A Second Choice 4

A Second Choice

Part 4

Posted: July 21, 2006

*****

Elrond listened as the others explained to him various abilities he would learn to master. From the corner of his eye he saw a silver haired ellith enter the courtyard. As she approached the group, Elrond studied her. Her hair was not the silver of the Sindar but a deeper metallic color that sparkled. She had eyes of purple that reminded him of lavender blossoms in the sunshine and a gentle smile that spoke of contentment. She stopped before Olórin and waited to be acknowledged.

*Elrond, I have the pleasure of introducing you to Sellem, Námo’s daughter. * Olorin said.

*My lady. * Elrond said bowing from the waist.

*I have heard much about you and am pleased to finally make your acquaintance. I have been sent to fetch you for my father. He awaits you in the hallway. * Sellem replied. *It is time for you to meet Maedhros. *

*Go Elrond; we will meet again before you leave these Halls. * Olórin told him. *By the way, it is Sellem you have to thank for teaching Glorfindel most of the pranks he passed on to the twins. I hear that the two of them were quite the terrors of the Halls before he was reborn. Dare I to say that it was their influence on each other that prompted Glorfindel’s return instead of others. *

Elrond began to look at Sellem in a totally new light for some of the pranks played by his twins had been truly daring, and frustrating. The knowledge that she was surely close to Glorfindel also tempered his reaction to her. There was something unsaid in Olorin’s speech. He found her truly beautiful and wanted to know her better but would not stand in Glorfindel’s way if he had feelings for her. Glorfindel being in love with her would explain his reluctance to engage in close friendships with females while he had resided in Middle Earth.

As they left the courtyard, Elrond engaged her in conversation.

*So, you are the one I have to thank for the destruction of my house. Don’t bother placing the blame on Glorfindel, I know him too well. *

Sellem just smiled and laughed at him.

*Did you truly mind that much? From watching you, I would believe you secretly loved the chance to change and redecorate things. You have the restlessness of the second born in you concerning some changes. I find it refreshing for the unchanging ness of the Eldar can become tedious and boring at times*

Her response startled Elrond until he truly thought about it. Ilúvatar was constantly moving and changing something. Why should it be any different with his creations? The steadfastness of the Eldar seemed arrogant and stubborn when looked at that way. This realization within knowledge he had always accepted as an asset unsettled him. All of the problems of the Eldar could be traced to this root, this pride. Flaws in the flow of accepted life became glaring errors that all wanted erased. He looked at Sellem for confirmation of his thoughts, and for reassurance.

*Your willingness to think through ideas will be your greatest asset, never forget that. If you cannot find your answer yourself seek the creator, * Sellem hurriedly told him as they approached her father.

*You have broken the rules Sellem, go to your mother and await me,* Námo told her. Bowing to her father and Elrond, she left.

*Do not ask for answers I cannot give you pen nith,* Námo told him at his questioning gaze. Here pointed to a door and told Elrond, *Enter and confront the past.*

Beyond the door was an encompassing grayness. The room had few distinguishing parameters if indeed it had any. The door closed behind him and after taking a few steps he stopped and waited, not knowing what to expect. A shadow approached slowly from the right and stopped before him. While the shadow held no distinct features Elrond could sense the fëa. It was Maedhros.

*You wished to speak with me child?* Maedhros said in what was no more than a whisper.

*Yes,* said Elrond. *Maedhros, I wanted to thank you and tell you that I do not hate you. I never have.*

*For what do you wish to thank me?* a surprised Maedhros asked.

*For many things. You let my brother and me live; for not abandoning us; for finally accepting us. I want to thank you for teaching me all that I learned while in your care and camps. You and Maglor both served as the father that I was missing. I have never been ashamed to acknowledge that I was raised by you. It is due to your teachings that I became the elf I did,* Elrond told him.

Maedhros was quiet for a while as he digested what he had been told. What he was hearing was something he had never even imagined he would ever hear.

*I have never told any before but I always considered you to be the son I knew I would never sire. Although my methods were harsh, I tried to teach you everything that I thought I would have taught a son of my own blood. One of the few prayers I offered to Ilúvatar was that you and your brother would not be tainted by your time with us, that you would not carry the stain of the oath. Can you ever forgive me for the harm I have done to you?* Maedhros asked him.

*I never blamed you, but if it helps you have my forgiveness. Adar, I love you* Elrond cried.

*Remember that I have always been proud of you and always will. Your actions in Middle-earth and here today are a blessing to me. Go in peace, my son.* Maedhros said as he brushed against Elrond’s forehead in the imitation of a kiss. Then Maedhros’s shadow faded away.

Elrond walked in circles as he tried to bring his emotions under control again. He hadn’t known what to expect from his meeting but it definitely had not been this. He felt joy, sorrow, and a feeling of peace, all at once.

As he thought about what had just happened, he truly began to understand the wisdom behind the meetings of resolution. Damages to the fëa could be repaired as well as forgiveness given. This was a way of nourishing a soul so that it could grow. This technique of interactions between fëa brought home the idea that a being is not meant to be alone. It made Elrond realize just how bereft his own life had been and made him thankful for the friends he had made in his lifetime regardless of race.

*Always thinking, even here in the Halls you spend your time thinking. It is this trait of yours that made the rest of us envy you, you know. You could think through any problem given enough time and resources. We hated you for it and went out of our way to interfere any way we could. Too bad our tactics don’t seem to have worked. Or maybe they did work, just not within our timelines. You are in the Halls after all,* the shadow said.

*Who are you?* Elrond asked. He was a little unnerved that he had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t felt the other fëa’s approach.

*Well, I guess my plan to keep you out of Lindon and from getting to know anyone worked a little bit,* the shadow spat at him.

*Carmal. It surprises me that you would want to speak with me, or did you just come here to gloat?* Elrond asked trying his best to be civil.

*I didn’t come specifically to speak with you but for information, something of which you seem to always have despite my best efforts. Tell me if the rumors are true? We hear that Ilúvatar has granted Maia status to two of the firstborn, both of royal blood. Well?* Carmal said to him in his haughty attitude.

*Why do you hate me so much? I have done nothing to you.* Elrond responded.

*Don’t mess with me you half-breed mongrel, answer my question,* demanded Carmal.

*Not this time Carmal. If you want me to tell you what you seek you will answer my questions first, although you have already inadvertently answered one already,* Elrond demanded. *I have never been a threat to you but you have hated me from the beginning, why?*

*You are right in that you were not a threat to me, but it was not myself I was protecting. I was protecting my king, Gil-galad, from you taking his throne. Eönwë made your brother a king of men; I figured that it was just a matter of time before you tried to claim the title of high king for yourself. You would have guilted the survivors of Doriath, The Sirions, and Gondolin into supporting you and I did what it took to stop you. You have no right to the kingship. As far as I am concerned, you have no right to exist. You are nothing but a weak mix of races that were never meant to be mixed,* Carmal snarled at Elrond.

Elrond struggled to maintain his control as Carmal had always been able to provoke him with ease. After several calming deep breathes Elrond trusted himself enough to reply.

*I was never a threat to Ereinion you fool. If you had but asked, instead of thinking you knew everything, I would have told you that I was no threat. Eönwë had told me I would never be a king and that I accepted that. While the Second-born were content to accept a king of mixed blood, I knew that the First-born were too proud to ever consider me. I still consider it a small miracle that naming me his heir did not cost Ereinion his throne. What you never understood was that I did not want to be king. As for my right to exist, I find it rather sad that you think you know better than Ilúvatar. It was he who saw to the creation of the Peredhil. It was he who decided what our individual fates would be. You can envy what I have accomplished, what I have become, but you have no right to judge whether I should exist. You are a blind fool. Even here in the halls you refuse to see the errors of your actions. I will not satisfy your need for information. Your days of using me are over Carmal. Leave me and go meditate on your actions. You are in dire need of self-reflection.

Elrond turned away and said a silent prayer of thanks for being able to maintain his control, as well as asking for forgiveness for his words. Elrond lost track of time as he met with others to resolve differences. Sometimes those who came to him just wanted to thank him for services rendered to them or their families. It was these fëa that Elrond enjoyed being with the most. His meeting with Ereinion went very well and he would not be surprised to find them becoming friends upon both of their releases. Oropher had even paid him a visit to resolve differences Elrond had not even been aware of. It was only when Námo came to retrieve him that Elrond began to realize how mentally tired this time for him had been.

*Come little one, it was time you rested. Meditate on all you have learned here and we will talk later about it if needs be,* the Vala said as he led Elrond back to his corridor. *Olórin will come to take you to the courtyard when you are ready.*

Elrond followed quietly already half in a meditative state. When they arrive at his door, Námo turned and stared at him as if assessing his wellbeing.

*Elrond, there is another pain I must inflict on you and I deem it better that it be done here than waiting until you go to the Gardens. I wish it were otherwise but you must know, your reunion with your parents will not be what you have waited all these years for,* he told Elrond.

As Námo saw the surprise, acceptance, and then the hurt and rejection flare in Elrond’s fëa he hurried to explain to him the circumstances.

*You must understand little one, your father let your mother choose his fate for him to avoid hurting her, rather than follow his own heart. He made this decision out of love. Ilúvater knew this would happen so he provided your father with a way to deal with this choice. By agreeing to sail the night sky in his ship, he agreed to accept a further change. In order to endure the flights, your father was transformed into a being that is more spiritual than normal. In this transformation much of what made him your father was lost. He knows you as a child he sired before coming to Aman but cannot conceive of what being your father would be.*

*And what of my mother? You said parents as in meaning both of them,* Elrond barely managed to asked.

*You have heard the story of how Ulmo transformed her into a bird to escape the son’s of Feanor. I am also sure you have heard the stories of how she uses this form to greet your father every day. It has become her preferred form as she uses its limitations as a penitence for the choice she made of your father’s fate. It is rare now that she assumes the hroä of an ellith. The result of her extended time as a sea bird has resulted in her views of many things matching that of the birds she flies with. She also does not leave the tower built for her in the north and very few visitors are allowed. She may grant you a visit out of curiosity but do not expect much. There is little room in her or your father’s lives for any other that each other,* Námo told him.

*Did my brother, Elros, know any of this or did it happen after he died?* Elrond asked not really sure he wanted the answer at this point. When Námo was hesitant in answering, Elrond new there was more news he would not like.

*Just tell me,* he finally said to the Vala believing that whatever he was told now could not possible hurt him any worse.

Námo signed knowing he was about to cause more pain but he also knew it could not be avoided. Elrond would seek out the tapestries Vairë had woven about his brother’s life before he left these Halls. What was weaved in those tapestries would leave Elrond feeling betrayed. It was better to tell Elrond than have him discover the truth on his own. Elrond’s reaction to what he was about to learn would heavily determine his reactions during his later testing.

*Your brother knew,* Nämo finally said. *You must remember that Númenórë was close to Aman when your brother took the people there from Arda Marred. It was a regular occurrence for the elves of Tol Eressëa to go there for trade and to help in any way they could in the early years. Your parents were both denied this opportunity due to their ban from setting foot in Middle-earth but found other ways to contact your brother. Elros would sail out in his ships and meet your mother at sea where she flew to him like a bird. They would spend weeks together. Your brother had his wedding at sea specifically so your mother could attend. She met all of his children and grandchildren. He became aware of changes in her due to her time spent as a bird before he died. As for your father, he was known to fly low over the island so that he could see your brother and his family. He met your brother on the open seas several times before sailing into the night sky. They came to know each other well before the changes affected your father too much.*

Nämo could feel the anguish and deep pain gripping Elrond. He saw how Elrond was trying to hold it all in as he backed away from him.

*Elrond.* he called, *listen to me. Let me help you deal with this.*

*No! Why? Tell me why. Why didn’t Elros tell me? Is this the true reason why he would not let me visit? Did he seek to keep our parents to himself? Did he hate me so much for choosing differently than he? Why did my parents do this? What is wrong with me that nobody wants me? Why me? Why was I created to suffer so? Why am I hated so much?* Elrond shouted at him before turning and going to the far end of his corridor.

Nämo knew following Elrond would prove worthless. He needed time to come to terms with what he had just learned. He needed time to sooth the pain. Elrond would not let any come close to him now. As he closed the door to Elrond’s corridor, his sister Nienna comforted him with a hug.

*I have cried many a tear over the injustices done to that little one. I pray to Ilúvatar that Elrond does not let his wisdom desert him. Given time, he will come thru this all the stronger if he can learn to let go.* Neinna told her brother.

*Are you all right?* she asked him.

*I am not use to causing pain. While I may pronounce doom on many, I do not actually cause the pain myself. This was a humbling experience. I am too used to numbing or healing others of their pain. It worries me that he will not let me help him. This has brought back many of the other hurts he had dealt with by revealing truths he did not known. It changes his perspective not only of others, but of himself. He will be much changed by this. If he can not learn to deal with this and refuses my help, he will not survive his tests. I fear for him,* he told her.

*You do not know his fate?* Neinna asked Námo in surprise.

*No I do not. It is hidden from me, * he told her. *Come, let us go and talk with Vairë,* he said leading her away from Elrond’s door.

Elrond spent quite a while hidden in his corridor. Olórin and Eönwë both visited him but he refused to talk to either of them. When he did finally emerge, he stayed to himself in a corner of the courtyard. When others approached, he left to avoid interacting with them. Then one day Olórin decided that he had had enough. Going up to Elrond, he stopped him from leaving to avoid a confrontation.

*Elrond, enough of this. Stop acting like a child. We only want to help you,* he said.

*How can you help,* Elrond shouted back as he tried to get away. *You do not know what it is like to be rejected. How can you possibly help me?*

*You are right Elrond; we don’t know what it is like. We were all created from Ilúvater’s thought. We have no parents per say so we can not know what their rejection feels like. The only family we have is each other, as brothers and sisters. But this does not stop us from feeling your pain. We would all relieve you of this if we could, but know not how. Let us help you. Don’t push us away. Others may not have cared for you as they should have, but we would like to. Let us become your family as you become one of us. I can not promise you that you will not be hurt again but we would like to try,* Olórin pleaded with him.

Elrond just looked at him, and then tried to run away again. It was Eönwë who caught him in his arms and stopped him. Elrond struggled but could not get away. Finally he stopped and turning in Eönwë’s arms broke down and began to cry. As he was held, Elrond felt the touch of others as they tried to comfort him. He did not know for how long he cried, but he did know that he was never alone.

Námo and Nienna watched from the doorway as the healing began. Maybe everything would turn out alright after all.

*****

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