The Words He Agonized Over

The Words He Agonized Over

Posted: March 3, 2006
Title: The Words He Agonized Over
Author: Sileya and Decadence
Fandom: Real Person Fiction
Type: RPS
Characters: Craig/Karl
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: We don't know them, and we don't claim to. We just like their faces and names.
Summary: Karl's work commitments threaten to tear he and Craig apart.
Author's Notes: God help us, we're scraping the extremes - angst and fluff.

*****

Craig sidled up to Karl, sliding his palms around to smooth over rippled ab muscles. "What's wrong, luv?"

Barely budging from his brooding, Karl grunted quietly in acknowledgement, still staring out the window at the Auckland lights.

Craig tiptoed, nuzzling the warm skin beneath the fall of hair at Karl's nape. He watched his lover's expression as it was reflected in the glass. "You've been quiet this evening."

Lifting a shoulder slightly, Karl indicated he didn't really have an explanation. Not one he wanted to share, anyway. Instead he slid his hands to rest over Craig's, lightly caressing.

Craig moved to stand fully behind Karl, burying his face between the broad shoulders of the other man and inhaling his spicy scent. His fingers spread beneath Karl's inviting the longer digits to tangle with his own. "No talking, then..."

Karl sighed, relieved, leaning to press his cheek against the cool glass. He wasn't sure he was ready to share his sober thoughts just yet. While he covered Craig's hands with one of his own, he reached behind him to hug his lover close as best he could, savoring the feel of him close.

Craig pressed his body close to Karl's, worried about the other man. He held Karl's hand, a warm, steady presence in the quiet chill of the room. He hugged Karl's back, breathing deeply and willing some of his own tranquility to the other man.

They stood silent for long minutes before Karl got up the nerve to speak. "Craig," he started, voice thick. "I have to go back to L.A. next week."

The news shook Craig. He knew that Karl had intended to go back eventually, but not so soon. He closed his eyes, but nodded against Karl's back.

Karl closed his eyes, feeling the cold from the glass seep into the bones of his face. "They want me there for pickups and DVD extras," he said quietly. "And they're talking promotions, too."

Craig's arms tightened around Karl's frame. "How long?"

Turning his face, Karl leaned his forehead against the cold surface. "They're talking three to six months, depending on promotional," he murmured.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Craig straightened, lifting a hand to run through Karl's hair. "At least it's warm there this time of year."

Karl made a face and turned to look at his lover. "I feel like I just got here," he said hollowly.

Reflecting over the short month they'd had together, Craig bit back the 'you just did.' He lowered his gaze, smoothing his hand over Karl's chest. "Being apart is supposed to make us need each other more, isn't it? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all?"

Looking to his lover with eyes full of pain, Karl winced. "Do you really think that?" he asked in a rasp. "Because I sure as hell don't."

Craig's face fell. "No - I don't think that. I hate it when you go. I want you with me all the time."

Karl leaned back against the glass, sliding his arms around Craig's waist and pulling him to stand close between his legs. He laid a light kiss on his lover's lips, one of great feeling. "I know," he whispered, touching his forehead to Craig's.

Craig closed his eyes as his forehead rested against Karl's. "We have this week, though. Right?"

Swallowing the words he'd been about to say, Karl nodded silently. He wanted so much to ask Craig to go with him, something he'd never done before. He'd never told anyone he was with Craig, most of their friends just assumed they were longtime buddies. But lately, he'd been wanting more. He'd wanted to know that Craig would be there when he got home. And he wanted to take Craig with him to make home where ever they were together.

"And..." Craig's voice broke, "and I'll be here when you come back..." Craig murmured, a tear slipping free only to be wiped away angrily at the sign of his weakness.

Hearing the break in Craig's voice caught at Karl's heart. Aching, he pulled his lover close, wrapping his arms around him, crooning quietly, trying to soothe him, all the while knowing he had to say it...he had to ask. If not now, then when? When would there be a better chance? Craig just said he would be here, surely that meant a commitment of some kind?

Craig shook his head, stepping back. Wiping at his eyes, he murmured, "I should be comforting you."

Karl blinked in surprise - that was possibly the last thing he expected to hear. Intelligently, he opened his mouth to ask, "Whuh?"

"You're sad. I want to make...I want you to be happy." Craig whispered in a watery voice. "You'll be leaving next week and...I..." He buried his face against Karl's chest, unable to stop the tears.

At a loss, Karl wrapped Craig up in his arms, holding him close, even rocking him slightly. "Baby?" he whispered, not sure what to do.

Craig managed to stop his sniveling and lift his head. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not making this any easier for you."

Eyes wide and worried, Karl gently wiped tears from Craig's cheeks. "I'm so sorry," he said brokenly. "I never wanted you to hurt like this. Please believe me."

Craig nodded, the pressure of Karl's thumbs against his cheeks comforting him somewhat. "I know you don't mean to hurt me. I believe you." He leaned forward and hugged Karl close once more. "God, I'll miss you so much. This last time was hell...but...at least we've had this time together...and we have the rest of this week..."

Feeling the trembling in his own hands, Karl slid his hands flat against Craig's face, swallowing hard. He drew a breath and blurted out, "Come with me."

The simple, soft-spoken request stunned Craig. He looked up at Karl, not sure he'd heard correctly. "I can fly with you, if that's what you want. I don't have anything planned until next spring in London."

Karl nodded first, then shook his head, then just looked apprehensive. "Craig," he swallowed. "I want you to come to L.A. with me. For as long as I'm there - or until you have to go."

"You - you actually want me WITH you?" Craig asked, tilting his head questioningly. "There's no place I'd rather be, but how can that work? What will the studios say?"

Although he looked a bit pale, Karl looked determined. "I don't care what the studios say. There's nothing about my personal life mentioned in my contract," he said quietly. "Besides, it's none of their damn business."

Craig nodded and wrapped himself around his lover. "We belong to us and us only. Nobody else matters." He pressed a kiss against the warm skin of Karl's neck.

Almost shaking in relief, Karl shuddered against Craig, hiding his face against his lover's shoulder. "I've wanted to ask," he whispered. "For a long time, I've wanted to."

"I'm glad you did," Craig whispered in return. "I don't know how long I could've lasted this time. It's been so hard to see you go...wanting to be with you and knowing that I couldn't be."

Fighting back the stinging in his eyes, Karl squeezed Craig even closer. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked plaintively.

"I wasn't sure you wanted me around that much...in that way," Craig admitted shyly. "I hoped you would, but I was never certain."

Pulling back, eyes glittering, Karl cupped his lover's beautiful face with both hands. "I always want you with me," he swore.

Craig pushed forward, pressing his lips to Karl's. "And I always want to be with you."

The kiss was sweet and shaky, and Karl had to choke down on his emotions. He held Craig close for a long moment before he murmured, "I've got something for you."

"Yeah?" Craig's question wafted across Karl's lips because he didn't want to move from his embrace.

"Yeah," he said against Craig's mouth, brushing their lips together. "I got it in Europe, but didn't know if you would like it."

A bit of excitement crept into Craig's tone as he asked, "And I can have it now?"

The corners of Karl's mouth turned up in the first smile he'd worn all night. "Yeah, I think I'd like you to have it now," he said quietly.

The smile that spread over Karl's face triggered one on Craig's face. "Well? Gimme..."

Chuckling, Karl leaned over to kiss Craig's nose. "It's in my dresser in the bedroom."

Craig lifted a sculpted eyebrow. "Is it kinky?"

Karl laughed aloud, cheeks flushing. "Ah, no. Not this time." He snickered, remembering Craig's reaction to the last gift package Karl had brought home.

Craig pulled Karl toward the bedroom. "Well? Is this just a poorly disguised attempt at bedding me, Mr. Urban?"

Chuckling, but growing apprehensive again, Karl shook his head and went over to the dresser, digging through the clothes. "No, I had something altogether different in mind." He finally found a small blue velvet bag and folded it into his hand, closing his eyes to take a breath for courage before he turned around.

Noticing Karl's nerves, Craig smiled. "Come now...it's not that bad, is it?"

Turning and keeping his hands behind his back, Karl found himself at a loss for words. He stared at his lover, taking in every feature, knowing it was now or never. Slowly, he brought his hand around and opened it, showing the small bag.

Craig stepped closer, fingers reaching out to touch the small bag. He works at the slipknot that holds the folds of fabric closed. Craig looked up into Karl's eyes, offering a reassuring grin. "What is it?"

Not trusting himself to say a word, Karl nodded at him.

Craig pulled at the ties of the bag and turned the contents out in Karl's palm. He gasped as the low light of the lamp caught a diamond and sent fire reflecting across the ceiling. "Oh Karl..."

Karl watched Craig's face, feeling his heart thumping as he thought of the words he agonized over. He picked up the ring and took Craig's hand. "It doesn't compare with your eyes," he said quietly. "But I thought of you when I saw it, and then I knew I wanted to ask you...to be my partner, my lover, forever."

Craig's eyes moved back and forth from the ring being slipped on his finger to Karl's eyes as he said the words he'd always wanted to hear. As soon as the ring was safely on his finger, he lifted his hands to Karl's face, pulling the other man down into a kiss. "Yes," he whispered against Karl's mouth. "God, yes."

*****

THE END

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