Gave Up

Gave Up

Posted: April 21, 2006
Title: Gave Up
Author: Amber
Type: FCS
Characters: Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by JRR Tolkien. I am only borrowing them.
Warnings: CHARACTER DEATH-Had to, part of the story.
Beta: Angie M.
Author's Notes: Gave Up "Nine Inch Nails Songfic"

Summary: Glorfindel's and Erestor's POVs of each other and their feelings.

*****

Perfect little dream

The kind that hurts the most

Forgot how it feels

Well Almost

Open my eyes, wake up in flames

It took you to make me realize

It took you to make me see the light

Smashed up my sanity

Smashed up my integrity

Smashed up what I believe in

Smashed up what's left of me

Smashed up my everything

Smashed up all that was true

Gonna smash myself to pieces

I don't know what else to do

Covered in hope and Vaseline

Still cannot fix this broken machine

Watching the hole it used to be mine

Just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline

Of the trust I will betray

Give it to me I throw it away

After everything I've done

I hate myself for what I've become

I tried

I gave up

Throw it away

*****

Glorfindel's POV:

Glorfindel watched as the black haired, exotic beauty walked down the corridor away from him. He wanted to court Erestor but was afraid of being rejected. Erestor was one of Turgon's senior advisors while he was just a warrior. While he was the son of the Lord of the Golden Flower, he was only the younger son. The most he could hope for was to earn a position as captain of the barracks. Erestor was too far above him to even notice him. His love would always remain an unreturned dream. If he was lucky, he would be able to steal a dance and a kiss tonight at the celebration. Erestor was known to indulge in his cups. If he could corner him before another spirited him off, he might claim the kiss he would never receive any other way. It is my only hope.

Erestor's POV:

There he is again, Glorfindel. Doesn't he understand that I am not interested? Yes he is beautiful but he is too young. Plus, he has the added disadvantage that he is a warrior. I want someone who has a brain, not just muscles. Letting him date or court me would not even better my position at the palace. He is only a younger son. When will the youngling understand that mating involves more than just feelings of love or lust. Still, I guess it would not do to anger the Lord of the House of the Golden Flower by hurting his son. Maybe I will grant him a dance, and maybe a chase kiss. Not enough to lead him on but enough to stay in good graces. I have already made plans to spend the night with Ecthelion, so I can slip out after doing the duty dance and enjoy myself.

Glorfindel's POV:

He has betrayed me, but I still love him. He openly courts Ecthelion, my best friend. He tells me that I am too young but Ecthelion is but two years my senior. I know the truth even though he does not speak it. I am only a younger son and cannot enhance his position. He also does not know me enough to know that I am highly educated. I know he thinks I am naught but a dumb warrior. I knew he would want someone highly educated to converse with, to challenge him, so I spent what little free time I had learning. My father says I aim too high and should not waste my time so. He and mother try to match me with the sons or daughters of the various house captains. They do not understand, I will have Erestor or no one at all. It hurts to see him now with my best friend but I will smile and be kind during the celebrations. It is all I can do now.

Erestor's POV:

I see him at the celebration. He is Ecthelion's best friend after all. He has grown much and not just in size or beauty. It will be interesting to see who he ends up with. I have come to realize that the young one has feelings for me. I will have to try and limit Ecthelion's time with him. While he has nothing to offer me, I would not see this one hurt. It is too bad that he wasn't the firstborn, but I have made my choice. Maybe it would be better if I slowly severed this friendship between my chosen and Glorfindel. It is unequal and will only cause pain over time. Glorfindel will never amount to much.

Glorfindel's POV:

I sit on the wall watching the celebration below. Eärendil has talked nonstop since dark. It is the first time he has been allowed to stay up and attend. Idril approaches and smiles at me, she thinks I should be below mingling and finding a mate. I am now the Lord of my House and will need heirs according to her, but she understands. My parents and brother were killed on this date two years ago and I still grieve. This is as close as I will come to joining the celebrations. I see Erestor below leading Ecthelion around the dance floor. They have still not bound themselves and others talk. They say Erestor still waits for a better time. I would wish it was because he thinks he has feelings for me but I know better. I will be alone for all eternity. Still, I should try to enjoy myself tonight for it would make the others happy. But, I feel a foreboding and I know not why. Maybe it is connected to the distant red glow I see.

Erestor's POV:

They attacked just before midnight. It was clear that their intent was to destroy us all. Ecthelion pushed me towards the secret tunnel and kissing me, told me to stay safe. I turned around once only to see him fall. Strangely, this does not hurt as much as I thought it would, as much as it is suppose to. I knew I didn't love him but I did care for him. I see Glorfindel herding as many as he can toward the secret tunnel and safety. He sees me and calls to me. I follow. As we head up the mountain the Barlog comes. Glorfindel stops me. Kissing me he tells me that he loves me and turns to face certain death. I know not what to do. It is Idril who grabs me and pushes me forward. We all stop a little further on and watch the battle. It is unbelievable how Glorfindel fights. Even if he wins he will not live for he is too horribly burned. We all stand surprised as the Barlog goes over the edge of the cliff, then gasp in shock as he grabs Glorfindel's hair and pulls him over the cliff too. There is no way he will survive the fall. It is then that I realize why I never bonded to Ecthelion. I had feelings for Glorfindel all along. I was just too blind to see it. Then all goes black.

Glorfindel's POV:

My foreboding has proven correct; Morgoth's forces are attacking. I spirit those I can to safety then I see Erestor. He has seen Ecthelion fall and must be hurting. I call to him and am surprised when he responds. I push him down the tunnel ahead of me, to safety. While he does not return my love, I would still see him safe. Then the Barlog comes. I know that I must be the one to fight him for there is no other. Tuor is too important and the others are fighting orcs up ahead trying to clear a path. I will die in this fight but that thought no longer bothers me for I have given up. My unrequited love hurts too much now. It has slowly destroyed my life. I have been good at hiding it but it was only a matter of time before others realized the truth. I have begun to fade. Everything I love is being destroyed before my eyes in fire and sorrow. It is my time to join them. I pull Erestor to me and kiss him. I tell him that I love him and push him away. It is time to die.

Erestor's POV:

When I awake I find Idril at my side. She tells me I have been out for several days and that they feared for me. The look in her eyes is not friendly and I fear she knows the truth. I have lost everything and there is no way or time to repair any of it. It is a miracle that I have regained my sanity for the truth is tearing me apart. I will live with the knowledge that I destroyed not just one life but three. I must be honest and admit to myself that Ecthelion knew the truth of why I would not bond. I saw that knowledge in his eyes before he pushed me away. My rejection of Glorfindel destroyed him as surely as the Barlog. I have destroyed myself in the process too. I must live for all eternity knowing that their deaths were my fault. I was the reason that they gave up.

Erestor's POV: Three thousand years later:

Lord Elrond received the notice of our new Captain of the Guard's coming from Cirdan. I still do not believe the news. Glorfindel of Gondolin has been returned to Arda. He is coming here to serve Elrond. I cower in fear knowing that he must hate me if he remembers at all.

On the day he arrives, I stand behind Lord Elrond and his family as I should. I have decided to accept whatever the consequences will be when I face Glorfindel. When introduced by my Lord I stand firm and look Glorfindel in the eye. What I see there astounds me. It is love; after everything I did to him he still loves me. It is them that I know what I must do. Everything I believe and the way I have lived must change. For Glorfindel, for his love, I must give up.

*****

THE END

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