A Second Choice 3

A Second Choice

Part 3 - Mandos' Halls Part II

Posted: April 21, 2006

*****

Time had no meaning here. Elrond could not tell how long he had been reliving and contemplating his life, healing from the wounds caused by himself and others. He knew that some issues could not really be addressed. He would have to accept them as they were; to forgive and move on. It wasn't easy. He better understood Glorfindel's references to loneliness and fear now. Reviewing your life was scary, no one to blame for the mistakes but yourself. No one to lie to, or hide from. Accepting and changing was even harder. To be interrupted was to look for a way out, therefore the loneliness. Elrond was surprised when the door opened and another entered. Námo came to him and looked into his fëa.

*You have done well, my child, now rest. Not all can or will be resolved here and now. Let yourself feel the healing hand of Eru upon your fëa.* As Námo left him alone again, the corridor went dark and Elrond drifted in what was almost a healing sleep.

Sometime later, Námo returned.

*Come child, we will talk. What have you learned in your time here?* he asked as they traveled the pathways of the Halls.

*I see that not all that was done to me was done on purpose,* Elrond responded. *Sometimes simple fear, or ignorance, was the cause. I see that much of my life was of my own making and that I sought to place the blame on others rather than admit my own folly. I became too sensitive of other's perceptions rather than accepting what was or is. I see that when I tried my best but it was not enough, what happened was meant to be.*

*You have learned and reconciled much.* Námo told him. *Now we come to a part of the healing that involves confronting others. Giving and receiving forgiveness for past actions can heal where nothing else works. It also allows you to comprehend how others perceive you sometimes giving you a better understanding as to others actions. If they have not been reborn, I can arrange for this. Is there any you would like to speak with while you are here?*

Elrond was silent for a while as he considered the request. Hesitantly he said, *I wish to speak with Maedhros and Maglor if they are here. Also Ereinion, if he is still here.*

*Maglor still roams the shores of Middle-earth, but I will arrange for you to speak with the others,* was Námo's response. *There are some, who have heard you are in the Halls, who wish to speak with you. Meeting with them would soothe you more and help with their healing. Are you willing to do this?* When Elrond consented, Námo continued. *It is one of the ways healing is brought about here. Some wounds can never be healed, but forgiveness being granted does much to soothe and heal many. It is one of the primary jobs that we do here and in Estë's Garden. This is mostly what you will be doing in Estë's garden when you are released from here.*

Coming to the end of a corridor, Elrond was led thru a set of double doors that seemed to be made of pearl. *The Maiar section has a common area that is a gathering place for some when they wish to exchange ideas or relax. It is time for you to be among your brethren. There are others waiting here who would like to meet you and could answer questions for you.*

Elrond was led into a wide area that resembled a courtyard. There were trees surrounding a grassy area; benches were grouped together in several different places to accommodate different gatherings. In the middle of the courtyard stood a large, white marble fountain. The sound of running water immediately soothed Elrond's soul, reminding him of his former home. Seated on the ground beside the fountain, Olórin was conversing with four others.

*I leave him in your capable hands, Olórin,* Námo said after escorting Elrond to the group.

*Come, Elrond, let us talk. But first, let us see you.* Olórin said. *Follow my voice and come before me. Good, now, envision yourself as you were in Middle Earth. Take that image and project it onto yourself.*

Until this time, even though he knew he didn't have a hröa, Elrond hadn't thought about the fact that he wasn't visible. In the courtyard, most of the Maiar had bodies, although somehow he knew that there were others present but not visible. Elrond began to realize that they had taken these forms for his benefit. Elrond tried to do as Olórin had requested. He found that he could project himself but only in shadow. He tried again and found that everything was becoming clearer. Looking down, he saw that he had a body. It was not solid, but it was there. He was amazed and laughed in delight.

Olórin smiled as he said, *That was your first lesson. You will find that even though you are restricted to one shape, that of your birth hröa, you will need to know this skill. Let us see how long you can keep this form before you fade. We are not locked into a singular form as you will be. We are assigned a gender by the creator so when we appear in Elven form, we stay true to nature. This also holds true when we choose other forms, like animals. I have been told to tell you some of the limitations you will have and more importantly what you can do. Now let me introduce you to some of the others.*

Elrond looked around. Four others were with Olórin beside the fountain. There were two other groups in various corners. One group was made up completely of females and they seemed to be studying him. Olórin just smiled at him when Elrond looked at him questioningly after noticing the actions of the females.

*Eönwë and Radagast you know, but the others you have not met. This tall fellow with the gold hair is Lorloran, he is usually found in Oremë's forest. This beauty is Eönwë's mate, Irmarë. She is one of Varda's handmaidens. That group of females looking your shadow over are some of Valries handmaidens; you will probable become well acquainted with them later. That group in the corner are some of Námo's assistants. As we talk, concentrate on how we each feel, not on how we look. This way you will learn to know us regardless of our form. The others know what we are teaching you and will not feel offended,* Olórin told him.

*Am I right in believing that there are others present? I seem to feel others.* Elrond asked those around him.

*Very good, Elrond. There are others here in spirit form. Some will want to test your abilities and some just do not wish to be disturbed at this time. They may introduce themselves at a later time,* Eönwë said, smiling at him. He was surprised that Elrond had asked about these first and was impressed with Elrond's strength in that he even felt them.

Elrond nodded greetings and tried to feel the others. He realized that it was not as hard as he thought. He already knew what Olórin, Radagast, and Eönwë felt like. He realized that he already had identified the others in this group the same way. Being without a hröa had enhanced his inborn ability to sense others. He tried to feel the others. It was harder but soon he believed that he could identify most of the others. The ladies giggled as they felt him feel them. Elrond began to understand that their feel also told him much about each individual such as their gender, occupation, and feelings.

*You used this ability while in Middle-earth to sense the evil or truth in a person. It is the same skill, only enhanced and used in a different way. We Maia use our other senses more than the visual sense that the firstborn rely on primarily,* Eönwë told him. *We are designed to feel out information from Eru's song, interpret it, and ten use it for the good of all. Doing this will become second nature to you with time. You are a gifted minstrel also, which will enable you to add or change the song in minor ways as allowed when others cannot.*

As Elrond sat and relaxed, he realized that he felt different. He had not noticed it before because he was alone. Now, around others, the differences were making themselves known. He felt stronger and lighter in spirit than he had ever felt before. He became so lost in identifying the various changes that he did not notice the smiles of the others.

*He is like an elf ling discovering the world,* Radagast said.

*Give him some time. It is quite a change for him,* said Irmarë. She smiled at the look of wonderment on Elrond's face. The silence of the others slowly pressed in on Elrond until he looked up in guilt. He felt like a child again, learning that he could do something new.

*Forgive me,* Elrond apologized, *I became lost identifying the changes. I will try not to let it happen again.* Elrond heard the giggles from the ladies. He looked at the others questioningly. *Am I doing something wrong?*

As the group looked to Eönwë, he sighed. *A fact known mostly by the Ainur only is that when Eru created us, he made even numbers of males and females so that all would have a mate. When we agreed to be bound to the circles of Arda, it was as pairs or at least an equal number of both genders. Most of those who followed Meklor were male. There are many unbound Maiar females here not to mention the lonely mates of those who went bad. You are very beautiful, and since Eru severed your bond with Celebrian, very available. Do not be surprised if the ladies start to actively pursue you as soon as you leave the Halls. Námo has forbidden most of them access here but once you are in Este's garden, you will be considered fair game.*

The look of shock on Elrond's face was priceless and made them laugh.

*You should not have been so blunt Eönwë,* Olórin scolded him. *He was not prepared for the thought of being mated again. Most of his life has been spent alone. His marriage was arranged and lonely. He does not know how to handle being sought out and wanted for anything other than his healing skills.*

*He will learn. It is better is be blunt than leave him unprepared for what we all know is coming. Even the Valar talk about who he will end up with,* Eönwë said in his defense.

*Who said I wanted a mate?* Elrond said. *There is too much going on in my life right now to even consider the idea.*

*Do not worry, Elrond, it is not as bad as he is making it sound,* Olórin said calming him down. *What you are not being told is that most of these maidens are already mate to those who turned bad. They will be reunited with their mates at the end if their mate repents of their fall from grace. They are only lonely and seek a little attention. You know how hard it is to be left lonely and should understand. Merely spending some friendly time with them is really all they seek. There are a handful that were not yet mated who are alone; these are the ones who will pursue you. Don't worry so much, you are not their only target.*

At the puzzled look in Elrond's eyes, he continued, *When Glorfindel was reborn, he was granted certain gifts by Eru that leave him more like the Maia. Now that he has returned to these lands, he is being gifted as you are. They will pursue him also.*

Elrond turned to Eönwë and asked, *How many Maiar are there?*

"Originally, every Valar had ten. Meklor brought another twenty who answered to only him, for he was not one of those chosen by Iluvatar to inhabit the Circles of Arda. Meklor convinced forty of the original one hundred forty to follow him. These became the Barlogs, and Vampires. There are six, like Ungoliant, who have turned bad but did not follow Meklor directly. Many of those who have turned bad are on there own for now or their assumed hroas have been destroyed in the wars of the past. There are ten who roam the Mountains west of here that are experiencing what we call crises. They are turning bad but we still have hope of recovering them to Iluvatar's light like we did Ossë,* Eönwë explained.

*Most Maiar will never be seen by the first or second born. Some work unseen in Middle-earth but most at here in the Blessed Lands. Some will never take corpulent form to be seen while others only take form among their brothers and sisters. The highly sensitive of the Eldar will be able to feel some of us but most will never come into contact with the Eldar. Working with the Eldar requires skills that many of our kind have not learned. There are also Maiar assigned to look after the other races of Middle-earth. The first and second born are the concern of a group of Maiar who have the training to deal with them. Most of the other races of Middle-earth are small enough that a single Maiar is assigned to oversee their welfare. You will learn more further one in your training.*

*Slow down and relax Elrond. You have always been in a hurry to learn and understand everything around you. While commendable, some things should be learned slowly over a set time. You forget that your primary reason for being here in the Halls is to rest and heal,* Olórin chided him.

Properly chastised, Elrond sat back and listened to the conversations going on around the courtyard. He realized that the Maiar had some of the same concerns as the Eldar. The major difference seemed to be in the way they approached and thought about life. While the Eldar lived in a context of life revolving around other Eldar, the Maiar live in a world revolved around the care of Arda as a whole. Elrond could see how this could bring misunderstandings between the two about. If a Maiar had not been properly trained in dealing with the firstborn, and spent considerable time among them learning and observing their ways, they would never understand how to interact properly with them. They would not understand the limitations just as the majority of the firstborn had not understood the second born. This misunderstanding would lead to contempt of the firstborn, whose pride would be wounded, leading to further problems. Elrond was gaining a new understanding of where the dynamics of Valinor stood. He began to see how the sundering of the elves of Aman was brought about by Meklor and his followers.

Elrond allowed himself to follow this train of thought for a while as he listened to the conversations going on around him. While he didn't show it, it unnerved him some that there were corrupted powers left out there to interfere. He had learned in Middle-earth just how gullible some could be and that was not even taking into consideration that those who had come from Middle-earth were tainted by Morgoth's stain. Strife was bound to appear between the elves as different groups tried to live together. There would be much upheaval in Aman. Elrond was afraid for the future.

He also contemplated what his and Glorfindel's place would be in Aman. What would they do after training? Would they be together or separated? They had been together for several millennia and had come to be close. In many ways, Glorfindel had replaced his missing twin. He had come to depend on Glorfindel being there and was not sure he could live without him there. He was not sure he wanted to.

*Elrond, quit worrying. If you and Glorfindel both pass your test, you will be together whenever possible. That was the plan all along for those made at the same time are brother and sister. You both have felt the pull of kinship for years without knowing why. Now you know,* Eönwë told him.

*How did you know what I was thinking? Am I that transparent?* Elrond wanted to know.

It was Lorloran who answered him.

*As an elf, you were able to make your face and thoughts unreadable to most. Here, you are around stronger beings who can read your spirit at will. Your thoughts are exposed to us because you have not been taught to shield yourself. This is something we will teach you in the coming days for this will be important to your survival.*

Elrond nodded in understanding then turned to Olórin.

*What test is this you speak of?* he asked.

*Do not worry about this now. That it will come at the end of your training is all we can tell you. I have no worries that you will pass child, and remember that I have know you for years when I say this. Relax,* answered Radagast.

So Elrond sat back and wondered what Glorfindel was going through. Was it as interesting as what he was doing?

*****

previous | Chapter Index | next

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Amber