Dark Judgement 10

Dark Judgement

Part 10 - The Song of Eru

Posted: July 18, 2008

*****

I had no idea what to do. How does one bring back the mind of an elf who has lost it? All the time I was aware that one mistake, one false move, would find me back beyond the Door of Night. The fear of reliving my time there ensured my compliance.

The Valar, with their twisted sense of fun, had made Maglor my soul mate. Every time I looked at him, old feelings, long suppressed, coursed through me. One of these was guilt. Whenever I looked at Maglor I felt that no matter what I did for him now, it would never make up for the cruel iniquities of his existence when he was my prisoner. It is because I love him that I felt guilt. However, this feeling is for him alone. I can truly say that I could not care less that I killed and tortured the other elves who were imprisoned in my stronghold. I feel nothing for them.

Maglor sat beside me, stroking his toy rabbit. The rain had stopped and we could go outside. “Shall we go into the garden, Maglor?” I stroked his hand as I spoke to him.

“Maglor,” came the reply and he stood up. So, he could understand what was said to him. I wondered how far that went: whether it was limited to basic sentences or whether he could fully understand everything. I suspected the former.

Opening the door, I held his hand as we walked into the garden. The air smelled earthy and in the distance was birdsong. A large waterfall stood at the end of a sweeping expanse of lawn and Maglor pulled me towards it. He ran laughing as I followed in a more sedate fashion. Dipping his fingers in the water, he held them up, letting rainbow reflecting droplets fall from his fingers. I smiled at him and he took my hand, dipped it in the water, and held it up so that the drops fell from the ends of my fingers too. “Look,” he said. “Maglor.” He beamed proudly and I was stunned.

I wondered if Maglor could say anything else. “Water,” I said softly. “Look, water.”

Maglor looked at me as though I were a small child, probably a human one. “Maglor.” He enunciated the word slowly as if trying to make me understand.

I did not know what to do and so I followed him around the garden as he picked flowers. After a while, we went back inside and an elf brought food for us both. I gave the apprehensive elf the flowers and told him to find a nice vase, put them in water, and bring them back. He scurried off as soon as he could leave the room. The nervousness in his eyes upon recognising me gave me a sense of satisfaction, although I was careful not to let it run through my mind for too long lest Nienna notice the thread and boot me back through the Door of Night. She is a harsh taskmistress and she constantly watches and waits for me to fail.

Maglor sat expecting for me to feed him. The elves who looked after him before always fed him and so he waited for me. “Pick your bread up, Maglor.” He sat still and did nothing.

I put the bread in his hand, put my hand over his, and guided it to his mouth. “Take a bite.” He bit a small piece off the bread and I saw a worried frown furrow his brows. “I am sorry Maglor but it was wrong of the elves to feed you instead of taking the time to teach you how to do it for yourself.” How I want to kill and tear apart those who had indulged his inability with their overpowering kindness.

Starting as we meant to go on, I held my hand over the hand holding the fork and he ate his dinner. It would be too easy to give in and feed him, but then he would not get better.

That night we slept in the same bed. It seemed that I needed to sleep, even though I am a Maia. Curling up behind Maglor, I held him close. We did not have sex and I did not even try to suggest it. I doubt he could have handled that sort of closeness yet.

Several times, I was awoken by his nightmares, and each time he screamed my name and those of elves that I killed; he pleaded with the Valar to release him and he cried the same tears as he had all those years ago in private. Each time, I consoled him and managed to calm him down. I am not sure that he woke up during his dreams or remembered them when he woke later in the morning, but I felt his pain as a burning shard through my fëa.

“You did this to him.” Nienna sat on the end of the bed. It was still dark outside.

“Yes, I know.” I was slightly irritated at her fatuous observation.

“It is hard undoing years of harm, isn’t it Sauron? Should we let Maglor come back to himself and be terrified all the time or should he trust you first? We could give him increasing degrees of cognisance. Yes, I like the idea of that.” She looked at me, her bright, glittering eyes boring through my mind and leaving me bare. “Before you ask, we are responsible for Maglor’s state and it is only when you have done everything right that we will return him fully to you. No doubt you think we are all a bunch of bastards.”

“No my lady; it is something I would have done.” I looked at the sleeping form of Maglor and wondered why he had to suffer just so I could be taught a lesson.

“Would it surprise you to know that you fulfilled your part in Eru’s song?” Nienna grinned, took a silver toothpick holder from a small drawstring bag by her side, and started to clean her nails with one of the toothpicks from inside. “You were punished, because even though you followed the song exactly, you always had the chance to refuse. You know the difference between right and wrong, in spite of Melkor’s seduction of you, and so your actions were not excusable at all.”

I was intrigued. “Can one refuse to follow the song if it is already sung?” How was it possible, I wondered.

The song would have changed form, even the parts already sung, and it would have been as though it were unsung and waiting to be sung again.” I did not fully understand how that could work, but trusted that Nienna knew what she was talking about.

“So if I had been good instead of bad, another Maia would have turned bad and done the things I did?” She nodded. “Then surely I have saved that Maia from himself?”

“It does not work like that. He was never born because there was no need of him. He had no part in the song.” The toothpick was placed back in its holder and changed in her palm to a purple feather fan with pictures of Middle-earth painted on the lacquer spines.

“I see, so I could have refused and would not have been disobeying Eru’s song, because it is adaptable, and so because I have freewill and misused it, I deserve punishment.” I smiled grimly. “It is all so simple really, isn’t it?” I said in my most sarcastic voice, before I could stop myself.

“Do not even step on the boundaries of rudeness, Sauron. I do not like your tone and you will be punished. Do not worry though; Maglor is doing very well, thanks to your input today.” She laughed and then became serious. Waving her hand at me, she said, “You will stay like this until Anor peeps over the horizon.”

Agonising pain consumed me and I saw her laughing through my screams. It was as though every nerve ending was laid bare and grated continuously with a fiery hot shredder. I was dimly aware that Maglor was holding me in his arms and as my mind spun with dizzy imbalance, I thought I heard him say, “Sauron.”

*****

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