Decision: The Price Of Fame
"As they say, out of sight, out of mind..."
Trevor's voiced mocked Viggo, echoed in his ears louder than noise of the crowd inside. And as if he needed further illustration, he couldn't find Sean amongst the sea of elegantly dressed bodies. When he finally saw him, holding court with Diana as they posed for interviews, he gave a sigh of both relief and rage.
*****
Is it any wonder I reject you first?
Fame - David Bowie
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Chapter Three
"...This is your fabulously in style reporter Misty Grey with today's Celebrity Watch and the news just keeps steaming up the town with the latest news...earlier today, Sean Bean, that sexy green-eyed Brit who's been sighted all over town with his latest gal pal, the glamorous Diana Harlow, who looked positively incandescent in black matte jersey courtesy of Donna Karan, was spotted seen leaving the infamous Chateau Marmont with said Miss Harlow in tow. Sources say the two had spent a rather interesting evening at Sky Bar and The Viper Room..."
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Viggo had never been one to believe in rules and demands when it came to relationships. If there were any such rules, it was simply to be with someone who wanted to be with him.
He liked having the needed time and space to devote to his interests - outside of acting - and was willing to give his partner as much independence as they may have wanted.
He was definitely too old for sulking and waiting for a lover to call, nor was there any sense in melodrama, preferring to silently withdraw into himself when hurt.
Yes, he'd promised never to interfere with Sean's career and that wasn't a difficult promise to keep. There was a slight ego boost to know the man that many women fell all over themselves when he licked that delicious upper lip of his actually belonged to him. There wasn't even an issue with the whole manufactured relationship scenario Trevor had concocted, though anyone with any common sense would have seen right through it.
Diana certainly had but played along anyway.
But Viggo was far from calm now.
Even a staunch pacifist could be driven too far, and Trevor's parting shot had been the proverbial straw on the camel's back.
Someone here, he thought to himself grimly, needed to be taught a lesson.
He'd take his revenge, but it would be much more subtle and refined. Trevor would find to his cost that being in love with a man didn't make one any less of a man.
And Sean would find that there were some things a little more important than fame.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...This is your fabulously in style reporter Misty Grey with my fabulous co-anchor Alexa Katerina and we're here live at MOMA in Los Angeles at one of the most fabulous parties of the year. Don't worry if your Prada didn't arrive in time, dahlings, because you can stay home in your fuzzy slippers and we'll bring you all the details and the delicious gossip right now. We'll tell you who wore what, or if they should have worn it at all. We'll tell you who was seen with whom...and why, and most of all we'll give you the scoop on what's hot on the runways this year and what you should have in your closet right now...Oh my, is that...oh yes ladies, be still my beating heart but that's Viggo Mortensen...my god Alexa, he looks good enough to EAT..."
Amazing how something he never thought about just came natural to him.
Being far from vain, it often puzzled him as to why so many women, of all ages, seemed to think him so sexy.
Normally he hated the whole Hollywood ideal of perfect teeth, fashionably-coiffed hair and expensive clothes. He was far more comfortable in old jeans and a t-shirt, his hair doing whatever the hell it felt like.
But now, he silently congratulated himself on having learned every trick of trade...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viggo always dressed up nice when he chose and tonight was no exception.
Sean's eyes hungrily absorbed every inch of his lover, decked in Geoffrey Beene, the usually careless mop of dark hair, expertly coiffed, showcasing the distinguishing traces of white at the temples.
He couldn't help noticing the deliberately casual walk with those long slender legs - legs Sean missed having wrapped around him or even just brushing up against his own in slumber. The smooth rocking of those slender masculine hips - hips he knew could move him six ways from sideways. That dreamy look beneath lowered lashes, the bright charming smile, the low vibrating timbre of his voice as he spoke to everyone...
Somehow Viggo had turned into a walking sexual provocateur and once again it took every ounce of willpower not to launch himself into the arms of the man he missed.
The sound of Viggo's laughter travelled over the crowd, wounding him like a hail of arrows.
He stood frozen in place, eyes unable to tear themselves away, perhaps hoping that Viggo would look up and notice him. But it seemed as if Viggo's eyes were everywhere else.
Unfortunately, Diana had disappeared - perhaps to the ladies' room or for a smoke on the terrace - leaving Sean to his tumultuous thoughts.
He watched Viggo expertly manoeuvre through the crush, a casual smile on those lips Sean could never forget the taste and texture of.
His eyes seemed bluer, more intense. That dimple seemed to tantalize him, beckoning his tongue to lap at it like he always did when they kissed...or maybe that was just his fevered imaginings, so desperately did he miss Viggo.
A woman of indeterminate age in black silk shantung threw her arms around Viggo, who picked her up and spun her around, delight at seeing her clear on his features and the pang of jealousy that struck Sean almost immobilized him.
And at that moment, their eyes met and Sean was swallowed whole in that gaze.
Sean wrenched himself forcefully from the undeniable power in those eyes, making his way to the bar to fetch two glasses of Shiraz, a wine that Diana had introduced him to a month ago and one that he knew Viggo would enjoy.
Viggo - there was no escaping his presence, either in thought or in reality.
As he walked back to the table, a voice that would have belonged to the serpent in paradise caressed his ears, and he knew - even before he understood the words - "You can have me tonight, Sean... I'd spread my legs for you, let you fuck me as hard as you wanted...do anything you want..."
Sean almost spilled the wine, jolted by the images that sped through his mind and his body's treacherous reaction to them.
He turned around slowly, ready to demand what the hell the man thought he was doing, but Viggo had already passed by, strolling through clouds of people with his hands in his pockets, completely unaffected by his actions or his own words, as the crowd parted in front and behind him like the Red Sea did for Moses.
Sean muttered a curse and continued on his way, doing his best to balance the wine glasses and talk to people at the same time.
"Perhaps I should spank you first..." the wicked voice continued like aural masturbation. "...For making me want to do unspeakably naughty things to you." Sean's eyes fluttered, remembering the last time he himself used those exact words. "Tell me something, lover, do you like what you see? Just think, I could be yours right now...on my hands and knees...in our bedroom..."
Every time Viggo came near him, the blue eyes taunted him as they slowly caressed Sean´s body as he were completely naked. That sinful voice teased him, making him ache for everything Viggo promised.
Viggo´s powerful aura seemed to be all around Sean, wrapping him in an undeniable possessive embrace, Though the dark haired man was in the midst of a conversation with Ioan Gruyffyd, flush with his modest success from King Arthur, who seemed to literally drink in every word from the older man's lips like a baby-bird fed by its parents and Sean would be damned if he allowed Viggo to see just how disturbed by his actions he actually was.
He inhaled sharply and let out an angry exhalation of breath.
Finally Sean made it back to their table, finding Diana waiting for him, her dark hair held away from her heart-shaped face with a white crystal clip.
Her eyes lit up as she lightly brushed her lips over his.
"Oh daahling, thank you," she began with an artless toss of her head as she bestowed another careless kiss on his cheek. She took a small sip, sighing blissfully. "Ah, Shiraz. No one seems to sell it in this bloody town you know," Diana complained amusingly. "In fact, no one seems to be able to pronounce it."
Only Diana, Sean thought, happy to not be thinking about a certain Geoffrey Beene-clad tease.
As they laughed and talked, Sean began to feel better with each passing moment. Of course, the cameras were there to capture every laugh, every little flirtatious touch and he thought with satisfaction that Trevor would have no complaints now.
"Well Sean, aren't you going to introduce us?"
Sean hoped that the sound of his teeth grinding against themselves was only audible to him. He knew Viggo too well to think the son of a bitch hadn't planned this.
"Diana Harlow, my old mate Viggo Peter Mortensen," Sean replied skilfully, utilizing every theory of acting he possessed.
She held out her long, slender hand saying, "Well well, if it isn't the long-lost King of Men," she said teasingly. "I wondered when you'd ever deign to speak to us mere mortals."
The bastard gave her his most irresistible smile, while gallantly kissing the proffered hand.
"I apologize, but Ioan and I were discussing photography and I tend to get rather carried away." The words were innocuous, but Sean felt the undercurrent of desire running through them. He also felt stirrings of jealousy towards the young Welshman and wasn't certain at the moment whom he hated more.
Diana blithely indicated a vacant chair which he took without a word, brushing his knee against Sean's thigh and though he wanted to pull away, he didn't have the strength to do so.
It felt so damn good just being there.
"I was telling Sean some days ago that I'd seen you in 'An Alien Heat' with Stuart Townsend and that I thought you were quite good as Lady Charlottina."
"Really?" Diana trilled happily. "I'm glad you think so. The critics savaged the entire picture but I think that's because they didn't understand it."
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Diana sensed the powerful undercurrent of passion between the two men as she watched two sets of eyes, one indigo and the other sea green, though neither directly addressed the other.
Trevor was ten kinds of fool to think that he could tear these two apart for any given length of time, she thought as she kept up her steady stream of gossip and industry-talk. Right now, Viggo was hovering around Sean as if warning any interlopers that the green-eyed actor was his. And Sean looked as if he'd rather be in Viggo's arms doing whatever it was (and frankly the whole notion of the two handsome and virile men doing whatever it was turned Diana on to no end) than sitting here at a boring museum party pretending to be in love with her.
Trev my dear, you are going to be in for a very rude awakening, Diana said to herself.
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Even Diana wasn't immune to his charm, Sean thought, slightly disgusted at his lover who seemed to hang onto her every word.
Then again, when he chose, Viggo could be a completely shameless flirt, and tonight was no exception.
Still, his admiration seemed authentic, that he actually enjoyed talking to her and that confused Sean even more.
Viggo's fingers trailing along Sean's inner thigh under the table, tickling him with his fingernails did more than just confuse.
Sean gasped at the electricity his touch generated. He suddenly tightened his grip, and at Diana's look of concern feigned a coughing spell.
"Hope you're not catching a cold, Sean," Viggo purred smugly and Sean restrained the urge to kick him.
"I'm not," Sean replied, slowly emphasizing each syllable. "I think the wine went down the wrong pipe."
That had been the wrong thing to say for Viggo's decadent eyes lit up and Sean knew exactly what the man was thinking.
Diana, mollified by Sean's answer, went back to being her wonderful, ebullient self while Viggo, obviously bolstered by Sean's reaction, continued to fondle Sean under the table while pretending to ignore him.
Again his traitorous body took over rational thought, as he parted his legs wanting to feel his lover's expert caress, his cock making it known what it craved.
"Slut," Viggo mouthed silently in his direction with Diana none the wiser.
That jolted Sean out of the sense of erotic complacency he'd been feeling and he grabbed Viggo's hand, trying to halt the sensual assault.
Hands struggled beneath the table while both men pretended nothing was amiss, but soon Sean realized that Viggo didn't really care about discretion and gave up.
He saw no other choice save to retreat, even if for a moment.
"Ah Diana, darling, would you like me to fetch you something from the buffet?"
"Of course," and Diana waved him off theatrically. "I am positively famished. And could you bring me some of those little iced cakes as well and I don't give a damn that they're not low-carb. Oh and don't worry, daahling Viggo here will keep me company."
Viggo pretended not to notice the look of sheer hatred in Sean's eyes.
It didn't help his sour mood when he tripped over Viggo's foot, causing a slight chuckle from Diana's lips. But though feeling like a Tom cat chased off his territory, striding along the borderlines of his district trying to think of a way to return, Sean mustered as much dignity as he could as he strode away, head high, almost defiant.
Richard Sharpe would have been proud.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or mad as hell...or even confused.
Concentrating on filling Diana's plate - for a thin young woman, she definitely enjoyed food, Sean thought amused. The cacophony of voices covered Viggo's murmur as he leant his heated frame over Sean. "Sorry... may I...?", pretending to be looking for something appetizing amid the wide variety of delicacies.
"I thought you were keeping Diana company," Sean said sourly, doing his best to ignore the slow burn of their bodies so close to each other.
Viggo leant over even further, whispering huskily, "I would love to fuck you like this, Sean...bent over this table...right between all the antipasto and the canapés...just pull down those expensive trousers and fuck you right in front of all these people with your beautiful ass for all to see...and you'd let me..."
Sean jammed an elbow in Viggo's belly, forcing him to draw back.
"Stop it." Sean growled under clenched teeth. "Just stop it."
Viggo drew back, locking eyes with Sean. His gaze was deadly serious.
"Ok...For now..." and he walked away, leaving Sean fighting for balance, breathing heavily.
Suddenly the expensive delicacies before him held no interest and for a moment had forgotten why he was there.
It was no surprise really. His body had often refused to grasp the concept of dignity when it came to whatever Viggo wanted and his cock seemed to relish the idea of being fucked in the middle of a luxuriously catered buffet, reduced to a delicacy himself.
How many times at the beginning of their relationship did Viggo assert his dominance by taking him anywhere he felt like and whenever he felt like it. It was the seeming unpredictability that always kept Sean on the thin edge of arousal.
And how many times had he ever complained?
Just two words - "your ass," or "your mouth", and Sean quickly obeyed, seldom pausing to consider that the two of them could be caught at any time.
Sometimes a silent signal was all that would be needed and moments later Sean would be clinging to a tree, his ass thrust out proudly and shamelessly, his cheeks scraping against the rough bark as Viggo drove deep within him.
How often had he knelt in hidden corners of the set during a break, sucking Viggo off while in full Boromir costume within earshot of anyone who may have been looking for them?
The most surreal place had been the dusty backroom of an empty museum of art and technology, bent over heap of obscure exhibition-pieces. But Viggo's imagination had been as tireless as his libido. The man had fucked him in a graveyard, in the back of Orlando's jeep, on the beach, and even in the storeroom of a pub they had visited with other members of the fellowship.
It had been a bloody miracle that he could still walk straight.
Sometimes it seemed Viggo didn't even care whether Sean found release - what mattered was only fucking him fast and hard until he came in his mouth or his ass; later, when Sean was alone, the mere thought of that - of Viggo wanting him, desiring him, with such single-minded lust - could make him come. Once, twice, three times - as often as he thought of it.
Viggo made up for his seeming indifference in their nights of long, tender lovemaking, when Sean felt as if he were being bathed in milk and honey, Viggo's tenderness surrounding his skin like liquid sweetness.
There were also those times when he gave himself to Sean with unrestrained devotion. Though Viggo by choice was mainly the dominant partner in their relationship, he enjoyed surrendering to Sean when both felt in the mood. Viggo felt far too sure of his authority and power to anxiously cling to fixed roles.
Sean didn't know what aroused and satisfied him most - Viggo, using him as his whore whenever and wherever he wanted him, Viggo wrapping him in his endless tenderness and inventive love or Viggo, on his knees, serving him without question or condition.
What he did know was that Viggo could give him everything he needed, both as his friend and lover. They were bound to each other. No one else could ever be like him, taking possession of Sean completely as well as giving himself to Sean with the same absoluteness.
Heady, pungent memories and images from the past and the seductively indecent suggestions Viggo had been planting in Sean's head mixed and whirled around him like an avant-garde music-video.
Feelings he thought he'd conquered long ago - fears of losing Viggo, fears of becoming dependent, fears of disappointment and unworthiness - the whole family of fears with all their ugly nephews and mediocre uncles - and they danced with the nightmare-harpies howling round his head - yearning, longing, missing, guilt, shame and jealousy.
He had to concentrate on every move because his body appeared to disintegrate, his heart and stomach aching, breath unsteady and interrupted, limbs losing coordination, eyesight swimming, ears drumming, knees weak... he had no idea how to make it through the night.
When he made his way back to the table, only parts of Diana's conversation reached him, her voice rising and falling like waves.
And there was the man who caused such torment, laughing and joking as easy as you please, blatantly flirting with everyone in attendance, never sparing a single look at Sean and he knew it would stay this way the whole night from now on and hell couldn't be worse.
He saw Viggo talking with that thrice-damned Ioan Gruyffyd again, and the young man had begun to touch him, to punctuate some point or another, and Viggo simply allowed the contact to happen, smiling affectionately.
Sean needed a cigarette badly, anything to calm his nerves or to just get him away from the image of Viggo with someone else. Excusing himself to Diana again, he made his way towards the terrace.
Viggo and Ioan were right in front of him, blocking his retreat, and Sean refused to make a detour because of them.
His heart galloped as he passed behind Viggo´s back, his muscles stiffened in expectation, but... - nothing.
He passed by without any hindrance, Viggo didn´t take any notice of him. Sean had sworn to kill him if he teased him once more but now he wanted to murder him because he didn´t. To be ignored because of that little wanker was even worse.
He turned around and as he caught Viggo´s gaze for a moment, he gave a silent signal with his eyes for Viggo to follow him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sean felt as if he were being pulled in too many directions.
Why was it so important that he live up to someone else's idea of what Sean Bean should be? He was an actor, for chrissake - someone paid to pretend to be someone else.
When was his private life his own and why did it matter one way or another who he slept with? Considering his past history with women, being straight certainly had been no guarantee of happiness.
Viggo had at least shown him that he was worthy of being loved.
"Hiding from your adoring public?" The sardonic voice behind him jarred his slowly fraying nerves.
"No," Sean replied curtly, Trevor being the very last person he wanted to talk to. "I need a smoke, that's all."
"Well, Diana's in there alone, Sean. You really should be putting more of an effort."
"Look, how much more do you or they want from me? Half the reporters already have me married to her." He saw a greedy light go off in his agent's gray eyes. "Absolutely not. And that's the end of it."
Sean knew it wasn't. Trevor was planning to be difficult again.
"Worried about what Mortensen would say," he asked sarcastically.
"Leave Viggo out of it okay?"
"Maybe you're hiding from him? I can always have him discreetly escorted out."
Sean's eyes went black with rage. "You will do no such thing, understand? Viggo is my lover and I will deal with him, if I need to."
Sean could have smacked himself for allowing Trevor to bait him.
"He doesn't seem so lover-like to me. Right now he's rather thick with young Mr. Gruyffyd. Maybe he's just being a slut."
"Trev," Sean growled, his anger stretched on the thinnest leash possible. "Perhaps it's best you go back inside or I may forget you're my agent and kick your ass all the way back to Surrey."
Turning his back, he waited for Trevor's retreating footsteps and then counted to ten, taking deep breaths.
The evening was proving to be a disaster on all fronts.
He heard the familiar footsteps behind him. The ambient temperature of the outside rose, indicating Viggo was there. Sean immediately wheeled around to face him.
"Do you just want to torture me or was Trevor right when he said you're a slut," he hissed, finally nearing the breaking point.
He knew at once he'd gone too far.
There had been few opportunities where he let his temper get the best of him, and Viggo always reacted the same way. The more Sean spat fire and flames, the cooler and calmer Viggo became. It was happening again - within seconds icy indifference shielded his eyes and that stone-like face Sean feared so much became distant and closed.
"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Sean. And you're one to talk - after all, I had my hand on your cock right underneath your girlfriend's nose and you loved it," Viggo replied dispassionately, almost bored. His posture betrayed no emotion at all.
They glared at each other for a long moment, Sean's eyes exploding in green flashes and Viggo's frosty with arctic boredom.
"This hasn't been easy for me either, Vig," Sean said, "You haven't made it easy for me."
"Because I want you? Because I want to spend some time with the man I love and not feel that I'm an impediment to his career?"
That made Sean's eyes widen. "You've been listening to Trev again."
"No, I've been watching you."
"For fuck's sake Viggo, you've spent the last few hours here practically seducing me with that damned voice of yours. I can't think, can barely breathe, and if Diana were to look down at my crotch, she'd get an eyeful."
"What makes you think she's that stupid, Sean? She and I have already talked and she thinks Trevor's insane trying to make a straight man out of you."
"Is that what you think this is all about? You think I haven't accepted that I like sucking cock and being fucked by a man?" Sean's eyes were tired. "My career is important to me, Viggo. You have your art, your horses, your poetry. All I have is acting. It's my passion. It's been the only thing to keep me sane and whatever it takes to keep it I'm willing to do."
"Even if it means the end of you and I?"
"Viggo, that's not fair..."
Stalemate...
Viggo shook his head. "Then I guess I know where things stand..."
A beast with claws tried to rip Sean's heart out of his breast. "You're not just going to...?"
He couldn´t say the word. Couldn´t even think of Viggo breaking up with him, leaving him adrift the way he´d been before. To speak his thoughts would be like of forbidden names of mythical creatures with frightening powers beyond limits of comprehension.
"I have to think it over, Sean," Viggo replied quietly. "It's not the right place or time to talk."
Sean's emotions were a maelstrom of dark thoughts as he watched his lover walk back into the bright lights and loud voices.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viggo was going to walk out of Sean's life for the last time, but Sean wasn't about to let that happen again.
Not this time.
Not ever.
Fuck fame, he snarled to no one in particular, tossing the unlit cigarette aside. They'll just have to take me as is, I'm good enough.
Gazing over at Diana who met his eyes, he steeled himself for her reaction - of surprise, of embarrassment or even betrayal.
Instead her smile dazzled him with its warmth and its understanding. She walked over to him.
Standing on tiptoe she kissed him lightly on the lips, whispering, "Don't let him walk away, Sean."
He just stared at her, completely speechless, as she laughed quietly. "What part of 'for god's sake, don't let him walk away' do you not understand?"
"Diana...I'm sorry..."
"No, Sean. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to pretend to be someone you're not. Besides, truth to tell I was never really comfortable with any of this. I may be an actress, but there are some roles that are too much for me." Her blue eyes glimmered with emotion. "This was one of them."
Her words were like a shaft of sunlight illuminating the cold cell he'd built around his heart. Amazed he says, "You're an amazing woman, Diana Harlow, and you're certainly not one to be underestimated." He took both of her hands in his, squeezed them passionately. "I hope you find someone worthy of you someday, even in this business."
"I don't plan to look for quite awhile, Sean. I'm young, fairly well-off and just looking for adventure. Now stop talking and go get your man, else he's fair game."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viggo was already stepping into the lobby, on his way to a waiting cab and Sean knew there were only a precious few moments before he walked out of his life.
"Wait!"
It was said that even whispering Sean Bean could make himself heard, even over the roar of a crowd at his beloved Blades games and this time was no different. He felt like the main character in some children's book who could instantly stop time with just the power of his voice, for everyone froze in their tracks.
Even Viggo.
"I'm coming with you." It was a simple statement of fact, and at that moment Sean didn't care who heard his declaration or what they made of it. Sean would deal with the repercussions later.
He ignored Trevor's hiss and walked towards the door where Viggo stood.
"Are you crazy, Sean?"
"As daft as they come, lad," he smiled. "And I will always be when it comes to you, you bloody Dane."
As they left together, Sean flashed a quick smile towards Diana, who rewarded him with a sympathetic chuckle and two thumbs up.
*****
Fame, bully for you, chilly for me
Got to get a rain check on - pain...
Fame - David Bowie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Four
"...Oh god, Viggo..." Sean's voice was ragged, gasping from the force of his want. Viggo stalked him, claimed his man in a kiss that was both forgiveness and punishment.
They shed their clothes carelessly, never once breaking the kiss as expensive fabrics were torn away from heated bodies eager to for touch, for taste, and for the scent of each other's lust.
Kissing, stumbling around the room, clinging to each other blindly, hands like flames seeking and burning, their passion beyond the edge of reason, each demanded assurance from minds and bodies that they would never allow themselves to be separated again.
"Make me yours," Sean growled hungrily against Viggo's mouth. "Make me feel that I'm yours..."
Whatever comes - will come on the morrow, but for now, nothing mattered.
Viggo forced Sean's head back, marking him for all to see and for none to forget - lips and teeth ravaging him, inflamed and incensed by his moans.
Viggo took Sean brutally, without mercy, and Sean neither expected nor wanted anything else. Each unyielding thrust inside branded him, reminding him that they belonged together...that what they had together was more important than any career.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that evening as they basked in the lingering afterglow of their savage loving, Sean's cell phone rang. "Time to face the firing squad," Viggo quipped, looking at him knowingly.
He picked it up and held as far away from him as possible, the way one would handle a poisonous snake. Before he could get out even a hello, Trevor's voice slammed him like a hurricane.
"...And you're bloody insane if you think, for one fucking minute, that I'm going to lift one finger to somehow clean up this huge cluster-fuck you've caused...there's not enough money in the fucking world that would make me want to even try to make some sense of this...And don't even bother to make that London trip, I've got enough headaches to deal with..."
Sean winked at Viggo. "Goodbye Trev, old man. Thanks for everything." And this time when he hung up on him, it was for the very last time.
"Looks like I'll be making that long-overdue call to Ian tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For awhile they lay together in silence, deeply embracing, breathing in one rhythm as their hearts beat in synchronized harmony. Then their bodies began to move and touch again, as if by their own resolve.
Viggo often thought even if they ever decided to part, their bodies would not let them. That they would find back to each other like a beloved pet lost far away would find their way home by pure instinct.
"Never leave me again, Sean. Not that way."
"Aye love, I cannot. You're a much a part of me as my own heartbeat, Viggo."
"I'm sorry," and the apology needed no explanation.
"I will always have a career Viggo, and I guess until tonight I never realized that. I guess with so much loss in my life, I was afraid of that being taken away from me too. I just don't want to be held hostage to anyone else's opinion of my private life any longer."
He took another breath and turned an intense gaze on the blue-eyed man. "Mark me, Viggo."
Viggo didn't understand. "Take a good look in the mirror, Sean," he laughed. "People are going to ask what attacked you."
Sean shook his head. "These marks will vanish."
Silence.
"You're asking me to mark you permanently, Sean?" Viggo whispered, completely shocked, wondering if the events of the past few hours have finally caught up with his lover.
He nodded. "Brand me, Viggo."
There were very few times in his life where Viggo was rendered speechless. This was one of those times. "Sean...do you even have a clue what it is you're asking for? I don't want you to..."
"No." Sean sounded very sure of himself. "This is something I've wanted for a long time, Vig. We're often apart, weeks, sometimes months... I feel so lonely... I need something to touch, to look at when you're gone, to remind me I'm yours."
But Viggo was hardly mollified. "If it's about that, we can buy rings or a collar, maybe a tattoo."
"You can easily take off rings, Vig. I've done that a few times, remember?" Sean chuckled like someone who was offered a toy car instead of the real thing. "I know it's partly my fault, but my belief in that symbol has shattered. I have 100% Blades tattooed on my shoulder and the elvish nine from the film. And yes, those things are special to me, but my feelings for you go much deeper than that."
Viggo gathered Sean in his arms, murmuring, "Listen, Sean, you don't have to prove anything to me. I love you and that's enough for me."
"I know you do, but I really want...need this," Sean answered softly, casting down his eyes and when Viggo tenderly lifted his chin to make him look at him again he saw tears glittering like emerald rain.
"Sean..."
"It's just... perhaps you're not sure you want it forever..."
"Don't be daft, Sean..."
"Please, Viggo..."
"I don't need to tattoo or brand anything on my body to know what I feel for you is lasting," Viggo said, a little hurt that Sean might have thought his love fleeting.
"But I'm not you. You seem to be able to pick up the pieces of your life and go on. You still believe in happy endings. Me, sometimes I think I'm just dreaming all this...that I'll wake up alone in my flat with nothing but a bottle of Glenfiddich to keep me company."
"And you think this brand will somehow make it more real for you?"
"I'll know. I'll feel it."
"It's very painful," Viggo said seriously. "Much more painful than anything we've done together. I've whipped you... two or three times I've whipped you hard enough to break the skin, but what you're asking for...this is something different, Sean."
Sean simply nodded. "I learned something when my girls were born," he began, his eyes closing in recollection. "The pain of birth binds the mother to her child in an almost mystical way. One would think that pain as we know it would have the opposite effect, and if that were true no woman would ever want to be a mother or worse, would ever want to be around the being that caused such pain. But the laws of love are different, to suffer pain for someone you love binds you to them forever."
They locked eyes for a long moment. Viggo realized that Sean had thought it through. He also saw that shine in his eyes and knew he already drifted in what could be called the first stadium of the process that led to a certain trance Viggo knew well...
"I will brand you, Sean... you will know that you're mine from the core of your very being to the marrow of your bones..."
It sounded like threat and promise in one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They made love for the third time that night, slowly, gently, taking the time to worship at the altar of each other's bodies.
Sated, Sean curled up around Viggo, spoon-fashion and the sound of his deep breath signaled his gentle descent into the warm cocoon of sleep.
Viggo was still fully awake, the echoes of Sean's request revolving in his mind.
Brand me, Viggo...
A permanent mark inflicted upon living flesh - fire and flames seared on the skin to scream to the world "I am owned".
It would be painful, far more so than anything they'd ever done - it was for all intents and purposes, a third-degree burn that if properly carried out, became a work of art. He'd seen enough of them when he was still married to Christine and hanging out with mutual acquaintances who had been a part of the BDSM scene.
Brand me, Viggo...
And what would happen to the both of them afterwards? There was the bright and harsh glare of tomorrow and the next day and the days following. How would Sean feel then, especially now that he'd made his choice? Years down the road would Sean regret the impulse that had possessed him to scar his body for life?
Would he hate Viggo for giving in?
Or was it exactly what Sean had said earlier, a talisman of sorts, on a part of his body that no one would ever see (Viggo hoped), a link to the man he'd given his heart and soul to.
Something to comfort him when they were away from each other's physical presence.
A stylized V with an S embedded somewhere in the middle...perhaps a heart encasing both consonants...
His rational mind might have been torn, but Viggo's artistic impulse was quite intact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viggo awoke to a still-dark sky though the bedside clock read five-thirty. He'd slept fitfully off and on, dreaming of branding Sean...dreaming of fucking Sean while he did so...dreaming of the acrid stench of burning flesh and Sean's moans of pleasure metamorphosing into screams of pain...
Startled, he shot up, eyes wide, nearly gasping for air, sweat bathing his body as he tried to free himself from the vivid images. He felt the cool, soothing hand of Sean on his shoulder, and the tension eased.
"Nightmare, luv?" Sean's sleepy voice was filled with concern.
Running his hand through sweat-matted hair, he smiled wanly, "Yeah, I guess so. I haven't had one in years."
The blonde man regarded his lover quizzically. "Lucky you. Bad dreams used to turn into even worse reality for me."
Leave it to Sean, Viggo thought, chuckling to himself, as the last tendrils of the nightmare dissipated like mist. "Think I'm okay now."
"No, you're not."
"What?"
"I said, you're not all right and I think I know why. But I'm no masochist."
The man was far too astute by half, though Viggo couldn't help but to give his lover a funny look like a lopsided grin.
"Stop that," Sean said.
"Excuse me, Sean, but some people would seriously question that last statement considering the fact that you asked me to hold a piece of hot metal to your body for several seconds."
Sean gave his lover one of his 'no-kidding' looks that Viggo knew better than to ignore and the grin disappeared.
"I mean it, Viggo, this is important to me." His unswerving gaze bore into Viggo's. "I don't like pain for pain's sake and I wouldn't take it from anyone else but you and you should damn well know that by now."
Viggo didn't say a word, awed and not a little intimidated by Sean's determination.
The other man's eyes were so deep he felt disoriented just looking into them.
"It's just...just that every feeling has a physical manifestation - laughing symbolizes joy, tears can be for sadness or relief, whatever - every feeling needs to find release in some way. If these feelings are not made real, it divides body and soul." Now Sean ran his fingers through his own hair, smiling sheepishly, "God, I sound like a bloody guru or something, but trust me, I realize now that was a large part of my issues with my past relationships - that I never allowed myself to show feelings - it wasn't 'manly' and all that rot. I know better now, thanks to you. And what I feel for you..."
And here he paused, searching for the right words. He wasn't unsure about his feelings, nor was he shy to speak of them, but there just didn't seem anything in the entire language of mankind strong enough, powerful enough to convey them...
Not even the word 'love'.
He pulled Viggo into a tight embrace, lips poised just on the threshold. "It's just...beyond the limits I have ever known and I need to feel it with my body as strong as I feel it within my soul."
Viggo was humbled. He'd always been the philosopher, the wordsmith, able to craft emotions and images with a pithy phrase or two, but right now Sean left him near speechless and close to tears.
"Sean, love...you never fail to surprise me," and he meant every word. "Here I thought...I don't know what I thought. But you truly and honestly want this..."
The Brit nodded slowly, lips coming ever closer, "Yes, love. I do."
And as they kissed, Viggo softly gazed into the most famous green eyes of one of the best actors and worst liars in the world and admiration struck him in the face of Sean's brutal honesty which had led the man to a deeper knowledge of self than all the brooding and over-analyzing could ever achieve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A full moon bathed the open space of Viggo's studio in a luminously mystic radiance, the gentle silver light full of promise, illuminating the lowered massage table like an altar to some pagan god.
The haunting strains of Clannad whispered in the background as the scent of Nag Champa and the rising tide of expectation became a heady, intoxicating fog.
Viggo smiled at his lover who stood before him, defiantly naked, the moonlight bathing his golden skin in silvery luminescence. The blonde hair was transformed into shimmering strands of white starlight; the green eyes like precious glittering jewels set in a crown of pale, silky lashes.
It was an image that Viggo would never forget and realized that even attempting to capture it in pentameter or on canvas would never do this moment justice.
He breathed in the heady atmosphere, excitement warring with the smallest hint of trepidation.
It had taken weeks to prepare - weeks of detailed research - on the internet as well as contacting old acquaintances who were either branded or were trained as branders. He read even more than he usually did, from the pop culture articles to more obscure treatises on the subject, the pros and the cons.
He'd known the mixed history of branding, especially in America, where it had been used to deny the humanity of black slaves from Africa. He'd also read that some black fraternities were defiantly reclaiming the brand as a means to forge a link to a painful past.
He'd told Sean of his proposed design, of the 'V' and the 'S' intertwined and the heart encircling it.
"Do it," was Sean's reply, and there would be no argument. The Brit was steadfast - or stubborn.
The weeks of intensive study, of inner doubts and questions all culminated into this moment.
Sean walked into Viggo's protective embrace as they pulled each other close, content for now to savor the heat and the hardness of their naked bodies.
"I love you Sean," Viggo whispered into the soft silk of his hair. "And I am honored more than you could ever know."
"Then make me yours for life..."
For life...
Emotion welled in him, his chest swelled to bursting with love and pride, threatening to overflow, but now was not the time to shed tears. He needed all his faculties intact.
They kissed deeply, lips and tongues eloquently speaking the truth within their hearts.
Gently, Viggo laid Sean on the soft surface. Sean looked up at him, lips parted, trust and love in that gaze.
Gift or sacrifice...
Oh god...his bare feet made cold contact with the small propane blowtorch he'd placed on the floor along with the other supplies he would need.
Fourteen-hundred degrees on bare flesh...a nanosecond of excruciating agony...
He crushed his mouth roughly against Sean's, not wanting his lover to see the war he waged inside still.
Hands used to create beauty, not pain...at least, not this kind of pain.
But Sean read the indecision within the punishing kiss, and pushed Viggo away, holding him fast, his eyes darkening with anger.
"You promised me, Vig," Sean growled deep. "I want this, damn you."
"I can't..." came the anguished reply, and the blue-eyed man closed his eyes, looking away from the accusing stare.
"Of course not," Sean spat derisively. "You can only hurt me when you want to, when you feel like it. God forbid that I ever ask for something..."
Ask for something...ask for something...
"You don't understand, Sean..."
"The hell I don't! I thought we'd already gone through this. I know it's gonna hurt like a sonofabitch, but I'm ready for that. You're just being selfish because it's something I want. Something the oh-so sexually experienced Viggo Mortensen didn't come up with first!"
"Fuck you, Sean," Viggo snarled. "You think this is some game of one-upsmanship or something? We're talking about a third-fucking-degree burn on your body or have you forgotten that?"
"No you Danish bastard, I haven't. But you've obviously forgotten everything I said to you."
"...I don't like pain for pain's sake and I wouldn't allow anyone else to do to me the things that we do and that includes what I'm asking and you should damn well know that by now..."
"...It's just...beyond the limits I have ever known and I need to feel it with my body as strong as I feel it within my soul..."
Feel it within my soul...
Feel it...
A steely resolve came over Viggo; his eyes became cool blue flames. "You want to feel the fire then? Fine, Sean, I'll give you that and more..."
And this time the kiss was a ravishment, a taking and not an asking. He heard Sean whimper beneath him, but the cries only inflamed him as his hands shaped the nature and direction of his lover's desire.
Eyes glittering like star sapphires, he placed the piece of shaped metal into Sean's hands.
"It's real now, Sean. Not a textbook exercise, not research. Feel that, you son of a bitch. Let your mind wrap around the fact that it's going to glow orange-red and then I'm going to press that into your skin and hold it there..."
With a savage groan, Viggo took Sean's mouth again as he spread the man's legs wide, placing them over his shoulders, then bending them towards Sean's shoulders.
The bottle of lubricant was within reach and he flipped the cap open, and he coated his cock liberally, as well as two fingers. The fingers worked themselves inside of Sean, stretching his entrance, slicking the inner surface, stroking the explosive center as Sean tried to bring himself closer, to beg with his body.
Roughly removing his hand, Viggo's cock slowly sheathed itself deep inside Sean until he was fully seated.
And there time stopped...
"I'm going to brand you now, Sean Mark Bean," Viggo's voice was a rasp of dark desire. "I'm going to make you mine for the rest of your natural life, and goddammit you had better not ever regret it."
And Sean nodded as he watched Viggo prepare himself first - wiping his hands free of the slippery lube, then with cloths saturated in alcohol. Viggo put on latex gloves then began to clean the surface of Sean's upper thigh with antiseptic, still locked in their sensual embrace.
Sean's body was pliant before him, relaxed and ready, not even the smallest trace of fear in the beautiful green eyes.
"Give it to me..."
And Sean's palm opened, spilling the tiny shape into Viggo's hand, whispering, "'It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing'..."
No, Sean, Viggo thought as he placed the design within the vice grips he held. This is far from just a little thing, something that Boromir himself did not understand until the end. Our initials intertwined within a heart forever embedded in your flesh...
Viggo slowly turned on the fuel a little and lit the trapped gas in the spark cup of the torch. He watched, fascinated as a bluish cone began to form in the center of the flame then solidify.
He brought the metal to the flame, watching it, watching Sean, who remained silent and still, almost frozen, though he could feel the man trembling inside.
"Breathe damn you," he growled as the V and the S began to glow bright orange. The heart turned into fire.
...And before any other thought could enter his mind, he quickly and firmly laid the brand upon Sean's flesh...
...And somehow they both screamed at the same time...
Sean was trapped between polar extremes - searing agony as his own flesh burned, a white hot wall of pain that encircled him, threatening to tear him asunder, the V and the S and the heart burning past muscle, bone and sinew scoring his vitals - and wild soaring ecstasy as he experienced two types of fire - the one that held him impaled between his legs and the one that marked him forever.
Viggo's scream was neither fear nor pain, but a perverse pride that his lover was willing to bear this for love. He screamed Sean's name, putting even heaven on notice that they would never be parted now...
Searing gazes met, as molten hot as the metal that burned into Sean's skin. Sean's whole body contracted with the explosion of heat rushing through him, tensing so hard Viggo felt drawn into him, deep, deep into his body, deep into that gaze... The rings of Sean's irises flashed, coronas of green suns pulsing in eruptions, pupils dilated to an almost fathomless black. Viggo´s eyes shone not only with triumph, pleasure and lust but something much more passionate... touching the secret of love.
Sean's eyes never wavered, though sweat bathed his skin and his body rebelled.
It was done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had taken mere seconds, but those seconds had been as a lifetime.
The metal rapidly cooled and Viggo removed it, tossing vice grips aside as he shut off the propane, denying the hungry flames sustenance in revenge for the pain it had been used to inflict upon the man he loved.
They were still joined, and remained so during Viggo's tender aftercare of the wound. Using a fresh glove, he applied a liberal amount of Neosporin in order to keep the brand from becoming infected. Then he bandaged it with gauze and secured it with surgical tape.
Sean's fingers reached up, entwined themselves in Viggo's hair and pulled him down for yet another kiss, this one filled with tenderness and understanding and relief.
"I'm yours forever, Viggo Peter Mortensen," he whispered softly against his lover's lips. "United in pain and pleasure."
And the dam of tears Viggo had held back broke with violent force as his mouth sealed itself to Sean's, each swipe of his tongue seeking solace, each sweet caress of his hands lavishly and lovingly praised the man beneath him.
In the wildness of their loving, the pain in Sean's body became a dull throb as they pledged themselves to the other over and over, extracting passionate promises with their lips, their hips, their eyes, their hearts and their souls.
And when Viggo finally spilled himself inside of Sean, the last of his tears drained away leaving him cleansed and whole.
*****
Fame - what's your name?
Fame - David Bowie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Epilogue
Shopping is always a sure cure for a break-up.
So Diana Harlow thought ironically as she dropped another four-hundred dollars, this time upon a pair of mint green Jimmy Choo mules that would look simply fetching with the green silk Stella McCartney sheath.
Of course, she had to play the part of the discarded, yet brave ex-girlfriend for most of her friends, who now regarded Sean Bean the same way they regarded the French. Her attempts at defending him only served to reinforce their hatred.
She could only imagine what their reactions would be if they ever found out the truth.
Frankly, she was glad the whole charade was done with. Sean belonged with Viggo and that was the end of it. Not to mention she was still very much in awe of the man who'd been acting almost as long as she'd been alive. He'd been more than a gentleman, but the chemistry had never been there and sooner or later, others would have figured that out.
Oh well, she smiled cheerfully to herself, at least I was paid very well for doing nothing really and can now get back to finding a real role. Hmm, there was that new film being directed by Kenneth Branaugh, what was it - Swordspoint? They were still looking for a Lady Helena Nevilleson, were they not?
After luncheon at The Ritz, she'd give Trevor a call and have him set it up. He still owed her one.
So intent upon these pleasant ruminations, Diana ran smack into a hard surface and almost fell when a pair of strong arms steadied her.
"Are you all right, Miss?"
And when Diana found her breath and composure, she spared a quick yet fervent prayer of thanksgiving to whatever god saw fit to reward her for doing the right thing.
She ran right into Orlando Bloom and was now being held solicitously by him.
Turning on her most winning smile, she straightened herself out. "Thank you, I'm fine really. My mum always warned me about daydreaming. Are you all right?"
Gods, he was even better looking all flushed and embarrassed, that mop of silken curls on top of his head just begging to have one sink their fingers into it.
"Of course. I guess that I wasn't quite watching where I was going either." He regarded her for a moment, then his eyes grew wide in recognition. "So you're the woman old Beanie was supposed to replace Viggo with. I could have told them it wouldn't have worked."
It was an interesting choice of words, but true nonetheless. "That's me. And frankly, I think he made the right choice."
"Vig and Beanie were the only two people in the world allowed to call me Orli, so far." He looked at her again, his smile growing. "So you're not angry or anything?"
"Hardly," and Diana dismissed the idea with a casual yet elegant wave of her hand. "Besides, I have to admit Sean Bean's a bit daunting."
There was a certain relief at being able to finally discuss her true feelings with someone who obviously understood the situation.
Not to mention it was Orlando Bloom.
A very unattached Orlando Bloom.
And before she could stop herself, she said, "I was on my way to The Ritz for luncheon. Perhaps if you don't have a prior engagement, I would love to finally talk to someone who knows a lot more about Sean Bean that I ever did."
"I hope you have an entire afternoon free, then," Orlando laughed. "I've got a lot of stories about that one."
And with that, Orlando carried her bags to an awaiting limo.
"So, did he ever mention when he and Vig kidnapped me out of my hotel room, dragging me down the stairs while I was screaming, actually screaming?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...This is your fabulously in style reporter Misty Grey with today's Celebrity Watch and just know that you heard it here first! And today's dish is indeed hot as the beautiful Diana Harlow is being called the Queen of the Rebound as she was spotted earlier today entering The Ritz with her new fling, the drop-dead gorgeous Orlando Bloom on her arm. Sources say that Miss Harlow, who'd been linked with green-eyed hunk Sean Bean several weeks ago, looked positively radiant in a smart linen summer suit in peach by Yves Saint Laurent, as the two of them chatted away like old friends and ordered several bottles of expensive champagne to go along with their petit fours...is love finally in the cards for the young and talented actress? Stay tuned..."
*****
THE END
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Klatschmohn and Ashlyn
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