Dark Judgement 27

Dark Judgement

Part 27 - Musings on Love and Hate

Posted: October 3, 2008

*****

I found that try as I might, Erestor would not talk to me about his past and I had to use the weakening enchantment on him many times during the next few weeks so that he could not attack my staff. I tired of talking to him and hearing only my own voice. Where a lesser elf might have been sarcastic or argued, Erestor merely looked at the ceiling, as though he were putting himself into a trance and shutting me out. One day, I had enough and ordered the elves to take him to the mind reading room.

“You cannot make me go,” Erestor calmly said to me. “I have rights, even here.”

“You have no rights,” I replied. “The only thing I am not allowed to do is kill you.”

“I would have thought the elves in Valinor would have moved on when it comes to rights,” Erestor sneered. “How backward they are.”

“Yet you are the one in captivity and the elves outside are not.” I smiled at Erestor. “It would seem that you are the backward one.”

The elves marched Erestor to the mind reading room and he was too weak to struggle. He shouted and yelled to call attention to his plight but no one came, not that anyone would have done as all knew what he had done to the three staff. Erestor had no friends here and because of his actions he was insuring himself against having any.

“Strap him down to the bed,” I said to the four elves who were busy trying to make Erestor lie down. Even though he was weak, he still fought all he could. He reminded me of the elves in my strongholds who thought that if they concentrated on being free, then one day they would surely achieve it. How amusing I found their struggles, and how cheated I felt if an elf gave up hope early in their captivity. I considered that as my guests they should at least play the game.

Erestor still called out and struggled after being secured to the bed with soft-cuffed wrists and ankles fastened to the sides of the bed. I told him that I was going to read his mind and he swore at me, and told me exactly where I could go and stick my head. I was actually quite amused.

I sat behind Erestor and held his head between my hands. He told me to let go of his head and so I gagged him; his incessant demands and insults were interrupting my concentration. I wanted to look at before he was born, where he was infected by Melkor. I needed to know the damage his seed had caused so that I could cure Erestor.

The tiny foetus floated in the warmth, secure and safe until the seed arrived to invade his brain. He contorted and twisted in agony until the last of it had bored through his skull and then he went still. The soft fuzz of blonde hair turned to a black that was darker than that of the most hidden places in the dead of the night. The blue eyes turned to a dark blue-black and the pink lips change to a deep blood red. I wondered if Melkor had known that Erestor’s nana was pregnant and if he knew what his seed would do to her unborn baby. I suspect he did.

I have never killed a baby, although I admit that I have ended the life of a child because I hoped to elicit a reaction from Maglor. He surprised me; he told me to kill the child as he would suffer in my castle anyway and he would be better off dead. I did it, not believing Maglor meant it and all he said was that it was for the best because the child’s fëa was free of me now and would go to the place where all human fëa go. “He is no longer yours and he will cry for his dead mother no more,” Maglor spat at me with hate burning in his eyes. “You have lost, Sauron because this is the only reaction you will ever get from me.” He was as good as his word, or so he thought. I heard him crying that night and praying to the Valar for the fëa of the small boy. I remember laughing and feeling that the day had not been such a waste after all. The only guilt I have ever felt in my long existence is how I treated Maglor before our new life together. I used to laugh at him feeling guilt for all those he had killed, but I understand now.

Why kill a baby or a small child when it will eagerly turn to the ways of darkness instead? They are willing converts because they know no better and can be the best spies as they look so innocent. It also makes no sense to hurt an unborn as they do not know who has done it to them or that they are indeed damaged. The most satisfying moment for me was when the victim faced me and knew it was my stronghold they were captive in, that I was the one torturing them and who would eventually kill them, and that there was no hope of escape unless I allowed it. Sometimes I did allow people to escape so that tales of my unbelievable cruelty could spread and the fear would increase exponentially. Usually, I allowed a child to escape, or even deposited them outside a village to make sure they got there before an animal could eat them so that my message would be delivered. Adults are always willing to believe the most horrific things from a young mouth because they think that they could never lie. They tend not to believe an adult so readily.

I cannot abide wasted opportunities and to kill randomly and without reason, because one can, is surely a senseless thing to do and an opportunity for alternative and more productive use, dashed. Far better to see if the captive can be utilised and kill them only if they are of no use. Men would die very quickly anyway and my orcs needed to eat, but elves were different, they were hardier and so I set them to work until they dropped from exhaustion. I did not need any hired help to do the cleaning and make the meals, or to be sex slaves to the orcs and uruk-hai; I had an endless supply of elves for that. Lest anyone think that I have any compassion for their plight because I did not kill them, let me add that I enjoyed torturing them very much indeed; it is only the act of senseless killing I disagree with. Killing can only be validated if it is for a reason and then it is all right.

If one is to control the minds and therefore the hearts of the people there are two ways to do it. They can either love or they can hate, because both are overruling emotions. Who would not do anything for love? I freely admit that now I know the bliss of the state of love I would do anything to please the one I call my own. But I am not talking about that. I am talking about the love one has for his fellow being whether it be elf or man, or animal. I also freely admit that I still do not have any altruistic feelings towards the elves or any goodwill. The whole lot could die for all I care, so long as that number does not include Maglor, who I adore.

Who would do anything for hate? Absolutely no one, unless terror of an even greater consequence grips their heart. This is how I secured obedience and submission. I have no time for those who would pursue the love of their fellow being, because that is not the way to ultimate control. People only give up their freedom because they have been tricked into it or because it is taken forcibly from them. I have tried both methods and each have their merits, although the realisation when prisoners realised they have been deceived, is too priceless and satisfying for words.

I have digressed massively; my life is much changed now and I am not allowed to hurt any elf, let alone kill them. These idle musings do me no good so I will put them to the back of my mind and start sorting what lies in Erestor’s brain. The seed destroyed any morality that Erestor might have had. This is not to suggest that he did not know the difference between right and wrong or between good and bad and what the levels of acceptability are. He was amoral, nothing was limited but he was able to fear societal reaction and know what constituted a crime and what did not. I had suspected that he was a psychopath but he is not. He is completely normal except that he is amoral and has no boundaries, even though he accepts that others in society do and will punish him if he goes too far. I thought that he might have no conscience and might not suffer guilt; however that part of his brain was not attacked. Somehow he has sublimated that area because the excesses of amorality cannot survive with an effective conscience holding it back. How interesting and I am wondering what can be done. It is beyond my skills, for the first time I am at a loss of what to do.

“Master,” I say and he appears. I wonder if he has been here all the time. “Melkor's seed wiped out the morality part of Erestor’s brain. I am at a loss of what to do.”

Manwë looked at Erestor, “Sleep,” he said and he did. He sat in my chair and felt the sides of Erestor’s head and concentrated. “He has no morality, but he does know the meaning of fear and revenge; he has even experienced it. We will have to see if we can release his conscience as that might enable him to voluntarily accept limits to his behaviour.”

“What if I fail?” I asked.

“Then there will be nothing we can do,” Manwë replied. “You will remain my slave forever because I will consider that you did not try hard enough and Erestor will be sent through the Door of Night.”

“Can an elf survive through the Door of Night?” I asked.

“Why do you care?” Manwë asked me with a small smile.

Yes, he is right; why do I care, and yet I know that an end to my bondage might be in sight. Erestor you will recover even if it kills me! (It is most fortunate that is only a saying; I quite like living really.)

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