Dark Judgement 5

Dark Judgement

Part 5 - The Offer Of Death

Posted: June 1, 2007

*****

Pain. Nothing but pain. No other feeling.

I did not die. I expected to, but I did not. Now I lay, I knew not where. Eyes too swollen to open, stung as though a thousand bees had deposited their stings in the lids. My inflamed and bitten tongue protruded between cracked lips. Inside, I burned. The cramping pain caused me to draw both legs up to my chest in an effort to ease the pain. Breathing was hard through broken ribs and upon exploring my body with tentative and hesitant fingers I found several places where the bone protruded through the skin; the ends jagged and sharply splintered. Feeling my face, I found several open wounds and several misshapen areas where the bones had broken. To my horror, I found that I was minus several body parts: it was apparent I would never have sex again, however my hearing would not suffer from a lack of ear lobes and losing a foot and a butt cheek would hardly kill me. I mentally prepared myself for a life of causing revulsion to those who would see me, then idly wondered if I could leave this body at will. It was something I had achieved on Middle-earth, but try as I might it did not seem possible here.

There was a mattress underneath me and I wondered if this was more of Melkor’s trickery. Footsteps in the distance: who is there? Could it be Melkor coming to taunt me? To him, ugliness is unacceptable and he would have punished me further for it. I hoped it was not him as I knew I could not take anymore. What use would he have for a broken body? I knew that even if he killed me, my fëa would survive, and he would torture that too.

This continued torture wore me thin. It stretched me so that I could feel nothing emotionally anymore except a detached observation that my ordeal would never end. Surely, an end must be in sight somewhere, as I had paid repeatedly for my actions on Middle-earth. I had to accept this continuing state as nothing I could do would alter any outcome. I was aware of a presence next to me and I drew in a breath and prepared myself for another round of torture.

“He is in a pretty bad way. Why don’t we just discard this body and give him a new one?” A voice I had not heard in many years spoke over me.

I was safe, relatively speaking. There were many awful things the Valar could do to me, all of them with an end result in mind. The mindless torture and violence of the dark wasteland was at an end. The bed underneath me was real and not some projection that Melkor had implemented for his convenience.

“I am not sure. If he is ugly and misshapen then the elves will avoid him.” Another voice, I suspect Námo’s, confirming my hopes that I was not in the darkness anymore. I must have passed through the Door, back into Valinor.

My punishment there seemed to be over. However, I was not fool enough to suppose that I would escape completely. I felt one of them squat down and touch me gently on the shoulder and even though I expected the contact, I still flinched.

“Sauron, do you remember me?”

“Manwë.” I croaked, my voice barely a hoarse whisper.

“Your time beyond the Door is over and you are back in Valinor.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and was grateful to Manwë for confirming what I already suspected. I have never been grateful for anything in my life, except for the attentions of my old master, Melkor, and I wondered what this change of position could mean.

Manwë continued. “You are very seriously injured. Do you want to live anymore?” He sounded so concerned and so understanding; just like I had when offering a tortured elf his death.

I felt the tears flowing out of my eyes and down the sides of my face. “No… kill me and my fëa… I do not want to live again.”

I lost consciousness and my fëa separated from my body, but I did not die. I was not allowed that luxury.

*****

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