Dark Judgement 14

Dark Judgement

Part 14 - Wiping the Mind

Posted: July 18, 2008

*****

Nienna took me to a room. In the centre was a bed and at the head was a chair. On the bed was sheet, a pillow and a blanket. Apparently, the chair was for me.

“You know the threat by now,” Nienna said, her lips curling into a tiny smirk as she directed me to sit on the chair. “Now, do exactly as I have shown you or else I will carry it out and you will be back beyond the door. I am sure that Melkor would enjoy viciously raping you and cutting your body in half for the rest of your existence, which, may I remind you, is immortal.” She gave me a smug grin and started fanning herself with a small book. Her plump hand hid the title, but I was less than interested. I consoled myself by imagining a terrible death for her. It amused me for at least ten seconds.

The elf brought into the room, shook with terror. He mumbled incoherently when he saw me and I noticed a spreading wet patch of urine that dripped through his leggings, onto the floor, causing a small puddle to spread slowly outwards. I smiled, knowing that I still had the ability to strike terror into an elf’s heart, even with a Vala in attendance. The day seemed not to be so bad after all.

“Calaelen, do not fear. I will be present and look after you.” Nienna spoke kindly to the elf and placed her hand on his arm. “Have courage, dear one. He cannot hurt you now. He can only do the Valar’s bidding and work for the good of all elves.”

“My Lady, he is Sauron,” the elf pointed at me and I blessed him with a smile. I was beside myself with joy that it caused him to faint with terror.

“Did you have to do that?” Nienna was most irritated.

“I merely smiled to reassure him,” I replied with the most ingenuous of expressions.

“As if anything you did, could ever reassure,” Nienna snapped. “Now let us get him onto the bed.” She waved her hand and the wet patch disappeared. The unconscious elf floated up onto the table, as if lifted by invisible hands, and she looked smugly at me because she thought that I should be impressed with a mere party trick. How I wish she would die. The elves say that she wept for the misfortunes of the elves of Middle-earth but I see no kindness in her heart. Perhaps she is more like me than she would care to admit.

“I think it would be better if he remained asleep,” I said. “I can do nothing with him writhing around. Unless you care to tie him to the bed.”

Nienna nearly dropped off her chair with shock. “I wonder if you gave your prisoners that consideration.”

I did not answer. She did not know and that pleased me. Putting my fingers on either side of the elf’s head, I felt the sudden urge to snap his neck to one side and take the life from him completely. How I adore killing and the joy it brings to my fëa. Elves have their orgasms through sex. Good for them, but it compares not to the fulfilment and feeling of power when I take a life.

I still want to kill, and yet I cannot go back through the Door of Night. My fear of meeting Melkor again, is greater than my love of torturing an elf into submission and then granting him or her a violent and bloody death. The possibility of ever residing again with my former Master and lover is the restraining factor that keeps me from excess. I cannot even say that my love for Maglor would keep me from killing, because in an effort to remain honest to myself, I know that it would not.

It is most strange, but I feel an increasing adoration for Maglor every day. I love him; however, I find these new feelings most disconcerting. Do they come from my heart or did the Valar plant them within me? I am not sure and I have always been certain of everything. I do not know how to deal with this change. Dare I let go? I do not know.

My fingers feel inside the elf’s thoughts, even though he is asleep he still has the capacity to dream. On the wall, images flash, projected from his mind. So, he has been a guest of mine. How interesting. On the wall, Nienna and I can see as if through his eyes, and I find that I can switch to a more general view as well. There is the old torture chamber in Barad-dûr, and for a moment I feel homesick, a feeling which is accompanied by a fleeting sense of loss. Was it really all for nothing? I cannot entertain the possibility and yet I know in my heart that it was. All of it was based upon a false premise, a lie. Would Melkor have loved me if I had gained the whole of Middle-earth in his name? I fear the answer. Admitting to myself that he never loved me, is hard and I know deep in my heart that he would have repaid me with the torture and death that I so willingly gave to the elves. He would have gleefully broken me.

I have not always been like this. Melkor has corrupted me and I allowed his seduction. I was weak, but from now on, I will be strong for the one who loves me, and for myself. How ironic that I crave the love of an elf, when all I ever wanted to do was kill them. Something about Maglor stayed my hand, even then. I would heal his wounds and make him perfect again. When I saw him, after coming back from beyond the Door, he was babbling like a baby with carers to see to his every need. I felt guilt, a new emotion and one that sits most uncomfortably within me. How can Maglor ever forgive me? I would not if I were him.

As the memories flicker up on the wall, I alter them. Calaelen’s screams turn into laughter as I turn the whip into a flower. I search his mind for a lover and find a young maiden with sparkling blue eyes and a happy, innocent smile. I recognise her and have fond memories of the torture I put her through.

Nienna glares angrily at me, and so I get back to what I should be doing.

*****

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