Halfway To Mandos 8

Halfway To Mandos

Part 8

Posted: October 24, 2008

*****

Glorfindel rushed into the room and immediately climbed into bed next to his soul mate. Even now, Haldir fought to be released from his earthly bonds. Wrapping strong arms around the marchwarden, the balrog slayer whispered in his ear.

“Do you wish to leave me so soon, melethen?” He purred as he licked the delicate tip. “We have just found each other. Would you stay with me a moment longer?”

“I am… I have… nothing,” Haldir cried softly as he turned dry eyes to the golden warrior’s face.

“You have me,” the captain answered laying the gentlest of kisses on cooling lips. “Not just in dreams or in the world between… but here in Middle Earth forever.”

“You know nothing of me,” the warden whispered.

“I know all that I need to know, Haldir. Some things do not need to be analyzed or examined. They need to be experienced and accepted for what they are no matter the circumstances of their existence.” Glorfindel answered. “I only know what is in my heart and that is I love you. I only know what is in my soul and it is screaming for you to stay with me for all time.”

“Love?” Haldir cried as pain wracked his body. “It does nothing but kill.”

“Oh, Haldir,” the golden warrior said softly. “Where did you get such a foolish notion?”

“I… I cannot… he will… “

Suddenly Haldir collapsed back against the bed. Sapphire eyes shot to Lord Elrond’s and the question was received loud and clear.

“He is still with us. However, he is exhausted and has slipped into unconsciousness. Glorfindel, I am afraid you have bitten off more than you can chew.” Elrond sighed.

“He is worth it,” the warrior whispered. “I do not know how I know or why he was made my soul mate. It does not matter. We have found each other and he is here. I will do everything I can to make sure he is whole, complete and with me.”

“The Valar save him from stubborn balrog slayers,” the peredhel murmured softly. “He will rest now and so should you. Go back to your rooms and get some sleep, Mellon.”

“No,” the seneschal said firmly. “I am not leaving him alone again. Either I stay here or he comes with me.”

“You may remain here for one night. After that, I will insist on moving you to another chamber. You do not like these halls anyway. I do not wish to be treating your nightmares and his health issues at the same time. It would make me most irritable.”

“Very well, Hiren.” Glorfindel agreed though his eyes never left Haldir’s face.

Lord Elrond gave another sigh before leaving the room. It was pointless to force the issue. His seneschal could be as stubborn as an Oliphant when he wanted to be. Instead of heading back to his chambers, he turned towards the guest wing. Even before he reached the door, he could feel the cold chill of Galadriel’s anger and the door opened before he knocked upon it.

“Haldir is sleeping,” he said calmly. “Glorfindel is with him. I do not know if he is out of danger yet. He has been dealt quite a blow.”

Galadriel turned cold blue eyes on her wardens and raised one delicately arched golden eyebrow. She rose from her chair and moved gracefully towards them, noting how they flinched the moment she laid her hands on their bowed heads. They were afraid and should be. She was furious with them and was working hard to contain her temper.

“You have done your brother a great disservice.” She intoned.

“Indeed,” Lord Celeborn added from his chair. His displeasure was also clear in his eyes. “It was our hope that your presence would aid his healing. Instead you have nearly unraveled all Lord Elrond and Lord Glorfindel have done.”

“You will explain yourselves,” The Lady commanded. “And it had best be good.”

“Then you will have to pardon my frankness, Hirilen,” Rúmil began though Orophin tried to shush him. “But you do not know Haldir as well as you think you do.”

“Go on,” Celeborn ordered.

“From the moment we took interest in other elves, Haldir has done everything in his power to discourage us. He deliberately drives them away. He is rude to them and insulting. It is as if he does not wish us to be happy at all,” Rúmil explained. “Every time I have asked him why, I get the same answer… Love kills. He will say no more than that. Nor will he explain where this absurd idea comes from.”

“Haldir has never been in love,” Orophin added quietly. “He takes lovers only to appease his needs. He is cold to them, almost heartless it seems. He does not care for anyone. His protection, his love if you will, is smothering us.”

“I can see the cause for being upset with, Haldir,” Galadriel said. “However, I do not see the cause for such cruelty as has been done to him this night. He has devoted his life to you and Lórien.”

“Yes, Hirilen,” Rúmil said. “And that is the problem. When he should be living his own life, he is trying to control ours.”

“And so you wish him to the Halls?” Celeborn demanded rising to his feet. “Drive him there with cruel words? Why not take a sword to him? It would be much quicker and decidedly less painful then your chosen path.”

“We did not know he would react the way he did,” Orophin whispered as he bowed his head. “I love Haldir very much and I do not wish to lose him. I just… I cannot understand why he tries so hard to keep us from loving or being loved by another.”

“By the Valar,” Galadriel whispered softly. “He has never told you.”

“Told us what?” Rúmil demanded. “Haldir does not speak on much of anything save duty and responsibility.”

“Moreover, it is so like him to keep such secrets to himself,” she said as she turned and sank gracefully into her chair. “He would not want to burden you with such knowledge. He would want to protect you from the very horror.”

“The horror of what, Hirilen?” Orophin demanded.

“Of how your parents died,” she said softly.

The elves in the room simply stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate on her comments. However, the Lady of Light kept her own counsel. She had thought Haldir would have told his brothers the circumstances of their parents’ death but apparently that was not the case. In truth it WAS like him to keep such secrets. She turned to look at Rúmil and Orophin. Both young ellyn were staring at her, confusion and concern etched upon their fair faces. This was a difficult situation.

Glorfindel let sapphire eyes roam over Haldir’s face. The pain had eased but little lines still furrowed his brow. Gently the Balrog Slayer reached up and brushed one long finger over them, trying to ease the last of his lover’s pain away.

“Ah, Haldir,” he whispered softly. “Do not do this. There is so much to live for, so much to see and appreciate. And, dare I be so selfish, I find myself… needing you. I do not understand this feeling or how quickly it has come upon me but I know it is right and real. Let me love you meleth, saes.”

Slowly ice blue eyes opened and Haldir looked into Glorfindel’s gaze. He let out a soft sigh and lifted his hand. He gently caressed the high arch of the golden warrior’s cheek. Then his eyes roamed and he took in the beauty that was Glorfindel. Fear filled him as he realized what the warm sensation in his chest was. It could not be. He had struggled so hard to prevent this very thing. It was not possible. He could not do this.

“I have lost everything now,” the warden whispered. “I… did not think… they would hate me so.”

“No,” Glorfindel said shaking his head. “They do not hate you, Meleth. However, they do not understand you and that is something only you can change.”

“I… I do not know if I can,” Haldir said, looking away from the intensity of Glorfindel’s gaze. “To speak of it… to remember.”

“Believe me when I say I understand the power of memories,” Glorfindel said laying a gentle kiss on Haldir’s lips. “It has taken me centuries to deal with my death. Every night, for years after my return, I would experience nightmares of fire and shadow. I could not speak of them to anyone. When they were particularly bad, I would roam the Halls of Imladris at night, unable and unwilling to go to sleep. The thing that makes the memories worse than a regular nightmare is that we know it is real, that it did happen.”

“I dare not,” Haldir said and the look in his eyes spoke of a child’s fear. Glorfindel wrapped his arms tighter around his lover.

“Not even to me, A’maelamin?” the golden warrior asked as he held the warden close. “Can you not share your burden with me?”

“I…”

“Let me help you, gúren. I am not going anywhere… ever.” Glorfindel promised as he stared deeply into those ice blue eyes. He let everything he felt show in his gaze and prayed to the Valar that Haldir would accept what he offered. He could only hope that it was enough to convince the silver elf of his sincerity.

It began slowly, softly, and with a voice that sounded detached and reserved. It was as if someone else was speaking in the March Warden’s stead. The seneschal wrapped his arms tighter around the younger elf, listening to the words with horrified fascination. He could not imagine what it was like for Haldir to see such a thing, especially at such a young and impressionable age. As the words continued to flow, Glorfindel came to understand the silver elf’s beliefs on love more and more. He could see why Haldir strove so fiercely to protect his brothers from that most tender and exquisite emotion. Even with all the joy love can bring, it can also bring pain when the heart is twisted and black.

“Ah, melethen,” he whispered as Haldir fell silent in his arms. “I understand now.”

“Do you? Then please explain it to me,” the silver elf cried quietly as the tears streaked down his fair skin. “I do not understand it. Everyone says love is such a wonderful thing but how can I believe them when I have seen the dark and twisted things it can do?”

“I could speak until the end of Arda and it would still be only words,” Glorfindel answered as he turned his beloved in his arms until they were face to face. “But it is actions that are burned into your memory and so it will be actions that show you how it SHOULD be… if you will stay and let me love you.”

“I… am frightened,” Haldir answered dropping his gaze from those intense sapphire eyes. He felt as if they were looking into his very soul.

“I know, melui nin, but you have nothing to fear from me,” the golden warrior returned as he lifted the other ellon’s face. Gently he kissed away Haldir’s tears. “I swear to you on my honor and the Valar themselves that I will never do anything to deliberately hurt you.”

“I believe you,” the silver ellon answered. “My mind is filled with dark shadows. Take them away, Glorfindel, saes, take them away.”

“Gladly, gúren,” the golden elf whispered as he claimed his lover’s lips in a passionate kiss.

*****

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