.
"Morning," came the stiff reply. Immediately he backed off.
"Not a morning nookie guy huh?" Elijah chuckled as he stretched out on his back.
"Not really," Orlando said as he rose from the bed and grabbed his cargo pants from the floor.
"Going to fuck and run?" the American grinned. He let his hand wander down to his hard cock as he watched the Brit dress. His bottom ached from the fiery way Orlando had taken him last night. "Viggo and Sean waiting for you?"
"Shut up, Lij," the Brit growled. Then he paused, gave a sigh and turned back to face the bed. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It’s just... never mind."
"Listen, Orli," Elijah said his voice completely serious as he pulled the sheet up to his waist. "I see things, tiny things, in you that remind me of, well, of me."
"What do you mean?" the taller man asked quietly.
"You've been raped," Lij said softly. "I'm guessing during our first filming break... probably by someone you knew or trusted at the very least."
Orlando's entire body stiffened. His eyes grew wide and filled with fear. His grip on his t-shirt was so tight his knuckles were white. He began to shake and his breath came in short pants. Chocolate eyes glazed over and tiny whimpers slipped passed his lips.
"Shit," Elijah muttered as he shot out of his bed. Before he even thought about touching Orlando, he dressed. Only then did he lay a gentle hand on the Brit's shoulder. "Orli"?"
The only answer was a soft whimper. Cursing under his breath, he guided the Orlando over to one of the chairs. Gently he pushed him down into the seat, and then grabbed the throw that had been kicked to the floor. He wrapped it about the Brit's shoulders as the tears glistened in non-seeing chocolate eyes. He didn't try to get any closer, knowing from experience that his proximity could send Orlando into a panic. What he needed to do was get the other man calmed down. He grabbed a glass and a bottle of water from the fridge. Then he sat a little ways away and handed Orli the half full glass.
"How did you know?" the Brit asked suddenly lucid again. He grasped the cup tightly and refused to look Elijah in the eye.
"Because I've been there," the American explained. "You're doing the same thing I did. Some people retreat from any kind of sexual contact. Others, like me, turn into borderline nymphomaniacs. I had a lover when I was attacked and I turned my back on him. I wouldn't talk to him. I ran around, slept with anything with a dick and ended up driving him away. Before the break, you were pretty solitary. Man, you've gone home with just about everyone from the cast since you've been back. Sean wanted to tell Viggo and Bean, but I told him not to."
"Why did he listen?" Orlando hunched in on himself, curling around the glass in his hand and drawing his knees to his chest.
"I told him I had my suspicions about why you've changed, and I wanted to know for sure before anyone said anything. I never told him exactly what I suspected," Elijah said as he shifted a little further away.
"If you knew, why?" he gestured to the bed.
"Because I'm still dealing," the American said softly. "And every once in awhile I backslide. Especially if I'm under alot of stress. Besides, I preferred knowing where you were spending the night. Sometimes, when stuff like this happens, we make choices we normally wouldn't, especially if they're bad for us. I'm here for you, Orli. I'll listen when you're ready."
"I don't know if I'll ever be ready." Orlando whispered. "I... it... "
"You don't have to do it now. You've got my cell number. Call me any time and I do mean any time. Day or night, it doesn't matter. I know what you're going through and I know how to listen."
"Thank you," Orli whispered softly.
"You're welcome," Elijah answered. "Now get on home. They're going to wonder where you are."
"They don't even know I'm gone," the Brit said quietly. "Viggo and Sean get a bit... wrapped up... in each other."
"Don't be to sure about that, Orli," Lij whispered as he watched the door close.
Viggo watched helplessly as Orlando pulled further and further away from him and Sean. He tried several times to talk to the younger man but to no avail. He could tell something was very wrong. Orli wouldn't look him in the eye. He tensed for a few seconds before relaxing under Viggo's touch. The American hoped Sean was having better luck than he was.
Approaching the table full of laughing hobbits, Sean cleared his throat to get their attention.
"Ah the great Gondorian warrior joins us!" Billy cried.
"To what do we owe this honor Great Lord?" Dom teased with a grin.
"Shut it," Sean growled as he sat down.
"Oh ho, Boromir is grumpy today," Billy chuckled.
"This is serious," the Brit said sternly. "I need to know if any of you have talked to Orlando recently."
The entire table grew quiet and every head turned to look at Elijah. He sighed softly and looked down at his plate. He had known this was coming. The American looked at each of his companions. They nodded their heads and silently left the table.
"What's going on, Elijah," The Brit asked quietly. "What do you know about Orlando?"
"It’s not as easy as that, Sean," Lij answered. "Look, we need to go someplace private. This is not something to talk about where anyone can walk by and overhear."
Sean swallowed hard and then followed Elijah out of the mess tent. He was led away from the set, up one of the many hillocks surrounding the site. Watching Elijah glance around to make sure they were alone, he felt the dread settle like a rock in his stomach.
"He's going to leave us isn't he?" Sean asked.
"It’s not that simple," Lij sighed. "Look Sean... You've noticed the change in him but did you notice WHEN he started to change?"
"When he came back from the first break. Takes him a bit to relax but he... well he was never vocal but now it’s like he fights not to make a sound," Sean said immediately. "He won't talk to me or Viggo. I've heard some nasty rumors and I just want... god, I want to know if they're true. Is he sleeping around on us Elijah?"
"Again not so simple as yes or no," the American answered.
"I can't be with someone who is going to lie to me," Sean whispered. "I've been there and I don't want to go back. Viggo doesn't deserve it either."
"Look, Sean," Elijah said, grabbing hold of his arm. " Orlando is going to need your support. I can't tell you what happened to him. That's something he's got to do on his own and it has to be on HIS terms. Can you give him that?"
"I don't know." Sean whispered. "I don't handle secrets very well."
"None of us do but this secret is the type that can rip a person's heart apart and destroy his soul," the American said quietly. "It’s not going to be something that can be solved in a day or even a year. Hell, he may never get over it. I am begging you, Sean. Don't give up on him."
"I... I can't make any promises," the Brit said quietly. "Not for me and not for Viggo."
By the end of filming, Orlando had convinced himself that his lovers knew what had happened. Sean would hold Viggo through the night and he was left with the back of one or the other. He couldn't stay in the same bed and left for his own apartment.
He didn't return home for breaks. The very thought had him throwing up or dry heaving into the toilet. The young Brit did his best to hide behind a bright smile Some nights he spent in Elijah's bed, others he wandered around the set or stared off into the night sky. Occasionally he went home with someone else.
As much as the American urged him to do so, he couldn't talk about it. He could barely function when he even thought about it. The nightmares were so horrible, he got very little rest. So Orlando threw himself into work, taking one job after another. He worked himself to the bone with interviews, appearances and the like. He also avoided the one place he wanted to be. He couldn't go home, couldn't ever go back, because HE was there. Always lurking, watching and playing the humble, helpful mentor.
The room was dark, not from desire or the lack of electricity, but simply because the room's occupant didn't care. He didn't care to get up from his supine position on the coverless bed to turn on a light or open the curtains. He simply didn't care anymore. Nothing roused him from his stupor. The phone could ring but he wouldn't answer it. The doorbell would sound and he didn't move from the bed. What mattered was the small flash of light off the end of the razorblade.
"Do you think this is wise, Sean?" Viggo asked softly. "It’s obvious Orlando wants nothing to do with us. He hasn't returned any of our calls since the end of filming. Why would that change now?"
"I just... I have a feeling," Sean said as he approached the door of Orlando's flat. "I feel as if he's in trouble and needs our help."
"What are you going to do if he doesn't open the door?" the American asked.
"Break it down." Sean said firmly.
He brought the blade to his wrist, comparing the metal to the pale skin in the low light. He tilted his head, struck by the contrast. His mind barely registered the voices outside his door.
Viggo knocked hesitantly, not sure what sort of welcome, if any, they would receive. Their parting had not been the best. Of course, finding out that Orlando had been fucking everyone in addition to them hadn't put Viggo in the best of moods.
When no answer came, Sean tried the doorknob. He was shocked to see it swing open easily. He looked at Viggo and then walked into the dark room. Pausing for a moment, he reached to the side and flipped the lights witch. The gasp of surprise that tore its way from his throat proved he had not expected the sight before him. It was a good thing Viggo was more a man of action.
The American shot across the room and grabbed Orlando's wrist. The younger Brit was barely able to struggle as Viggo tore the razorblade from his fingers. Immediately, he wrapped his fingers around the wound.
"Check the bathroom for bandages. Then call an ambulance. He's going to need stitches," Viggo said as he shifted Orlando into his arms, rocking him gently."Oh, Orli, why?"
"Because I'm not worth anything," the younger man cried. "Not anymore."
*****
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