Posted: May 25, 2007
Title: Bent But Not Broken
Author: Decadence and Sileya
Type: RPS
Characters: Craig/Karl
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: We don’t know them, and we don’t claim to. We just like their faces and names.
Beta: The irreplaceable sirkayem

Summary: After a terrible accident on the job, Karl needs his best friend’s support like never before.

*****

Staring up blankly at the bland ceiling, Karl’s usually positive attitude finally gave out.

He’d been in this hospital bed for a week, and the doctors had brought up surgery again. Again. And him not remembering the emergency surgery the first night he was here wasn’t all that reassuring.

Although his parents had called, there was no one to come visit him - his son was halfway around the world, there was no way his son’s mother could drop everything and fly to America just to see him. The nurse said some of the crew had stopped by the first couple days, but Karl had been too drugged to remember it. The director visited yesterday to give him the bad news - his part was being recast. So, alone, unemployed and possibly permanently injured, hell yeah, his positive attitude was giving out.

Craig double-checked the room number he’d scrawled onto the back of a receipt when his manager had called him late last night. Karl was down. Karl was way down. Knowing that he’d want to know, she’d called him, probably also knowing he’d drop everything to go make sure Karl would be okay since she was in New Zealand in the middle of casting another show. 519...521...there it was, at the end of a darkened hallway. 523. Approaching the door slowly, he peeked through the opening, seeing only a dimly lit room. A pair of legs lay stretched down the standard-issue hospital bed, but that was all Craig could see. He touched the door, sending it open a bit further.

Used to the nurses coming and going at all hours, Karl didn’t even look. He was too busy brooding about his options. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really make any sort of plans until the doctors either told him he would walk again or that he’d be in a wheelchair. Gritting his teeth at the thought, he felt slightly nauseous. Damn freak accident, being thrown from a horse. And now he was kept drugged up enough so that he could hardly move, and the brace wrapped around his waist and back pretty much ensured he would be staring at the ceiling for a while longer.

At first, the sight of Karl was deceptive. In the darkened room, he looked hale and hearty against the pure white sheets. As he stepped closer, though, Craig could see the pale gray wash that covered the normally glowing complexion. He could also see the bulky medical equipment peeking from beneath the sheet that covered Karl to his waist.

When the nurse didn’t rush right over as usual, Karl slowly turned his head to see what was going on - and he froze, peering through the dim light to the eerily familiar figure in the doorway. “Cr...Craig?” His voice, rough from disuse and abuse from the breathing tube removed just yesterday, reflected his disbelief.

At the soft, hoarse tone, Craig stepped close enough to grip Karl’s hand where it rested above his waist. “Oh Karl - the trouble you get into without me...”

Blinking in shock, Karl’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit! Craig! Where...how?” He looked over his longtime friend’s face as he threaded their fingers together and squeezed.

“Did you forget that we share a manager?” Craig’s eyebrow lifted slightly, a typical expression on the Kiwi’s face. Tugging a chair over near the bed, he sat down, still holding Karl’s hand tightly. “Does it really matter? Point is that I’m here. I’m here for you, Karl.”

Karl’s eyes were glazed by drugs and pain. “Vera. I didn’t even think...damn. It’s great to see you, mate,” he replied, head leaned to the side so he could see Craig.

Craig moved the rail down carefully, leaning over so that Karl wouldn’t have to strain to see him in the dimly lit room. The sight scared him. It seemed if Karl had already given up, that he had no fight left in him. “You didn’t have to do this to get to see me,” he joked, his voice tight as the man he’d admired for so long lay there in pain. “You could’ve just called and I’d have come as soon as possible.”

Snorting quietly, Karl actually smiled slightly, though it didn’t last. “Guess I’m just an attention hound,” he answered weakly, hating the tight feel of his chest and how he couldn’t move. His face crumpled a little as he looked at one of his best buddies - friends for the long term, even after long periods apart. “The docs...they aren’t sure I’m gonna get over this one,” he murmured, referring to spills and injuries of the past that he’d always healed up from.

“You will,” Craig encouraged the hurting man, dipping his head to press a kiss against the smooth surface of his hand. “And if you don’t get over it in the way you expect to, you’ll still be my Karl. Right?” He hoped that his emotions weren’t too transparent at the moment. Karl had enough to deal with without the problem of a lovesick friend.

Karl sighed, Craig’s presence a balm to his hurting emotions and a comfort to his sharp loneliness. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this man while he jetted all over the world, trying to kick up his career - one that was probably over now. “Yeah, I’ll still be yours, long as you want me,” he said, voice cracking a little. His friendship with Craig was something he’d always been able to count on. He hoped like hell it could survive now.

“I’ll always want you,” Craig replied in a slightly rough tone, the words coming too close to his actual feelings. He kissed Karl’s hand again, nuzzling his face against it as he tried to reconcile this Karl with the Karl he last saw.

Karl sighed and gazed at Craig, tightening his hand. He could comprehend the worry in his friend’s eyes. “Guess I don’t look so great, huh?” he asked.

“You look worse hung-over,” Craig grinned, forcing some levity into the mix. “At least you’re not puking on me right now.”

Mouth quirking slightly, Karl chuckled lowly. “Yeah, I’m so drugged that nothing’s gonna spasm. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll forget to blink or breathe.” He looked over Craig’s face. “You look tired. What time is it? Where were you?”

Craig peered at his watch, still set on London time. “I was in London. It’s about...2:30 a.m. here.” Craig met Karl’s gaze, allowing himself to stare for a bit under the circumstances before shrugging and pointing to all of the monitors surrounding Karl. “I imagine that’s what these are for, right? To keep that magnificent body of yours functioning?”

Snorting again, Karl nodded slightly. “Yeah. I was on a ventilator the first few days while I was unconscious. They weren’t sure what was damaged in my back. Can you believe it? Tumble down a rocky cliff and get landed on by a horse, and no broken bones besides that.”

“You’re tough as a pack mule, Karl. I can believe that you have no broken bones besides that. I’m surprised that you’re still laying here and that you don’t have a pert young nurse pushing you about, flashing your bum at her through the back of your gown.” Craig smiled sweetly at Karl, his thumb rubbing circles on the hand beneath his.

Instead of joking along, Karl felt his amusement drain away, and he just felt exhausted. “I’m not sure I’ll come outta this one, either,” he croaked, eyes going distant.

“You will,” Craig mumbled, holding his tears at bay. “You have to.” The ‘I need you’ part remained unspoken.

Karl’s eyes slowly came back into focus. He could see how upset Craig was, and even through the haze of the drugs, it struck him. “Someone would think you want me to stick around,” he teased poorly, pulse fluttering a little.

Craig flashed a helpless grin at Karl before burying his face next to the other man’s hand. “I do want you to hang around. Nobody else will put up with me,” he murmured intently, inhaling Karl’s scent, made slightly sterile by the hospital disinfectants.

“What?” Karl objected. “But...you’re a great actor, you’re a even better friend, and...and...” he flailed for words before settling on “and you’re cute!”

Craig’s head shot up at that, a light pink shade flushing the apples of his cheeks. “Awww... you think I’m cute?” He beamed at Karl for a moment. “I’m glad you noticed. I’ve always thought I was rather attractive, but I pale in comparison to some of the company I keep.” He raised an arched brow again, leaning back to grin at Karl.

Used to the compliments, Karl rolled his eyes. “You’re such a mate, coming all this way to see me,” he said, smiling honestly for the first time in a week. “Thanks.”

” ‘s nothing, Karl,” Craig flushed again, dipping his head. “I’d like to think you’d do it for me, situations reversed and all.”

“I would,” Karl said immediately, knowing it was true. Craig had been there for him in the past, and he’d returned the favor a few times. His brow furrowed a little as he wondered why. Wasn’t there a limit to being friends, even best friends? “How...how long can you stay?” he whispered, already feeling the depression threatening again.

“Theatre run ended last Saturday night. My schedule is clear for a couple of months before the next play. How long do you need me?” Craig asked, the answer he longed to hear, forever, bouncing around in his mind.

Karl hoped the sudden wanting inside him wasn’t visible in his eyes. “Might be a long time,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna need...I want...” he stopped to lick his lips. “I’m scared,” he whispered.

Craig moved from his seat near the bed, lifting Karl’s hand up to carefully sit on the edge of the bed. He placed the hand lightly on his thigh before leaning across to envelop Karl in a warm hug. “Whatever you need, it’s yours. If it’s in my power to give it, I will.” He whispered hoarsely, face buried in Karl’s dark hair.

“Craig,” Karl whispered as he closed his arms around the other man, hugging him as best he could without being able to move his torso or legs. “God. I need you here, man. I do,” he murmured brokenly. “I don’t have anyone else.”

“You have me,” Craig replied in a comforting voice, wincing at the undertones of that admission, and how true it really was.

Unwilling to let go, Karl had to anyway when his arms started to tingle painfully. “Damn, Craig. What did I do to deserve you?”

Realizing Karl’s predicament, Craig leaned back, massaging the other Kiwi’s muscular forearms as he joked. “Dunno - but it must’ve been pretty bad. Karma’s a bitch, she is...”

Blinking in confusion, Karl even said, “Huh?” before Craig’s joke registered. “Ah, funny guy. Yeah.” He watched Craig work on his arms. “I should have stayed in touch more,” he finally mentioned.

Craig remained silent for a moment, uncharacteristically, before looking up at Karl once more. “People grow apart,” he ventured, looking back down as his fingertips tickled inside Karl’s elbow. “But I wouldn’t be against more touching,” he teased lightly before looking up again, “if keeping in touch is what you want.”

Karl thought about the crush he’d had on Craig, years and years ago, when they first met. He’d never said a thing, and it had faded over time as they became close friends. But now, he wondered if it had faded at all. It had just changed some, adapted. Grown. Matured into something else. His lips quirked into a small smile. “I’m thinking I’m gonna be needing a lot of touching in the very near future,” he murmured.

Craig’s face reflected Karl’s smile. “Then I’ll be sure to stay very close.” It felt comfortable to fall back into their routine of casual flirting. If only it wasn’t as casual as it seemed. It was serious, at least on his part. He watched Karl’s eyes reflect a bit more of the light they’d held the last time he’d seen him...hell - had it been three years?...three years ago.

Unaware of how similar their thoughts were, Karl shifted his head a little so he could see Craig better. “I know we’ve talked a lot on the mobile...but when was the last time we got together? I’m drugged, you gotta cut my memory some slack,” he said, his voice betraying his exhaustion.

“Over three years ago,” Craig mused. “Just after Rings won all of those Oscars. Those were the days.” He smiled wistfully, remembering how much time they’d had together during filming.

“I miss those days,” Karl murmured, thinking back to the time spent on Rings filming. “It was magical.”

Craig nodded, his mind waxing nostalgic as his hands forgot to massage, instead, lightly caressing Karl’s arms. “It was. Sometimes I wish that we’d had more time...that it was ten movies instead of three.”

“That was what Xena was like, remember? Like going home each and every time, seeing old friends, being comfortable in the crazy costumes, all the sex...” he chuckled. “Quite a bit like Rings, actually.”

Craig’s face twisted a bit at the mention of sex. Apparently there’d been more going on than he’d been aware of. Instead of questioning, he nodded his head, unwilling to let Karl see his true thoughts on the matter.

Karl sighed. “Wasn’t as lonely on Xena, though. Everyone on Rings paired off...” he said wistfully, staring up at the ceiling again.

“You didn’t?” Craig asked, curiosity piqued at Karl’s morose response. “I thought that you and Sean...” His voice trailed off as he re-examined his memories of the time.

“Me and Sean?” Karl looked over at Craig. “Nah. We just sat at the pub and drank a lot, then went home and drank more. Talked about our kids. Watched the footie.” He wasn’t offended by Craig thinking he’d been having sex with Sean. Looking back, it might have gone well, now that he thought about it. But it never occurred to him at the time. He was too busy wondering who Craig was with. Hugo. Surely David. Maybe even Marton.

Craig nodded in agreement. Lord knows he’d heard all about kids from Hugo and David on a daily basis as he shepherded their attempts to ‘get together’. It was more than enough to reinforce his decision to NOT have kids. “How is Hunter, anyway?”

Breaking into the smile of a proud dad, Karl slid his hand into Craig’s again. “He’s playing football! It’s an after school program, but he says he really likes it. Nat had some of these photo cards made up of him, like a football trading card with his number and stats - I had it in my wallet, I’ll show you soon.”

“You’d better,” Craig smiled, his fingers tightening around Karl’s. “I’m sure he’s as handsome, if not more so, than his father.”

Karl chuckled. “His hair has finally grown out from getting that Mohawk that I did for Riddick,” he said, squeezing Craig’s hand before he yawned.

The thought of Hunter or Karl with a Mohawk made Craig grin. “I’m keeping you awake,” he whispered upon seeing the yawn. “I should probably go find a hotel.” His tone was regretful, and he seemed unwilling to let Karl’s hand slip from his grasp.

“ ‘s late...there’s another bed there, that would be good just for tonight, yeah?” Karl proposed hopefully. He could hardly keep his eyes open, but he didn’t want Craig to disappear and be a dream.

Craig glanced at the other bed, thinking it was too far away even though it was only about four feet in distance from Karl’s. “I guess it’d be difficult to find a hotel at...three in the morning?” He turned back to face Karl, leaning over long enough to press a kiss to his dearest friend’s forehead. “I’ll stay. You sleep?”

“Promise you’ll be here?” Karl croaked, feeling awfully childish.

“I promise. I’ll stay until you kick me out.” Craig grinned, running his thumb over Karl’s brow.

“Not ever gonna happen,” Karl murmured, eyes already closed and mostly asleep, still clutching Craig’s hand.

Craig sat back down in the chair, rubbing Karl’s fingers until the other man drifted off. “I hope not,” he whispered. “I really hope not.”

==

Karl blinked awake as the nurse took his vitals and changed out his I.V. He smiled at her sleepily and felt like he was forgetting something. Then the nurse spoke up. “Who’s your friend, Mr. Urban?”

Hearing the quiet murmur of a feminine voice, Craig blinked his eyes open and tried to rub the fuzziness from them. He rose up onto his elbows, looking over at Karl in the morning light.

Karl turned his chin to follow the nurse’s gesture, and he stared at the sight, murmuring quietly, “Craig.”

The nurse smiled to the other man. “Nice to see this guy has a friend somewhere,” she said drolly.

“Karl?” Craig questioned, looking at the nurse as if the answer should be more than apparent. “I’m not his only friend. I think he has one more, but he’s probably in New Zealand on a dairy farm somewhere.”

Unable to reach out and smack the back of Craig’s head like he would normally, Karl settled on sticking his tongue out at his friend. The nurse tried to hide her grin. “Well then,” she said. “Maybe you’ll be good for our patient’s mood then. He’s got some rough days ahead.” She patted Karl’s hand.

Shaking his head sadly, Craig murmured drolly, “You should have hired some strippers. Karl can never keep a straight face around naked flesh...” He tsked as if the thought offended him.

Karl rolled his eyes. “I heard that,” he said, shaking his head minutely. “It was only that ONE time, and you won’t let me forget it...and Harry was way more drunk than I was.”

“That’s his other friend,” Craig whispered theatrically to the nurse before taking on a normal tone once more. “Rough days? Glad to be of service. Can I still kick his arse if he needs it?”

The nurse chuckled. “Absolutely. Course, we have to get him on his feet so you can get AT his rear,” she said, poking Karl in the arm. “So don’t you give up. Still lots of hope around,” she added, obviously familiar with Karl’s injuries.

Craig waggled his eyebrows comically. “She said I could get at your rear,” he joked toward Karl before turning back to the nurse. “Can I get that in writing?”

“Hey, that’s my arse you’re talking about!” Karl objected as Craig and nurse walked to the door of his room, laughing and talking softly.

“Seriously, I’m glad you’re here,” the nurse told Craig. “Anything you need, just let me know. The next week will be particularly tough as he goes into surgery again.”

“Visiting hours?” Craig questioned softly, highly doubting he’d observe any official hours anyway.

The nurse just wrinkled her nose. “We’re a private facility. We make allowances for individual patients.” She held the clipboard to her chest. “He’s all taken care of financially, by the studio and by insurance, but he’s a really long way from home, and there’s no way to get him there without fixing him up first. I hate that we can’t get any family here.”

Craig nodded, trying to think of a way to try to get Karl’s family in the country. “I’ll be here for him,” he promised, meaning every word of it. “For as long as it takes. I’ll make sure he gets back home to his family.”

With a nod, the nurse shook Craig’s hand. “Thank you. I’ll be back in a few hours. If you or Mr. Urban need anything before then, he’s got a buzzer.” With that she turned and walked down the hall to the next room.

Meandering over to Karl’s bed, Craig passed it by in favor of pushing the curtains back and letting the morning sun shine into the gloomy room. “Tired of this hospital food? In the mood for something palatable?”

Karl looked at the tray the nurse had set down when she first arrived. “Hadn’t thought about it, I guess,” he admitted. “Nothing much tastes right with all the meds I’m on.” He blinked and squinted as the sun poured into his room, totally transforming it. What he had assumed was a dull, white hospital room really wasn’t -- it was decorated in tasteful Southwestern colors and could almost be a hotel room. He looked around curiously. “What kind of hospital is this?” he muttered.

“A private facility,” Craig turned from the window, preening like a nurse, shoving his chest out. In his best feminine drawl, he added, “You’ll be well cared for here, Mr. Urban.”

Just like Craig wanted, Karl chuckled and grinned. “Private facility, huh? Pretty fancy digs. You could practically stay here, couldn’t you?” Karl said, noting the bed his friend had sprawled on was full-sized, there was an armoire entertainment system, a desk and chair, and from what he could only sort of see, the bathroom looked to be complete.

Craig glanced around the room as well, shrugging. “I will practically be staying here until you leave. Good thing it’s nice and paid up already.” He flashed a grin at Karl.

Karl shrugged from his place in the bed. Frowning, he felt around on each side of him and came up with a remote and used it to raise the head of his bed a little more. He couldn’t really bend at the waist, but a little more angle made it easier to see Craig. “I’ll do what I can to keep you entertained,” Karl said.

“Maybe I should entertain you,” Craig teased, moving to sit on Karl’s bed when the other man had to strain to see him. “Maybe a strip tease or a floor show or something...”

Thinking about Craig stripping for him actually made Karl blush, and when he realized, he blushed harder. Craig reached out and tweaked Karl’s flushed cheek. “Oh, did I make weedle Karlie blush?”

Karl couldn’t help but smile as he pushed at Craig’s thigh. “Wanker,” he muttered, but there was light in his eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Craig grinned. “Long and hard, without repentance. Speaking of wanking, how about I make you a promise?” He caught Karl’s hand against his thigh, holding it there.

Eyes getting big, Karl couldn’t help but think of Craig with his hand...there...on himself...and on Karl? He swallowed. “Promise?” he asked, voice raspy.

“You pull through this?” Craig indicated the equipment, the room, the injury in general, “and I’ll do anything you want me to. I’ll show you the tricks and twists of an expert wanker...”

He couldn’t help it. Honest to God he tried. But the giggle escaped Karl before he could stop it. Craig let go of Karl’s hand, smiling as he shrugged once more. “Have to be an expert when you’re on your own most of the time.”

Another giggle escaped and Karl shook his head. “You can’t fool me, you lady killer. Um. Man killer. Well, you know what I mean. You’ll get plenty of practice with that hand here, but you can’t make me believe you deal with it on your own at home.”

==

His mouth was dry. That was Karl’s first realization as he came out of the anesthesia. He didn’t want to wake up at all, he was so sleepy, but he was so thirsty it was bugging him. So he struggled to open his eyes, trying to figure out why he couldn’t move. Then it all rushed back to him, and he gasped awake.

Craig stepped into the brightly lit recovery room just as Karl’s dark eyes fluttered and a sharp breath left him. Approaching the bed, he reached for Karl’s hand, afraid to touch the other man through the myriad of monitors and tubes attached to his body. Instead, he asked, “Karl? Are you awake?” in a soft voice.

Karl blinked several times as his memories flooded back, and he drew another sharp breath as he recognized the numbness all over. “Craig?” he asked, hearing words as if from far away. Craig was going to stay with him - he’d promised. Karl felt the panic clawing at his throat.

Craig leaned down to bring himself closer to Karl. “I’m here. You’ve just come out of surgery.” Recognizing the beginning signs of panic in Karl’s actions, he tried to crack a joke. “They told me I could give you a sponge bath later if you behave today.”

The humor struck Karl as odd, and he just laid there for a long minute, trying to comprehend Craig’s words. He blinked some more, forgetting what the other man just said completely as he opened his mouth, wincing as his lips stuck together. “Water?” he rasped.

Craig reached for the iced pitcher of water on the nearby table, pouring a bit into a plastic cup before adding a bendy straw and bringing it to Karl’s lips. “Water, huh? That anxious for me to bathe you?” Karl turned his head slightly to the side so he could drink, looking up at Craig, still not quite with it enough to comprehend. So he swallowed and just watched his friend, knowing he was really happy to have Craig there. Hearing his voice, Karl felt...reassured.

“You made it through surgery fine,” Craig smiled, the relief showing on his face as his free hand smoothed back the hair on Karl’s forehead. He bit his lip to push back the emotion that threatened to spill over. While Karl had been on that table, Craig had promised himself that he’d never hide his feelings from Karl again, but he didn’t think the other man would be ready for his admission at the moment.

“Yeah,” Karl answered quietly, his lips curving into a slight smile. “I’m still here,” he said groggily. “How long?”

“How long are you here for? As long as the fates allow...” Craig answered in a light tone, preferring to answer that version of Karl’s question instead of telling the other man that the surgery had extended four hours longer than the expected timeframe.

Not sufficiently awake to catch the non-answer, Karl snorted quietly. “Fates....never trust the Fates. Those bitches will turn on you in a minute,” he answered, channeling memories of his time on the Xena sets. He puckered his lips, trying for more water.

“Hence the reason I have given up consorting with women,” Craig teased flippantly, rearranging the straw for Karl. “Not that I ever preferred them, but still...”

Frowning, Karl stopped mid-sip, a few drops of water trailing from between his lips. “Women have some good things,” he tried to argue.

Craig rolled his eyes. “I can buy you some pillows if that’s what you need when we sleep together. You don’t HAVE to use their breasts for that.”

Karl knew he should be amused, but he was too spacey to laugh, so he argued weakly. “They’re good for more than pillows. They’re good for...for...” he grasped for something witty, but it felt like his brain was stuck in syrup.

Craig tilted his head, pretending to consider. “I guess they would make good squishy stress relievers...”

His brow furrowed as Karl tried to puzzle that one out. “Huh?” he asked intelligently.

“Breasts...you know...” He cupped his hands and pretended to squeeze. “Stress balls - you know...” Waving his hand, he blushed and laughed. “Just forget it...”

Charmed by Craig’s smile, Karl just watched his friend quietly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked - just looked - at Craig, and right now, he looked incredibly handsome. Catching Karl’s eye, Craig smiled sweetly, daring to finally touch the cool hand that held an intravenous drip. “I’m glad you didn’t kick the bucket, Karl.”

“Me, too,” Karl murmured, still watching Craig, and then the comment sank in. “Bucket? I was trying to kick a bucket? The bucket?” The panic welled up full force as Karl tried to sit up, but he was still completely numb all over.

Craig pushed against Karl gently, letting his hands linger on Karl’s strong shoulders. “It was just a metaphor. You were nowhere close to kicking the bucket. If you had, I’d have kicked your arse, dead or no.”

Wan face relaxing, Karl blinked, trying to get past the fear that was still very strong. “You may yet have to kick my arse if it ends up I can’t move it myself,” he tried to joke.

“You’ll move it,” Craig promised, teasing again. “And when you do, I’ll give you the honor of trying it out on me...” He waggled his eyebrows as he waited for Karl’s reaction.

Too drugged for subterfuge, Karl slowly smiled, thinking that sounded interesting...very interesting indeed. “Now there’s something to look forward to,” he murmured, voice serious as he deliberately met Craig’s eyes. The blatant look and the softly spoken words shocked Craig, but he tried to hide it, chalking the mutual flirtation up to the drugs that were no doubt still rampant in Karl’s system. Raising an eyebrow, Karl just steadily watched his friend, wondering what would happen next.

Craig held Karl’s gaze for several moments before blushing and making a show of pulling Karl’s blankets up over him. “I won’t hold you to that,” he said. Karl’s smile was as angelic as he could manage. Craig caught Karl’s expression. His hand dropped unthinkingly to rest on Karl’s thigh, where he gave the firm flesh beneath his palm a caressing squeeze. “I see that look. What’s that for?”

“You love me,” Karl said, feeling giddy all of a sudden, the panic draining away. He knew it was true - why else would Craig be here? It didn’t mean they were star-crossed lovers or anything. But somehow, he felt stronger knowing Craig was here for him.

Color draining out of his features, Craig didn’t look up at Karl that time, lest the other Kiwi see everything in his eyes. “Of course I do, you big, ugly git. And you love me.”

Laying his cheek against the pillow, Karl watched Craig’s reaction closely, and his smile was soft. “Yeah, I do,” he agreed quietly, shifting his fingers slightly to touch his friend’s hand even though his arm felt weighted down. Craig allowed himself to grip Karl’s fingers as tightly as he could, needing the connection to the larger man when he’d come so close to guessing Craig’s true feelings.

“Thank you,” Karl said after long, quiet moments, his voice dragging. “For staying with me through this. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Craig whispered truthfully, giving another tight squeeze to the cool fingers held within his grasp. Letting his heavy eyelids close, Karl was soon asleep again, his fingers still curled around Craig’s hand.

==

The doctors were gathered about the bed, four of them in blue jackets, their voices low and serious as they looked at charts and clipboards. The day nurse stood to one side, fiddling with Karl’s I.V. drip. Then abruptly, the mass turned and filed out. The nurse patted Karl’s arm in reassurance and made for the door, pausing when she met Craig there.

Craig nodded good-naturedly at the nurse. “Good morning, gorgeous. Is my patient nice and cooperative today?”

Looking over her shoulder, the nurse pulled Craig with her a few steps outside of the room. “Mr. Urban’s had some news, Mr. Parker. He’s understandably upset, although I must admit he’s taking it well. For now.” She smiled sadly. “He’ll really need a friend, but he’s just as likely to snap at you.”

“Can...can you...” Craig swallowed at the solemn look on her face, as well as the serious tone of her voice. “I don’t suppose you’re at liberty to discuss his condition with me...”

She tilted her head. “To hell with liberty. He’s going to need all the help he can get, and there’s not exactly people banging on the doors.” She sighed. “He’s not recovering well from the surgery, and although the rods in his spine seem to be aligned correctly, the doctors feel they need to go in and fuse some of the vertebrae,” she explained quietly. “They are afraid that one wrong move and everything could snap again and he would be permanently paralyzed or worse.”

Craig closed his eyes as he took in the information. “What are the chances for success in this type of surgery?”

“Very good, actually,” the nurse said, shifting the chart in her hand. “But it will be painful, and he’ll be looking at even more recovery time before he can even think about rehab.” She paused, looking over Craig’s face before continuing. “He will lose some movement ability. He will almost certainly walk with a cane for the rest of his life, possibly other problems with slow reactions from his nervous system. But he will walk, if he wants to bad enough. Right now...” she shook her head.

“I will be his cane.” Craig promised vehemently. Karl had always been his friend, and even though Craig had wanted more from the seemingly oblivious Karl, Craig would never give up his time or friendship with the other man. He would do whatever it took to ensure a normal life for Karl.

The nurse smiled and patted Craig’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re here. No one should have to go through this alone.” Then she left him, heading back to the central desk. Craig peeked into the room. Karl lay on the bed, staring toward the window. Craig could see the slight frown that had settled over his face in the light that filtered through the partially open blinds. Approaching the bed quietly, Craig watched Karl’s face for a few long moments.

Focusing on the doctors’ words, Karl stared unseeing toward the light. The painful surgery and even more painful two days since hadn’t amounted to much. They thought they had saved his spine, but any wrong move was just as likely to snap it again, or worse. He could be paralyzed. He could be dead. So, more surgery...and permanent partial paralysis. To avoid the worst. His eyes closed as his gut clenched in emotional agony.

“I know my beauty is blinding,” Craig spoke softly, unwilling to cause any sudden movement, “but you don’t have to close your eyes in reverence when I enter the room.”

A slight smile curled Karl’s lips, and he turned his head, opening his eyes. “I didn’t know you were here,” he said quietly. He was wan and pale, his cheekbones stark as he had already lost an alarming amount of weight in the ten days since the accident. Whiskers stood stark against his skin, and his eyes appeared sunken. After one look in a mirror, he hadn’t asked for one again. And now, he was just too drained to care.

Craig pulled a chair to the edge of the bed, reaching up to nuzzle a hand against Karl’s stubbly face. “You look rough, mate. Can’t you get a decent shave around here?”

Karl didn’t even attempt to move. He knew it would hurt, and he’d learned very quickly to remain as still as possible. “‘S okay,” he murmured, turning his head to push his cheek against Craig’s hand. While before the surgery he had tried to restrain himself, now he coveted every touch he could get.

Craig’s fingers spread on Karl’s face, caressing and reminding himself that Karl was still here. “If it starts to bother you, I could give you a good shave. It might be a little - personal - but I promise I won’t seduce you until you’re able...”

Smiling a bit more, Karl sighed. “I’ll let you know. I don’t mind you being up close and personal. I guess you can say you’ve seen me at my worst and you came back, so...”

“If this is your worst, I think your best would kill me.” Craig grinned, still touching Karl.

Eyes running over Craig’s face, Karl looked forlorn and more than a little lost. “Won’t see that best again,” he whispered.

“Maybe not that best,” Craig murmured with a gentle shrug, “but maybe a new best. Maybe a better best.” A look of slight confusion crossed his face. “A better best. You should be proud, Urban. You’ve got me talking in circles.”

Karl snorted. “You’re a nutter, mate,” he said, but he still pushed his cheek against Craig’s hand.

Craig leaned on the edge of the bed as he answered that with, “Ah - but you love me because of that. Not in spite of it.”

“Yeah, I do,” Karl said, his words heartfelt. Some moments passed in silence. “So do you know...”

“A certain nurse might not have told me,” Craig looked away, trying not to admit the nurse’s slip.

Nodding slightly, Karl closed his eyes for a moment before looking at Craig again. “So...I guess I’ve got two options,” he murmured.

“And what would they be?” Craig asked, truly intent on hearing what Karl thought he had to do.

“I can go on the way I am now, in pain but mostly mobile, until the slightest problem blows my back all to hell and I’m totally paralyzed or worse. I certainly won’t be able to work anymore, and any kind of riding or athletics is totally out.”

Craig frowned slightly, knowing what those limits would do to his friend’s free spirit. “And the other option?”

Karl’s lips pressed together, a firm white line until he spoke again. “More surgery, more pain, more recovery. A better recovery, a more stable future where I can live mostly as I’m accustomed...as long as the surgery goes well.”

“So - looks like your choices are either pain later or pain now. I’m sorry, mate, but I think I’d choose to get it all over with at once,” Craig offered as his opinion.

Karl blinked and looked at Craig, frowning. “It’s not just about the pain. I have to think about how I’m gonna live - work - survive. I can’t work if I can’t walk.”

“And if you don’t have the surgery now, you won’t be able to live anyway. You can’t ride - you said so yourself. At least the surgery now gives you a chance to live a life similar to the one you led before. If you don’t have it, there’s always that chance that you could destroy yourself with the slightest jolt.”

Karl’s hands gripped the sheets, and he raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Yeah,” he said on a sigh, obviously conflicted.

“You have my opinion,” Craig murmured, prying one of Karl’s hands off of the sheets long enough to twine their fingers together. He was encouraged by the other man’s strong grip. “But it’s your decision. Sleep on it. Give it some thought.”

Karl curled his fingers through Craig’s, holding his hand tightly. “Stay with me?” he whispered, the tinge of fear clear in his wavering voice.

“As if I would leave.” Craig whispered fiercely. “Too many pretty nurses to try and turn your eyes away from me.”

Karl choked on a half laugh, half sob as he squeezed his eyes shut, one tear escaping. “I’m scared outta my mind,” he said, voice ragged.

“I am too,” Craig admitted in a soft voice. He could never lie to his best friend. “But whatever happens, I’ll be here. Small consolation - I know...but nevertheless...”

Pulling Craig’s hand to his lips, Karl kissed his knuckles. “There’s no one else I’d rather have here,” he said, voice weak, but sure.

“Not even that hot nurse that’s on the night rotation?” Craig asked in a choked giggle, trying to hold back the emotion that seemed to finally want to take its toll on him.

Karl’s face scrunched up. “You mean Yolanda, the 300-pound black lady who manhandles me about for sponge baths?”

Craig shrugged. “I am gay. My taste in women is questionable.”

Karl actually snickered. “I might say the same about your taste in men, but it’s not like I would know.”

“I think you’re hot.” Craig admitted with just a touch of shyness to his tone.

Automatically discounting Craig’s words as teasing, Karl rolled his eyes. “Wow, your standards sure have dropped, then. I mean, an unemployed, hospitalized, possibly future paraplegic? Come on, now. Surely even Mark appeals to you more than I do.”

“Mark? He’s appallingly straight at the best of times. Now you - I think the possibility of giving you a sponge bath has really perked my ... *ahem* - interests.” Craig blushed. Amazingly, Karl flushed, which showed quite clearly through his pallor.

Craig’s eyes flicked up, catching Karl’s blush. Instead of looking away, he gazed intently at his friend’s handsome profile. Unaccountably nervous, Karl’s eyes darted around, not settling on any one thing, and his tongue slid out to moisten his lower lip. Craig inhaled deeply, watching the flash of pink flesh until it disappeared. Clearing his throat, he reluctantly let go of Karl’s hand and sat back. “The offer to hire a stripper still stands.”

Blinking in confusion, all Karl could understand was that Craig was near, and Craig being near made him feel better. Made him feel more alive. And now Craig had moved away. “Huh?”

“Didn’t I offer to hire a stripper to come and lift your - ah - spirits?”

Understanding filled Karl’s eyes. “Don’t need one. I’ve got you,” he said softly, meaningfully.

“Ah - but I won’t strip for you until you’re at least able to make a move on me without the threat of harming yourself. And I don’t know that I’m that - uplifting.” A broad grin spread across Craig’s face.

Karl’s eyes sparkled, and he actually smiled a little, though his face was still flushed. “That’s some big motivation,” he replied.

“I have been told that it’s of moderate to above average size.” Craig very nearly poked his tongue out with that.

Eyes boggling, Karl’s jaw dropped before he broke into a wide grin. “Is that so?” he laughed tiredly.

“You’ll have to wait and see. If you’re a good boy, I might reward you when you come out of surgery.” Craig promised with a gleam in his eyes.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Karl said, blinking sleepily. “Don’t think I won’t.”

Craig’s eyes roamed over the tired Kiwi’s face, and he reached out to link their fingers once more. “Sleep on it. Make your decision. And then we’ll go home.”

Frowning as he faded, Karl asked softly, “Home? Where’s home anymore?”

“Anywhere you want it to be. Here? Auckland? Wherever you tell me it is.”

Yawning, his eyes already closed, Karl’s answer was a whisper as he fell asleep. “With you.”

A slow, sweet smile spread across Craig’s face as he laid his head on the bed beside Karl’s hand, pressing a kiss to the cool knuckles of the other man’s hand.

==

The doctors tiredly left the surgery area, and the nurse stopped them outside, pointing them over to the comfortable couches where Craig waited. She spoke quietly, explaining his relationship with the patient, and the doctors nodded. The three men consulted, and then one walked over to the waiting area. “Mr. Parker?”

Hearing his name, Craig looked up to see a surgeon approaching him. He rose to his feet, dropping the magazine he’d been half-heartedly flipping through. “How is he?”

The doctor looked exhausted. “Let’s sit down, Mr. Parker. I’ve been on my feet for twelve hours.”

Nodding, Craig took a seat. It was a testament to his actor’s training that he wasn’t visibly shaking. Inside, he felt as if a herd of buffalo was trampling his innards.

Taking a seat next to him, the doctor looked to be choosing his words. “Nurse Walker tells me that you’re Mr. Urban’s best friend and that you’ve been with him the past week.”

“Yes.” Craig sat quietly, trying his best not to fidget. “The surgery...did it...was it a success?”

Smiling a bit, the doctor nodded. “I would call it a guarded success. We had some trouble during, but we were able to work through it. Mr. Urban is a very strong man.”

“Trouble?” Craig’s brow knit as his hands clenched tightly.

“Your friend has been in a great deal of pain from the injury, Mr. Parker. We had to wean him off the drugs for the surgery fairly quickly. But his body did not take the shock well, and he suffered through two episodes of hypometabolic disorder during the surgery.” At Craig’s blank stare, the doctor explained, his voice hushed. “His blood was so lacking in electrolytes that his heart stopped twice.”

The blood drained from Craig’s face and he thought for a moment he might be sick on the floor, right there. The doctor gripped his shoulder in support. “We were able to catch it right away both times and make adjustments in the I.V. fluids. His heart didn’t suffer any damage - I’m sure that’s a reflection of how good of shape he was in at the time of the accident.”

Craig swallowed on the knot in his throat. “But the surgery - did it work?”

The doctor sighed. “Within limits, Mr. Parker. Because of the problems I just mentioned, and a couple others, we had to make some unplanned changes - in particular when it came to fusing some of his vertebrae.” He paused, peering at the other man. “But I think he’ll be all right.”

“What will the outcome of this surgery be? Will he be...limited?” Craig gnawed at his lower lip as he waited for the answer, knowing what an effect a bad answer would have on Karl’s life.

“In my opinion? It will depend on him,” the doctor replied, standing. “He’s got a hard road ahead of him, I won’t gloss that over. Of course, we have to see what works when he wakes up - there’s always fate.” The surgeon nodded once and walked away just as a stretcher carrying Karl pushed out of recovery.

“Doctor,” Craig called as the surgeon walked away, “Can I be with him now?”

Pausing in the hallway, the man turned to look at Craig. “I think he’d want you to be there, don’t you?” he said rhetorically. And then he was on his way.

Craig wasted no time, arriving back in the room just as the staff transferred Karl back to his bed and reconnected the monitors. He watched silently as the nurse double-checked everything before leaving the room, giving his arm a gentle squeeze as she passed.

The machinery surrounding Karl was nothing new, but the apparatus surrounding his body was. He seemed to be shut into a metal frame, totally immobilizing his body from neck to thigh, including his arms. The frame supported his body off the bed, but he appeared to be resting comfortably despite it. Moving closer, Craig was afraid to touch Karl. Instead, he stood as close as possible. Still fighting strong emotion, he breathed in deeply, willing himself not to cry lest Karl awoke and saw him.

The sound of the heart monitor was steady, and Karl was totally still, obviously still under the anesthesia. A sheet was pulled up to his midsection, but bared his sides, which bore red streaks staining the skin, and the flesh was pinched where metal rods entered his body. Studying the equipment attached to Karl’s body, Craig winced. Karl had to be strong enough to get through this. Karl was the strongest person he knew.

Long hours of silence broken only by the quiet beeping passed, and Nurse Walker came in to check on Karl. “Mr. Parker, how are you holding up?” she asked in a compassionate voice.

A harsh laugh escaped Craig. “I have nothing to complain about, considering...” He gestured at his best friend who was currently trussed in a hospital bed.

She smiled wryly. “It’s tough, I know,” she said quietly, checking Karl’s vitals. “If it’s any consolation, he’s doing well. His vitals are strong for just having come out of a troubled surgery. He should wake up soon, at least for a little while.” She checked the I.V. and added a syringe of fluid to one. “That’s for the pain. The surgical anesthetic will be wearing off as well.” She paused and looked over Craig. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

Craig shook his head. “No - thank you. I’m fine.” He pulled the chair closer. “Can - can I touch him?”

Nurse Walker smiled. “Sure. Talk to him, too. If he’s waking up, it’ll reassure him.” She made some notes on Karl’s chart and left.

Craig reached carefully through the cage surrounding Karl, just barely inserting his finger in the slight curl of Karl’s palm. After about 30 minutes more of breathing, the heart monitor started to pick up, the beeping coming a bit faster and louder. Standing up, Craig tried to make sense of the various monitors, but nothing helped. He pushed the call button, hoping the nurse could help him.

After a couple minutes, Nurse Walker stepped into the room. “Something you need?” she asked.

Craig gestured wildly at the flashing monitors. “What’s wrong?”

Unperturbed, Nurse Walker walked over and checked the monitors, silencing the beeping, and then she checked Karl’s pulse. “He’s all right, just waking up,” she said with a smile.

Rolling his eyes in relief, Craig slouched back into the chair. “Geez - I thought he was...” He couldn’t voice the thought.

The nurse walked past and patted his shoulder. “It’s all right. I’d prefer you care too much than not enough,” she said quietly. “He’ll be awake anytime. I’ll bring some ice water.” And she departed.

As soon as she was out of the room, Craig was right back at Karl’s side, squeezing his hand slightly. “Wake up, baby. I need you to wake up...”

After Craig repeated himself several times, Karl’s hand clenched slightly, a twitch, but some response. Rambling aimlessly, Craig whispered, “When you wake up, I’m never letting you go again. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, but you’re not getting that far away from me. Not again.”

Karl’s hand moved again, slower this time, but his fingers moved to tighten about Craig’s finger, and a slight furrow appeared on his forehead. Craig twisted his hand in Karl’s, threading their fingers together as he leaned closer. “Wake up, sleeping beauty,” he coaxed gently, blowing lightly through the hair along Karl’s ears.

Face creasing slightly, Karl’s eyes moved visibly under the closed lids, and his lips opened on a soft sigh and inhalation. His fingers tightened a bit more and then relaxed. A relieved smile spreading across his face, Craig teased, “What’re you waiting for? A kiss?”

Lips pressing together again, Karl frowned a little more as he was trying to wake up. His hand closed about Craig’s finger again, and he sucked in a deeper breath. After a few heartbeats, he started to open his eyes.

Leaning carefully, Craig chanced a kiss along a regal cheekbone. He sighed at the feel of Karl’s skin, warm beneath his lips. “Lucky bastard.” He nearly cried, holding back at the last moment. Karl’s hazel eyes came open, dazed and glassy, but he focused on Craig right away, and the barest of smiles pulled at his mouth as he recognized the other man.

Craig hugged Karl as best he could, letting his lips brush against the other man’s face more than once in the process, not bothering to hide it. Karl swallowed several times, eyes opening and closing slowly, and he drew a breath to speak, but nothing came out. He swallowed again, trying to wet his mouth.

The nurse came in at that moment with a pitcher of ice water. Craig beamed at Karl. “Look - you get a bendy straw!” Blinking as if he was trying to clear his head, Karl’s eyes refocused on Craig, but he didn’t try to talk again.

Nurse Walker smiled. “Welcome back, Mr. Urban.” She handed Craig the pitcher and left quietly.

Craig poured a cup of water and held the straw to Karl’s mouth. “Slow and easy, big boy...” Opening and closing his chapped lips a few times, Karl got a hold of the straw and managed a couple swallows before releasing the straw weakly.

Hovering close by, Craig smoothed Karl’s hair back. “That was weak, man. You keep that up and I’ll beat you in drinking games from here on.” Karl’s lips curled up at one corner just a bit, and he opened his lips again for more water.

Craig put the straw between Karl’s lips. “So this is the start to a good thing? Me waiting on you?”

Opening his eyes again, Karl turned somewhat clearer eyes toward Craig, and they were warm and affectionate, even though he hadn’t managed a word yet. Craig blushed a little. “My beauty has you speechless. C’mon. Admit it.”

Karl licked his lower lip just a bit, and he finally whispered, “Yeah.”

“See? That’s what I love about you. You’re so easy to get information from.” Craig pressed another soft kiss to Karl’s mouth, along the edge of his dry lips.

Watching Craig dazedly, Karl swallowed again before speaking. “Just for you,” he whispered, the words slurred.

Craig shushed Karl with a finger over his lips, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a tube of lip balm. He soothed it over the dry, chapped skin. Karl accepted Craig’s ministrations quietly, though his hand twitched slightly. His brow furrowed some again as he groaned slightly under his breath.

“You hurt, luv?” Craig asked in a low tone, seeing the expression of discomfort that flared across Karl’s face. “Need me to get the nurse?”

Wrinkling his nose in disagreement, Karl let his eyes close. “Stay,” he whispered.

“Wouldn’t leave for anything.” Craig promised, fingertips still roaming over Karl’s face. After a few more breaths, Karl relaxed and dropped off to sleep again. Craig remained close by, unwilling to leave Karl’s side at all.

===

A few days later, Craig was looking pretty haggard even as Karl started gaining more color. He was staying awake more and more. Craig treasured the time they spent together more than anything. He sat in Karl’s room, near the window, flipping through a gossip rag as he waited for Karl to wake up. He giggled at yet another article questioning Orlando’s sexuality.

Awake for a few quiet minutes, Karl smiled slightly at hearing Craig. “What’s funny?” he asked, voice still weak.

“ Orlando’s gay this week.” Craig answered without thought. After a couple of moments, he raised his head again and asked, “You’re awake?”

Karl looked like he was trying not to choke. “Orli’s gay this week?” he asked, snorting.

“Apparently the contract with Disney is up.” Craig mused, laying the gossip rag down and walking slowly over to Karl’s bed. He pulled up the ever present cup of water, putting the straw to Karl’s lips.

Sipping slowly, Karl looked more alert than he had yet since the surgery. He swallowed a few times and let the straw go. “You look like hell,” he observed.

“Thanks,” Craig laughed. “You really know how to flatter a guy.”

Karl raised a brow, looking serious. “You’re not taking care of yourself,” he said quietly, voice concerned.

“Nothing a bath and a shave can’t help,” Craig rubbed at his eyes before perching carefully at the end of the bed. He studied Karl’s face carefully, the return of the light in Karl’s eyes going a long way to make him feel better.

“Are you still sleeping here? You can’t be that comfortable,” Karl said, worry showing in his eyes. “I want you here, but I don’t want you to feel like shit. I’ve got enough of that to go around,” he muttered.

“The bed’s plenty comfortable.” Craig didn’t mention that he rarely slept in it because he didn’t want to be that far away from Karl. He slid off of the end of Karl’s bed and stepped closer, trailing his fingers along Karl’s arm. “So - you feel like shit?”

Karl wrinkled his nose, an expression becoming more commonplace. “I hurt all the time, even if it is dulled. And I can’t move from my neck to my knees. But I guess I should be thankful. I can move my toes on one foot, though,” he added.

“I can count your piggies now?” Craig joked, moving down to bare the digits, letting his fingers tease over each one. “At least pain is better than no feeling at all?”

“Yeah,” Karl whispered. “But...”

“But?” Craig prompted, massaging Karl’s feet.

His eyes blank, Karl stared into nothing over Craig’s shoulder. “Can’t feel my left leg,” he whispered.

A slight frown crossed Craig’s face, as his hand ventured upward on that side, stopping somewhere just beyond Karl’s knee. “So I can’t molest you? Maybe we should give it a bit more time.”

Karl’s face remained blank, and he didn’t move at all. Craig ran his other hand up Karl’s right leg, teasing at the hairs on it. “You feel that?” He tried to brighten Karl’s mood.

Blinking, Karl glanced up at Craig. “Yeah,” he answered. “Tickles, a little.”

Hand venturing further, Craig waited for Karl to tell him to stop. “Never admit where you’re ticklish. Gives your enemy an advantage.”

His nose wrinkling, Karl smiled slightly. “C’mon, man, it makes my leg itch, and I can’t reach it.” Because of the support cage he was still locked into, he couldn’t move his arms except from the elbow. He couldn’t move his back at all.

Craig waggled his eyebrows. “I can scratch your itch.”

Karl snorted, finally smiling. “All right, you nutter. Quit feelin’ me up when I can’t retaliate.”

“As if you would,” Craig chuckled, pulling his hand away and smoothing it over top of the sheet.

The answer was a soft harrumph. “I’d pout if I could make a good go at it,” Karl retorted, letting Craig distract him from worrying about his leg.

“And spoil those lovely lips?” Craig moved to the chair beside the bed, leaning back to where he could talk and relax at the same time.

“Hmm. Speaking of lips, got any more of that balm?” Karl asked hopefully, batting his eyelashes.

Craig smiled as he dug into his pocket, pulling the small tube out and bringing it to Karl’s lips once more. “Can’t have them getting chafed. Need to keep them soft and luscious for the ladies.”

Karl made a dissenting noise as he kept his lips still. When Craig finished, he snarked, “Not too many ladies coming around, unless you count Sally and Yolanda.”

“They’re all just waiting for you to get back into fighting form,” Craig answered gently. “And to be truthful, you’re better off without them.” Eyes turning serious, Karl nodded in agreement, and he didn’t attempt to continue the conversation.

“I mean - who needs a bunch of sniveling fans in a hospital ward? It’s better that they don’t know that you’re here.” Craig backtracked.

Nose wrinkling again, “Nah, not interested in fans.” Karl looked up, eyes warm. “Just friends,” he said quietly.

“Maybe more? I’ve noticed that Sally is especially nice to you.” Craig squeezed Karl’s hand, letting their fingers tangle together.

Karl smiled genuinely. “She’s nice, yeah,” he agreed. But he kept his eyes trained on Craig.

Craig smiled. “I don’t want to talk about girls. Didn’t like it when I was a teenager...don’t like it now...”

Chuckling, Karl smiled again. “So, we could talk about boys, instead,” he suggested.

“Yeah - those doctors had their hands all over you.” Craig grinned. “How do you feel about that?”

Karl rolled his eyes. “I don’t remember any of it, and I really doubt they were handling any dangly bits.”

“Ah - but you don’t remember...” Craig chuckled again. His hand slid along Karl’s arms, careful of the tubes inserted beneath his skin. “They may have removed them for all you know.”

Karl blinked in surprise, but then narrowed his eyes. “No, they didn’t. Cause I’ve still got that damn catheter,” he replied.

“Made ya think. At least you can still feel that part. That’s important, isn’t it?” Craig asked in a tentative voice.

Smiling wryly, Karl nodded. “Yeah. It is. Thanks,” he said, mouth twitching into a smile.

“Gotta look for the silver lining,” Craig grinned, relieved in more ways than he could mention. “We’ll be sure to do plenty of physical therapy, just to ensure the proper healing of all body parts.”

Karl’s eyes sparkled. “Physical therapy for the dangly bits, too?” he said with a smirk.

“Lots of push ups. And squat thrusts,” Craig recommended in a slightly knowing tone.

The look on Karl’s face showed that he was absolutely nonplussed.

“Can’t throw you at all, can I?” Craig asked without pause.

“Squat thrusts?” Karl asked, still astounded.

“Blame my gym teacher,” Craig held his hands up in innocence as Karl actually laughed. A smile spread across Craig’s face and he laughed too. “God, that sounds good.”

Still laughing, Karl rolled his eyes. “Lord. Squat thrusts.” He sighed gustily, shaking his head at Craig. “What would I do without you?” he asked, more serious than he sounded.

“Solo squat thrusts?” Craig ventured, fishing for a suggestion of what might happen when Karl was out of the hospital.

Sobering some, Karl’s mouth twisted. “I doubt it,” he murmured. “I haven’t really thought that far ahead - whenever I do, I get...anxious,” he admitted. “Not knowing...what’s going to happen.” He raised unsure eyes to Craig. “I don’t know if I’ll get to go home, and I don’t know if there would be anyone there when I got there, either. Sides Mum and Da, of course. But...”

Craig sobered. “If they’re not, you don’t need them anyway. Everyone that loves you - that needs you - that matters - they’ll be there for you when you need them.”

“Like you’re here,” Karl whispered, needing confirmation to reassure himself...he didn’t want to wake up one morning, still paralyzed, to find out Craig was gone.

Craig took Karl’s hand, moving it enough to press his lips to the backs of his fingers. “I’ll always be here.”

===

The orderlies wheeled Karl’s stretcher back into the room after another round of X-rays, gently moved the patient to the bed and left quietly. Nurse Walker entered right after, stopping to pat Karl’s hand a she saw his face was white with pain. “I’ll get you fixed up here,” she said.

“Thanks, Sally,” Karl murmured, looking totally exhausted.

Craig looked up from his spot on the bed in the corner. He never left the room at all now, though he thought Karl figured he left during the night while he slept. He could see the pallor on Karl’s face as well, medical training or no, and the other man looked miserable. Craig’s heart clenched at the sight. “How did it go today?”

Karl swallowed and made his pain-glazed eyes focus on Craig. “Slowly,” he rasped. “Painfully. And then even slower and more painfully.” The color and life seemed to just be draining out of him. More than a week after the third surgery, he had not improved after the first two days - in fact, his overall condition had deteriorated, and the doctors were concerned he wasn’t healing properly. Despite constant I.V. fluids and solid food, he continued to lose weight as muscle mass melted away. His skin had gone pale and his hair turned dry and brittle. He was receiving daily transfusions to try to promote healing - and he was still backsliding.

Even before today, Karl had faced the unavoidable fact that the surgery had failed and he was even worse off than before - and that he was not going to get better. Not that Karl had shared that with Craig.

Approaching the bed, Craig did all that it seemed he could do lately. He clasped Karl’s hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. “It takes time. You didn’t learn to walk in a week, did you? This can’t heal as quickly as you’d like.”

Sick with the latest news from the doctors, Karl wouldn’t even raise his eyes to look at Craig, who had been so supportive. He felt like he was letting the other man down, somehow. When Karl wouldn’t even look at him, it broke Craig’s heart. Over the past few weeks, he thought that they’d developed a relationship in which they could share anything, but he could tell Karl was holding back. He rubbed at the cool hand in his vigorously.

Karl couldn’t contain his grief any longer, and silent tears slipped from the corners of his eyes. Without any pride, he finally looked at Craig. “They’re saying surgery again. Oh Christ, Craig, I can’t go through this anymore...”

That heartrending tone nearly broke through Craig’s defenses, but he managed to keep them up. “Doctor just wants to see your arse again.” He winced at the uncaring thoughtlessness behind the tactless jest, but it was too late to pull the words back.

Blinking in disbelief, Karl snorted and half laughed, half cried. “Oh Christ,” he murmured. “Doctors after my arse now, huh?” he said, voice strangled, obviously on the edge of losing it.

Craig tried to look off put at Karl’s questioning of his statement. “It’s a lovely arse. Of course they’re after it.”

Overwrought, in pain and upset, Karl just lay his head back and let the tears run free, as if he were too exhausted to actively grieve. “Craig,” he finally whispered. “I’m not gonna get through this.”

“Yes, you will,” Craig whispered fiercely. “You’re going to come through this because I will not be the one to tell your parents that you gave up when you still had a fighting chance.” His voice grew louder as he continued. “I won’t tell Hunter that his daddy didn’t want to try hard enough to come back to him.” Finally, he stopped with a soft whisper, “And I won’t let myself get over you, so you can’t leave me here alone.”

Karl’s choked sob after Craig’s announcement was the sum total of his response for long minutes as he vented his terror and upset. Finally, the jag seemed to run its course, and exhausted yet again, Karl let his head just loll to the side so he could look at his best friend.

Craig met Karl’s moist gaze steadily. “You have to get through this.”

Although he seemed totally drained, Karl stared into Craig’s unflinching eyes and then nodded slowly. “I won’t give up,” he whispered. “For my parents. For my boy...and for you. I’ll try.” His voice broke at the end.

Craig replied with a nod of his own, hand tightening around Karl’s as he held the other man’s deep green gaze as long as he could. After several long moments, he dropped his gaze, head hanging as a single tremor betrayed his distress.

“I’m sorry,” Karl murmured.

“Don’t apologize,” Craig replied in a low tone. “This is no fault of your own. Things happen. We just have to get through them.”

“Craig,” Karl said quietly, “why are you still here? Really.”

Craig shrugged, knowing full well why he was still there. But he also knew that Karl needed to figure it out on his own. Karl knew he was missing something, but the ordeal of today’s exams kept him from focusing any further. He sighed. “Hold my hand ‘til I’m asleep?” he asked in a small voice.

“Always,” Craig promised in a shaky tone, rubbing his thumb in tiny circles over the back of Karl’s cool palm.

==

A week later, Nurse Walker came out of recovery and made a beeline for the waiting room where she knew Craig would be waiting. She had news for him and didn’t want to wait.

Craig rose as soon as he saw Sally walk into the room. “What’s the verdict?” He asked, tugging nervously at the shabby stubble that decorated his chin.

The nurse smiled. “He’s going to be just fine. Just fine, Mr. Parker. He came through really well, and the operation was a complete success.”

Craig nearly crumpled to the floor in relief. Finally - there was some light at the end of this tunnel. He looked away as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks, rubbing at his eyes. “Good. Good. Will he be back in his room soon?”

“About an hour as they give him some more pain meds and check the sutures over.” The nurse patted his shoulder comfortingly. “He’s going to be just fine,” she repeated before leaving.

Craig thanked her one final time before hurrying back to Karl’s room to await the other man’s return. He stared out the window, keeping his emotions in check as he waited to seek Karl for himself.

Nurse Walker’s prediction was right on as the stretcher rolled a groggy Karl back into the room. This time, instead of the metal cage, he lay on his belly, two much lighter, fabric and thin plastic braces wrapped around him, holding his spine secure. He was clearly drugged to the hilt, but he seemed aware of his surroundings.

This time, Craig knelt beside the bed, wanting Karl to not have to strain to see him. He brushed Karl’s dark hair back from his face. “You did it this time, baby,” he murmured in a low tone. “You’ll be as good as new in no time at all.” Karl blinked wearily at his friend, not even totally sure who he was, but certain he was a friend...no...a loved one. He focused his fuzzy attention on that beautiful face.

Craig noticed the confused look, and it worried him a bit. “Karl? I’m going to let you sleep for a bit. I don’t...I just - I should go call your parents.” A touch of worry speared him, and Karl’s face pulled into a frown. He didn’t want the beautiful man to leave him. Not like this.

Craig smoothed at the frown with his thumb. “Maybe I’ll wait until later,” he murmured to himself more than Karl. Right now, he needed to touch and look at and...

Karl’s worry eased and he let the soft touch soothe him back into sleep. As soon as Karl’s eyes closed, Craig’s composure disintegrated. He fell back on his heels, lowering his head as the tears finally broke through, trailing down his scruffy face to pool at the neckline of his filthy jersey. He lifted his hands to cover his face as his back hit the wall and he slumped, finally falling apart.

Having been lurking about, concerned about just this type of reaction, Nurse Walker walked in quietly, knelt down and put her arms around Craig. He turned into her, wracked by silent sobs, and she held as he cried out his fear and worry.

==

“Laying here like this really sucks.”

Several days had passed since the fourth surgery, and Karl was awake, was being weaned off the pain meds, and was very, very cranky.

Craig flipped a page in the magazine he was reading, humming in agreement. “Consider the alternatives, luv.”

A loud huff. “Usually if I’m lying like this, I’m getting a tan or a massage,” Karl complained.

“Usually if I’m lying like that, I’m getting laid,” Craig tossed back, unwavering against Karl’s whining. That stopped Karl’s pouting cold. He stared at Craig and bit his lip, not sure if he should ask the questions that popped to mind.

Craig peeked over the top of the magazine, grinning at the look of consternation on Karl’s face. “I never look quite like THAT while it’s happening, though.”

Karl rolled his eyes and sighed. “I don’t know...” his voice trailed off. “Tell me about it,” he said.

“And upset your little fantasy world? I don’t think so. When you find the right one, it’ll happen. You’ll be surprised in a lovely, entirely nice way. I don’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Fantasy world?” Karl retorted. “What kind of fantasy is having someone’s cock speared up your arse?”

Craig hid behind the magazine, keeping the disappointment to himself. “It’s really nothing as bad as all of that,” he answered, trying to keep the defensiveness out of his tone.

Recognizing the hurt in Craig’s voice, Karl sighed. “I’m sorry, mate. I’m just...clueless, you know? And cranky. And curious. So help me out here.”

“I can’t explain it,” Craig mumbled, flipping another page. He was quiet for a few long moments before adding, “It’s like being whole.”

Karl was about to start complaining again when he heard Craig’s last words. He blinked several time, trying to understand. “Whole?” he asked quietly, staring at the magazine. Craig always sat so Karl could look at him without having to move his head. It struck Karl suddenly how caring an action that was.

“It’s the only time I feel whole,” Craig replied. “Most of the time I feel so empty that I can’t stand to be alone. I just - I feel like I need to be with someone - and it’s good - but it’s wrong...They’re not who I need them to be.”

Karl could understand that much - he had thought he would marry Hunter’s mother...it was good, but it was wrong. “So it’s...about connecting with someone,” he said quietly.

Craig shrugged a shoulder. “I guess so. And in that, I’m as clueless as you are.”

“I just don’t understand,” Karl murmured. “But I guess it must feel good, yeah?”

“Yeah, it does,” Craig blushed, flipping yet another page without reading it, but grateful to have something to hide behind. “You enjoy sex, right? I do, too. It’s just...different.”

“Well, sure I do...did,” he amended ruefully, still wavering between deciding if he’d be walking again. Or using anything else below the waist. He did feel a lot better, but really tried not to think about it too much, just in case it didn’t pan out. Talk about seriously depressing. “I can see if I was the one...you know, doing...rather than...getting.”

“Both are pleasant,” the older Kiwi answered, not wanting to be too descriptive since Karl couldn’t enjoy the benefits at the moment. “When you’re out of here, I will make sure and get you a stripper. I’ll just make sure to find a male so you can experiment with your newfound curiosity.”

Karl actually considered it for a long moment before he remembered he’d likely be in a wheelchair. “I guess,” he said listlessly.

“You’ll still be able to...to do things,” Craig finally lowered the magazine. “You have to have hope that this isn’t as good as it gets. Don’t settle, Karl. There are better things out there for you.”

“Christ, Craig, I’m trying, really I am. But it’s real hard to think I’m going to be able to do anything like that when I can’t feel my own cock, you know?” Karl muttered.

“You’ve had four major surgeries on your spinal cord,” Craig reminded Karl in a sharp tone. “The last was less than a week ago. There’s still a lot of bruising and swelling that has to go down before you’ll feel anything, much less the urge to wank!” Craig’s temper was near boiling point. If Karl didn’t believe he’d get better, then he wouldn’t.

Chastised, Karl closed his eyes for a long moment. “You’re right. I’m sorry I’ve been such a bastard today.”

“If anyone deserves to be a bastard...” Craig left the sentence unfinished, moving to kneel next to Karl’s bed. “You will be fine. You’ll come through this. You’ll find that Ms. or Mr. Right and life will be all sunshine and roses for you. You’re Karl. Life wouldn’t dare give you lemons.”

Smiling at his friend, Karl studied his face. “Not when I’ve got you to help me make lemonade, yeah?”

“Yeah. And you can rest assured that you’ll have me, even when you no longer need me.” Craig’s face was solemn.

Karl’s words were out before he could stop them. “What if I always need you?”

“I just said you’d always have me,” Craig smiled sweetly, reaching out to touch Karl’s face.

Karl wasn’t even aware of the angelic smile on his face with Nurse Walker entered. She couldn’t see Craig’s face, but she could see Karl, and it made her smile widely. “Gentlemen, I have news,” she announced.

Craig turned on his heels as he waited for her to give them the news. His hand remained near Karl’s face, fingers still tangled in the now-longish hair.

Sally smiled wide. “Mr. Urban, you’re going to sit up today.”

A shared look of shock was reflected on both Craig and Karl’s faces. Craig stood, nearly wrenching his arm in the rails of the hospital bed before coming to his full height. “Are you sure he’s ready?” A worried frown knit his brow.

Nodding, the nurse moved to the bed to check Karl’s charts. “Yes, the doctors are very pleased with the anterior interbody cages and the adaptation of his spine. A certain amount of stress is required to encourage the bones to continue healing,” she explained.

Craig moved away from the bed, allowing more room for her to work. “So he’ll be sitting a lot?”

She grinned. “Actually, standing and walking, too, once we get him into physical therapy to rebuild his leg muscles. But it’s only been five weeks, and you were in great shape before the surgery,” she told her patient. “Like I said, this last surgery was a real success.”

Craig could see the panic sweeping across Karl’s features, warring with the hope that he was recovering quickly. He smiled at the other man. “You might see the fruition of your last worries quicker than you thought!”

Karl blinked blankly for a moment and then blushed bright red. Even the nurse snickered. Craig couldn’t stop himself. He leaned over the bed, pressing a soft, moist kiss to Karl’s burning cheek. “You’re so lovely when you blush.”

Embarrassed, Karl turned his head to hide his face in his pillow as Sally checked his vitals and recorded them on his chart. “I’ll be back with the physical therapist for your evaluation in an hour, boys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she teased.

Waiting until she was out of the room, Craig whispered, “I think she lacks the equipment to do what you want to do.”

Karl snorted into the pillow, almost choking, and turned his head back to look at Craig incredulously. Craig tried for innocence. “What?” Karl busted out into a full, hearty laugh for the first time since before the accident.

“I thought we spent the entire morning discussing cocks up the bum.” Craig blinked. Dissolving into giggles, Karl nodded his head, helpless to do anything else.

“You’re not hysterical, are you?” Craig peered curiously at Karl. “Do I need to slap you or something?”

Giggles finally receding, Karl shook his head. “Mate, you can’t tease me like that if you don’t plan to follow through.”

“Something tells me that what I’d do to follow through would be a bit more physical activity than they have planned for you just yet, luv,” Craig sighed on a chuckle. He knew better than to take Karl seriously. Right now, Craig was the only person, outside of hospital staff, Karl had seen in weeks. His feelings couldn’t be accurate.

Karl pursed his lips, knowing Craig was right. Not to mention his friend was the only person besides Nurse Walker, his parents and Hunter that he’d talked to in weeks. He loved Craig, he knew he had for years, they were best friends. But was it something more? Or was it the circumstances? He blinked as he remembered something. “Shouldn’t you be back at work?” he asked out of the blue. “It’s been over a month.”

Craig turned away, moving to open the blinds as the lie slipped easily from between his lips. “Play was cancelled. Not enough interest.”

“I’m sorry,” Karl said genuinely. “More auditions soon, though? As much as I love having you here, I’d hate to keep you from working.”

“Actually,” Craig spoke carefully, turning back to face Karl, “my schedule is clear until you’re ready to return to Auckland.”

“But I don’t know when that will be,” Karl said without thinking.

“I don’t have to work,” Craig reminded Karl gently. “I’m doing pretty well. I can afford to be with you.”

Several emotions crossed Karl’s face, and he fell silent for some time. “All right,” he said quietly. He’d pay every dollar for Craig to stay, if that was what it would take.

Craig blushed and looked away. “I mean - I can afford to be here.”

Karl was desperate for some humor to break the odd tension between them. “So, what will you do if you need...you know...” he raised an eyebrow. “To blow off some steam.”

Craig mirrored the facial expression. “Unlike you, I can feel my cock. I do feel my cock. Quite often,” he lied.

Karl blushed again as he thought about the times he wondered what was taking Craig so long in the bathroom. But actually, Craig retreated to the bathroom when he couldn’t handle Karl’s upset, pain and disappointment any longer. He’d let the younger man think what he would.

“Lucky bastard,” Karl finally muttered. “Maybe once I quit laying on it all the time, I’ll be able to get rid of the damn catheter and do something to feel good about it again.” The past week on his belly had been particularly stressful, especially after so many weeks on his back.

“Maybe so.” Craig murmured, coming to sit near the bed once more. “What would you do about it?” He asked, trying to lure Karl into talking about how he liked things.

Glancing up at Craig, Karl narrowed his eyes. “Just to clarify, we’re talking about my cock here, right?”

Craig tried for innocence again. “I think we established that Sally doesn’t have one. Who else would we be talking about?”

Karl snorted. “So what would I do about it, hmm?”

“Yeah. What would you do about it? What are you going to do about it?” Craig urged.

Karl laughed, one sharp bark. “First thing, I wanna hold it and make sure it’s still there, you know?”

“I don’t think they removed it,” Craig tried to reassure Karl, “But there was this one day when I was out for lunch, and they were checking you out...”

Sticking out his tongue, Karl raspberried at him. “You asked, mate.”

“So is that all you’ll do? Just hold it?” Craig lifted an eyebrow.

“Well, sex hasn’t exactly been on my mind, but I’m sure I could conjure enough memories to have a nice, slow jack,” Karl muttered. “I don’t remember right off...” he shut his mouth with a snap, and his cheeks flushed again.

“Don’t remember what?” Craig asked gently.

Karl sighed. “The last time I had sex.”

Craig’s eyebrows knit together, and he realized that Karl was struggling. “I remember the last time I had sex,” he murmured in a low tone. “It was eight months ago. I’d had a difficult time after the con, and Joel was there and... It was nice. It’s always nice with Joel.”

“Eight months...” Karl murmured, still trying to remember. “Might have been as long ago as Moon. That seems so long ago.” Then he glanced to Craig. “Joel? Really?” his voice was soft. “He was good to you?”

“He was my friend. I can’t ask for more than that, can I?” Craig’s voice was quiet as he talked about the experience. “He always took time to make sure I wanted him, that I was ready for him. He never took unless he was sure it was what I wanted.”

Karl was quiet for a little while. “When I can move, I want to hug you,” he murmured, gazing at his friend.

Craig leaned back, studying Karl’s face. “Why?”

“I...I want to hold you close. Remind myself that you’re really, really here,” Karl said softly.

Craig lowered the bed rail and pulled his chair just to the edge of Karl’s bed. He wrapped his arms around Karl, letting the other man feel his warmth. “I’m really really really here,” he smiled. And then to lighten the situation… “You’re going to wash your hands between holding your cock and holding me?”

Karl chuckled. “If you insist. But you’re disparaging Yolanda’s daily sponge bath, you know.”

“Come now,” Craig joked, “you know you like being manhandled by her. Just a preview of things to come if your curiosity leads you that way.”

Rolling his eyes, Karl shook his head, finding some comfort in the easy banter. “No, sorry, you’ve got me too interested in this “fantasy” you won’t tell me about.”

Still holding Karl close, Craig asked, “You really want me to tell you?” Pressing his face as close to Craig’s chest as he could get, Karl nodded.

Craig brushed Karl’s hair back, lowering his mouth close to the delicate shell of ear before he began speaking. “It’s magic,” he started, “when you’re with someone, and you know that it’s going to happen. It’s similar to what you expect with a woman, but there’s a deeper craving,” his voice lowered, “a lust, if you will, to be filled.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Strong hands move over your body, with a sure touch that I’ve never found in a woman. The calluses tease and tickle your skin, making you tingle as you wait for the next touch.”

Karl actually shivered. He pressed his face into Craig’s neck, hoping the other man would continue.

“You find yourself arching expectantly, only to be pushed back down onto the bed, those same knowing fingers sliding wetly between your thighs as a stubbled chin burns your own.” Craig closed his eyes for a moment, imagining Karl’s mouth against his own. “And then there’s that first tentative touch. It grows bolder, pushing into you, opening you, making a way for the two of you to be together.” He gulped as he remembered the last time he’d been touched like that. “Finally, he pushes inside you, and there’s bliss as your body remakes itself to include him. He’s touching you anywhere and everywhere at once...” Craig’s voice cracked, and he had to stop for a moment. Swallowing hard, Karl practically held his breath, waiting for Craig to keep talking.

“Every part of your body is hyper-sensitized,” Craig explains, “you can feel even the smallest move he makes, and then he’s thrusting in and out and there’s a place inside that - oh God - stars and explosions and confetti all around.” He smiled a bit, his breath hot against Karl’s ear. “And then he’s coming inside you, heating you from the inside out, and there’s nothing left to do but collapse together.”

Karl’s eyes closed, and his voice was a rasp when he finally spoke. “Craig?”

“Mmmm?” Craig hummed, eyes closed as he inhaled Karl’s clean scent.

The sounds from Karl were heated and rough as he sighed heavily - but it was more a sound of...pleasure. “I can feel it.”

==

“Well, aren’t you all chipper this morning?” Nurse Walker asked as she entered the sunny room. She was greeting both Karl and Craig - knowing they’d both be there.

Craig sat up, taking his feet down from where he’d had them propped on the heating unit. He stretched, the vertebra in his neck popping ominously. “‘s easy for you to say. You didn’t have to sleep in this chair.”

The nurse snorted. “There’s a perfectly good bed right over there,” she said, pointing to the full-size bed pushed against the far wall that was usually meant for another patient.

“Don’t let him fool you, Sally,” Karl drawled. “He fell asleep watching the telly again.”

Craig flicked his fingers at Karl’s nearby elbow, grinning evilly when the other man ‘oofed’ at the sensation that shot tingles down to his fingertips. “I’m a ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ addict. It’s the only channel that is clear in this god-forsaken building,” he grumped.

Grinning, the nurse moved to incline Karl’s bed up. “Well, maybe we can do something about that,” she teased, starting to unsnap the heavy braces Karl had been confined to the past ten days since the surgery.

“Is Yolanda coming?” Karl asked, figuring it was bath time if the braces were coming off.

“No, no Yolanda,” Nurse Walker said.

“No Yolanda?” Karl repeated, confused as Sally pulled off the neck brace.

“That’s what I said,” Sally said humorously. She glanced to Craig. “Do we need to get his ears checked?”

Craig’s eyes strayed to the expanses of pale flesh revealed by the removed braces, and he couldn’t hold Sally’s gaze as he forgot to answer her, finally turning back with an ironic, “What?”

Raising an eyebrow, Nurse Walker just grinned, seeing the preoccupation on Craig’s face. “I said Karl is getting up and out of bed today.”

“I am?” Karl said in disbelief.

Craig snickered. “As opposed to getting up while in bed? That’s an improvement, Karl!” Sally cackled as she helped Karl roll to his side and then actually sit up so she could remove the back brace, while Karl’s eyes widened as he looked between Craig and the nurse, shooting Craig a look of embarrassment mixed with annoyance.

Craig had the good grace to look embarrassed at what he’d said about Karl. Moving to the side of the bed, he helped hold Karl in a sitting position as the brace was removed and he could see the angry red stitches and scars that looked painful despite Karl’s insistence otherwise.

Smiling, the nurse let Craig hold up Karl as she pushed the button to put the bed at almost 90 degrees. “There you go. Just relax a bit, get used to the feeling of being out of the brace, and I’ll be back.” Shooting a grin at Craig, she bustled out.

Craig settled onto the bed near Karl’s legs. “How does it feel?” He eyed Karl critically, ready to tell them to halt whatever plans they had for him if Karl didn’t feel up to them.

Karl had an odd look on his face. “Weird...I’m almost afraid to move for fear I’ll fall over to one side,” he said, carefully and slowly shifting his arms to grasp the bars on each side of his bed.

Settling his hands on either side of Karl’s trim waist to support him, Craig watched as the muscles in Karl’s arms tightened as he gripped the bars. “I won’t let you fall.”

Looking at Craig gratefully, he laid back carefully against the inclined bed and slowly took a breath, relaxing. After a minute or two, he raised an eyebrow. “I think I’m okay...it doesn’t hurt. I expected it to.”

A relieved grin crossed Craig’s face. “Good. I’m glad. This means we can get to working on your education that much sooner.”

Karl flashed a grin toward Craig. “Something to look forward to,” he chuckled. “Although I’d settle for going to the loo rather than this piece of work,” he said, gesturing to the catheter under the sheets. He’d complained about it often enough, he knew Craig knew what he was talking about.

“Maybe we can ask Sally about getting it out? If they’re going to be letting you move, maybe we can make the trip to the loo,” the older man suggested, measuring the distance to the restroom with a glance.

“Sounds like you’re ahead of me,” Nurse Walker said as she walked back in pushing a wheelchair.

“You’re taking it out?” Karl asked hopefully.

The nurse nodded. “Yes, and keep in mind, it’s been there awhile. You’re going to be sore. But it should heal up fine, you’ve been on plenty of antibiotics from the surgeries.”

Craig could almost see Karl deflate as the nurse mentioned soreness. “I guess you’ll have to wait a while to do as you planned?” He kidded gently.

Karl rolled his eyes. “I don’t care. I just want the damn thing gone. Makes me feel like an invalid.”

The nurse patted his shoulder. “You are an invalid, sweetheart. But you’re getting better. Now, do you want me to do this, or should I go get Earl?”

Karl wrinkled his nose in a gesture of distaste. “I don’t like Earl.”

Craig eased toward the door. “I’ll let the two of you have a little privacy...”

“Ten minutes, Mr. Parker, and I’ll be out,” the nurse said.

Nodding, Craig stepped outside the door. He bit his lip as he waited, expecting to hear a bellow of pain at any moment.

But there was no sound from the room other than the hushed murmur of the telly, until Karl’s voice came clear through the door, a sound of put upon dreaded amusement. “Awwwwww, man!”

Trying to keep a straight face, Nurse Walker exited the room, closing the door behind her. She nodded to Craig. “You can go in. He’s fine.”

Craig walked back into the dim light of the room, seeing Karl lean back against the bed. “Did she say you could massage the hurt out of it?”

Karl’s face was bright red, and he was biting his lip. “I didn’t ask,” he muttered.

“Why do you look so embarrassed?” Craig asked, stepping up to the bed and studying Karl’s colorful complexion.

Karl’s head thumped back on the bed behind him. “Yolanda’s going on vacation, and Sally said the duty nurses from the other wards are holding a raffle on who will get to help me take my first shower,” he muttered.

A smirk curled the corners of Craig’s mouth. “I see. Did she happen to say who had won?”

“Apparently the cat fight is at 3 this afternoon. She said it wouldn’t have been near as a big deal if Yolanda hadn’t brought in the Price of Milk DVD to show them what she saw every day.” If possible, he blushed even harder.

“Are there any special instructions regarding the shower?” Craig lowered the handrail on the side of the bed closest to him.

“That’s what I asked. I mean, why couldn’t I do it myself? She said if I fell it could be bad.” He sighed. “And since I don’t want Earl in here...” Karl made another disgusted face.

Craig helped Karl to a sitting position on the edge of the bed, reaching around behind him to untie the wrinkled hospital gown. “Any reason why I can’t help you?”

Karl looked over his shoulder at Craig, blinking. “You’d do that?” he asked cautiously.

The nurse chose that moment to re-enter. “OK, guys, the nurses’ raffle is in ten minutes, so I have some instructions for the bathroom,” she started.

“I want to do it,” Craig interrupted in a voice that allowed no objections or arguments. “You all have changed shifts or whatever, but I’m the only one who’s been here with him all of the time. I refuse to let anyone else do it.”

Nurse Walker looked at Craig’s determined face and Karl’s half-surprised, half-thoughtful face, and she smiled. “All right. Let me go cancel the raffle, and I’ll be back with those instructions.” She was out the door in a flash, not wanting to give Craig time to change his mind.

Karl tilted his head, looking at Craig. “Refuse to let anyone else do it?” he asked quietly, amusement glittering in his eyes.

“No sense in ruining your reputation with the ladies when your arse is pale from laying in bed too long.” Craig tried desperately to save face.

The smile on Karl’s face was sincere and conveyed a great deal of affection for the other man. “Thanks,” he simply said.

Craig shrugged. “‘s nothing. You can flash them if they want to see your arse that bad. Autograph copies of ‘Milk’ or something.”

Karl grinned again, not getting a snappy reply out before Sally came back in. “Well, Mr. Urban, you just broke thirteen hearts. Well done,” she congratulated him, highly amused. She carried a sheet of paper with her.

Karl rolled his eyes from his place on the bed. “I’m sure they’ll survive,” he said drolly.

“Tell them we can arrange autographs from Orlando Bloom,” Craig offered placatingly.

Sally smiled. “That would probably work for most of them.” She sighed a little. “Not my thing, I guess. Too young.”

“Sean Bean?” Craig offered, going a bit older. “I’m sure he’d donate to the cause.”

The nurse looked undecided, and Karl snickered. “I bet she’s got a crush on Vig.” When Sally blushed, he pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh aloud. But his shoulders still shook.

Craig mumbled something about a snaggle-toothed crazy American before smiling in return. “He loves Karl. He’d sign anything for his dear friend.”

“The man attracts women like bees to honey,” Karl muttered. “But for you, luv, I’ll take care of it.”

Nurse Walker grinned. “Thanks, that would be wonderful. Now...” she held up the piece of paper. “Common sense at all times, gentleman. No bending over, no leaning back. Hold onto the grab bars at all times. No...” she cleared her throat. “Ahem...activities...other than washing. At least for this first week, until we know your back can handle it.” Gentleman..> I think the plural would “ flow” better

“Activities? I’m afraid you have mistaken our relationship,” Craig smiled, making a mental list of what to do.

Sally just smiled, lips twitching for a moment. “The notes in the middle are for care of the stitches. They’re plastic, so you don’t have to keep them dry, just don’t rub them or pick at them.”

Karl made a face. “They already itch,” he muttered.

“They’re supposed to,” Craig tsked. “They’re healing. Healing skin itches.” Rising from his chair, he prepared to help Karl into the bathroom. “Any last instructions or hints?”

The nurse looked supremely amused. “The end of the paper is the list of activities you are cleared to attempt in your room, including exercises the physical therapist will teach you.” She moved to the door, unable to resist tossing over her shoulder. “Plenty of supplies in the bathroom.”

Craig looked mildly confused as he glanced at Karl. “Supplies? I’m assuming she means soap, shampoo and towels?”

Karl was looking at the paper Nurse Walker had left in his hand. His lips were pressed together even harder, then he folded the paper and stuck it under his pillow. “Sure. Ready to try this?” he said, a little too casually.

Eyes narrowing, Craig placed his fists on his narrow hips. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Blinking innocently, Karl raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” Again, a little too casual.

“I want to see that paper.” Craig advanced on the bed.

“It’s nothing. I’m really wanting this shower,” Karl practically wheedled.

Seeing the pleading look on Karl’s face, Craig gave in, helping Karl to stand for the first time since his injury.

Relieved, Karl slid his feet to the floor, making sure he felt steady before trying to get to his feet. As he stood, he winced a little at the soreness all over, and his weight leaving the bed jostled it just enough to tumble the pillows, and the piece of paper floated right to Craig’s feet.

Craig glanced from Karl to the elusive piece of paper, not trusting Karl’s legs enough to let go of him just yet.

Rolling his eyes, Karl huffed. “Masturbation’s on the list of approved activities,” he muttered.

Craig couldn’t hide the grin that split his face, no matter how much he tried to. Wrapping his arms around Karl’s waist, he chuckled. “Well - you did say you wanted to hold it...”

“Hell,” Karl muttered, his arms around Craig’s shoulders. “You’ll be the first to know, mate,” he said, shaking his head. “Course, I’ll be so nervous I won’t be able to get it up.”

“Maybe I can arrange to go get us some dinner. Let you have a little alone time or something,” Craig suggested sincerely.

Karl laid his forehead against Craig’s head. “Thanks,” he murmured. He’d been afraid to ask. Yeah, all their talking and flirting was one thing, but especially the first time - he wanted to make sure everything worked right.

Craig turned his head minutely, meeting Karl’s green gaze from up close. “No problem, mate.”

A smile tugged at Karl’s lips, and he spontaneously dropped a kiss on the tip of Craig’s nose. “Shower?” he asked.

Craig’s eyes widened. “You charmer, you...” They stepped slowly into the small bathroom, and Craig held onto Karl as he adjusted the taps until the temperature was as perfect as it could be. Sliding his hands along the split in the back of the gown, he tugged at the ties. “Ready?”

Brimming with excitement, Karl was thrilled to be upright - and not hurting too much - much less to be able to shower. He glanced at Craig as he started to shrug off the blue hospital gown. “You’re gonna get soaked, mate,” he said.

Looking down at his clothes, Craig shrugged. “Hazard of the job, I guess.”

Karl caught the gown that was sliding off his arms. “I sure we can arrange for you to have one of these lovely, fashionable creations...” He paused before letting it drop, holding it in front of him. “Uh. Not that I’ve ever been shy before, but...you sure you want me to shuck this thing?” he asked cautiously.

“‘s up to you. I don’t mind,” Craig replied, making himself be as professional as possible. He avoided looking at Karl as he reached for the cotton gown.

Making a face, Karl let the gown drop. “I think I’ve more than earned this damn shower,” he murmured, his voice pained. “Ready?” he asked.

“Let’s do it.” Craig guided Karl into the shower, turning him so the water didn’t beat down on the sutures in his back.

Holding tightly to Craig with one arm and the grab bar with his other hand, Karl stepped into the water and immediately groaned in absolute bliss. “Can I stay here a few hours?” he begged piteously.

“And turn into a prune? The nurses will kill me!” Craig pretended to be offended. “Besides, I’ll need to go get dinner while you get re-acquainted with your better half.”

Before he could stop himself, Karl looked straight down at himself, and then his chin snapped up and he blushed.

Craig forced his eyes to remain on Karl’s face, so he noticed the delicate blush that stained the other man’s cheeks. He grinned. “I’m guessing it works?”

Karl narrowed his eyes. “It’s still there,” he said obviously. “I’m happy enough with that right now,” he muttered.

Craig smiled. “I could offer to help you with it, but I don’t want to offend you.”

Blinking, Karl looked at his friend. He stood right next to him in the shower stall, one arm about his waist to give him balance. His T-shirt was already soaked through and his jeans well on the way. His hair was damp and sticking up a bit from the steam. Karl nervously licked his lips. “Okay,” he said.

Eyes widening slightly, Craig barely knew whether to take Karl seriously. “Is this because you want to erase memories of Yolanda?”

The hot water and steam relaxing the tight muscles in his neck and shoulders, Karl easily shook his head, his eyes not leaving Craig’s face. Inside, he was scared as hell. Why was he doing this? Just for fun? It could ruin their friendship...but he wanted it, and badly. He just couldn’t put into words why.

Settling his hand tentatively on Karl’s waist, Craig watched the younger Kiwi’s face as he moved it slowly up, tracing the ribs that were more evident than before. He circled a dark nipple before letting his fingertip slip slowly down the center of Karl’s chest, toward his navel.

Karl’s breath caught at the first touch, but he didn’t speak, just dropping his eyes to watch the journey of Craig’s touch. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth as the tiny bit of stimulation caught spark, and he felt a tell-tale curling in his gut. Without thinking, a soft whimper escaped, and Karl hoped to hell it was lost in the sound of the water.

Craig’s body heated at the soft sounds that fell from Karl’s lips, and his cock began to fill, straining at the wet denim plastered to it. He dropped his gaze and watched as he first touched Karl, stroking gently. To look into that face would make this real...to make it more than a favor asked from a friend.

The light touches to his cock relieved him, Karl could feel it just fine, and he suspected it wouldn’t take much for Craig to realize what affect his touch was having. But when he glanced up, he saw that Craig was looking down and away, not at him at all. Karl was surprised to feel disappointed. “Thank you,” he murmured, not sure what else to say - he didn’t want Craig to stop, but he wasn’t sure he should ask him to continue. The other man didn’t look to be enjoying it himself. And Karl wouldn’t force himself on anyone.

Something in Karl’s tone made Craig lift his gaze, and he found himself staring into those lovely dark eyes. His heart pitched in his chest, and he exhaled deeply as his fingers tightened slightly. Karl inhaled sharply, knuckles turning white as he grasped the bar, because when Craig’s fingers had tightened into a fist...his cock had twitched in obvious response. His eyes focused on first Craig’s lips and slowly lifted to meet bright blue eyes that were trained on him. Craig stroked him after feeling the twitch in his hand, giving the flesh in his fist a few slow tugs. Karl was so close to him that he could feel the heat seeping into him the same as the water seeping into his clothes. He wondered when he’d moved closer.

He hadn’t noticed how gorgeous Craig’s eyes were, how innocently sexy. Biting his lip again, Karl moved his hips slightly to push into Craig’s hand, lips parting on a gasp as the stimulation made him start to obviously harden.

Making sure to brace Karl with his free arm, Craig took Karl’s hand and linked their fingers, wrapping both around Karl’s cock. “You’re holding it,” he pointed out needlessly.

Karl swallowed hard and nodded, moving both their hands to slide up and down just a bit, the resulting tingle warming his groin. “Yeah,” he whispered.

Arm tightening gently, Craig’s soaked body was brought closer to Karl’s slick body. “It...you...it works...”

Karl shifted closer, and their hands brushed their thighs where they were entwined and moving. Craig’s arm around him was reassuring, and he let loose of the grab bar to raise his hand to cup Craig’s cheek. “Yeah,” he whispered again.

Craig moved his head slightly, lips parted as he agreed to Karl’s agreement. He could feel Karl’s breath washing over his mouth, and he wanted to taste Karl so badly. Instead, he settled for nuzzling his chin.

Unconsciously hitching his hips into their combined fist, Karl groaned as he felt a stronger reaction, and there was no denying the lengthening erection. His hand holding Craig’s cheek, he lifted that sweet face. “Let me kiss you?” he asked hoarsely, tossing propriety and worries about friendship to the wind. He felt good for the first time in far too long.

Craig’s chin lifted slowly, bringing their lips closer together. He opened lust-hazed eyes to see Karl staring at him intently, and it made him pulse inside his wet jeans. “Please.”

Karl’s lips were right there, pressing against Craig’s in the wet, tongue sliding along that alluring lower lip as Karl tilted the other man’s chin up to make it easier to kiss him that much more. Now undeniably aroused, he squeezed his fingers - and Craig’s - about himself more tightly. Craig’s hand began sliding in the same rhythm as their tongues, catching and swirling at the same instances in time. He moaned into Karl’s mouth, fingers of his hand spreading low across the top curve of Karl’s arse.

Tongue sliding in to taste, Karl moaned, his arm wrapping around Craig to keep himself steady. His best friend tasted so incredibly sweet...”So good,” he whispered against Craig’s lips as they pulled apart to breathe. His hand was still curled, tangled with Craig’s, encircling his erect cock. “Fuck...” he muttered. “We’re already breakin’ the rules,” he moaned as he pushed into their hands again.

“Thought...masturbation was...was okay...” Craig grunted, stroking Karl more firmly.

Karl’s answer was a soft wail. “Not supposed to...in the shower...” he gasped, holding on to Craig for dear life, even pulling his hand away from his cock, curling the other man’s fingers fully about him. Hips undulating, Karl whimpered again. “Christ...I’m gonna...”

Craig pumped faster, wanting to give Karl release...wanting to prove to his friend that he was still whole. “I’ll hold you,” he promised, letting Karl use his fist.

Shuddering hard, the dark-haired man clung to Craig as the squeezing and stroking tossed him over the edge, and Karl bent over just enough to press his face into Craig’s neck, muffling the ecstatic cry that ripped from him.

A wide, relieved grin crossed Craig’s face as Karl fell apart against him. He stroked Karl through the aftershocks, a gentle smile on his lips as he reached for the soap and began to wash Karl off. Karl draped both arms over Craig’s shoulders and just held on, his body replete though trembling, his worries allayed...and his heart caught. He wondered what he’d just done - would it drive Craig away? Would he treat it like their joking and flirting?

Seeing Karl’s exhaustion, Craig made quick work of washing him off before removing him from the shower stall to wrap him gently in a soft towel. He let his arms linger around the other man as he dried him carefully. At last, Karl was dressed in real pajamas instead of that sorry excuse for a gown he’d been in before, although Craig had rather liked the open back. “You should go back to bed now.”

Tired, Karl didn’t even protest, walking slowly - but not so stiffly - back to the bed, where Craig helped him sit and swing his legs back up. Once safely on his side, Karl caught at Craig’s hand. His skin was still damp and chilled in the cool room, but he held on to Karl’s slim fingers. Karl’s eyes were solemn and honest. “Thanks,” he murmured.

Lifting a shoulder, Craig ducked his head. “No problem.”

Seeing that his friend seemed uncomfortable, Karl’s gut clenched uneasily. He let his friend’s hand go reluctantly so the other man could get out of his soaked clothes. Craig didn’t want to leave the room, but as a shiver wracked his frame, he turned away from Karl. In the safety of the bathroom, he peeled off his wet clothes, hanging them in the shower to dry. He had nothing to wear, so he wrapped a towel around his waist before emerging into the quiet room again. He glanced over at Karl, seeing the other man’s eyes closed. He cursed himself for the regret he’d caused Karl to feel as he climbed into the extra bed and wrapped the thin blanket around himself.

Not even close to asleep, Karl still acted like it when he heard the bathroom door open. He didn’t want Craig to be uncomfortable. Rather the opposite. He managed to stifle a deep sigh, instead stirring just slightly as if settling into sleep. He lay awake for a long time.

Seeing that Karl was asleep, Craig turned toward the wall and pulled the covers tighter. He shivered as he clenched his eyes shut. He’d made a big mistake. Oh - he’d wanted to touch Karl and bring him pleasure, but it was over now and likely would never happen again.

==

The orderly wheeled a sweaty and tired Karl back into his room, locking down the chair and leaving with a cheerful wave to the other occupant of the room. Everyone was used to Craig being here now, in fact, some of the nurses stopped to talk to him instead of Karl.

“Session go okay today?” Craig asked without looking up from the crossword puzzle he was working on.

Karl made a noncommittal sound as he carefully lifted himself from the chair. He wasn’t usually too talkative after his physical therapy sessions, which were somewhat painful and always draining.

It killed Craig to watch Karl move himself when he was obviously tired and sore, but the nurses had encouraged him to let Karl do as much for himself as possible. “One of your movies is on the telly tonight.”

Holding onto the bed rail as he steadied himself, Karl answered “Yeah?” quietly.

“That horrid movie with the ship that kills people,” Craig continued. “Why were you in that one again?”

Karl snickered. “That one’s got a reputation in the horror market,” he objected mildly. “And it was a good paycheck, actually. Plus I got to hang about with Julianna.” His face paled as he shifted himself onto the bed. His pallor had paled quite a bit in the six weeks in this room, and he had lost more weight, but he was moving about on his own now.

“Julianna. Ah - I see,” Craig mumbled, marking in another word in the puzzle. He glanced across to see Karl pulling the sheets up over his legs. “We can watch it if you want to ogle her.”

“Didn’t ogle her,” Karl protested weakly as he finally lay back against the pillows. “Talked to her about acting mostly. People she’d worked with, people I’d worked with. She has a crush on Bean.”

Craig snorted. “Who doesn’t?”

Karl snickered. “I didn’t know Sean had caught your eye.”

An eyebrow lifted sarcastically. “Would it have mattered if he did catch my eye? This is Sean Bean we’re talking about.”

“Well, sure it matters. You’re not chopped liver yourself, mate,” Karl stated positively.

Craig looked back down at the puzzle, shoulders lifting in a slight shrug. “I was nobody. I had nobody until Joel. I was on the fringes more often than not.”

Leaning his head back against the pillow, Karl watched Craig. They’d been slightly uncomfortable with each other since that first shower, though they’d managed one a day since. “You’re not nobody,” he murmured. “Not to me.”

Craig glanced across again. “And I’m sure not you, either.”

Karl frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You were rather popular with the crowd, weren’t you? Pub nights? Parties?” Craig filled in another word on the puzzle.

Lowering his eyes, Karl couldn’t refute Craig’s words. It had been better than going home alone and sitting in the dark. “Don’t know about popular, but I ran with the crowd, yeah,” he admitted.

“Did you know I redecorated my flat during filming?” The older Kiwi asked idly.

Karl glanced up, brow furrowing. “You did?”

“Yeah. Repainted all the walls, tore up the carpets and installed hardwood and tile. Put in a wall of windows on one side of the house and in my bedroom. Redid the garden too, adding all kinds of tropical plants and even a few singing tree frogs.” He toyed with the ink pen, clicking it annoyingly. “I had a lot of spare time.”

Silent for a couple awkward minutes, Karl finally spoke up. “You never said anything. About any of it.”

“What was there to say? ‘Hey guys, I’d like to come with you. I won’t be the fifth wheel, will I? Thre