This Moment, Forever

This Moment, Forever

Posted: January 5, 2007
Title: This Moment, Forever
Author: Decadence and Sileya
Type: RPS
Characters: Craig/Karl
Rating: R
Disclaimer: We don’t know them, and we don’t claim to. We just like their faces and names.
Beta: Sileya

Summary: He caught him in his arms, smiling at the snowflakes that glittered in his dark lashes. Pulling near, he kissed them, tasting the moisture that held a hint of salt.

*****

Craig watched his lover from across the room. The other man had been staring into the fire for some time as the flurries blew outside the cabin door. Occasionally, a stray branch would tap at the window, gaining the other man’s attention for a brief moment.

A bittersweet smile crossed Craig’s lips at the sight of the taller man rising to approach the fire that crackled in the hearth. The other’s lean frame was silhouetted in the darkening room as he approached somewhat cautiously.

His touch was slow and careful as he slid his arms around the other’s waist. “You’ve lost some weight, luv,” he observed, arms tightening accordingly as he stepped closer.

Karl shrugged slightly, still staring at the fire. “Hard not to, I guess, when you can’t eat,” he said wryly. He shivered and closed his arms about himself. It’d been too long since he’d had a break from the doctors and the needles and the treatments, and now he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was cold all the time, but Craig’s arms around him helped. “This vacation was a great idea,” he murmured, though his voice was a weak version of itself. He was a weakened version of himself.

“You needed time away,” Craig whispered into Karl’s ear. “You’ve spent too much time in places you haven’t wanted to be. This is your time. Time to do what you want instead of what they dictate.”

It saddened Craig to see Karl in this state. He seemed to be a ghost.

Karl’s face screwed up. “Kinda different taking orders from doctors rather than directors. Not just a matter of being fired, ya know.” He shivered a little despite standing so near the fireplace and Craig’s arms around him. “I hate being cold all the time,” he murmured.

Feeling the fine tremor pass through Karl’s tall frame, Craig retrieved the afghan from the back of the sofa, bringing it to wrap around the gaunt man. “Maybe it was a bad idea to choose Denver in the winter,” he mused. “Perhaps we should have chosen a warmer climate.”

“But I love Denver,” Karl whined before he laughed. “Not that I’m in good enough shape to ski. I’d probably fall on my arse.” He let Craig wrap the hand-knit blanket around him and settled his hands over his lover’s. “We could go see a basketball game.” He chuckled, knowing that out in public was the last place he needed or wanted to be.

“Or you could catch one on the telly,” Craig countered, knowing Karl hated crowds now. Keeping one hand on Karl’s hip, Craig leaned forward, stoking the fire. “It’s your holiday.”

Karl pressed his lips together, deliberately not mentioning that it was his last holiday. But he didn’t want to bring it up now and cast a further pall on his time with Craig.

“If we watch it on the telly, can we throw popcorn?” he asked, referring to one of their favorite pastimes at games.

“I don’t see why not,” Craig chuckled, moving Karl to the sofa and cocooning him deeply under a mound of covers before popping some corn for them to munch on. A couple of sodas and a huge bowl of popcorn later, he joined Karl, handing him the remote to the telly.

Grinning like a kid given candy, Karl turned on the television and started surfing through the channels, looking for a game to watch. “There has to be basketball here somewhere. I’m not watching that American football. Got no idea of the rules,” Karl muttered.

“And no desire to learn,” Craig reminded him gently. He sat back and watched Karl’s glee, thankful that the other man had something to make him happy. He blinked several times as a wash of tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, turning to glance at the fire in case Karl happened to look and perhaps spot the tears.

Crowing happily when he found a NBA game, Karl dropped the remote control into his lap and settled back, scooting his butt back and forth on the blanket to get comfortable as he leaned against Craig. He reached over to get some popcorn out of the bowl and munched on it, laying his boggin-covered head against Craig’s shoulder.

Craig pressed his cheek to the top of Karl’s head, arm tightening around the other man’s shoulder. He was also thankful that Karl seemed oblivious to the emotions that threatened to overcome him.

Their relationship had changed over the past months - hell - years. What had once been a thriving sex life had faded to comfort when Karl needed it and could handle it. It was the least Craig could do. He wanted Karl’s shortening time to be as comfortable as possible.

Having Craig’s arms around him made Karl feel as good as he thought he could. Far better than any hospital or clinic, far better than any treatment center, even better than being at home with his family, who still struggled to keep up a strong front for him.

Craig didn’t bullshit him or ignore the facts. He just went on, helping Karl live as much as he could in what time he had left - like this vacation, which his family and doctors had loudly argued against. Karl didn’t think he’d ever be able to express his appreciation for it enough.

A tear slid from the corner of Craig’s eye, luckily catching in the wool covering Karl’s scalp. They didn’t plan ahead much anymore. It seemed ridiculous to do that when nothing was certain. Even so, Craig felt compelled to ask Karl, “Want to go on the lifts tonight?”

It had always been a tradition for them, going on the lifts after the slopes had cleared for the night - looking down on the valley of lights beneath them.

Karl grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I’d love that...” And while turning his head, he got a look at Craig’s red eyes. Karl didn’t say anything, just looked at him with as much love was in his heart. “Love you, too,” he said quietly.

A smile spread across Craig’s face. “I know you love me. And I hope you know that I love you, too.” It was the only thing that was certain anymore. Dropping a kiss on Karl’s lips, he closed his eyes. He didn’t know how he’d go on when he didn’t have this any longer.

Wrinkling his nose as he smiled, accepting the soft kiss, Karl nodded. “Course I do,” he reassured Craig. “You arrogant warden, you,” he teased lightly, invoking a longtime nickname.

“Horse lord,” Craig retorted without even thinking. “Cocky bastard.” The words were softened by the look in Craig’s eyes and the fondness in his tone. He ruffled Karl’s collar, just so he’ll have the excuse to touch the other man as he straightened it once more.

The ballgame is at halftime, and Craig glances to see Karl eating all the popcorn. “Thought you wanted to toss that.”

Karl shrugged and looked down at the bowl, smiling as he picked out another few kernels. “Tastes good,” he offered, which was a change from his usual comments about food. Then he looked wistfully at the window. “Can we go now? Out on the slopes? I want to see the lights.” It just seemed like the right time to be out in the chill, fresh air, to see the world from above. He looked to Craig with a hopeful expression, although he knew full well he didn’t have to. No one had denied him anything, especially in the last couple weeks.

“Of course we can. But you have to dress a bit more warmly than that,” Craig teased, pulling his lover to his feet. He set about dressing Karl, not stopping until he looked a bit like a marshmallow man in the many layers of thermals and down.

At last, they set off, stepping out on the fresh, moonlit snow. It crunched beneath their boots as they walked to the base of the incline. The chairlifts moved lazily in the sharp night air, the gentle clanging of metal all that was heard.

Craig looked at Karl, seeing a redness in his cheeks that normally wasn’t there, a healthy breath that fell from his lips, crystallizing in the snow-frozen air.

It gave Craig hope seeing Karl like this.

Karl lumbered up the path, still chuckling. He felt like an overstuffed pillow on legs. But he followed Craig with good humor, thrilled to see the incredible view again. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he loved it up here. The air was clear and revitalizing, and he breathed it in deeply.

When they stopped at the bottom of the lift, Karl turned and looked out over the snow-covered hill for a long moment, then followed Craig to the chairlift. He laughed when he had to squeeze into the chair next to Craig because of all the coats.

Karl’s laughter was infectious, making Craig chuckle as well. “At least we won’t have to worry about falling out of this thing.” He wrapped his arm around Karl’s shoulder, making room between them for the extra girth of Karl’s trappings. “I like you like this, my snowman. My own Jack Frost.”

Snickering, Karl leaned over, smooshing the layers to manage to press a kiss to Craig’s cheek as the lift lurched into motion. He gripped the lap bar and looked out as they came up over the first hill, and his grin widened even further as the glittering lights became visible.

Craig watched Karl’s face more than he watched the lights. He imprinted the childish expression into his memory, vowing to always remember this moment in time. He took Karl’s hand, hidden beneath two pairs of mittens, and squeezed it.

Squeezing back, Karl pointed as the main lodge came into view, lights blazing through the stories-tall glass windows. It was like a shining beacon in the dark blue night with silver stars twinkling above. “It’s gorgeous,” Karl proclaimed, his chest tightening.

Craig’s own heart pounded at the sight of Karl, but he looked away, to the lodge. “It’s beautiful this time of year,” he agreed, glancing back at Karl. “I’m glad we came.”

Karl looked back at Craig, and his heart pounded - he fell in love all over again as quiet moments passed. “I want to make love to you tonight,” he said.

A soft smile crossed Craig’s lips, and the tears that threatened nearly froze in his eyes. “There’s nothing I’d like more,” he murmured, the necessary lie passing easily through his lips. In fact - the only thing he would like more would be for Karl to be well and whole again.

Nodding, Karl turned his head to look back over the white valley with its shimmering glow and sparkling lights. It was too short a time before the roundtrip was done, and he felt tears threaten - he hadn’t cried in the longest time - but he just had the feeling he wouldn’t see this sight again.

Karl shrugged it off as they walked back to the cabin - and then he had an idea. “Wait a minute...” he snagged Craig’s arm. Once the other man stopped, Karl trotted over to the higher snow off the path, and extending his arms, dropped straight back into the snow with a huge laugh.

Tears filled Craig’s eyes once more at the joy Karl was exhibiting. He told himself he’d made the right decision in booking this vacation against everyone else’s advice. It had been worth the recrimination in their eyes just to see the careless wonder Karl now showed. Craig followed him down, thumping heavily into the snow. The powdery flakes clung to them as they waved their arms back and forth, making angels near the path. Maybe they’d watch over the next people who rented this particular cabin.

Giggling like mad, Karl shifted back and forth in the snow, feeling the energy drain out of him, soaking down into the chilled ground, but he was unwilling to stop just yet. He turned to look at Craig, laughing again when he saw his lover down in the snow with him. Finally, he sat up. “Ehhh, okay, bad planning, You’re gonna have to help the Stay Puft man up.”

Craig lumbered out of the snow bank, grabbed Karl’s mittened hands, and pulled him out of the snow. He caught him in his arms, smiling at the snowflakes that glittered in Karl’s dark lashes. Pulling near, he kissed them, tasting the moisture that held a hint of salt.

Karl sighed, back in Craig’s arms, the laughter and happiness helping him float above the exhaustion and pain that tried its best to darken his every moment. He slid an arm awkwardly under his lover’s and started them back to the door. “OK, ready to be light again,” he chuckled. “All this shit is heavy.”

“I’ll have fun unwrapping you.” Craig laughed, tugging Karl safely inside the cabin. He threw a couple of logs onto the fire before turning back to his smiling lover. “C’mere.” He motioned for the other man to approach him even as he tugged at his scarf and jacket, tossing them aside.

Holding out both arms, Karl tried to stand still as Craig started to undress him. “Now I’m a scarecrow,” he joked.

“If you only had a brain,” Craig sung lightly, unzipping and unsnapping until Karl was deflated to half his previous size.

Karl snorted, then chuckled, then out came another giggle that he just couldn’t seem to stop...he didn’t want to stop. As the last of the outer layers came off he sighed in relief, shoulders bowing as the tiredness showed through. “That was great,” he murmured, eyes glazing as he remembered the beautiful scene from above the valley.

“Yeah,” Craig agreed, rising to wrap his arms around Karl’s waist after having divested the other man of his boots. “I wish it could always be this way,” he spoke in a soft voice, his only concession to the grief that threatened to consume him – and eventually would.

Dropping his head down, Karl pressed their foreheads together, knowing exactly what Craig was thinking. He felt the same way, but he knew not all wishes could come true. Though he’d had his share. “Tired?” he asked quietly.

Craig’s eyes searched Karl’s face before he answered. He could see the exhaustion stamped in the other man’s eyes, and he nodded toward the bedroom on the opposite side of the double-sided hearth. “Those quilts are calling my name.”

Karl nodded and pulled back, moving toward the bathroom. “Bring me a bottle of water, please?” he asked as he disappeared through the doorway.

Heading to the refrigerator, Craig took a long drink of water himself before grabbing a bottle for Karl. He took his time coming through the den, flicking off the lamps that lit the room in a soft glow. He touched Karl’s jacket as he passed, picking it up to inhale the other man’s scent.

Shaking his head at his own sentimentality, he laid the jacket carefully on the sofa before passing into the bedroom.

Yawning, Karl stared in the mirror at the skeletal reflection of himself and sighed. Each day he looked, and each day more was gone - he’d long since quit gaining anything back. Today had been a wonderful day - the best he could remember for the longest time. He wondered idly what would be left of him for tomorrow. Leaning on both arms against the counter, he pressed his bare forehead against the cool glass and shivered. He stood abruptly and looked at the heavy sweater, trousers and boggin on the floor, and he decided to leave them there. He’d have Craig for warmth.

Having found the bedroom empty, Craig looked for Karl, finding him in the bathroom. His eyes softened as Karl moved away from the mirror, and for one moment, all he could see was the strong man he’d always loved. “I’ve folded the covers back...”

Karl turned brightening eyes to Craig and nodded, flipping off the light and padding over to the bed. As he slid between the covers, he mock complained. “Christ, ya could have warmed the sheets. They’re colder than the snow outside.” At the same time he held out both arms for his lover.

Craig shrugged the remainder of his clothes off quickly, climbing into the bed and into Karl’s arms hastily. He chuckled as he hustled Karl beneath the sheets, settling them both beneath many layers of quilts. He’d gotten used to sleeping like this, knowing that no matter how many layers covered him, Karl would always be cold. “Damned primitive cabin with no electric blankets,” he groused good-naturedly.

With another chuckle Karl wrapped his long limbs around Craig, pulling him close. “Hmmm...got your plug-in heater right here, baby,” he murmured, pressing his lips against Craig’s throat.

Craig’s head fell back, the sensation of Karl’s mouth on his skin sending sparks along his spine. His fingers splayed across the smooth skin of Karl’s head, where once they’d have tangled in luxurious hair. He smiled as he remembered showing Karl exactly how sexy bald could be. His leg pushed between Karl’s thighs, bringing their bodies together from knee to chest.

Karl moaned with delight. “Warm warm warm warm...” he mumbled against Craig’s skin, kissing and rubbing. He shifted his hips and rolled slightly over so he lay half atop Craig, pressing himself against his lover’s thigh.

“Perfect, perfect, perfect,” Craig replied, moving his hands to Karl’s slender hips and pulling him closer. He hitched beneath the slighter weight of the other man, loving the feel of their skin catching and rubbing.

His next words were muffled as Karl buried his face against Craig’s neck, nipping and kissing as he slid one hand up to stroke his lover while he slowly rocked, stimulating himself. “Hmmm?” Craig purred, pushing against Karl. His hands slipped down to Karl’s bum, kneading and tugging as he tried to get closer.

“Feels so good,” Karl breathed, feeling Craig’s heat soak into him. “Christ, so good...” He squeezed Craig’s hard flesh and then his fingers trailed down between his legs. “Please...let me...” he asked.

Craig’s heart beat double time at the suggestion, and his legs spread immediately. It’d been so long since either of them had had the energy. “Please,” he gasped, pulling Karl up to press their lips together.

Settling over him, Karl slid his hand under the pillow for the bottle they kept there to ease the way. With a soft grunt he pushed himself up and back on his knees between Craig’s legs. Two quick snaps, and he leaned back over to kiss Craig’s chin, then nose, then eyes as his slick fingers rubbed over and into clenching flesh.

Craig’s hips flexed beneath Karl, his body needing a deeper connection than fingers would allow. “I’m ready. Do it now,” he pleaded.

Karl shifted to lay down behind Craig, pushing up close as the other man propped up his leg, giving Karl the space he needed to slowly push into the slick, clinging heat. Sliding one arm under Craig and the other over his hip, Karl clutched him close as he started to shift his own hips back and forth.

It was slow and easy and passionate all at once, the perfect blend of love as Karl took him. Craig didn’t think he could ever get enough of feeling Karl plunging into him. He reached behind himself, his hands wandering over Karl’s body, fastening on his lover’s hips to help him.

Already starting to tire, Karl struggled to keep moving, and Craig’s hands supported him at just the right time. With the additional strength, he was able to thrust just a bit harder, and a groan broke loose after several heartbeats. “Soon...” he murmured, his arms squeezing around Craig as wildfire prepared to spread through him.

One of Craig’s hands moved to grasp himself, wanting to be with Karl when the moment arrived. It didn’t take long, the excitement and love building to a fever pitch quickly as he pleaded for Karl to come with him.

“Warm, warm, warm...” Karl chanted as he thrust once, twice more, then he stiffened and groaned as he climaxed, body shaking through the shock waves, made all the sharper by the aches and pains he lived with now. “Craig...” Karl breathed as he laid his forehead against the back of his lover’s neck, his body twitching in reaction.

Craig came, too, Karl’s weak heat filling him. He wished he could hold it inside forever, a bit of Karl to carry him through. He turned his head, nuzzling at Karl. “Karl...”

“Mmmm?” the other man answered, eyes open and dazed as he soaked in the heat of their lovemaking.

Craig laced one hand through Karl’s, tugging it around him. “Thank you.” The words ran deeper than gratitude for what had just happened.

Karl sighed and just pressed closer, his lips sliding along the curve of Craig’s shoulder as he felt sleep encroaching. “Don’t want to sleep,” he whispered, trying to keep drowsy eyes open.

Craig moved reluctantly, reaching for a tissue, then he wiped his hand and turned to face Karl. He wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tighter than he ever had. “Don’t sleep then,” he murmured, voice thick with unshed tears. “Stay like this with me forever.”

“Want to, really do,” Karl said, his voice hollow and thin. “Don’t want to leave you.”

“Don’t leave me,” Craig whispered, his heart betraying him as tears finally fell from his eyes.

Opening hazel eyes that held echoes of pain and loss, Karl lifted one hand to caress his lover’s cheek. “You’re a part of me, and I’m a part of you,” he answered simply, just as quietly. “We’ll always be together.”

Craig nodded. “Yeah.” Still, he didn’t want to go to sleep. He feared this would be the last time he’d ever have this with Karl.

Gathering his strength, Karl roused himself enough to shift and press his lips to Craig’s, a slow, lingering, loving kiss. “Gonna sleep now,” he whispered, lying back down on the pillow, dark lashes splayed against pale skin, hiding his eyes.

Throat clenching around all the words he wanted to say, Craig returned the kiss, hoping that Karl would know what he couldn’t get into words. “Rest well, luv.”

Karl sighed softly, licking his bottom lip as his breathing evened. “Love you,” he managed as sleep overtook him.

Craig whispered, “Love you, too,” as he scrubbed at his eyes. He fought sleep for hours, lying with his head on Karl’s chest, needing to hear his heartbeat. At last, as the sun kissed the eastern horizon, his eyes drifted shut.

..~..

Craig’s Song: Can’t Cry Hard Enough (The Williams Brothers)

I’m gonna live my life
Like every day’s the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you’ve gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair

And now that you’ve gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

And now that you’ve gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Karl’s Song: I’ll Be There (The Escape Club)

Over Mountains
Over Trees
Over Oceans
Over Seas
I’ll be there

In a whisper on the wind
On the smile of a new friend
Just think of me
And I’ll be there

Don’t be afraid, oh my love
I’ll be watching you from above
And I’d give all the world tonight,
To be with you
Because I’m on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
But I’ve gone nowhere

Just think of me, And I’ll be there

On the edge of a waking dream
Over Rivers
Over Streams
Through Wind and Rain
I’ll be there

Across the wide and open sky
Thousands of miles I’d fly
To be with you
I’ll be there

Don’t be afraid, oh my love
I’ll be watching you from above
And I’d give all the world tonight,
To be with you
Because I’m on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
But I’ve gone nowhere

Just think of me, And I’ll be there

In the breath of a wind that sighs
Oh, there’s no need to cry

Just think of me, And I’ll be there

*****

THE END

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Sileya and Decadence